Farewell #14

I signed in to my blogger dashboard today and found I had lost a "follower." I only had 14, so you would think I would be more alert to who dropped off the radar, but I'm sad to say I'm not. It's an interesting balance to maintain for me, I mean I assume choosing to "follow" means that someone has found that they consistently benefit from reading my blog, whether it's for pleasure, insight, interest - whatever the case may be; and of course you want that for your blog, for it to be somehow beneficial, but ultimately, it cannot be the reason I write it.

What?? Yeah, that's what I said. The reason I started this blog some 15 months and 171 posts ago was because it was an act of obedience. I was struggling with an outlet for my giftings at the time. I found myself at a very difficult women's retreat and I was crying out to the Lord. Over the course of that weekend the Lord spoke significant things to me, and among them was His directive to me to "write." I knew it was a personal ministry for me, a flow of ministry perhaps.... hopefully, with the freedom to express my exhorter's heart. Within a few days from coming home from that retreat I had a friend who had been praying for me tell me she felt led of the Lord to encourage me to blog. I took it as the direction I was seeking from God on His instruction to write.

Now here we are over 4,000 hits later, and I feel sort of stalled. I wonder to myself if this is what the Lord wanted me to do, what was His purpose. There certainly has been no great move of God that I can perceive coming from this little page of mine. I don't receive many comments, not a great deal of feedback, when I do it's mostly positive, but it's really pretty rare. My inclination is to become discouraged, disheartened even. Then something stops me, Someone.

When the doors of opportunity were open, I used to get to teach a lot. Well, again, they call it "teaching Bible study," but for me it was more of an exhortation to the body, an equipping of God's people, that is really where my heart is at. And although I used to get a great deal of positive verbal feedback, I was always anxious and nervous before I'd start. I would have no confidence in my ability to impart truth. Then the Lord would quicken my spirit and remind me, if one person was blessed by my sharing the word of encouragement, then I had served well.

So now I sit here wondering about the mystery that is the disappearing #14, and I realize, all I can do is be me, be transparent and share my heart. That's why I named the blog "My Walk of Faith," because it is the reality that is my life... one day at a time I am doing my best to follow after the Lord, seek His will and plan for my life, and do my best to stumble as little as possible, all the while trusting in His grace to make it. I've always found it hard to find people who are just willing to live their lives openly, warts and all, and I want to be that person in the lives of those around me. I want to be a person who will say to you honestly, this "following Christ" deal is tough. It's not some magic transformation into an easier life. In reality, I think it may be the hardest thing on earth to do, to follow the Lord. It's an upward climb always, it's a difficult adventure, but in the end, I know it's going to have been so completely worth it.

I want this page to be about muddling through together, because we are all just really muddling through. Take joy, it's a victorious muddling, but a muddling through just the same. My apologies to #14, I hope I didn't offend you or something. I hope that the Lord has just provided something better for you wherever you are today. Thank you for the time you took to follow along. I hope at least a little or on occasion I was able to bless you in some small way. And I pray the Lord bless you in your future.

So I continue to write this blog, knowing it probably won't ever leave any kind of indelible mark on the world, but if perhaps I have the great blessing of ministering to or encouraging just one person, then I will have accomplished some small part of God's purpose and plan for me. I would encourage you also today, that although sometimes what we do may seem insignificant, if we can bless just one person that the Lord loves, then perhaps we will make His presence shine just a little bit brighter in this place.

Why Don't They Fly? - Redux

Originally posted on January 10, 2009. Driving out of the Disneyland parking lot earlier this week the Lord reminded me of this post and I felt impressed to share it again. Maybe it's just for me, but in case it's not, I hope it encourages you as well.

Blessings!

---------------------------------------------------------

This morning after I dropped Ethan off for his 9 am karate class I decided to make a quick run to Wal-Mart (which turned into a quick run to Wal-mart and Target) before I had to be home at 9:45 to pick up Jake to take him to his 10 am karate class. So needless to say I was pressed for time, and I was rushing. I needed to pick up laundry supplies and some new hampers.

