Seeking Him Is Hard

Monday night I blogged about Chapter 8 of our Seeking Him bible study (in sidebar at left.) The lesson for the week was about dealing with offenses that I have committed against others.

It wasn't an overly taxing process for me to think of my list. As I shared Monday there were 2 definite offenses that truthfully have been on my heart/ mind/ guilty conscience for all the years I've held them hidden.

So when the Bible study challenged that these kinds of things need to be dealt with in order to allow the Lord to bring revival to my heart, I can honestly say the instinct to run screaming from my study book was never stronger. (Let me clarify, it wasn't the first time the instinct came, it was just the most powerful and intense episode of it... fact of the matter is it seems to get stronger with every passing week... so if you should seem me running from a small blue book in the next 4 weeks, don't be shocked.... Why did I agree to start over again IRL?) Ahh, I digress.

So if you go back and read the previous post you will know that I really had some strong arguments (at least in my own mind) not to confess the offenses. But God wasn't inclined to let me off the hook that easily. I am happy to say that one of the two offenses has since been dealt with. (Giant sigh of relief.)

It's interesting though because as I remembered it, it was "just a little white lie." Part of me actually thought my friend might not even remember it. I was wrong. I had blocked out the part of the memory where my friend had called me on the initial lie. I forgot about the way to cover up my sin I had actually not only perpetuated the lie and insisted it was true, but I had actually made my friend feel really bad for doubting my honesty. I made her cry in guilt and shame and really put her through the wringer. I forgot all that.

It's interesting because the other situation I had minimized in my mind, is becoming more detailed in memory too. And I'm feeling pretty ashamed of myself.

It's interesting how we do that, minimize our sin. "White lie." Makes the lie that led to deception that led to wounding a lot easier to live with, at least for me.

I am blessed to say that my friend was very forgiving. As I started to share she started to cry, and I thought I was wounding her all over again (my justification for not confessing) but turns out they were tears of relief. When she called me on the first lie she really felt like the Lord had told her I wasn't being honest. And I made her doubt the voice of the Lord. And I made her feel like the bad friend. It wasn't worth it. Confessing my sin to her on the other hand? Was totally worth it. Easy to say, I know, since she forgave me and let me off the hook, but honestly it was like the proverbial leaven in our friendship. The lie, deception and wounding I committed against her was polluting a very precious friendship in my life. The hook she let me off of, had been weighing down our friendship. How much more so does sin that's not dealt with pollute and corrupt our relationship with the Lord and weight us down? I was fortunate and blessed that my friend forgave me, but the Lord is always willing and able to forgive us when we confess our sins and truly repent from them. So is it worth it? There is no question.

I do still have that other situation out there looming. And I'm pretty sure the Lord's not going to allow it to be left unresolved either. I'm open, watching for the Lord's timing, praying that friend is able to be as gracious as the first one, but knowing that doing the hard stuff, and walking things out the Lord's way - totally worth it.

Seeking Him - Do I Offend?

Groan... I was a little relieved when our week 8 hostess mentioned that this week was a struggle for her, because, well, it's true when they say, "misery loves company." I don't actually know that she was miserable, but I like to imagine that she was because I feel a little less alone.

The title of this week's chapter is "Dealing with Offenses Toward Others." My schedule was crazy and I must confess that I sat through all 5 days worth in a single afternoon. The kids were outside with dad and I spent my Sunday afternoon going through all the lessons. It was like swallowing a big giant horse pill of medication - without the spoonful of sugar to help it go down. (Yes it's been barely 24 hours and the weight was so heavy, I feel justified in claiming misery!)

I do have broken relationships in my life, but they don't fall in this week's simple formula. And I think next week's chapter may come in to play (forgiving those have offended you - especially because I may be crossing a particular path next week... cringe.)

However, when asked to consider an offense I have committed against someone, I had two that came to my mind immediately. Two "white lies" told, quite some time ago even, but ones that have taken up residence in my conscience. They rear their ugly heads from time to time, like when the two wonderful people I told them to are around me, and when asked to consider offenses I've committed, they stood up in my mind and cried out, "Hellooooo.... remember us?? You chose us in lieu of the hard way, and now we're here to remind you of what a rotten person you can be." They weren't hard to recognize, they visit pretty frequently.

I'd like very much to just put them under the blood, and hold them there till they drown a horrible death, but they keep fighting the good fight. I am in a quandary though, by world's standards these would definitely qualify as "white lies" nothing earth shattering or even overly significant, but my conscience is seared. The other problem is that I sincerely believe it would only wound the people I committed the offenses against for me to confess it. The only good thing I can see coming from it is clearing my conscience, but it would hurt them unnecessarily, and I really don't know if that's the right thing to do. I might feel better, but they will not, and for one person it will even force them to revisit a topic that is extremely painful that has nothing to do with my lie. Ugh, I know I'm being vague... but it is sincerely because I don't want to wound on top of the offense.

And then sweet His Girl, Amber decides to ask just one question this week in, ahem, kindness...

Q: Discuss this statement from day 3 "Revival and reconciliation are inseparable. You cannot be right with God and not be right with your fellow man." Why do you think there is such a strong connection between our relationship with God (the vertical) and our relationships with others (horizontal)?

The fact of the matter is, how we treat others, is how we are treating God. To "the least of these" whether I am kind or horrible, it's unto Him. So when I wound another, I wound the Lord. In a moment, I took the easy way out, and I offended the Lord. The other lie had more intention in it, and so when I told it, it was like a stab at the Lord, right at His heart, at my hand.

It's interesting to me, in the body, we talk about being the "hands and feet" of the Lord to others. When we serve others, give them a drink, feed them, wash their proverbial feet,binding up their wounds, we consider ourselves being an extension of Christ. It takes it to a whole other level when we consider others being the extension of Christ, it is His thirst we are tending to, His hunger we are satisfying, Him we are serving, loving, caring for. It is Him we are honoring when we honor another, each one loved by God (even if they don't know or acknowledge it) and each one created in His image.

Tonight in the car on the way to watch Neal play softball Ethan and Victoria were arguing in the backseat, it's a common scene. So snotty to each other, they were in full swing and Ethan replied to me, "What did I say that was wrong?" I replied to him, "It's not WHAT you say, it's HOW you say it.You are so rude to each other" And I sighed in exasperation. There was a moment of silence and then Ethan asked me a question that he had asked me about 419 times already today. Immediately I barked at him and replied with sarcasm about how many times I had already given him the answer. "It's not WHAT you say, it's HOW you say it." Ouch. That which you do unto the least of these you do unto Me.

This is the scripture I have been pondering. Anyone who claims to be in the light but hates his brother is still in the darkness. Whoever loves his brother lives in the light, and there is nothing in him to make him stumble. But whoever hates his brother is in the darkness and walks around in the darkness; he does not know where he is going, because the darkness has blinded him. 1 John 2:9-11

I'm going to be honest, I don't know what I'm going to do about the "Energizer" offenses, if they keep going, and going, and going... I don't know if they are the
stop sign between me and revival, or the caution tape to remind me never to revisit the scene of the crime. I do think it's interesting that now that I am doing this study over again in my home with "real life friends" all of these questions will have to be revisited in another 6 weeks.

No other chapter has challenged me as hard as this one, to the point of considering a bail out. Funny how that 2nd visit to the study was already in place before I could make my escape.

Ramblings of Brokenness

My heart is overwhelmed right now. It's like a heaviness pulling through my throat, down my chest, and just teetering atop my stomach. It aches, makes me want to gasp for a breath, but the air I gasp for brings no satisfaction.

I want to weep, there is a sadness in me like I cannot even describe, broken, weary, disturbed. I feel ruined.

I fear this is a byproduct of doing a study on revival and truth concurrently. Both are opening my eyes, and I am so heartbroken over what I see.

I feel a little like perhaps I understood how Isaiah felt.

"Woe to me!" I cried. "I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips,
and I live among a people of unclean lips,
and my eyes have seen the King, the LORD Almighty."
Isaiah 6:5

So much is on my heart. I am disheartened by so much that I see around me. Compromise, so destructive, such a bad witness, and it's rampant.

I don't just see it around me, I see it in my own life, and I hold to the Lord, praying He will help me through. I feel compelled to warn others, and then am grieved when others counter the truth, not with intention but in carelessness.

I am grieved... by my sin... sin in the church... the sin of the world.

My heart breaks for the lost, who live in sin's pleasures, not knowing the havoc they wreak on their own souls. My heart breaks for the believers who likewise dabble in sin for it's momentary pleasures, squashing the work of the Holy Spirit in their lives. My heart aches when they lead others into the sinful way.

"Everything is permissible"—but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible"—but not everything is constructive. Nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others.
1 Corinthians 10:23-24

We have to live our lives... differently... not only for our own sake, but for the sake of those watching us... dare I say... following us. And when we don't, we set huge stumbling blocks in front of others.

I proclaim the power of Christ is in me... the power of victory over sin and death, and then I live like a pauper, unable... unwilling to resist the temptation to walk in sin, away from my Savior. It is a choice.

It breaks my heart. When I see others doing it, I want to shout, to scream... "Stop!" Young people bombarded in the world with temptation, we have to throw them a lifeline, and we have to hold on to the rope, tie it tightly to the anchor of truth.

I have an unrest in my soul, no longer willing to exist in the world of "good enough" and "not that bad." I want freedom, and I want everyone else to find it too. The perfection of it eludes us until Christ's return, but is that excuse to settle?

If the world is darker, no matter how small my light may be, I long to let it shine, not under a bushel, but on a lampstand for all to see. And the more of us gathered high, the brighter we shine together, Christ in us, the hope of glory.


Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.
Matthew 5:15-16

Forgive me for rambling, I cannot even fully put into words all my feelings and thoughts, but I know what the Lord has for me, and for all His children is something better, something brighter, if only we will not settle for compromise.

Seeking Him Together - To Obey

OBEDIENCE, that's the buzz word of the week. I just dropped my two younger kids off at church camp this afternoon, and of all the things I have on my hope list for the week, their obedience, without doubt, lands on the very top of my list. Over the last couple days the conversation has been somewhere between repeated and ongoing. I think it was on the way to church yesterday morning that the little kids were in the car with us and Neal told them, "Do you know the most important thing to do at camp? Have fun!" I of course, true to form couldn't help but correct him. "No," I said, "the most important thing is to obey your counselors and the other staff leaders at camp."

I told them the way to guarantee the most fun was by being very obedient, completely obedient. I talked about how their obedience would provide them with safety and security and give them the ability to make the most out of their very first camp experience. I assured them if they were not obedient, would they not only not have a good time, but if they were too disobedient they might not get to stay and enjoy the fun at all. I made sure they knew if Mommy got a call from camp, that would not be a good thing.

The thought that has been passing through my mind this past week is this, being a little disobedient is an awful lot like being a little bit pregnant. The fact of the matter is, you either you are or you aren't. As a girl who refuses to define life in the gray, the black and white has never been more bold than when you look at it that way. For someone who has perhaps had the tendency to look at disobedience in degrees up to now, this whole concept has been quite the "OUCH" moment (after moment after moment). And true to the entire process of this study so far in my life, my pastor had something to say in church on Sunday that has raised the bar on the concept we are studying. Here's a little piece of meat to get stuck in your teeth. Pastor Rick said yesterday, "Christian obedience means saying 'yes' to the Lord first and then asking 'what?'" Stop... don't let it choke you at first bite. Chew for a minute... now stick it in between your gum and your teeth and feel free to go back to it later. Yeah, been chewing all day.

Sigh. The fact of the matter is, just like my children at camp, my obedience in life makes it possible for me to better enjoy my life, to make the most of it, the most of my faith, the most of my giftings, the most of my time, finances, the list goes on and on and on.

Obedience is tough. Reading 1 Samuel 15, the account of Saul and his customized obedience made me think of conversations I seem to have repeatedly with my kids when they don't do exactly what I ask of them; and they always have their valid reasons for doing it their own way. I thought about how we should do a family devotional on this chapter of the bible. Then when I was asked to decide if I was more like the obedient Moses or Saul, I even found myself trying to fit into the mold of "more obedient than not," but the fact of the matter is there is no degree, it's an all or nothing game in obedience. Ouch! Maybe I should be giving this account a lot more consideration myself as well.

So I'm going to make a confession. On the bottom of page 132 there is a note written in the margin. It's about an area I know the Lord is calling me to an obedience. It's not a broadly defined area for all Christians, it's a specific directive between me and the Lord. It's a place of surrender, an issue just between me and him. Tomorrow will be the first day it's come up, and I was honestly thinking how I doubted I would be able to follow through, and then today I read these two sentences on page 137. "Each act of disobedience is a step away from God." Ugh. The knife went straight to the heart. The next line in the workbook then says this, "Likewise, each act of obedience is a step back toward Him."

So the question I now must address is this, tomorrow as I face this issue, will I walk toward the Lord or away from Him? I think it's interesting that tomorrow I am starting this study over again in my home with 4 other women face to face. (I will also still be continuing here with my blogger and Facebook friends.) I find myself wondering if six weeks from now when I have to revisit these pages how I will be able to answer the question about which direction I chose to walk. CH.O.SE to walk... Obedience is a choice people, no denying that truth.

So as I step back from that burning question, let's answer the questions our hostess Amber has posed for the lesson this week.

What blessings or consequences have you personally reaped from some act of obedience or disobedience in your life?This question is tough for me. I don't know if it's "part-timer's disease" or selective memory that is causing me difficulty to recall a single incident where I reaped the benefit/blessing of obedience, or consequence of disobedience. I know when I have walked in a general disobedience, I have reaped the consequences in my home and family. For example when I don't make time with the Lord a priority, the spiritual temperature of my home suffers. When the Lord isn't first (Exodus 20:3; Matthew 6:33) life doesn't run right, not in my home, not in my family, not in my marriage, workplace... again, a long list. As for the blessing of obedience, I can think of times when I have followed things the Lord specifically asked of me (unlike the my disobedience examples that he commands of us all). One in particular was when things first started to go awry in Ethan's adoption process. When it first went south we had just stepped into it and could have easily walked away. Neal and I went back to our hotel room in Oklahoma and sought the Lord together for what HE would have us do, and He told Neal and I to fight for our son. In that moment had we known what that meant, we probably would have disobeyed. No one would sign up for what we walked through without having the perspective of the Lord, but because we obeyed Him, our lives have been blessed in ways I cannot even begin to express.


Why is it so important that we obey God completely? Why is it not enough to obey some, or even most, of what He says?I think I covered this above in my intro for the most part. Obedience is an all or nothing deal. James 2:10 pretty much lays the whole thing out there as it says, For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it. There is no "a little bit pregnant" and no "a little bit disobedient." The key thing for me to remember though, is very much in the way the camp counselors watching over my children this week know what's best for my kids because they can see beyond what my kids in their youth can see and understand, the Lord has a perspective far greater than mine. His wisdom is far beyond anything I can even comprehend. His laws, rules, directives all have a good plan and purpose for me at the core, and my obedience is completely for my good as well as His glory, which is even greater than the obedience these counselors (and sometimes I, myself) ask of my children which can sometimes be rooted in simple convenience. Much like Jake has grown and graduated from a kid at kids' camp, and now finds himself in the position of a "Counselor in Training" and will perhaps someday even graduate to the responsibility of lead counselor, I in life can grow as a disciple of Christ, growing in obedience, the more I obey, the more I will grow and the more can entrust to me.

I Want to See

We had a wonderful time of worship at church on Wednesday night. It was an extended time of worship because we found ourselves "in between" our growth group series that is just ending and the "Truth Project" series that doesn't start till next week.

I love worship time, it's a time to completely focus on the Lord, but sometimes I struggle with it. I find myself envying many of those around me who seem to get so lost in worship. I have a good friend who is like that, she "boldly enters the throne room" in worship and you can see she has entered into the Lord's presence completely. I think Neal is like that too. Perhaps it's a gifting the Lord provides to those who participate in the leading of worship, but sometimes I will look at him up on the stage, behind his drums and can see he really isn't there, he's entered into another place, the Holy of Holies.

Can you see my problem already? I'm way too aware of what's going on around me, instead of losing myself in worship as well I find myself so severely distractable. It can be very frustrating.

Perhaps it is a gift? Or maybe a mark of maturity? I honestly don't know. I know I have been there, but I seem unable to enter in as often as I'd like to (which would be every time.) I often find myself on a Sunday morning during worship time singing the songs, but my mind is racing off to other places, everywhere from wondering if a particular person has made it to church that day, to contemplating lunch, to making the grocery list in my head for the following week. Thoroughly and utterly distractable!

