Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Post-Holiday Post

Couldn't really come up with a better title, and it actually took several moments to come up with the second "post." Sort of indicative of where my brain is at.

CHRISTmas was really nice this year, very possibly the nicest I can recall in my entire adult life. We had a nice morning over at my parents' house (after we opened all our gifts at home) but in lieu of participating in the annual family drama with my more extended family we came back home where I cooked my first CHRISTmas dinner myself and let the kids play with their new toys and just hang out. So amidst the chopping, prepping and cooking I got to sing a little High School Musical Karaoke and dance around with my daughter. I got to help my oldest son learn the ins and outs of music transfer through Napster and got to watch my younger son joyfully play the new games on the new PS2 Santa brought to replace the one that the family had quite simply worn out. It was a nice change to the annual tradition of me walking on egg shells and spending much of the day barking at my children not to act like... well, children.

Dinner turned out really god, but I'm not sure if it wasn't just because there were no ridges in my tongue from biting it all day long. I cooked things I'd never cooked before, but it still turned out like a festive holiday meal. Granted, it was ready later than I originally planned, but it wasn't like one of those infamous midnight meals I've heard about or anything. We ate at dinner time, the five of us all together in our own kitchen. I still had to make a few threats to get the asparagus eaten by Ethan... the prime rib and potatoes too for that matter, but it was still so much less uncomfortable and chaotic than any other meal in the past. It was a merry CHRISTmas.

But alas, the holidays have passed. The house is still a bit of a mess, and we have company coming for New Year's Eve. I really need to get it in order but just don't have the drive to do it. I'm so not a housekeeper, and having everyone here 24/7 doesn't help my inspiration. Neal being on bed rest isn't a lot of help either. It also doesn't help that I think the mess is really getting to him, but he is restricted from doing anything about it.

I'm starting to wonder if there are deeper issues at the core of the messes, and lack of drive to fix them in my life. My house is a mess, my weight is a mess, our finances are a bit of a mess. It makes me think how grateful I am for a Savior who loved and accepted me as such, a mess. Sunday as the associate pastor spoke he said something I clung to. God fixes our messes, even the ones we make ourselves. Which of course, to at least some degree is all of them. I'm glad God loves me even when I am a mess, and my house is a mess, and life is a mess.

I know I'll be making lots of resolutions about the messes in my life, losing weight, getting the house in order, getting our debts paid off, but I also know I really don't have any ability on my own to fix or clean up anything. So I suppose my biggest resolution in the coming year will to be better at yielding, to the Savior, to His will and to His power in my life. Father help me to, yet again, learn to surrender and abide.

Of course, I do have 11 people coming over tomorrow night who would probably appreciate a clean bathroom, so perhaps I should put my feet to my faith as well.

No comments: