Monday, December 15, 2008

25 Days of CHRISTmas - December 15, 2008

OK, I'm going to be really honest here and just tell you, I am not feeling it right now. The CHRISTmas spirit, the joy, the anticipation, none of it. What I am feeling is a great deal of frustration with a healthy dose of anger at my first born son who did an absolute bonehead thing that got him a zero on a 300 point assignment taking an A+ grade and making it a low B.

Now, I try my best not to expect perfection from my children (since I am so often disappointed anyway) but there is a huge difference, HUGE difference between trying and failing and being a bonehead. And it is the "boneheadedness" of youth (I think I will coin that phrase) that I have absolutely zero tolerance for. His zero and my zero, well, it makes for some great unpleasantness on the old homestead. Enough said.

So as I sit here in my frustration and restrain myself from stringing him up by the nape of his neck, I had to ask myself, what gift do I feel like I have today (because at this moment, motherhood isn't it.)

So I thought for but a moment when I realized...

"On the fifteenth day of CHRISTmas my true Love gave to me.... blogging."

Being able to come in here and vent on days like today, or rejoice in the good ones is a gift to me. I love to write, hence the URL of this website. I know that I'm good at writing. I can say that because it isn't some talent I have worked hard to hone or perfect, it's something that the Lord just enabled me to do. I come from a family full of artists, they can all paint or draw beautiful pictures, and I don't have the knack for it. I could improve my skill if I really worked at it, I mean I can doodle well enough but it's just not my thing.

On the other hand my mom has always said my palette is words, I can paint you a beautiful picture with them, or at least a vivid one, of the world, feeling, life. Again, it's not to say I am some brilliant writer, but I can hold my own. I struggle often with finding my place in the world, my ministry in which to serve, how I can reach out. Last year at a woman's retreat I was really struggling with a lot of the frustrations I feel in those areas and I felt like the Lord said, "write." It is a ministry and one that has no limits or bounds, I can write whenever I feel like it and about whatever I choose, and by having this blog, I have the joy of knowing someone might just stop by and read it, and if I'm lucky they might leave with a laugh or a chortle, perhaps some grain of truth or hope, maybe just a little encouragement, an it blesses me that it might just work out that way!

Merry CHRISTmas!

No comments: