Decorating for CHRISTmas

It's an interesting holiday season. This Christmas is different than any other Christmas before. Like in many (dare I say most?) homes, finances are a bigger issue than ever before. As of the night before last, all Santa-belief has been put to rest (which actually is a relief for me since the finances are tight.) It's a very "reality based" kind of Christmas this year.

In years past when money was on the tighter side, I would run out in foolishness and run up the credit cards to fill the space beneath the tree. I'm not saying there are no credit cards involved in this Christmas, but there is a great deal more restraint than there has been before. And we don't even have a Christmas tree yet.

Until today, the only Christmas decoration out was the Advent wreath I created as a centerpiece for our kitchen table a couple of weeks ago. We've found ourselves seated around that wreath every night since two Sundays ago reading scripture and praying together. A lot of nights (most nights?) it's been much more chaotic than I have cared for. The night before last, in fact, I got up and walked away, not even finishing the process because of the arguing about who could light the candle and who could pray first. Lots of rudeness and one-up-manship. It's made me extremely frustrated with my children. The other night I even posted on Facebook that I found myself not even liking my kids. And I meant it. "I love them always," it said, but I don't always like them. They're so. very. HUMAN...

Today was my husband's day to edge towards his limit. He is well known in our neighborhood for his outdoor decorations, and here it is the 11th of December and he didn't even have any up. So this morning we had a goal of him getting the outdoor decorations done, then late afternoon we would go and get our tree and tonight while he is away getting his sleep apnea test done, I would put the lights on the tree (my single job of decorating.) But it didn't happen that way.

The kids who have driven me crazy at our Advent table most nights, drove their dad crazy with the fighting and arguing in the outdoor decorating process. I just sat in the house watching movies doing laundry and never even got out my pajamas. I listened from inside, at the arguing, at the yelling, at my husband's frustration rising. So much for the holiday cheer.


This morning, I woke thinking about my favorite Christmas carol, "Joy to the World." I really love the song, and last night I had a great evening out with a group of amazing ladies and we listened to a wonderful message about JOY. It talked about JOY being about Loving Jesus, Loving Others and Loving Yourself. And the speaker spoke about the importance of "Woohooo choosin' JOY!" For someone who has been struggling with her feelings lately, they were words of life, sage advice.

So this morning, as I lay in bed thinking about the song, the line that kept running over and over in my mind was this, "Let every heart prepare Him room..."

"Let every heart prepare Him room..."

This is what we are lacking. We've had a lot of TALK around here about how this Christmas, we're, due to lack of "stuff," going to make the holidays more about Jesus. I cringe when I say that, but if we're honest, I'm sure most of us (if not all) have found ourselves getting caught up in the shopping, the spending, the decorating, the wrapping, even the celebrating, and doing it without giving Jesus a place, much less making him the center of our activities.

I have found myself happily anticipating a Christmas less "stuff-centered." I haven't been missing the crazed shopping (though I am somewhat stressing some about the one child who has NOTHING ready to go under the tree). And yet, even with that anticipation, I don't actually see us in a very CHRISTmas mindset.

"Let every heart prepare Him room..."

We seriously need to decorate for Christmas. But it isn't the eaves outside, or even a tree in the living room that we need to be concerning ourselves with. We need to be decorating our hearts for the holidays.

I grew up in a house where my mom was extremely particular about her decorating. The tree in her home was artwork. Every light and ornament strategically placed. Every detail was given great care and focus. When I was little, I wasn't allowed to help, or even touch an ornament really. I have happy memories of watching my mom, but also the memories are a little stressful, I had to be careful where I sat, and where I walked. I would sit in awe while she created her masterpiece.

As an adult now, probably in rebellion to what I grew up with, and knowing I could never even come close to decorating a tree in the league of my mother I have gone to the extreme opposite. I don't put the ornaments on our tree. My children do it, and when they were little it would mean all the ornaments hung on the bottom half. And my husband does it, which means when we put it in the corner, there aren't any ornaments on the back side at all. When I was a youth leader my girls even did it, which meant it didn't have any of my style at all. But it's always been ok with me. The only part I take responsibility for is putting the lights on the tree, that job alone is mine, and has been for 20 years.

When Neal and I first got married and got our first tree we bought a noble fir. It was my family's tradition, but not his, but it didn't seem like a Christmas tree to me with out the beautiful branches that stood apart. When we got it home he started to put the lights on. He just circled the tree with them like he was playing "Here we go 'round the maypole," leaving all the wires in plain view. It was too much for me. I found there were 2 things that mattered to me when it came to decorating for Christmas, that the tree stood with beauty, and that nothing distracted from the lights, that they shone beautifully as though they were coming from deep inside the tree. It's my favorite part of Christmas, or at least the preparation of Christmas. I love to sit late at night after I finish putting all the lights on (because I always finish it late at night), and I just sit and admire the tree with the lights before any of them are obscured by the decorations. (This is the picture from last year.)

"Let every heart prepare Him room..."

Tonight I was supposed to be doing that job, putting the lights on a beautiful tree. But our day didn't go as planned and so we don't have our tree yet. Instead I am sitting here writing to any of you who are willing to stop by for the read, and the thought keeps running through my mind.

"Let every heart prepare Him room..."

I want to be that beautiful tree. I want to stand in a noble fashion. I want the Light in me to stand out in beauty, nothing detracting from it. I don't want the Light that shines in me to be all tangled up in stuff. I want instead for the Light to make me shine, in a way that celebrates CHRISTmas.

So tonight as I sit here, instead of putting lights on a tree, I am pondering the ways that I can more clearly decorate my heart for CHRISTmas.