As I was riding in my car this morning I was listening to a CD that an acquaintance gave me. He's the father of one of Victoria's classmates and at a few birthday parties and on the campus we've had a few conversations, as well as with my husband and his wife. Nice guy, and an associate pastor at a local church. It's clear our belief systems are very much in line. Yesterday he gave me the CD which was of a message his pastor gave recently in their church. I thought it was kind of interesting that through just a few primarily casual conversations he thought I should hear a particular sermon. It intrigued me.

The title of the sermon was "Prosperity in Adversity." I hadn't actually gotten to hear very much of it by the time I arrived at Wal-mart (though I can now tell you it was all very good), but I had heard something that I liked. At the beginning of his sermon the pastor had everyone in the congregation lift up their bible and together they recited a sort of mantra. I can't quote it verbatim, but they made a faith declaration together along the lines of, "this is MY bible, this is God's word to ME, this is Truth, and I am who it says I am, and I can do what it says I can do, God's promises are sure, and I can trust this Word." I am totally blowing the actual quote, but the sentiment is close, and in the true fashion of the Holy Spirit speaking, it's what I took into my heart.

So back to my story, I had parked the car and I was hustling through the parking lot trying to get inside quickly. As I was walking there were these two little birds on the ground in front of me, walking... they were trying to walk ahead of me rather than get run down by my quick moving feet. As I got closer they seemed to struggle into little birdie runs, but they were struggling. And I thought to myself, "why don't they just fly??"

It was one of those moments of revelation, and I felt like I heard the Lord say, "Yeah, why don't my people just fly?"

How often do we as Christians seem to forget who we are and what God wants to accomplish in our lives? We forget all we have. We get caught up in life and circumstance and get bogged down by it instead of remembering who we are in Christ.

A bird's ability to fly seems like a miracle of sorts to me. God really is an incredible designer the way he's made this little creature able to completely defy gravity and at will move his wings and soar into the sky. As a person I could stand and flap my arms all day and never make it an inch off of the ground, but we can flap our spiritual wings but instead we do our little people run, overwhelmed and flustered looking for the easiest and quickest out, forgetting all the promises and all the assurances that we have.

We can soar. The Bible says so. This is what the bible says in Isaiah 40 verses 28-31:

"Have you not known? Have you not heard? The everlasting God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth, neither faints nor is weary. His understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the weak, and to those who have no might He increases strength. Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall, but those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint."

So how do we wait upon the Lord? For starters we need to know His Word, because it's there they we discover who God says we are, "a royal priesthood, a chosen generation" (1 Peter 2:9); and we learn what He says we can do, "all things through Christ who strengthens us" (Philippians 4:13). When we wait upon the Lord we realize that we have promises that we can build our lives upon, we have guarantees.

"What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with Him also freely give us all things? Who shall bring a charge against God’s elect? It is God who justifies. Who is he who condemns? It is Christ who died, and furthermore is also risen, who is even at the right hand of God, who also makes intercession for us. 35Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?
As it is written: 'For Your sake we are killed all day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.'
Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:31-38

WOW! God is for us! He is on our side! He has promised to meet all of our needs (Matthew 6:25-34), according to HIS riches (Philippians 4:19), not restricted by our circumstances. I have said it a thousand times (most often to remind myself) "Our circumstances are NOT our reality!" Each and everyone of us who have accepted Christ and his sacrifice for our salvation have a hope and promise, we are made for a good purpose and His intentions toward us our good. As our faith is perfected, as we grow in that knowledge and understanding, suddenly, we find ourselves, defying gravity, and we are able to soar, "with wings like eagles."

Be encouraged, remember who you are in Christ today, and whatever you may be facing, however daunting it may seem, place your hope in Him, wait upon Him in faith and confidence, and you will find yourself soaring.

Pennies for Thought

Confession time. Shocking, I know.

I wish this was the first time I've had to make this confession, but it's not: Exhibit A. Life, true to it's nature has been happening again, and my bedroom has gotten to be a mess. Honestly, can I just tell you that to me, this alone is the argument that completely defeats any idea that evolution could exist. Clearly the natural order of things is chaos not order.

