I just finished reading my blog post from January 1st of this year where I listed my resolutions for 2009.
Looking back I'm struck by how much things have changed, and by how much they have not.
I put up a goal to lose 80 lbs, I lost more than 30. Can't help but think that maybe if I had actually started dieting before September, maybe I would have come close to my original goal.
My goal for better finances didn't even fare as well as the diet goal. Of course, I never got around to making the "cut backs" in that department the way I did in my eating. And let's face it, the price of things have just gone up. I know we're not doing any better, but I'm not sure if we're any worse.
My third resolution was about my devotional time, and it is absolutely not what I would like it to be. There was no lack in "cutting back" in that area, and although my physical body is a little less heavy (can't call it thin yet) and our finances remain mere, it is my spirit that feels very emaciated as this year comes to a close.
It makes me sad. Having this blog and the ability to look back to where I was a year ago is both a blessing and a curse. But I refuse to become disheartened.
The year has brought good, new friends and loved ones, new ministry, even renewed dreams. And as I look back on the year, it makes me realize, that in 2010, I do not want to wait until September to start moving towards my goals.
We did get through 2009 without any hospital visits, or serious medical issues, that is a definite blessing. Family that was completely broken a year ago is at least in some relationships a little better as this year comes to a close.
I'm not declaring any resolutions for this year, not tonight anyway. I have decided I need to spend the last few hours of 2009 and the first couple days of 2010 getting my mind refocused on what really matters, or should I say, Who really matters.
At midnight tonight I am shutting off my computer access for three days. From midnight tonight through January 2nd I am unplugging. I realize I spend too much time plugged in to the computer, email, Facebook, minesweeper, even blogging, and I am neglecting things and people who better deserve my attention. With the new phones we got this year, I am never more than seconds away from access to these addictions, and I am a little ashamed to admit how often I am only half listening, participating, engaging in life around me because I am distracted by my laptop or my phone. So I am turning off the computer, and refusing to use my phone as any more than a phone for these three days. I have become what I myself have in the past preached against, and I know I am suffering the consequences of it, and I fear I am not alone. So the computer is going off, and the phone is just going to be a phone. If you anyone needs me, I won't be found on the usual stomping grounds, Facebook will not be the fastest way to find me.
I don't know what I hope for the next 3 days. I actually am purposely not going to put any plan or expectation on it, other than to clear a little of the static out of my mind. It isn't going to be easy, especially every time my phone pops up that notification that another email has come through. But there is a desperation inside me that tells me, I have to do this.
I want to focus my mind on the Lord, and let nothing distract me from hearing His voice. I want to enter 2010 gripping tightly to my Father's hand. When I look ahead, there is a lot of anxiety and unrest about what the future holds. I don't know what will happen, with our finances, our jobs, the kids schooling. There are so many worries waiting in the future. I don't know what the future holds, but I do know Who hold the future. That is the only thing I am sure of, and so I desperately need to have my focus there.
I do hope good will come from these three unplugged days, I hope for wisdom, I hope for a promise to hold to, but I lay all my hopes aside for Him, and whatever He wants of these three days, that is my greatest hope of all.
I wish you all a happy new year, and pray, in whatever way you choose, you also renew your focus on the Lord and resolve to grip more tightly to Him also as we enter in to 2010. Whatever we find waiting for us there, we can at least be sure, He holds it, and us, in His very capable hands.