These last two nights as we have gathered around the Advent wreath in prayer, my prayer has been one of repentance for my whole family. We're missing it, we are missing the anticipation of CHRISTmas, not of the gifts under the tree or a special fancy meal, but the anticipation of remembering and celebrating what this holiday is really all about.

We may not be anticipating a visit from Santa anymore, but in faith, I am praying that the true CHRISTmas Spirit will settle here, in our home, and even more importantly in our hearts. I hope that I can be a catalyst, and that my husband and children's hearts will be captured with this same desire.

"Let every heart prepare Him room..."

Lord, let our home be filled with "trees" that shine Your Light, and celebrate You this season... in Jesus' name...

Keep Seeking

The Nativity scene, once a commonly displayed decoration today it seems relegated to primarily to churches and "religious" homes. Sunday morning at church during worship I found myself thinking about the Nativity scene.



We have several that didn't get unpacked with the holiday decorations this year, but I also have three that are snow globes that remain up all year long, including the one pictured above. When the kids were little we even had a Fisher Price Nativity scene that we let them play with. I remember the awkward feeling of having to tell Victoria to get Baby Jesus out of her mouth, but it was nice to have a Nativity scene that they could touch and handle, to draw them away the ones that were breakable. But that's not what I was thinking about Sunday morning.

Then Herod called the Magi secretly and found out from them the exact time the star had appeared.
He sent them to Bethlehem and said, "Go and make a careful search for the child. As soon as you find him, report to me, so that I too may go and worship him." After they had heard the king, they went on their way, and the star they had seen in the east went ahead of them until it stopped over the place where the child was.
When they saw the star, they were overjoyed.
On coming to the house, they saw the child with his mother Mary, and they bowed down and worshiped him. Then they opened their treasures and presented him with gifts of gold and of incense and of myrrh.
And having been warned in a dream not to go back to Herod, they returned to their country by another route. Matthew 2:7-12

This is the passage of scripture that came to my mind. Do you see what I underlined? "On coming to the house..." I was thinking about the misconception that is so common in all those beautiful Nativity scenes. The wise men never made it to the manger. They weren't there that night with shepherds, they didn't show up until sometime later. I've heard it said that many believe it wasn't until Jesus was about two-years old or so when the magi actually arrived, and for the record, the assumption that there were three is based on the three gifts, there was likely even more, but that's a rabbit trail I don't plan on traveling down today. As for the two years, it comes from this verse further down in the chapter, "When Herod realized that he had been outwitted by the Magi, he was furious, and he gave orders to kill all the boys in Bethlehem and its vicinity who were two years old and under, in accordance with the time he had learned from the Magi." (verse 16) So I share that to clarify, but still not the point.

The point was what the Lord spoke to my heart. The wise men, missed that night that has been sung about in so many CHRISTmas carols like Silent Night, O' Holy Night, and even The Little Drummer Boy. They weren't there. I wondered if somehow they had known what they had missed, if they would have kept on their journey, or if they would have turned back.

I mean if you think about it, at least from the perspective we have now, that night was the night to be there. Angels came and proclaimed His birth, the miracle happened that night. I close my eyes and I can try to imagine how amazing it must have been. I mean I think even to the nights my children were born, it was miraculous, but this was the night that the Messiah had come. I think if I had known I had somehow been late to that momentous an event, I would have given up. But the wise men didn't, they just kept seeking. They kept following the star.

I guess I was imposing my own attitudes and experiences on the wise men as I thought about them "missing the big event." A thousand times I've felt that way, and at least 999 I think I've given up. I think of all the women's retreats and church services I have been to watching other people "arrive on time" for the miraculous event, and I have felt like I'm behind, and have somehow missed God's big move. I think of all the times it's left me feeling discouraged, even despondent.

I still feel a lot like I'm about two years behind most days. I often feel like I'm not doing what I should be, experiencing the "abundant life" God promises me. God has placed dreams and desires in my heart, but I don't see them happening, I don't even see a clear pathway to them, so a lot of days, I struggle. I am ever aware of my failures, and struggles, the "baggage" I carry on my journey, but all too often I let it distract me from the mission I'm on.

But in all honesty, I wasn't feeling that way on Sunday morning, so it surprised me a little that at the moment would choose to address it, but isn't that just like God, to address things on His time and not mine. So He reminded me of the Nativity scene and the passage of scripture from Matthew 2, and then I heard Him say,"keep seeking."

Keep seeking.

Can I just tell you what a blessing that exhortation was? It brought Matthew 7:7 to mind. “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. Moreover it made me think of the Amplified translation which says it this way, "Keep on asking and it will be given you; keep on seeking and you will find; keep on knocking [reverently] and [the door] will be opened to you."

Despite how pretty it looks to have the wise men bowing at the manger in my snow globe and other Nativity scenes (even Fisher Price), I don't think they were ever really supposed to be there, I don't think it was ever God's plan. Despite appearances that the "Holy Night" was the main event, it really wasn't for those who weren't there. That was the night for the shepherds perhaps, but the wise men were called to something different, a different time, a different place.

The light of the star kept shining for them to follow, long after the manger was empty. I wonder if it shone in the day too, or if it was only in the darkest hours that they were able to follow it. I honestly don't know for sure, but I can only imagine, the darker it got, the clearer the star was to see.

We're in dark times. As I look ahead, my inclination is to suspect that they may even get darker. I almost let fear enter in, but then I think of what I heard the Lord say, "Keep seeking." I know this, like the wise men, if I follow the Light, salvation will be found, but it's not about what I will get when I get there, but rather what I have to give. What will my offering of worship be?