Sadly my room hasn't arrived to the state in the link above yet, but we're headed there. But true to His form, the Lord has been showing me things through the processes of life. Funny God, how He likes to do that!

See these little boogers? I keep hearing rumors about how they're going to become obsolete. "They have no value," is word around the street. I'm not sure who's street, it's not my street, but somebody's street perhaps because the rumor is clearly out there. I'm relatively certain it's just a rumor because mathematically it would be a real bear not to have the pennies for change. And besides, the little cash register candy dishes full of them have become so commonplace, I know I myself a thousand times have said, "keep the pennies."

The more the dollar drops, the less they're worth, and even kids today are so savvy that they no longer fall for the good old "I'll give you SIX pennies for your ONE dime" scam. So what good are they? And so this weekend as I was cleaning up the mess that is my bedroom along with the matching disasters elsewhere throughout the DePriest household I kept coming across all these random pennies. And walking through picking up the refuse (boy, it might even sound worse than it is...) I kept finding all these pennies, and out of the sheer laziness that I excel in, I found myself just tossing them into the trash. It's not like they're worth anything, right?

Yeah well, I'm guessing I was about 15 cents in when the conviction came. Not so much over the pennies, but the attitude.

It made me think of the chorus from an old hymn.

Count your blessings, name them one by one,
Count your blessings, see what God hath done!
Count your blessings, name them one by one,
And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done.

When you think of it that way, it's amazing how things stack up, and yes, the pun is totally intended.

How much do we take for granted in life? How many of the "little things" do we dismiss as not having any real value?

The financial lesson is there. If I truly have said "keep the pennies" a thousand times, I've thrown away at least $20 or more all total, but it goes so far beyond the "dollars from cents."

What about all the blessings we bypass every day without ever acknowledging what a gift they are. A phone call from a friend. Having someone stop and pray for you, or having the opportunity to pray for someone else. What about the next breath? It's a gift you know, all over the world people are mourning others who didn't get theirs. Do you have a roof over your head tonight? (If no, where'd you get the computer access?) What about your loved ones? Even the ones who drive you nuts, be thankful for their presence in your life, yes, even teenagers. (ha, ha, just kidding - I love teenagers, they are the hope of the future.)

Keep counting. The clothes we wear, a thick head of hair (felt poetic for a minute) I know several boys I grew up with who would wish for a thick head of hair to be thankful for.

We've all heard the phrase, "an attitude of gratitude," it's something to be cultivated. It sincerely is worth taking the time. Things are tough all over, and the "boats everyone is in" don't exactly seem like luxury lines lately, but the fact of the matter is, we are blessed.

It's Christians, I mean. We have a God who loves us, and even in the storms, He remains on His throne. He's not distant or distracted, He's not only alert but mindful of us. He gave us this day, a life to live, and a purpose for living it. He loves us and longs for us. He promises to be our hope and our strength and to walk with us through the valleys, lead us through the darkness and never leave us nor forsake us, not even for a moment.

Take the moment, count your blessings, name them one by one...

You may just find your treasure chest is full.

Seeking Him - It Could Happen to You

I think back to a time about three and a half years ago. We were in the midst of a really hectic and crazy remodel on the house. I'll be honest with you, I am so opposed to change that even good change has to happen with me dragging my feet and gripping tightly to the status quo. I don't cope well with change.

It was just before the holidays and I had about a hundred things on my "to do" list. On this particular morning I had to go to school to see the boys in a program at their school and get home on time for a furniture delivery where I had no less than three different workers in the house, rewiring, revamping and RE-ally driving me nuts. I had painted the entire inside of all our bedrooms a few weeks before because the dates we set aside to do it (Thanksgiving break) my hubby threw his back out. But we had a deadline before the carpet and flooring men came in, and now that that had been completed, furniture was on it's way.

