It's been 10 days since my last post. I was lamenting the dryness I have been feeling. The dryness is still there, but the lamenting maybe not so much, but that isn't necessarily a good thing. Complacency is a dangerous place to set up camp, but I'm pretty sure I have at the least been checking the rates for the area, because I certainly haven't done anything significant to leave the area altogether.
It's as though my spiritual "car" has stalled, just outside of Complacency. I'm looking around, and I don't want to settle here, in fact, it doesn't really appeal to me at all, but it does not change the fact that I seem to be "out of gas," and I can't get my vehicle moving on to better or more promising territories.
The sad thing is, I am fully aware I have a gallon of gas in my trunk. Unfortunately the latch is jammed or something, because I can't even get it open to fill up and move on. This is it, this what sums up where I am at spiritually.
So the question is, if someone were going on to me the way I am going on here on the blog, what would I say to them? I know this is the question because I have a friend in my life who likes to pull this question out of the box to latch shut my own box of excuses. And I know what I would say, I speak the Christian cliche's fluently. "Press on," is a popular choice, or the well-known, "Don't grow weary in doing good," is another excellent option. I would tell them, "Get in the Word," and I would ask them, "How's your prayer life?" I would encourage them to "dig in" and to "connect," and to "fight." I would, I know I would.
And yet, here I sit, just outside of Complacency. And by the way, I know they aren't actually cliches. I know the exhortation is rooted in truth. I know this, and yet, I am stalled.
I think maybe the air is low in my spiritual "tires" too, and the gas mileage I was getting was affected by it. I've taken a few emotional dings lately, and it's slowing me down. I don't feel like I can get as far as I usually do, because the hurt is somewhat ever present. I guess it's like a nail in my tire. I pump the air back in, but because the nail is still there I suffer from a slow leak that again slows me down when the air gets too low. I can see the nail, but I can't remove it. So I try to move past it, but it keeps continuing in the vicious cycle. I pump up, and slowly the air leaks, again and again. The nail will have to be dealt with eventually, and I am more than willing, but I have to arrive somewhere where fixing or replacing the tire is a legitimate option, because here outside of Complacency, there isn't a tire shop to be seen. I might be able to switch to my spare, but it doesn't change the fact that the tire that belongs on my (spiritual) car is damaged.
A friend offered me some of her gas. She said, "come study the Word with us!" But in my heart I know our gas isn't compatible right now. She and these other ladies are sharing some terrific Premium gasoline, 92 Octane and all, but it's not the right place for me right now. My little pitiful stalled car needs to run on diesel or something. Sometimes you can't pinpoint the exact discrepancy, you just know when something isn't going to work. It's no disrespect for what has been offered, it just isn't the immediate need.
Are you getting tired of the allegory yet? I'm sorry, I'm a "word picture" kind of girl, and this word picture just seems to so aptly describe my current state I just went with it. And I'm still going with it.
If you've never found yourself stalled outside of Complacency, you really can't judge. The roads in these parts are pretty wound up. The signs are sort of confusing and not always easy to read. No one ever really arrives here on purpose, it's more about having gotten off track somewhere along the way, maybe a missed off ramp, or mistaken left instead of a right. You can't look at someone on these nearby roads and ask them, "What were you thinking??" Because no one purposely comes to this place. It's hot, and dry, and uncomfortable. It's a pretty lonely place too, here outside of Complacency.
So this is what I know, I have to figure out how to get back on the road, and head towards home. Complacency itself actually tries to draw me. It beckons with 4 star hotels, beautiful accommodations, no lack of food or recreation. You can settle in by the pool and have a snack delivered. You can head up to your room and snuggle in to watch a movie, order room service. You can lose completely any sense of need to travel anywhere at all. You can just charge up whatever your little heart desires, and enjoy yourself for a good long time. Hakuna Matata reigns in a town like COmplacency, it is ruled by the mentality of "play now, pay later."
The problem is, eventually, the bill will come. And Complacency has rates that you will not believe. I can't think of any place more expensive to stay. If you aren't careful, you could end up completely broke. You could lose everything you have in Complacency.
So, I guess I am in an ok place here in my stalled car. I haven't driven into the city. And today, I have no intention of driving that way at all. The question for now is, do I get out and walk up the road looking for the gas station I need. Do I try to push the car back up the hill of the off ramp that led me here? Do I try to thumb a ride with someone else to get me somewhere that I can find necessary provisions? Or maybe the journey will require all of these steps. I don't know the answer yet, but I do know, Complacency, is never an option, or at least, I hope it never will be.