Every New Year's Eve scripture promises are handed out at church services. To be honest, most years I have felt like I was behind, and once again missing the big event, but this year, I feel like perhaps the Lord has already given me my word for the days that lie ahead, whether it be for 2010 for for the next decade, I know I need to look to the Light and "Keep seeking... Keep knocking... Keep asking...

I want to encourage you, I don't think this word is just for me. I don't think I'm the only one who's feeling like maybe there's more. Don't give up. Look up, see the Light and follow it... never stop pursuing it. It's worth it. And bring all you have to offer. At the appointed time, the appointed place that He has determined, we will arrive.

Keep seeking... May 2010 be a year of relentless pursuit for us all.

Post-Holiday Post

Couldn't really come up with a better title, and it actually took several moments to come up with the second "post." Sort of indicative of where my brain is at.

CHRISTmas was really nice this year, very possibly the nicest I can recall in my entire adult life. We had a nice morning over at my parents' house (after we opened all our gifts at home) but in lieu of participating in the annual family drama with my more extended family we came back home where I cooked my first CHRISTmas dinner myself and let the kids play with their new toys and just hang out. So amidst the chopping, prepping and cooking I got to sing a little High School Musical Karaoke and dance around with my daughter. I got to help my oldest son learn the ins and outs of music transfer through Napster and got to watch my younger son joyfully play the new games on the new PS2 Santa brought to replace the one that the family had quite simply worn out. It was a nice change to the annual tradition of me walking on egg shells and spending much of the day barking at my children not to act like... well, children.

Dinner turned out really god, but I'm not sure if it wasn't just because there were no ridges in my tongue from biting it all day long. I cooked things I'd never cooked before, but it still turned out like a festive holiday meal. Granted, it was ready later than I originally planned, but it wasn't like one of those infamous midnight meals I've heard about or anything. We ate at dinner time, the five of us all together in our own kitchen. I still had to make a few threats to get the asparagus eaten by Ethan... the prime rib and potatoes too for that matter, but it was still so much less uncomfortable and chaotic than any other meal in the past. It was a merry CHRISTmas.

But alas, the holidays have passed. The house is still a bit of a mess, and we have company coming for New Year's Eve. I really need to get it in order but just don't have the drive to do it. I'm so not a housekeeper, and having everyone here 24/7 doesn't help my inspiration. Neal being on bed rest isn't a lot of help either. It also doesn't help that I think the mess is really getting to him, but he is restricted from doing anything about it.

I'm starting to wonder if there are deeper issues at the core of the messes, and lack of drive to fix them in my life. My house is a mess, my weight is a mess, our finances are a bit of a mess. It makes me think how grateful I am for a Savior who loved and accepted me as such, a mess. Sunday as the associate pastor spoke he said something I clung to. God fixes our messes, even the ones we make ourselves. Which of course, to at least some degree is all of them. I'm glad God loves me even when I am a mess, and my house is a mess, and life is a mess.

I know I'll be making lots of resolutions about the messes in my life, losing weight, getting the house in order, getting our debts paid off, but I also know I really don't have any ability on my own to fix or clean up anything. So I suppose my biggest resolution in the coming year will to be better at yielding, to the Savior, to His will and to His power in my life. Father help me to, yet again, learn to surrender and abide.

Of course, I do have 11 people coming over tomorrow night who would probably appreciate a clean bathroom, so perhaps I should put my feet to my faith as well.

25 Days of CHRISTmas - CHRISTmas Day 2008

For unto us a Child is born,
Unto us a Son is given;
And the government will be upon His shoulder.
And His name will be called
Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God,
Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

Isaiah 9:6

What a beautiful day. I think today was the nicest CHRISTmas I can remember in the longest time, perhaps ever.

I am a blessed woman. I have a husband who I love dearly, I am madly in love with him, grateful for the nearly 20 years we have been together and with great hope, joy and expectation anticipating a long and wonderful life together, in Jesus' name.

I have three wonderful children. They can be loud and rambunctious, they are far from perfect but they are mine, God's gift to me, each with their own special strengths and talents, each with their own endearing qualities, all precious to me in a million ways I cannot begin to list.

I have parents who love me, who are good to me, and have always done all that they could to show me their love and support.

All of these gifts are richly enhanced and perhaps more greatly understood to be precious personal gifts because I am blessed to walk daily in my life with the Lord who loves me, just as I am. I have a Savior who came to earth to die for me, to live with me, to lead and to guide me. He is Wonderful, my Counselor, He is the Prince of the peace that resides in my heart knowing He is for me, and He is Mighty; He can and will handle whatever challenges or storms may come my way, and He will always be there, forever. He is Emmanuel, God with me.

Happy Birthday Jesus. Thank you my true Love that today and every day You give to me...

the burden to pray...
my daughter's smile...
the gift of perspective...
the gift of a reprieve...
the gift of hope...
a little peace and quiet...
the joy in worship...
the gift of the still small voice...
girlfriends...
the men in my life...
the power to choose...
the kindness of a stranger...
new friends...
the joy of celebrating my daughter's life...
blogging...
the opportunity to witness the faith and kindness of children...
Candyland and CHRISTmas cookies under the CHRISTmas tree...
CHRISTmas caroling with my family...
the ability to go with the flow...
the gift of fun...
reminders of what CHRISTmas is really all about....
a calm in the eye of the storm...
the joy of celebration...
tradition...

But most of all Lord, my true Love, You give to me, You, the Greatest Gift of all, and the Greatest Giver of gifts ever.

Happy Birthday dear Jesus... happy birthday to You.

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning. James 1:17

Merry CHRISTmas to all, and to all a good night.

25 Days of CHRISTmas - December 24, 2008

"On the twenty-fourth day of CHRISTmas my true Love gave to me... tradition."

I am only child, I have only a few traditions growing up, my favorite of which was, and remains CHRISTmas morning breakfast, but even that tradition is one that didn't start until I was probably in adolescence.

As an adult with my own children, there is one tradition that has really developed in our little family. It is our CHRISTmas Eve tradition of going to church together and then driving to see lights on a particular street in a nearby city. I love it, I look forward to it every year, and my kids too. There is something wonderful abiut having this tradition that the five of us share. Others have joined us, but always the five of us, it is how we end CHRISTmas Eve.

I love tradition because in a world where things are always changing, it is nice when somethings remain the same.

Merry CHRISTmas!

25 Days of CHRISTmas - December 23, 2008

I cannot BELIEVE it's the twenty-third of December! I am freaking out a little inside. My shopping is done, purely because I refuse to do any more of it. Whatever may not be bought yet, well, it just isn't going to be bought this CHRISTmas. Well, except the groceries. I am missing several key ingredients to my first ever at home, cooked by me CHRISTmas dinner. But gift shopping has been terminated.

On the other hand, gift wrapping is still to be done. I stayed up till 4 am last night and got between half and two-thirds of it done. I am waiting now for my children to head off to bed for another all-nighter. Lord help me, I will sleep on Friday.

In the midst of the millions of things to do, tonight we had Victoria's "friend party" for her birthday. Why did I make it for the 23rd of December? Is it because I am completely insane? Though that is a debatable possibility, it is not the reason I planned as I did. The reason I planned as I did was because High School Musical on Ice came to town today and opening night tickets were available at the highly bargained price of just $12 each. It was something I could not (or at least chose not to pass up) even though it is the night before CHRISTmas eve.

Can I just say I am so glad we did this tonight? I mean, like THRILLED glad.

"On the twenty-third day of CHRISTmas my true Love gave to me...the joy of celebration."



My mom, my good friend Patty and I took Victoria and 4 of her little girlfriends to the show and it was so much fun. It's always fun to have a girls' night out, but this night had a whole new spin on it. Even taking the girls to the bathroom was a blast. I took Victoria and her little friends A & K, and the three of them had a blast standing in line doing souped up versions of patty cake. I'm sure that's not what it's called, but I'm not so cool as to know the right name... something about "lemonade, crunchy ice..." and the physical part of it is way more intensive than traditional patty cake too, but it was fun, like super fun!

I love that the girls are so joyful, intensely joyful. Life should be like that, especially when you're celebrating something as important as someones birth! Tonight we celebrated Victoria's with vigor. Everyday we should celebrate the Lord's birth like that!

Merry CHRISTmas!

25 Days of CHRISTmas - December 22, 2008

Today I had some nice quiet time to myself. I sat in a chair with a good book (not to be confused with THE Good Book) and I read while listening to and watching the rain outside. It was peaceful, the kids weren't around, I was bundled up in comfy sweat pants and a warm sweatshirt. It was nice.

The only downside was it wasn't in my own home, but rather in the waiting room of our local hospital while my husband was having surgery on his knee. I had a long list of things that wasn't getting done but it didn't matter. I was where I was most needed, and somehow I found peace in the midst of it, even when I had to referee battles between my sons via cell phone. I am fortunate that my oldest son, though not always one to make the best decisions, is trustworthy and pretty responsible. I think back to the days when he was too young to be much help and I don't know how I managed, and I am thankful that these days I can rely on his more and more. He's becoming a man right before my eyes.

"On the twenty-second day of CHRISTmas my true Love gave to me... a calm in the eye of the storm."

There is a lot of storminess going on in our lives, even some I don't necessarily share here on my blogs (shocking, I know), and it can rattle you. I think back to the story of Jesus in the storm. He has the power to speak to the winds and calm them, but I know He doesn't always choose to do that. Sometimes it has to be enough to know He in the storm with you, He's in your boat.

There is something about finding the quiet in the midst of a storm that replenishes your soul. It's like a cold drink when you are thirsty. You will be thirsty again (at least here in this life) but for the moment there is a little satisfaction. Once we left the hospital I felt the anxiousness rise back up a little, I'll just be honest, thinking about all I have left to do and how little time I have left to do it can be overwhelming, but I also know I will not be overcome by it.

I am also grateful to report that Neal has had a pain free day. We had to pay an unexpected $250 this morning for the "cold therapy unit" Neal's doctor prescribed because our insurance denied it as "not medically necessary." It may not be necessary, but it is certainly showing itself to be invaluable. I hope as my husband finds himself tethered to an outlet by this machine, unable to do much other than recuperate and rest, he finds the same replenishing in the calm of the storm as well.

May you all have a moment in the midst of your storm that God will provide you with a drink of cool water for your thirsty souls. In Jesus' name.

Merry CHRISTmas!

25 Days of CHRISTmas - December 21, 2008

"On the twenty-first day of CHRISTmas my true Love gave to me... reminders of what CHRISTmas is really all about."

OK, I almost missed it, posting on the 21st day of CHRISTmas. I have been rushing around still trying to find those last couple gifts at stores open till midnight and later. It's been crazy, the rushing and the searching. I'm still not done, three days left and I have a husband having surgery and a seven-year-old's birthday party in the next 2 days. I am pressed, and I can easily get caught up in the hustle and bustle and lose all the joy.