This past Wednesday my distraction was my distractability... I was so very aware of how much I seemed unable to focus on Him in worship. I willed myself to do it, I sang, I raised my hands, I turned my eyes toward the heavens, but still my mind wandered. Finally I sat down and focused , covering my face, trying to remove any other input than the words of the song, willing myself to enter the presence of the Lord.

I thought to myself about how many things there are that consume our attention, like passing a car accident, you cannot help but look. A flaw in my own appearance, I cannot get my focus off of it; a worry or concern, will fill my mind, wake me in the night from sleep even, but the Lord, for some reason, I struggle to give Him my full attention.

The examples above are all such negative things too. I think to myself about how the all-consuming worry is the antithesis of worship, because when it consumes my mind, I'm really not focusing on my God at all, or even giving Him any consideration. I know because if I was looking at my God, my worry would seem so big or threatening at all... but I have traveled off on a rabbit trail here, because that wasn't even the case on Wednesday.

So as I sat there determined to truly worship on Wednesday night, my prayer was for me to see my God as He truly is, so BIG I cannot take my eyes off of Him...

When I worship, I want to see the reality....

I want to see the God who took this broken vessel, wounded and destroyed by my sin and turned her into a woman with hope and redemption...

I want to see the God Who took this barren body, and gave me the ability to have children...

I want to see the God Who took my barren soul, devoid of anything good and gave me an understanding of truth and the desire and power to share it...

I want to see the God Who took broken, hopeless pathways and opened them up and turned them into the path to dreams come true....

I want to see the God Who holds my family in His right hand and covers it with His left...

I want to see the God Who loves me and forgives me still in the midst of my failure, sin and struggles...

I want to see the Father Who gave up His Son so I could be forgiven and adopted into His family...

I want to see the Savior Who gave up His very life on the cross because He loved me enough to suffer for me...

I want to see the the God Who has redeemed my past, walks with me in the present and holds my future securely in His hands....

For when I look upon this God, I cannot take my eyes off of Him, for He is bigger than life, all-consuming and not only holds my gaze, but He holds my heart.

This is the God I am called to worship, this is the God that will overcome every distraction. I am in love eternal with this God, my God.

My God. Lord, help me not lose sight of who You are. MY GOD.

I will worship this God, my God.



The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer;
My God, my strength, in whom I will trust;
My shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.
I will call upon the LORD, who is worthy to be praised...
Psalm 18:2-3

Seeking Him Together - Am I Lord?

Have you ever chewed on such a big piece of steak that it got all stuck between your teeth and made you wish you'd never even seen a steak much less taken a bite out of one because of the pressure that makes you absolutely aware how completely unholy you are.... oh wait, was I too obvious? Because yeah, that's what I meant, spiritual meat that you could choke on, that's what day five of this week's study was a little exactly like. But totally in a good way.

So, a week ago Sunday the Lord started talking to me. It all started out of my pastor's sermon. He was speaking on "The Narrow Road," and shared the scripture that talked about denying yourself and taking up your cross. (Matthew 16:24) I was at lunch when the Lord immediately started talking to me about the fact that not denying myself has created the two biggest challenges in my life, and I blogged about it here: Denial.

The Lord was really speaking to me in a powerful way about responsibility and choices. I told a friend of mine to go and read the blog and she wrote a long comment about her disagreements with what I had written that went on to be even a longer discourse in email. In the end although I think she still disagreed with me, I felt we were looking at the same situation from two different perspectives. And I felt just as certain that the Lord was speaking to me about responsibility and choices.

Then I spent this past week learning about the call to holiness.... and responsibility and choices. We have talked in previous weeks about not soft-selling sin and calling it by other names. Interestingly enough my pastor said almost those exact words yesterday in church, and he was preaching on Joy. My God is a funny God, (and oh so highly organized) the way he can take all the inputs in my life and tie them into such an intricate knot, making such a beautiful bow.

Revival... ouch. I found myself in conversation this week with my son and his friends about media choices like going to certain movies only to find myself sending my children out of the room for what was on my television.... ouch. I literally just turned the channel now because of what I heard being said in slang about a woman's body, and I'm in the room alone. Why? Because the Lord is calling to a higher ground.

When the Lord was dealing with me about my finances and eating in the post I mentioned above, the question He asked me as I was ready to give into temptation was, "Am I Lord of your eating... of your finances?" And He was showing me that the answer had been "No." Sometimes the food was lord, sometimes my will was lord, sometimes my emotions were lord, but when I said yes to these things for whatever reason, I was saying no to God.

And when the Lord says to me, "put on... love... transparency... self-control... kindness... humility... patience..." (I could go on and on) and I say "No," (either actively or by omission) I am saying, "You are not Lord in that area," and if there is any area He is not Lord, then can He be Lord at all?" Ouch... yeah, that's what I've been chewing on all week long.

So Amber, our hostess for this week has posed the following questions about this week's study on holiness, and I will do my best to respond.

Define "positional holiness" and "personal holiness." What's the difference between the two? Oh joyous and wonderful positional holiness, the beautiful and wonderful finished work in my life. My holiness is found in Christ alone. I am made right with God in holiness and righteousness by the finished work on the cross the Lord did for me. I am secure in it, it cannot be lost and I am so very grateful for it. And then there is personal holiness.... yeah....sigh... personal holiness, there lies the rub. Personal holiness.... It's what I want to live out, but always find myself falling short, it is the day to day, but not only actions, it goes deeper, words, thoughts, attitudes... gulp... motivations... Positional holiness is what I have, personal holiness is what I aspire to... in my own bumbling way.

1 Peter 1:13-16 and other Scriptures urge us to be active in our pursuit of holiness. How can we cooperate with God to grow in personal holiness? "Be holy, as I am holy." Just like I heard it in "Deny yourself, take up your cross," I hear a directive... a command even, from the Lord. So here's the thing, the place where my friend found herself disagreeing with me... but let me clarify, I by no means believe I have the power in and of myself to be holy. I know I can't do it on my own. It is only by the power of the Holy Spirit that I can accomplish it, and yet, I believe the Lord is calling me to first effort, and continued effort. There's an old saying I've heard that says, "Good, better, best, never let it rest, till your good is better and your better is best." I think it applies, it's an issue of determining to never be satisfied with where you are, it's always wanting more, more of the Lord, more of His accomplished work in my life. It's a joyous thing when you know you have been obedient, made the hard choice (to turn the channel, to confess the hypocrisy, to change directions). Would I have made the attempt without the prompting of the Holy Spirit? No. Would I be able to continue doing it apart from His empowering? No. So Is He calling me to holiness through obedience? Yes, but He also is the one who equips me for it. Nice how He works it all out like that.

How can believers be delivered from hypocrisy and move toward living more authentically holy lives? Never forget, I am a sinner saved by grace. Never doubt, apart from Christ I can do nothing. Never conform to the standards of the world. And never grow complacent in where you are in your walk toward Christ... for when you arrive, you will be like Him. And along the way, be real, remember He made this Christian life to be a team effort, compassion, support, accountability are just a few of the benefits to walking toward Christ in a godly community.

How did the Lord use the "Put Off/ Put On Exercise in your heart? What are some practical ways you can continue to put off the 'old self' and put on the 'new self'? OK, am I the only one who almost ran out of ink clicking off all the things characteristics sinful ways that I need to work on "putting off"? I mean, ouch... if every click had been a "right answer" on a test, let's just say I would have passed, but since these are not good things, I wasn't very happy about it. TBut because this post is already pretty long I won't address them all, but there was one that stood out to me above all else, and that was "Put off wrath, put on a soft answer." I had actually quoted earlier in the day to a dear loved one the Proverb "A gentle answer turns away wrath," and I was expressing it in the traditional sense of if someone is outraged toward you and you respond with a gentle answer it will calm them. But as I read it later in the day through the exercise, thinking about putting on and putting off, I realized it was in respect to controlling my own wrath (which yes, I had to check that one) and in the process of willing myself (with the strength of the Holy Spirit) to speak gently, with purpose, it can perhaps defuse the anger inside (or I guess it would be the anger coming to the outside). Well, it's theoretical at this point, but I hope to give it a try... well, if I have to that is... it would be better if wrath just never reared it's ugly head again, but I don't have that much confidence.

It's been a full week, and there is still lots of meat stuck in my teeth to be chewed, but it's also chock full of spiritual nutrients, so I will continue chewing till it's fully digested.