I had this short shot of time between the program and the delivery and I really just wanted to pick up some new sheets for the new bed that was coming. Driving down the Avenue I saw the Linens & Things store and pulled quickly into the parking lot. I had in mind what I was looking for, thought it should only take a moment. I was trying to stick an errand between my rock and my hard place. I was in the store a good 20 minutes debating between two different shades of blue. I stood there when suddenly the strangest sensation came over me. Suddenly I just knew...something wasn't right...

Then it came to me, where was Victoria?? It was as though my mind started clicking "What day was it?" "Did she have preschool?" "Had my mom taken her?" like a jammed gearshift on a bicycle, I couldn't get it to move into place... Where... was... Victoria...??

As soon as it hit me I ran. The panic in my heart was overwhelming. I ran from the back of the store with all the sheets in hand and headed toward the exit. A slight moment of clarity made me realize if I ran out the door with the linens, I would have a whole new problem, so I ditched them on the floor by the door and continued outside into the parking lot.

As I crossed the parking lot I began to pray to, to beg, God that the door to my van would not be open, and that when I did open it, I would still find my daughter inside. I got about 20 feet from the van when I clicked the button for the auto side door. As it slid open and I saw my 4 year old sitting there crying her eyes out I had an overwhelming combination or guilt and relief. I could not believe what I had done, but I had done it.

Every summer here in California you hear a story about some parent who mistakenly leaves their child in a locked car on a hot day and with either the tragic or miraculous ending, I remember the days of reading those stories and wondering what kind of parent could ever possibly let something like that happen. But since that say about 3 1/2 years ago, I have never had to ask myself that question again. Mind you my incident happened on a cold day in December but the lowest moment of my parenting had all the other same ingredients as those well-documented tragedies.

I am a good mom, a careful and protective mom, but the right circumstances, opportunities, distractions and challenges, and I did something completely out of character. It could have had a terrible outcome. My daughter told me people saw her in the car crying and just walked away. It could have been different. Someone could have called the police and I could have been arrested for child neglect or endangerment. Someone could have taken my daughter, or done her harm. It scares me to think about those what if's, but what scares me more is how easily it really happened. Had you asked me prior to that day, I would have told you, there was no way I would ever forget one of my children somewhere. I would have never believed myself capable of it.

This chapter on moral purity strikes me the same way. Of all the chapters I imagine this one is the one most likely to be bypassed or dismissed and yet, why? The fact of the matter is, any one of us under the right "circumstances, opportunities, distractions and challenges" can find themselves primed to fall. And if you think you are immune, then I say you may be even more ripe than the norm. Let no one be fooled, if you think you are above a temptation, I say it is then you are at your greatest risk.

So here are Amber's questions for this week:

Why do you think it's valuable to include a lesson on moral purity in a study on personal revival?

It's interesting because we are currently doing the Truth Project at our church, and the definition of "moral" has been somewhat redefined, because according to the study "moral" isn't an absolute from the world's perspective, but rather changes by popular opinion. For example whereas 50 years ago living together before marriage was probably considered immoral, by today's standards, it isn't the case at all. But what is being spoken of in this study isn't that kind of changing morality, but rather is an absolute morality based on the word of God.

I think the purity being spoken of goes beyond just (gasp) sex. Even if (in the words of Laverne DeFazio) I don't vo-dee-o-doe-doe (sp?) with anyone but my licensed partner, that alone does not guarantee that I'm being morally pure. I'm going to keep this rated "G" for the kiddies but let's just say it goes deeper than the "who?" of sexuality. Having said that (or not said that) I believe it is because sexual sin goes so deep that it is critical to be pure for revival. Sexual impurity on many levels is a lot like hoppin in the sty with the pigs. You can't get clean to save your life. It gets everywhere and just climbing out won't fix it, and you're likely to be knocked back in if you try. It requires an escape from the pen, removal from the elements and thorough washing clean. A little immoral? A little dirty? A whole lot less likely to be revive-able....

Which of the 12 safeguards to moral purity do you find particularly helpful or challenging?