But there are moments, moments that stop you in your tracks and make you think about what the Reason for the Season really is.

Today I had one of those moments. One of the youngsters in our church (am I that old that I have resorted to the use of the word "youngster"? I guess I am, but I digress.) Anyway, in service this morning this young man played a beautiful version of "What Child Is This?" on his cello while scenes form the movie The Nativity played silently on the screen behind him. It was powerfully moving, there was no singing, just his cello, and yet the lyrics ran through my mind all the while.

What child is this, who, laid to rest
On Mary's lap, is sleeping?
Whom angels greet with anthems sweet,
While shepherds watch are keeping?

This, this is Christ the King,
Whom shepherds guard and angels sing:
Haste, haste to bring him laud,
The Babe, the Son of Mary!

This Child, the Christ child, he came to earth surrendering all his majesty to be born an infant in a manger. The Father looking on from "heaven afar." This moment when all eternity was changed, my eternity was changed because God himself was willing to come here on earth to be my Emmanuel.

The thought occurred to me, when you know Jesus, when you have a personal relationship with Him, know Him as Savior, Healer and Friend, in every day there is a little CHRISTmas.

Merry CHRISTmas!

25 Days of CHRISTmas - December 20, 2008

"On the twentieth day of CHRISTmas my true Love gave to me... the gift of fun."

Did you know that fun is not only something you can make, but it's also something you can choose to have, and while we're at it, it's something you can choose not to let other people spoil.

Today was a fun day. I had to choose in advance that it was going to be, because if I didn't CHRISTmas shopping 5 days before CHRISTmas at Mervyn's where EVERYTHING is now 70% off as they are closing for good, as well as at Wal-Mart, the most crowded place on the planet, was surely a recipe for one very un-fun day.

I chose to enjoy it. I chose to have fun when the people in line were hostile and rude. I chose to have fun when the lines were long... really long. When the old lady yelled at me because I was talking to my dad as I got in my car to go shopping and forgot to switch to speaker phone when I pulled out of my parking place. I still had fun, but she looked like she was making herself miserable flailing her arms at me and telling me to "get off the phone!" I even had fun when I pulled up along side her and nicely (truly) wished her a Merry CHRISTmas. She wished it back, but then I think she realized she had just yelled at me and rethought it. Even that was a little fun.

I even had fun when I stood in line forever at See's candies. (Who in their right mind goes there the Saturday before CHRISTmas??) I even had fun when I took inventory of all the kids gifts and realized I have more shopping to do because of unequal distribution of wealth. (It was so much easier when I had one child to buy for - quantity does matter.)

Tonight was easier fun. I had fun hanging with my daughter and taking her to a Cheetah Girls concert that I impulsively bought tickets to months ago. Fun, it's a wonderful gift, it's free and you can create it anytime, anywhere, and there is always more to be had and plenty to share. Thank you Lord for fun!

Merry CHRISTmas!

25 Days of CHRISTmas - December 19, 2008

"On the nineteenth day of CHRISTmas my true Love gave to me... "

Well, I hit a lull today. I'm not sure what to say here. It was a strange day. The little kids had pajama day and it was only a half day at school. That meant this morning I didn't have to get them dressed or make them a lunch. You would think that meant I would have a light and easy morning, but instead it meant I got caught up in too many non-essential things and got myself behind.

I went to work for a brief time and got very little done other than wrapping the gifts for my nieces and nephew in Virginia. They've been at the office for a couple weeks and I waited till today to package them to ship. Nothing like higher shipping charges. But they're worth it.

I went to the little kids' school and horned in on the last few minutes of Ethan's class party... it was TOTAL chaos, but they were having fun. Ethan's teacher even seemed more relaxed than she did even at the Thanksgiving event, I think she's finding her groove. I took the kids home and we rested for a little while. And then we picked up the very messy house because the repairman was coming over.

Jake got home, I took a phone call from the hospital about Neal's surgery on Monday. They have arbitrarily moved it back to another hour later but still want us there at the same time. We talked through my annoyance on that one. (Translation, I told her I didn't like it, she told me it didn't matter.)

The repairman came, and Tuesday I get to spend about $600 to get some heating pipes replaced because the vent at the roof is cracking and when it rains, it comes inside my house where it doesn't belong. Then I got to tell Neal how much money we're spending on something neither of us will get great pleasure out of using, but neither of us can afford to do without. I also had to remind him that we deal with one of the few honest heating and air companies in the OC and if he says $600, it's undoubtedly a fair price.

Neal still gets riled about these things a little, I have come to the conclusion we will always be in debt. (Remember we are still paying for his summer hospital stay and now get to add Monday's surgery to the mix.) Debt is apparently our lot in life, and yes, we tithe.

Today is my mom's birthday and because I was stranded at home dealing with household issues, she had to come here to get her gift. That was much appreciated. The kids and I bought her a CHRISTmas cookie jar, it looks like a gingerbread house. This is one of those gifts you buy for the people who have everything.

Neal went out and picked up barbecue for dinner because the 4 leftover ribs my dad gave him yesterday weren't enough to satisfy Neal, Victoria and me. (YES, it's me and not I, take out the other names and it confirms the grammar.)

Aha... I got it...

"On the nineteenth day of CHRISTmas my true Love gave to me... the ability to go with the flow."

It's a rare and exceptional gift for a recovering control freak like myself, so I will appreciate that I am not freaking out about the $600 bill, or the surgery on Monday, or the bill that will flow that, or the $3500 bill from summer that is now still $3450 after all my payments... Deep breath, I think I'll stop there before I lose my flow.

Merry CHRISTmas!

25 Days of CHRISTmas - December 18, 2008

Well, the weather was a little more bearable today, it was dry, that was a good start, but the cold is still a bit much, but even that has improved. The only really bad battle I had with the cold today was when I was standing outside after I dropped the kids off at school waiting for the Auto Club to show up because my battery was dead when I tried to leave. As a side note for you AAA members, if you ever need to replace a battery, do it through them. They come right to you and the battery comes with a 6 year warranty, the first 3 years of which is a "total replacement" warranty. And if they ever have to come out for your battery in those 6 years, it doesn't count against your 4 service calls per year. It was a really good way to take care of a problem I would have preferred NOT to have had, but if I had to have it, it couldn't have been smoother, and all for right around $120. Enough said.

As pleasant as that crisis went (in the relativity of pleasantness and crises) I do not choose that for my gift today. (Though it might be considered like a stocking stuffer from God.) And yes, OK, maybe crisis is too strong a word, but I can't think of a better one at the moment.

"On the eighteenth day of CHRISTmas my true Love gave to me... CHRISTmas caroling with my family."

Tonight was the little kids' CHRISTmas program at their school. It's been several years since we had a nighttime CHRISTmas program in our lives. When the kids were at Creekside it was always during the school day. Jake put on a couple great plays actually, but it didn't have quite the same feel. So tonight we experienced the new school's version of celebrating CHRISTmas.

The play itself was kind of.. um... different. All I can say is I would describe it as Dr. Seuss meets the Book of Luke. The nativity never rhymed quite like that before, so it was an interesting experience. But what I really enjoyed was what happened at the end of the program.

Rewind just a touch. When we got to the auditorium (sanctuary) to be seated they handed us candles. That seemed odd to me. After the program was over a small worship ensemble came up and we sang three of my favorite CHRISTmas carols, Joy to the World, O Come All Ye Faithful and Silent Night. As we were singing people started lighting their candles and passing the light on to one another, it was a really incredible experience, very worshipful. The children sitting up in their sections in the front had glow sticks and they were singing and waving their arms. I looked over to my left and saw my son and my father singing robustly, it was awesome, three generations of my family singing praises to Jesus.

I hear people talk about having their families all sit together and sing CHRISTmas carols at a piano, or even actually going out and caroling, and I've never had that experience, but tonight I think it felt pretty close.

Merry CHRISTmas!

25 Days of CHRISTmas - December 17, 2008

"On the seventeenth day of CHRISTmas my true Love gave to me... Candyland and CHRISTmas cookies under the CHRISTmas tree."

It is cold in California! I realize cold is a relative term, and many (including my Minnesota readers) may consider me a lightweight, but this born and bred California girl doesn't do weather in the 40's.

Today was cold all day, and rainy. Not drizzle rain, the sideways kind of wind blowing rain that shoots straight at you and makes using an umbrella sort of a moot point. It was cold and rainy when I got up early to drive Jake to school. It was cold and rainy when I took the little kids to school, and when I stopped for coffee and to pick up a sandwich for lunch on the way to work. When I headed over to the little kids' school for Victoria's cookie party, it was really cold and rainy and windy. All the time I spent in and out of the rain today brought a cold in my bones that I just couldn't shake.

So I broke one of my self-inflicted rules tonight, the "never miss a church service" rule, because I just couldn't take one more trip out into the rain and cold. My intention was to keep both of the little kids home with me. Neal had to go, he was playing drums for worship tonight and Jacob hates to miss youth group so my intention was to hang out with E & V, but E wanted to go to church too.

Victoria agreed to stay home, I think she'd had her fill of the chill too. So I spent the evening with my daughter playing Candyland and eating CHRISTmas cookies on the floor beneath our newly decorated tree. Even in the house it has been chilly, but the time with my girl at least warmed my heart. These days are fleeting, and it's really rare that I get one on one low key time with any of my children, so I really enjoyed it. We played like nine games I think and she won like six to my three (the darn gingerbread man was my demise) but it was fun.

Merry CHRTISTmas!

25 Days of CHRISTmas - December 16, 2008

On the sixteenth day of CHRISTmas my true Love gave to me... the opportunity to witness the faith and kindness of children."

Today I am putting a care package together for my friend Jason (pictured top left) who is serving our country in Iraq (click on his picture to read more about him). I baked some things, bought some goodies and a small necessity he mentioned needing. I really enjoyed doing it for him. They are simple little things I can do that will hopefully brighten his day just a little as he puts his life on the line for our nation.

I decided to ask Ethan's teacher if maybe the class could do something for me to send along to bless and encourage him. They decided to make pop-up CHRISTmas cards and write notes inside. I took the time to read through them before I added them to the package tonight and they were just precious. Sweet, kind words from innocent young children, just sharing their love for Jesus and a little CHRISTmas cheer.

I really hope the package and the cards bless Jason, I know the process of putting it together and reading what those kids had to say really blessed me.

Merry CHRISTmas!

25 Days of CHRISTmas - December 15, 2008

OK, I'm going to be really honest here and just tell you, I am not feeling it right now. The CHRISTmas spirit, the joy, the anticipation, none of it. What I am feeling is a great deal of frustration with a healthy dose of anger at my first born son who did an absolute bonehead thing that got him a zero on a 300 point assignment taking an A+ grade and making it a low B.

Now, I try my best not to expect perfection from my children (since I am so often disappointed anyway) but there is a huge difference, HUGE difference between trying and failing and being a bonehead. And it is the "boneheadedness" of youth (I think I will coin that phrase) that I have absolutely zero tolerance for. His zero and my zero, well, it makes for some great unpleasantness on the old homestead. Enough said.

