This damn desert

So tired of this damn desert
So tired of lookin' for a way out.
So tired of all these struggles,
So tired of fighting my doubt.

So hot and dry and lonely,
Wandering alone in this place.
Oh how I long to remember,
What it's like to walk in Your grace.

I don't look like who I once was,
My clothes all tattered and torn.
Though I can't find my reflection,
I know I look tired and worn.

So tired of this damn desert,
Searching for some other way.
"Lost and confused" is my mantra,
Wandering day after day.

I stop and and I point the direction,
From where I originally came.
Who brought me to this damn desert?
I want someone that I can blame.

I remember the days of before,
And at times I long to return.
I think I might like back my chains,
Rather than stand in the desert and burn.

"Father, Father," I cry out,
"Why have you brought me here?"
Is this where I'll wander forever?
That is my greatest fear.

I hate it in this damn desert,
But this is where You've led me to be.
No end of the desert before me,
But You're making changes in Me.

I rage and I rage in the desert,
Wanting to be some other place.
But You just out wait me,
Until I am seeking Your face.

That's the thing of the desert,
It's not really damned at all.
It's where my pride and sufficiency,
Finally will take their fall.

I know there is nothing in me,
That is of any purpose or use.
When I act like I've got it together,
It's all just a pitiful ruse.

There's no favor or gift I can offer,
Nothing in me that You need.
But here in the desert You're planting,
Some deep and eternal seed.

Not my plan, agenda or purpose,
That is of any eternal good.
But the empty vessel You prepare here,
A desert season withstood.

"Seek My face, seek My face," says the Whisper,
Drifting softly by in a hot desert wind.
"Not My hand, not My plan, not My will,
"But the face of your truest Friend."

You won't leave me here forever,
But You will for as long as need be.
For it's here You do the work in the desert,
Making deep lasting changes in me.

This damn desert is not a place to strive,
It's not a place that I should fight.
This damn desert is Your place,
A place for making things right.

Bitterness pushed to the edge,
Eventually all stripped away.
Confidence all redirected from me,
Directly focused Your way.

This damn desert is where You prove,
You alone are the One to provide.
This is the place where trust comes,
As soon as I'm willing to decide.

Decide You are Lord of the desert;
Decide You are Lord of my life.
Decide You're Lord of my victories;
And You are Lord in my strife.

Still I hate this damn desert,
But I know I'm not here alone.
It's here in this difficult damn desert,
That You will make Yourself known.

I am thankful that here in the desert,
You are patiently waiting on me,
To realize it's here in the desert,
Where You make an empty vessel of me.

The heat makes this clay firm to serve You,
A vessel which You can pour through.
This desert turns my eyes to who You are,
And helps me let go of what You'll do.

So Your face I'll seek in this desert,
Because that is what You have asked.
And I'll know you all that much better,
When this damn desert has passed.

I still hate it in this damn desert,
It's not where I want to be.
But I'll press on in this damn desert,
Knowing You're here in the desert with me.

by Diana DePriest
© May 29, 2013