Saturday, October 18, 2008

Love that Broad!

The purpose of advertising in television is to connect with the target audience, give the consumer someone or something they can relate to so that they will buy the offered product or service. If you want to see who I have connected with through "truth in advertising" then click here. Then come back and read the rest of my post, which will be related, but will turn off into a completely different direction.... Go ahead, I'll wait....

Welcome back. I know that commercial is a little bit naughty, but it gives me a giggle every time I watch it, and that little cartoon woman has made her way into my heart. I just love her. She "gets" me (even if I don't have a husband who is currently shrinking, I'm certain he could if he put his mind to it.) I have made no secret of the fact that I have struggles with my weight. I suppose that's not the best way to describe it, because "struggling" would indicate there is an actual battle going on, and the truth of the matter is, in some ways I think lately I've just given up.

Can I be honest? I am thankful that I am not one who partakes of alcohol. I suppose that sounds funny, because obviously that's a choice I make, but as I get to know myself better I realize that I have an extremely addictive personality. I actually think if I was a drinker, I would probably become an alcoholic. I think I would self-medicate with alcohol, because I am beginning to realize that I do that very thing with food. It's an addiction. Even when I don't want to "use," I do.

I wonder how many other women that's true for. I wonder for how many of us that overeating is not a physical issue, and not even just an emotional one, but rather a spiritual one. I know there are a lot of "emotional eaters" out there, and I am certain I would qualify as such. If I'm sad, I eat; if I'm stressed, I eat; if I'm angry, I eat, bored, lonely, frustrated, all excuses to eat. I even eat to reward or entertain myself. But what I am beginning to realize it's not only a response to an emotional upheaval (which being such a mercurial person, I have them often), but even more it is an avoidance tactic. Instead of going to the Lord, I find myself looking for comfort, joy or peace in Ben and Jerry's Phish Food in the freezer or Pinwheel cookies in the pantry, or sometimes both.

A few nights ago I found myself 1/2 a pint and three cookies down. After I had indulged I had this incredible moment of revelation - I didn't feel any better, I felt worse. For a moment I was able to step back and see the cycle, the very vicious cycle that I continue to find myself struggling on. Food has become a bondage to me. Here is something that is not only good, but necessary, and somehow I have become subject to it. It's lost it's rightful place in my life. It has become so many things that God never intended it to be.

It is hard because there are also physiological issues involved in my food issues. I suffer from a condition called hyperinsulinemia (aka insulin resistance) which basically means my body produces too much insulin - it's sort of the opposite of diabetes, but also a pre-diabetic condition. It's also the source of what created all of my infertility issues for all those years (on the upside it may push back menopause a few extra years!) The condition actually causes a big increase in sugar and carb cravings, and we all know how much those help with weight loss. There is medication, but it's been a struggle to get the dosage right, and the DePriests have sort of had their fill of medical bills, so it all adds to the battle... and to the excuses.

I'm not going on and on about this to embarrass myself, or to play out a pity party for myself, but I'm going through this process with God, and so it's one of the areas in my life where I am very aware of my shortcomings and struggles. That night with the ice cream and cookies, I realized I have allowed this struggle to become a wall between the Lord and I.

I'm trying very hard to be more dependent on the Lord in this area. You see, because food has become such a bondage for me, a "diet" isn't the right answer. It's just an exchange from one bondage for another, and I need to find the way to be free of food issues. I need to find a way for food to just be food. I need it to be just fuel for my physical body, and I need to feed my soul with the Bread of Life.

The last couple days have been a little better. I'm trying to be prayerful, trying to depend on the Lord to lead me. There weren't great victories, but there were little steps I could feel good about. I've allowed myself to be sidetracked from the Lord (again) and I need to fight back. I have His word if I draw near to Him, He will draw near to me. (James 4:8) I love that spiritual math of 1+1=2.

I'm not sure why I felt led to share this. I suppose it's because we all have things like this in our lives, things that we allow to be substitutes for God himself, whether it's food like me, or alcohol, or another relationship, a job, a hobby; the list of possibilites is long. They don't have to be dark or sinister substitutes, food was made with a good purpose, it isn't wrong to enjoy it, remember how they described how good manna was, but it was manna that would rot and spoil. Our marriages, our relationships with our kids, service in a church or ministry, all good things, but all poor substitutes for a vital, intimate relationship with God, Himself. And when we settle for less, we are the ones getting ripped off.

What's ripping you off today?

PS Don't comment or email me with any great products or secret weight loss tips, the point is the Lord and I have a battle to fight, there are no quick answers. XO.