So as I sit here in my frustration and restrain myself from stringing him up by the nape of his neck, I had to ask myself, what gift do I feel like I have today (because at this moment, motherhood isn't it.)

So I thought for but a moment when I realized...

"On the fifteenth day of CHRISTmas my true Love gave to me.... blogging."

Being able to come in here and vent on days like today, or rejoice in the good ones is a gift to me. I love to write, hence the URL of this website. I know that I'm good at writing. I can say that because it isn't some talent I have worked hard to hone or perfect, it's something that the Lord just enabled me to do. I come from a family full of artists, they can all paint or draw beautiful pictures, and I don't have the knack for it. I could improve my skill if I really worked at it, I mean I can doodle well enough but it's just not my thing.

On the other hand my mom has always said my palette is words, I can paint you a beautiful picture with them, or at least a vivid one, of the world, feeling, life. Again, it's not to say I am some brilliant writer, but I can hold my own. I struggle often with finding my place in the world, my ministry in which to serve, how I can reach out. Last year at a woman's retreat I was really struggling with a lot of the frustrations I feel in those areas and I felt like the Lord said, "write." It is a ministry and one that has no limits or bounds, I can write whenever I feel like it and about whatever I choose, and by having this blog, I have the joy of knowing someone might just stop by and read it, and if I'm lucky they might leave with a laugh or a chortle, perhaps some grain of truth or hope, maybe just a little encouragement, an it blesses me that it might just work out that way!

Merry CHRISTmas!

25 Days of CHRISTmas - December 14, 2008

So I'm taking a momentary break from trying to put CHRISTmas lights on the CHRISTmas tree, and I have failing bulbs, which always makes for an interesting experience. I am thankful for the gift of being able to walk away and take a breath and count to ten. But today is a really special day in our family, so I don't want to make that my 14th day of CHRISTmas gift.

"On the fourteenth day of CHRISTmas my true Love gave to me... the joy of celebrating my daughter's life."

Today my precious Victoria celebrates her seventh birthday. That little joy came into the world with an attitude and she was always a challenge in the beginning. I think sometimes I enjoy her so much and love her so dearly because I had to work so hard to have her be a happy child. But from the day she was born she was always my girl, and she has always loved her mama. Few people in my life always think as highly of me as my little girl does, and it's not because I bribed her or manipulated her, for some reason she just loves me, bunches.

She was the daughter God promised me, long before I had any of my children. His promise of her was the only time in my life I heard God speak so clearly in my heart I thought I heard it with my ears. Her name comes from two scriptures the Lord gave me to hold to while I waited 10 years for God to fulfill His promise.

"For whatever is born of God overcomes the world. And this is the victory that has overcome the world—£our faith." I John 5:4

"For it is written:
“Rejoice, O barren, you who do not bear! Break forth and shout, you who are not in labor! for the desolate has many more children than she who has a husband.”
Now we, brethren, as Isaac was, are children of promise. Galatians 4:27-28

I have so enjoyed being the mother of a precious little princess for the last seven years. I adore my sons too, but there is something different about having a daughter, there is a deep bond being the one who will lead her and teach her (hopefully) to be a woman of God. I look forward to the years ahead and hope we remain close and she always thinks I'm special, and always knows I think she's exceptional and special too.

Happy Birthday Victoria.

Merry CHRISTmas!

25 Days of CHRISTmas - December 13, 2008

"On the thirteenth day of CHRISTmas my true Love gave to me... new friends."

We didn't exactly make the new friends today, but it just resonated in my heart again today about a new friendship I am enjoying and looking forward to watching it continue to grow. As a married couple with children it's always a rare treasure when you meet another married with children couple that you enjoy, and everyone likes each other, husbands like husbands, wives like wives and husband 1 likes wife 2, and wife 2 likes husband 1 and so forth.

It's exciting, and I think the closest thing you get after marriage to the excitement of dating someone new in your single days. (At least it better be the closest thing you experience to dating someone new, if you get what I'm saying.)

Neal and I have met the neatest couple at our church and we were talking tonight how we were just both drawn to wanting to get to know them better. We've been trying (all 4 of us) for months to get together and hang out, and only really managed it once so far, but you can just tell when you "click" with people and it is a great feeling. We're having fun and looking forward to continuing to build our new friendship, and the fact that the husband gave us the "deal of a lifetime" on our CHRISTmas tree today, is just icing on the cake! (And thanks to him the whole process of getting our tree this year is the best we've had in 17 years of marriage - so much so we even skipped the annual argument over the tree stand. Some traditions are better to let die.)

Merry CHRISTmas!

25 Days of CHRISTmas - December 12, 2008

"On the twelfth day of CHRISTmas my true love gave to me... the kindness of a stranger."

Today was a full day. It kicked off with bad news as I updated our accounts through Quicken (which I love by the way.) A "new" transaction came up for "Miscellaneous Adjustment" deducting several hundred dollars from our account. This was right before I left to take the little kids to school. So I called the bank on the speaker phone on the way there and long story short they have no record of a check I know absolutely positively deposited in the ATM. It's not an "I think," I KNOW that I KNOW I did. So they can "take a claim on that" and will get back to me within a few weeks and they MIGHT give me a temporary return of the money within 10 days. Really doesn't do much for my mortgage payment that's due Monday... good thing I didn't get to the bank this week on that one!

