I have sat down twice now to type up this, somewhat monumental 500th post. The first time I sat down and did it from my phone and Swyped the whole thing out... then between the news of braces required and ten teeth (two kids, 8 teeth and 2 teeth) needing to be filled - the hour's worth of text I had entered disappeared. The second time I sat down on the actual 6 year anniversary and I just stumbled and fumbled with what I wanted to say. I tried to make the 500th post an event and it just wasn't meant to be.
So a couple days have passed, and it's a busy week here - in addition to the ten year anniversary of our family Gotcha Day and of course this other little event called Easter, I have had a lot going on - family sickness, trouble, struggle and more. I really wanted to make this post "something" but it just wasn't working out.
Then it occurred to me - I never intended this blog to be about ME, so much as (as it says in the title) about my Walk of Faith - which for the record is WAY more about God than me. He's the point. I am not.
So it's Holy Week, and today, Saturday, is sort of the least spoken about day of that week, but it has always been the day that has been most intriguing to me, and I think about it a lot. There was no triumphant entry on this day of Holy Week, it was not the day Jesus was anointed with a woman's tear for burial. There was no important ceremonial dinner, no crowds crying out, Jesus wasn't in the garden praying.
Jesus was in the tomb. The disciples were scattered, the apostles were hiding, Peter was overwhelmed with guilt of his betrayal, the women were weeping. The Pharisees were rejoicing, the devil was feeling victorious for the Light of the world had seemingly been snuffed out.
For those who loved and followed Jesus, the darkness and death of hope had to have been overwhelming. The questions had to have been tearing at their faith. The lack of understanding had to have broken their hearts.
Was it real? Did they truly see the miracles? Was Jesus truly who he said He was?
Where was the victory? The freedom? The peace they had been promised? They had believed for one thing - that God would rescue them, and instead it seemed they had been abandoned.
Evil had won. Surely as they looked about at what they could see, this must have been the thought that plagued their minds. Surely this was the darkest of days. They could no longer hear His voice. They could not understand His actions. They had to have even had at least a note of doubt about whether or not Jesus was the Son of God at all.
In my 22 years of faith, I have had dark and quiet days, days where these kinds of questions plagued my mind.
Where are You, Jesus?
How could You let this happen?
Don't You care about me?
But I cannot begin to imagine how much darker they days that Jesus lay in the tomb must have been. To have been a witness to something to vile and violent, so incomprehensible, and to have wondered when He said "It is finished," just what that meant.
I am grateful that I have lived life on this side of the cross. Because I know what the disciples did not. Sunday was on it's way. That life and resurrection was coming, and that the stone would roll away to reveal an empty tomb that would change EVERYTHING.
When I have dark days where God is silent, and even where I cannot make sense of things, even having to wonder where God is in any circumstance I face - I know this, Jesus is the God of resurrection life - and that Hope is real in Him.
He NEVER abandons.
And ALWAYS is God...
True to His word, faithful to His promises. He will not "return" the way He did after the resurrection, because no matter how things seem, He never leaves us, is always with, and even if the shadows of this life overwhelm, it's just a matter of time before He steps out from behind them to show and to prove that He has never ceased to be working in us, through us and on our behalf.
I don't have to fear the Days of Silence, because although in can be hard and scary when God works quietly, I can know to the very depth of my being He is always working, just like He was those dark devastating days He was in the tomb.
He changed everything. Oh death where is your sting? Jesus came and died and took your power, snatching up the keys of hell, death and the grave, usurping back the power of the enemy, making him nothing more than impotent fool awaiting his eventual but definite demise.
Whatever we face - we are MORE than conquerors in Christ Jesus. Victory is His, and in Him it is ours as well.
God is for us.
God is with us.
Silence and darkness mean nothing.
We just have to hang on.
I am my Beloved's and He is mine.
In Him I have
and Everything I need....
Easter is coming, and not just on the calendar.