Unfortunately, it is not a place where doors seem currently open for me, but I am honestly ok with that, because I know He is in charge, and in His perfect time and way, He will open the doors.
A lot of people refer to my writing as my greatest gift, but I happen to know, although it is absolutely a gift from Him, it isn't my primary one, although it may be in the top two or three. But the problem with my writing is, I am far more apt to get into the midst of it and mess things up. Unlike when I get the chance to speak, where the dependence is completely on Him, because once it's been said, it's done and out there, with my writing, there is time and opportunity to mull it over and make my own edits and changes that aren't necessarily the way the Lord would have it given.
Now, to be clear, I am by no means saying every time I speak it's a God thing, the fact is, it would be far better if He had total control of the edit feature in that scenario! However, I can honestly say that because of the way the Lord opened the world of speaking for/about Him, I know full well that the process of it is "Prepare, prepare, prepare" (which means plenty of study and even more prayer) but when it all comes down to it, my final prayer before walking on a stage or in front of a room full of people is always' John the Baptist's prayer, "Lord may I decrease that You may increase." And I trust in God's promise to Moses, that if I open my mouth, He will show up and speak. And faithfully, He always has, because I know, bottom line, if just one person is touched and ministered to, then I served my purpose. And I know if He isn't going to show up for me specifically, there is always someone there He will show up for.
However, having said all that, I can honestly say that there are times with my writing, that He is just as in charge as when I get the opportunity to speak. Sometimes, it just flows. When things come pouring out of you, in a good way, it's always been my experience, that it is an overflow of the good work of the Holy Spirit.
This past week has been a powerfully filling week for me. And I have been different, and responded to things differently, and I know it is because I have been abiding. This morning though, after I dropped the kids off at school, I had the first inkling of my "level" having dropped just a little below full on the gauge. Nothing "happened" I just had this sense of need for Him, like I missed what I have been experiencing. And I began to pray about it. I don't want the things the Lord has been doing in me to be a brief afterglow to a good week of prayer and fasting. I long for it to be a work of change to give Him great glory.
As I drove to the bank before heading to work, words began to flow. As I had to sit outside waiting for the bank to open, I grabbed a pen and paper and I wrote down the poem the Lord gave me. I know a lot of people question the wisdom of sharing these creations without proper copyright coverage, but the fact is, I know when it flows out like that, it's not just meant for me. The gift to write them isn't mine, the words themselves do not belong to me. They are for the good of God's people, and for His glory, so I have no choice but to share them and hope they are a blessing to many, but I also know if it ministers to just one, then it will serve its purpose. I hope it ministers to you.
My heart wants to wander,
My eyes grow too weary to heed,
My own flesh tries to prevent me,
From my soul’s sole greatest need.
My soul longs for Your presence,
I need to just sit at Your feet,
That Your Spirit may pour into my want,
And make my satisfaction in You complete.
Circumstances will conspire against it,
The fellowship of my heart with Yours,
The enemy of my soul seeks to destroy it,
But my spirit deep within continually implores,
“Father, help me overcome every obstacle,
That hinders my path to You,
Help me lay aside this life’s cares,
And bask in the knowledge of what’s true.
You called me to a greater purpose,
Than what I see before my eyes,
You have a plan to use me,
To break through all the lies.”
Lies that say we don’t matter,
That there is no God who cares,
Must be shattered by Your lovingkindness,
That Your love may reveal You are there.
You’re reaching out to each one of us,
Calling us ever closer to Your heart,
For it is Your greatest longing,
Of Your family and purpose all would be a part.
I know You gave Your all,
So we could fellowship as one,
No thing did you withhold,
Not even Your Precious Son,
Yet still my heart longs to wander,
My flesh and my will, they fail,
But I cling to the hope I have,
That Your purpose will prevail.
You are my strength and my hope,
So my heart must persevere,
And as I reach out in my weakness,
I know You’ll meet me here.
My weary head, You’ll lift,
And look into my face,
With gentle words You remind me,
In Your plan, I have a place.
So in my weakness of flesh,
My spirit cries out in hope to You,
Knowing no matter how I may struggle,
Your love and promises hold true.
- Diana DePriest
© September 14, 2010
My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.