Seeking Him Together - U-Turns Permitted

and quite often encouraged, dare I even say recommended... no let's go one step further and really lay it out there, commanded.

"I will do this to recapture the hearts of the people of Israel, who have all deserted me for their idols. Therefore say to the house of Israel, 'This is what the Sovereign LORD says: Repent! Turn from your idols and renounce all your detestable practices!'" Ezekiel 14:5-6

That’s right commanded, the Lord calls us to repent from our sins and I can think of no better word picture for the process than making a U-Turn off a road you’ve found yourself on.

I think back to about a year ago when we were celebrating the end of school last year. It was a big year for Jake with it being the end of junior high, and a bittersweet year as it was also the end of the school as a whole. There was a bit of a corporate attitude among teachers, students and parents to have the year end in a bit of a blaze of glory, and there was a lot of parties and celebrating going on the last couple weeks of school. There was one particular day when all the junior high kids (a whopping 20 kids total - there were only 8 in Jake’s graduating class, hence the demise of the school) were all headed over to one of the girl’s houses for a swim party.

She lives up in the higher hill area of the city of Orange. There are lots of narrow winding roads, and the higher you traveled, the more they wound around and the more narrow they become. The directions were a little confusing, and I was in an area I wasn’t really familiar with, and I ended up getting on a road that I didn’t belong. The boys I was carpooling over to the event were laughing and joking in the back seat as I found myself getting more lost and confused. In case you don’t know, 14-year-old boys don’t make very good navigators or co-pilots. I went against my better judgment and continued on even though I really didn’t think I was where I was supposed to be.

Along the way I passed lots of wider places in the road, places I could have made a U-Turn more easily, but the further I went along, the harder they were to spot. Finally when there was no doubt in my mind I was not where I needed to be I found myself quite literally between a rock and a hard place. At the top of the road was a massive wall of dirt on one side, and a sharp cliff off to the other. In front of me I found nothing but a sign that said “Dead End.” The irony wasn’t lost on the boys either as they realized we were lost. The road had been very winding to this place, and I couldn’t just back out of the position I had put us all in, I had to figure out how to turn the car around.

Obviously I did get the car turned out of the space I found myself in but it was not a simple or easy U-Turn by any stretch of the imagination. I quite literally had to inch forward and back just a foot at a time until I finally got that car turned all the way around. It was frightening. Want to see 4 junior high boys squeal like little girls? Drive them up along side the edge of a cliff.

I cannot help but wonder why we don’t have that same sense of panic and urgency when we find ourselves on the path of sinful choices. Just like this ride up the hills in Orange, the sooner we turn back both the better and the easier of the process. Not only that but the security comes from not having strayed so far from where we belong, and yet so often it is in our nature to take the road headed straight for the Dead End.

I’ve been thinking the last few days about the sin in my own life. This weekend my pastor spoke about God using His people in their weaknesses. He talked about “shortcomings” and how God can use us despite them or even through them. It has also given me pause to consider the difference between a shortcoming and a sin, because for me personally, the two are very tightly intertwined.

I was thinking this morning about this really great pair of old shoes that I have. I really like them, they’re comfortable, and in their “clog” style they hit the best of both worlds, they cover my toes and give my feet the sense of a little freedom. The problem with these shoes is they are breaking down. Both of then have this huge crack right at the ball of the foot, but if you don’t look at them from the bottom, it’s hard to notice. The other problem with these shoes is they don’t smell very good. If you get close enough you might even stay they stink. But my nose and my toes are far enough apart that doesn’t really cause an issue for me when I have them on.

So my shortcoming you ask? I am what one might describe as short tempered…. hot-tempered…. take your pick. I have really been thinking long and hard on this one… is it a shortcoming or a sin? And I really do feel safe in calling it at it’s core a shortcoming, a character flaw. The problem is that the sin rushes in so quickly behind it that you never get the opportunity to separate the two.

The first verse I ever memorized as a believer is Ephesians 4:29, “Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth but only that which is able to build up and encourage.” Yeah, I’m still working that out. I do have the verse committed to memory but 17 years later I am still missing the mark in my life (missing the mark = sin).

The core of my temper has a couple of redeeming qualities, a lot of it comes out of a clear sense of “right and wrong” which is a good thing. It is also birthed out of a passionate personality, which when properly directed is actually a blessing (well, sometimes) but when it’s not properly channeled, it’s a mess.

So here comes the shoe metaphor. I am so used to my shortcoming and not doing a better job at surrendering it to the Lord (which would qualify as sin itself) that I learn to “live with” the sin despite it’s foundational cracks and serious stench. That is trouble in the making.

Repentance means turning off the road as soon as you realize you are not where you belong. It means having the wisdom to turn back at the first signal something is awry. It means not continuing on the path till peril alone leads you back to where you belong. It also means you have to choose not to keep wearing the sin because it is comfortable or familiar. There needs to be more concern about the strength of the shoe than the facades of appearances.

On to this weeks questions being hosted by Miss Amber at His Girl.

What is repentance and why is it so crucial in the process of both personal and corporate revival? Revival by definition is bringing back to life. It's taking something that is dying or dead, and renewing strength and vitality. You've heard the old saying, "the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result." The same principle applies here, you have to make a turn and do something different in order to expect a new result. For revival to come there has to be a change in the behavior that has led to the loss of vitality, passion, inspiration... whatever has been, dulled, numbed or grown cold, can only experience revival by a sudden turn and change - like a shock to an erratic heartbeat.

When God brings conviction of sin to the hear of one of His children, what does it tell us about Him? The call to repentance is a huge glaring shout out of “I love you” from the Lord. He’s crying out to you saying “please, don’t separate yourself from Me, don’t send yourself on a way that leads to destruction. I love you and want better for you, I want the best for you, and the best is to follow Me.”

When is the best time to respond to God’s conviction and His call to repentance? Why? Clearly the answer to this question is quite simply, the sooner the better. Very much like my ride up in the hills, the sooner we choose to turn back, the easier it will be and the less dangerous the consequences will be. Think of the road of sin, it is wide and inviting at its start, calling out to you even, but the further you travel down it the more narrow and binding it becomes, it’s less about you controlling the road, and all about you being at the road’s mercy. As soon as you see God’s first warning sign along side the road, the moment He first quickens your heart, that is the moment to turn back.

Domestic Terrorist

That's the new hot button term being directed towards pro-lifers. Sigh. I have explained here why I am pro-life and further supported it here. And if that doesn't make it clear enough, you can read up on portions of my testimony here. (Remember blog format goes newest to oldest, so go to the bottom/end and work your way back.)

First let me say publicly that brutal slaying of Dr. Tiller over the weekend is completely appalling and by no means a "pro-life" movement in any way, shape or form. Taking this man's life was wrong, and I am sincerely sorry for his family and loved ones, and for the people inside the church who witnessed something so heinous.

But going back to the title of this post, I feel compelled to express my concerns. The National Organization of Women (NOW) is taking this tragedy as opportunity to once again incite people against those of us who believe abortion is wrong. "Pro-lifers are domestic terrorists." People want the Department of Homeland Security to take issue with us and put us on "the list" of terrorist threats, all because we believe killing an unborn baby is wrong.

Now I will grant you that the new determining factor added in to the discussion is militancy. It is only the "militant pro-lifers" who are currently being considered a threat. Causes me to stop and wonder, how exactly do you define "militant."

Dictionary.com defines militant as follows: 1. vigorously active and aggressive, esp. in support of a cause: militant reformers. 2. engaged in warfare; fighting.

Hmmm.... sort of a vague definition there isn't it? It is certainly one that leaves a lot of room for interpretation.

Without a doubt, if this man killed Dr. Tiller because he is an abortion doctor, he would undoubtedly be qualified as militant. Of course to my knowledge, it has yet to be released what this man's personal motivations were. Maybe it wasn't about his practice as a whole at all. Maybe it was because of something personal, perhaps it had to do with a personal aftermath in this man's family based on a single abortion performed, perhaps even one this man actively supported in the process. It is possible, although highly unlikely that we'll ever know if that is in fact the case.

OK, either way though, murder would in all likelihood be considered militant. Of course to my knowledge murder is already considered a capital crime and open to the greatest consequences within a state, is there some reason it needs to be made an act of terrorism? A federal offense? Or could there be some deeper agenda there? I just have to ask.

Ok, militant... I'm making a safe bet that if someone wanted to petition outside of an abortion clinic that would probably be considered militant. The days of actually being able to get between a person and a clinic door are long gone. The Operation Rescue days of sit-ins have passed, the laws have changed, people already face jail time to participate in such activity, and I don't hear much about it going on these days, the penalties have gotten to be severe enough people seem to be willing to play by the rules. But if we need to make even the possibility of it an act of terrorism...

How about those folks who like to stand on street corners and hold up signs of aborted babies? Personally I have a huge issue with that tactic, it actually kind of ticks me off, because here I am someone who believes abortion is wrong, am willing to say so and speak it out. I'm on your side and supporting your cause and you in return are going to go and put those horrible images into the minds of my innocent children riding in my car with me down the street. I don't appreciate it at all. However for those of you who take no issue with abortion, or dare I even say support it, I would challenge you to take a hard healthy look at what you support.

Now I have never chosen to participate in either of the above activities, but I have known wonderful godly people who have. I don't judge them, their choices are between them and the Lord, and I can absolutely understand the passion that drives a person to take such a hard stand. I even know a few who have spent a night or two in jail because of it. I wonder if their names have now landed on some "domestic terrorist" list... I hope the other soccer moms don't find out.

How about the prayer vigils? I have been to a couple of those back in my earliest days. Once I stood outside the home of the doctor who performed my abortion and prayed for him holding a candle. We weren't loud, we didn't carry sings, and I had actually been there for a while before I realized my personal connection. I stood quietly and prayed. I'm not actually sure he ever even knew we were there. Was that an act of terrorism?

I sat on a corner on a Sunday afternoon once too for about 2 hours. I had a sign in front of me that said "abortion takes a life" in plain blue script on a white background. I never said a word, I just sat there and prayed. When women drove by and spit at me, I just sat and prayed. When another woman screamed at me at the top her lungs and swore and cursed at me, I just sat there and said nothing. Was I acting as a terrorist then? Perhaps my silent stance could be considered... dare I say it? Militant?

How about now? Here on my blog, sharing my thoughts, opinions and experiences with you, my stance on abortion, does this make me militant?

If I tell you that abortion stops a beating heart, am I a terrorist?

If I tell you that abortion kills unborn babies and emotionally wounds the women that have them, am I a terrorist?

Oh Diana, don't assume your personal experience to be the common one... did you know that I used to run an internet ministry for women who had abortions? And in a single week, with very limited effort I found over 100 women who were suffering emotionally, spiritually and psychologically from past abortions. Coincidence?

Let me say again I am wholeheartedly appalled at what transpired over this past weekend, absolutely sickened by it, but I also believe I should have every right, and even hold it an obligation to speak out against the murder of Dr. Tiller as well as the murder of innocent unborn children.

Life is inherently valuable and precious. It is created with purpose and is full of potential. In a crisis pregnancy, it is the crisis that should be put to an end and not the pregnancy.

I can only wonder if somewhere now my name is being jotted down on a list.

Rescue Me

So Tuesday morning I was minding my own business, getting the kids ready for school after the long weekend. I don't iron at my house, so the equivalent is throwing wrinkled clothing into the dryer for a few minutes and moving forward from there. So, I was doing my version of the poor lazy man's version of ironing.

On my first trip outside to put the clothing in the dryer I noted a playful kitten being chased by the neighbor boy. I thought, "Oh they have a new kitten." By the time the process of "ironing" was done, my neighbors had left but the playful kitten was still romping about in their yard but now totally unsupervised, so I stopped to watch as the mischievous little creature started to crawl up into the undercarriage of the truck in the neighbors driveway. If you don't foresee the problem here, let me just give you two words, Kitty Slaughter and no, I do not mean some cool kitty hair band from the 80's, I am speaking of the sure demise of one of God's cutest little creatures. When I was growing up I had a cat who was one of the lucky few who got out of such a situation only losing half her tail, most kitties are not so lucky.

Look at this face, what would you have done?



Yeah, me too. And she made it really easy. I called her and she came bounding right over. I went in the garage and tried to find a safe place for her. I had the towel hamper out in the garage, newly emptied, and placed her in the deep bottom. She was not a happy camper. I was torn. I knew should couldn't stay in it, it wouldn't close. I looked about and she fussed so I took her back outside, not knowing who she belonged to. As soon as I set her down, she headed straight back to the truck, clearly no wiser for the 4 minutes she spent in time out. I called her back, picked her up and put her back in the hamper. Then I found our old cat carrier which was full of photographs.

I emptied it out and placed her safely inside with a towel. Cute and cuddly to crazed and cranky in 4 seconds or less. You know what? She was loud, grumping and complaining at the top of her lungs. I got back to my laundry business and getting my kids ready for school, making a couple of quick "Found Kitten" signs and posting them on the street. The young ones took a look at the grumping kitten before we headed off to drop off. I went to give her a little liquid to drink but she was so out raged meowing at the top of her lungs, gripping the cage door with her paws and claws that for fear of my fingers I thought better of supplying her with refreshment.

I sent hubby a quick text letting him know about our temporary ward and could hear the "woe is me, oh my" in his response, despite the fact he said I had done the right thing in rescuing her.

When I got back from dropping off the young ones I peeked in at our little prisoner and thought she had escaped, the carrier now appeared empty and was completely silent. I shook the carrier but got no reply. Finally I opened the door and stuck my hand in the towel where I found that a docile little creature had replaced the formerly ferocious feline. So I went in the house and refilled her refreshment, gave it to her and went about my day.

When I got to work I assured Neal my intention was to send her packing. When I brought the little kids home they took Jake to have a look. I didn't let them open her cage and told them she would be moving on, though my misconception about a local pet hospital being willing to take her had been corrected. And the only "no-kill shelter" in the area was quite a bit out of our way, and hours were too late by the end of the day as it was. I shuffled the kids inside and got them to their homework, still confident we would find a better place for the little kitten.

So when Neal got home I asked him if he wanted to have a look. Next thing I knew, this had happened.... in my living room mind you... not my garage.



And by the end of the night she had found a favorite place to settle herself...



All throughout the next couple of days it made me think about how it is for us when the Lord has to reign us in. When we in our foolishness or out of our sinful nature find ourselves on a road that leads to danger and destruction, and quietly the Lord calls us back. I wish I could say I always come as quickly and easily as the kitten came to me, but I don't. But very much like the kitten when I put her in a safe place, as she was fighting back and resisting... how often I find myself in a very similar way resisting and striking against the discipline of the Lord. Does it matter that He does it for my safety and good? I wish I could say I am always quick to see it His way.

Sometimes like the kitten I don't fully understand what's going on and cannot see the dangers lurking like the Lord does, and so in His love and care for me He gives more concern to my benefit than my comfort. The Lord in his love, knowing what will come from the path I am on, may lay the obstacles that will divert my way. I may never know exactly what trials loomed ahead, because in His goodness, the Lord blocked the road. How often do we pray for God to open and close the doors before us as He wills, and then rail against them when they aren't what we had hoped for ourselves. My benefit, not my comfort.

But here was the beautiful metaphor that struck me. When we finally surrender, we find ourselves at home in the arms of the Lord. As it is for the first time, when we come to the surrender of salvation, like the kitty being given a new home, and a new family and name through adoption, or whether it be again when we have strayed from the Lord's will for us, we find the peace that comes from resting in the arms of the Father, safe, secure, at peace - remembering what it is to be loved and to belong.



Your righteousness is like the mighty mountains,
your justice like the great deep.
O LORD, you preserve both man and beast.
How priceless is your unfailing love!
Both high and low among men
find [a] refuge in the shadow of your wings.
They feast on the abundance of your house;
you give them drink from your river of delights.
Psalm 36:6-8

Seeking Him Together - Can I Be Honest?

I have lived in the same house for 38 of my 39 years of life. I don't remember ever living anywhere else. Just before I got married (in all honesty) my parents moved out and my fiance moved in. We rented the house from them for 8 years and 10 years ago we bought it.

I remember when I was little, probably 10 or so, my parents brought a tree home in my dad's two-tone Datsun truck and planted it in the front yard. It was so skinny and weak, I remember when the Santa Ana winds came we thought it was going to break right in half. They had to tie a stake to it to keep it standing. It scarred up the tree pretty good. That little tree is now the biggest tree in the neighborhood.



This tree once so little and harmless, has become a force to be reckoned with. It has taken on a life of it's own never to have been fully anticipated when it was first planted.



If you walk up closely to it and look up high on the large trunk, you can still see the scar from the rope that once held it upright in the wind protecting it. I look at this tree and it makes me think of a lie. A lie? Yes, a lie. I think about how so often a "little white lie" is told with justification or excuse but before you know it, it takes on a life of its own.

If you walk around my property, you can see the damage on the surface being wrought by the deep roots of our tree. There are cracks on the surface, our foundation is being uprooted.



Just yesterday my husband had to remove a branch coming up between our patio and back door. (Yes, I said BACK door.) It was pretty big, and we had let it go so long it was starting to interfere with the sliding glass door. It begs the question, with the damage we can see on the surface, what sort of havoc are the roots wreaking underneath where we cannot see. Like a lie, or worse, a life lived without honesty, the real problem lies beneath the surface, doing unknown damage.

This is a lesson I have had to learn all too well in my life. When I came to the Lord, I came to Him out from under the cover of darkness and dishonesty. I kept a sin secret for so long it laid there prepared to destroy my marriage. It had driven me far from the knowledge of God and was a fault line in the foundation of my life.

Perhaps that's why I hold such a high regard for honesty and transparency. I not only require it of myself but those around me. It becomes quite a bone of contention between my oldest son and I, who at 15 is still learning the importance of living a transparent and honest life, total honesty. The fact of the matter is, if there is such a thing as too honest, I may be guilty of it. I have thought on more than one occasion that this blog should have been perhaps titled "Naked Diana" rather than "My Walk of Faith."

Now, please don't misunderstand me. I am by no means perfect in this area, but I do know I tend to be extremely open about my struggles with sin. I also tend to be honest about the struggles and sin of my family as well, which is probably in part at least where I cross the line, but I have experienced the total lack of peace that comes from living a life with hidden sin, and refuse to live that kind of life again.

Now on to our questions from this week's hostess.

~What part of this study or what Scripture has been most helpful to you thus far in understanding what revival means in your life? Why?

For me the most profound nugget of wisdom from this study came from a quote in the first week's study. Del Fehsenfeld Jr. said, "Revival awakens in our hearts an increased awareness of the presence of God, a new love for God, a new hatred for sin and a new hunger for His word." I see this quote almost as a progress scale, by recognizing the status of each point, I can gage whether or not there are signs of revival in my life. In all honesty, I am sad to say I noticed the strongest activity in my heart in the first week, but I consider it like heart exercise. When you are building muscles, your first efforts are most strongly felt, then you reach a plateau and the effects of the exertion are less felt. It's then that you know you must raise the bar to find the effect of exertion felt again. I suspect it is time to again raise the bar for the effort that needs to be made to revive my heart towards the Lord.