It just sort of set the whole day in motion, set a pace. I went to see Ethan get his award, and my camera wouldn't work on demand yet again. I had to run to Wal-mart, picked up a few things for Jason (above left) and gift cards for each of the kids to take to birthday parties they attended this evening. Scuttled off to work where there was a pile of miscellaneous messes and such and before I knew it it was time to head back to school to take Victoria's class the birthday cupcakes my dad had made for them. I hopped on the freeway thinking it would be moving ok before 2 pm, and I was wrong. I hustled through traffic and got there just in time. When we were done I had too much time to just wait around so I decided to take the extra cupcakes home.

As I was sitting at a stoplight I suddenly realized I had written the wrong name on the gift card I bought for Ethan to give as a gift. I pulled it out and was fiddling with it and apparently I wasn't focused and had let my foot off the break. I wasn't looking forward and I SLAMMED into the car in front of me. Slammed is a relative term because I didn't actually accelerate but I hit her hard, it was loud, it jarred me and I pushed her car into the truck in front of her.

We all hopped out of our cars. The truck in front had no damage, the little blue car in front of me had no damage in her front. My car was OK, but her back bumper had some definite scratches in it. it was like the outline of my licence plate. "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry," I just kept saying it. "How could I do this? At CHRISTmas? I'm so sorry."

She wanted to check her trunk, make sure it opened ok. The man from the front wanted to make sure WE were ok. Her trunk opened fine. I told her I thought maybe it would buff out, but I wasn't sure, I would give her my info. She said, "No, it's OK, that's why we have cars." Honestly I have no idea exactly what she meant, I mean clearly she didn't mean we have cars so I could rear end her on the road while she sat peacefully at a red light, but I think she just meant as long as all the people were OK, nothing else mattered. She didn't want my info, I offered my phone number in case she reconsidered, she said no, it was fine and she stood there and hugged me and told me it was all alright, right there in the middle of La Palma.

She was a kind woman when I needed a little kindness, and I hope God will bless her for her grace and mercy... and I pray those scratches will buff out!

Merry CHRISTmas!

25 Days of CHRISTmas - December 11, 2008

Have you ever felt like a square peg trying to fit into a round hole? (Suddenly I am flashing back to the 1980's and I can see Sarah Jessica Parker in her virginal days with big thick glasses and a goofy, chubby friend and the song is going through my head... "Square pegs, square pegs... Square!... PEGS!""

I often feel that way in practically every area of my life, family, friends, church, amid my children's activities. Square peg, round hole. It can be disheartening, sometimes it can be down right depressing. It is always challenging.

"On the eleventh day of CHRISTmas my true Love gave to me... the power to choose."

The power of choice, it's a wonderful gift. Honestly it's a gift often misused, or foolishly unused, but it's a gift just the same. I'm not sure I know how to use it right now. I have a lot of things hurting and frustrating me and I am grateful that I have the power to choose, even if the gift has to stay on the shelf I am grateful that it's there.

I have the power to choose my attitude about things, I have the power to choose my words, or the lack of them as I see fit. I have the power to choose to trust God one more day, even when it seems like there is really no hope, I have the power to choose to put my hope in Christ and His promises to me anyway.

It's a wonderful, wonderful gift, and right in this moment it is a gift I am placing on my spiritual shelf in and about a lot of things, but I can choose to use it when the time comes and choose to pray and wait upon the Lord in the meantime.

Merry CHRISTmas!

25 Days of CHRISTmas - December 10, 2008

This is a busy week for me. It's CHRISTmas Tea week at my church, and I joyfully participate and serve in the Raffle Ticket ministry. Relax, it isn't really gambling since all the money goes to outreach ministries. It's a fun week, but a long and busy one, coming home, trying to get homework out of the way for Neal. It also happens to be the week before my daughter's birthday, so there is planning for that. There's still dinners to be made, lunches to be packed. Next week are school CHRISTmas parties, which I apparently volunteered for the one in 1st grade back on Back to School Night and I completely forgot... I know I thought, well it's near Tori's birthday so that will be easy... Uh, hello? But it's fun, and it is what it is, CHRISTmas, birthday, Tea, Raffles, it's December!(Don't I still have a lot of shopping to do? And wrapping? And we don't even have a CHRISTmas tree yet!)

"On the tenth day of CHRISTmas my true Love gave to me... the men in my life."

I am so blessed to have a husband who last night I left with a messy house and came home to one far more picked up. Tonight I came home to him washing the dishes for tomorrow night's tea where I will hostess a table and attend rather than sell raffle tickets.

And I am blessed to have a dad who is willing to make cupcakes tomorrow night while he babysits my children while Neal plays waiter at the tea so Victoria can have a birthday snack with her friends at school on Friday afternoon.

I love these two men, who love and bless me and totally help me out of a bind!

Merry CHRISTmas!

25 Days of CHRISTmas - December 9, 2008

Straight to the point...

"On the ninth day of CHRISTmas my true Love gave to me.... girlfriends."

They are sisters in the Lord, to laugh with, to cry with (to laugh till you cry with.) They are friends who love you when you're scattered or naughty, who'll maybe even be a little naughty with you. It is a gift from the Lord.

You know who you are, and I love and appreciate you, I can be me and know you love and accept me "warts and all." I can be real, and you will be real, there is nothing else like the security of knowing someone gets you, understands your shortcomings, listens to your frustrations, stops you when you've gone on too long or said too much.

These are the people who can quote you the scripture, "wounds of a friend," and you know it's true. These are the ones who stand in the gap (and stand in the crap) with you and for you.

Thank You Lord, for my girlfriends. And by the way, after the holidays, we totally need to plan a "Girl's Night Out!" (Or in!)

Merry CHRISTmas!