Dry

I'm feeling really dry, spiritually speaking. It's a hard place to be, because you know what you need, you need living water, but it's as though I have forgotten how to drink.

I find myself constantly circling back to this place and it makes me wonder what I am doing to cause it.

I need consistency.

I need consistency in my reading of the Word, but I don't know what to read. I go to it, and my focus is weak. I read and I can't soak the words in. It's like eating bland noodles.

Sometimes when I feel like that, I try to remind myself it is like taking a spiritual multi-vitamin. Even though I don't see an immediate benefit, I know there is one.

My prayer life is inconsistent. I constantly "chat" at God, I talk to Him throughout my day, a moment of praise, a release of anxiety, even a burst of frustration, but intercession escapes me. I struggle to remember the prayer requests asked of me.

It's like I've wandered to the edge of the desert. I can feel it's heat, I feel the dryness that has crept in trying to overtake me.

It has to be me.

The Bible says He will never leave me or forsake me...

It says nothing can separate me from His love...

It says, there is nowhere I can go to get away from Him...

And yet...

I feel abandoned...

Distant...

Alone...

Why do I always find myself back in this place?

Do I try to hard to give out, that I fail to take in?

Even when I read the Word, I think in terms of how I would share it with others.

But I know I can only give out of my abundance.

It is foolish to try to give out of my reserves.

Where to start?

What to read?

How to pray?

I know the danger would be to become apathetic in this state.

Or worse, comfortable in it.

I wonder if these are the feelings that allow a faithful one to wander from the One they love.

My fear of that forces me to ask these questions.

But I cannot just ask them.

I must not be satisfied until I find the answers.

Where to start?

What to read?

How to pray?

I don't know what the answers are, but I must seek them out.

I must strive till I find them.

I must remember - He will never leave me or forsake me, no matter how abandoned I feel.

I must remember - nothing can separate me from His love, no matter how far away it feels.

I must remember - He is with me wherever I go, I cannot hide from His presence.

I must remember that what I feel is not what is real, but His word and His promises are.

I must seek them, and follow them, until the dryness is overtaken by the Living Water.

And I must hope as I do, the desert will become just a distant view behind me.