~What can we do to create greater freedom in the Body of Christ to be honest with each other?

I think the key to fostering honesty in the Body of Christ is to fight hard to overcome the sense of judgment that is so prevalent. We have forgotten the sentiment, "There but for the grace of God go I." I think we look around and think we have our demons and struggles beat and judge others who struggle in areas we no longer feel we do. But the fact of the matter is that it is that very prideful attitude that setds us up to fall again into that sin, and the sin of pride on top of it. We need to remember we are all works in process, each battling to overcome our own struggles. Your sin issues make you no worse than me, we are all human fighting to overcome our sinful nature. Likewise, my sin issues make me no worse than you, just a soul in need of a Savior because apart from Christ, I can do nothing.

Unrefined

This morning in church service we had a wonderful time of worship. The final song was one I like very much, it's called "Offering" by Paul Baloche.

The chorus of the song goes like this,

I bring an offering of worship to my King
No one on earth deserves the praises that I sing
Jesus may You receive the honor that You're due
O Lord I bring an offering to You
I bring an offering to You.

Our pastor's wife, who is also the head or worship ministry, and who was helping lead worship this morning and began to talk about what we truly bring as an offering to the Lord in times like today. She talked about how it isn't our tithe, it isn't our service in ministry, it isn't even our singing of the song, it's just us. I think she said "little old us," but the concept is clear, the offering we bring to God is just who we are.

As she was speaking I got this vision of the Lord standing and all of us bringing our offering and laying them at His feet. What I saw was us bringing things like coal, and unpolished stones, lumps of stone or clay, blank canvases and the like.

In my mind I saw this pile of "stuff" and thought what value does it have? And I felt the Lord say, "none, until it's in My hands."

Then I thought about what happens to those things in the right circumstances. The coal, under pressure becomes a diamond. The stone after much careful treatment such as heat and pressure becomes a gem stone, precious and beautiful. It requires the steady and trained hand of the sculptor to chisel from the stone and clay a beautiful sculpture. The blank canvas, it is only by the careful time and intention, and attention that a masterpiece is created worthy of display.



So often I know I struggle with the questions and doubts of what could I possibly offer to the Lord? It's in these moments I realize it isn't about what I have, but rather about what the Lord can and chooses to do with it. Just as Moses asked, 'Who am I?" The answer remains that the Lord we serve is the great "I Am."

It is simply ours to be available and willing, to make ourselves an offering. It is the Lord to create the purpose, the value and the beauty. He may use pressure, or heat, He may even use those things that are sharp to chip away that which is not of Him. The process may be long and methodical, tedious even, but of one thing we can be sure, when we are in the hands of the Master, the end result is sure.

I bring an offering of worship to my King
No one on earth deserves the praises that I sing
Jesus may You receive the honor that You're due
O Lord I bring an offering to You
I bring an offering to You.

Lord, I come to you unrefined, but I come willing and available. Make in me a masterpiece, that I may reflect your goodness and your beauty.

"But who can endure the day of His coming?
And who can stand when He appears?
For He is like a refiner’s fire
And like launderers’ soap.
He will sit as a refiner and a purifier of silver;
He will purify the sons of Levi,
And purge them as gold and silver,
That they may offer to the LORD
An offering in righteousness.
“ Then the offering of Judah and Jerusalem
Will be pleasant to the LORD,
As in the days of old,
As in former years."
Malachi 3:2-4

God's Chisel

An encouraging word, and the best 9 minutes I've spent in a while. I sincerely recommend you take the time to watch this wonderful video.

Blessings!