Well, this answer may seem like a cop out, but the safeguard to moral purity I think I believe to be the most helpful... and perhaps the most challenging too... is without a doubt #8, Renew your mind with the Word of God. I am beginning to think perhaps this is the cure-all to what ails you. Tonight at the Truth Project the "tour" we went on was about Knowing God. It talked about so much wonderful truth that I could write a whole other post on it, but suffice it to say, the word was given to us with the purpose of revealing Christ. The Pharisees knew the word, but they did not allow the revelation of Christ to come through it. It is the process of allowing Christ to come in and renew our minds that we come into deeper relationship with Him, deeper sensitivity to His Spirit, greater comprehension of all that is sin, greater conviction when we commit it, that leads us on a wonderful path of refinement and transformation.

As I describe it I really wonder to myself why I struggle so much with the best of consistency and commitment, it doesn't make sense, but it is a fact. It requires a discipline and purposefulness that I so often fall short of, but what great things might God accomplish on my life and through me should I better commit myself to knowing Him, through the revelation of His word. What a beautiful full circle of truth it is.

I do believe I am living a sexually pure life, but I am not so foolish as to believe that it's tied neatly in a box and put away forever. I have been watching a lot of marriages crumble in my life, and this issue has played a role in different ways to different degrees among them. Through it the Lord has given me this term, "guard the gatepost." What I think He is saying is although I may have my fence built (as I hope you do as well) there is always a weak point where entry can be made, so there is wisdom in keeping watch over it, not necessarily expecting a break in will be attempted, but never living foolishly enough to think it could never happen.

OK, it's late and I feel like I have rambled on way too long, but I hope this somehow makes my point. Blessings!

I Can Choose

This is a poem I wrote nearly 10 years ago that hangs on my wall at work. Just felt like sharing it today, maybe it will encourage someone...

I Can Choose

I cannot control what I face in my life,
I cannot prevent all my struggles and strife.

But I do have the choice in what I do and I say,
And I can control the choices I make along the way.

I can look at my my circumstances and let them guide what I do,
Or Lord, I can choose Truth and stay focused on You.

I can choose to worry of what the future might bring about,
Or I can trust You today Lord, without wavering in doubt.

I can choose to react in emotion to the feelings I feel,
Or I can choose to stand firm on Your Word that is real.

I can choose fear, uncertainty, "what ifs" and "maybes,"
Or I can choose You and Your Word and what forever will be.

I can choose Truth and all the peace that it holds,
And then stand secure no matter what circumstance unfolds.

For, Lord, Your unchanging Word, it will anchor my soul,
And then no matter what I might face, I can stand whole.

Strengthened, assured, confident, standing firm in Your care,
I can choose You and Your Truth and find my hope there.

So Jesus, My Lord, it is You and Your Truth that I choose,
And in my choice I attain victory I can never ever lose.

- Diana DePriest
© October 12, 1999

Let Us Run

I've been waiting to get the questions for this week's chapter of our Seeking Him bible study, but unfortunately our hostess for this week has had a lot going on at her house, so we're a tad bit in limbo. But I've had a lot on my mind, and really want to address things as a whole rather than specifically to the single chapter we are on.

I think I shared that in addition to continuing with my blogger buddies through the study, I have also been working back from the beginning with a group of ladies in real life six weeks behind. So I am finding myself breaking new ground at the same time as checking growth status of fields planted weeks before. There has been no coincidence in the timing, and I have found myself to be going back and weeding the old garden at the same time as planting new seeds. Can I just say it? Some days it is exhausting!

I have to confess it though, it is a good exhausting. It's the kind of exhausting where you lay in bed at night feeling the pain in your muscles, knowing that the work you have been doing has been effective. Not just effective in the planting, but effective in the effort itself. The muscles, spiritual in this case, are getting stronger every day. It doesn't lessen the pain, but it does serve as encouragement to press on.

But also like when your physical muscles are being used in new ways and are sore, it's hard to get comfortable, to get settled. I'm feeling the same way with my spiritual muscles. I'm uncomfortable. The whole concept of stopping where I'm at and remaining half-developed is unacceptable. I am overwhelmingly aware of so many issues, in my life and around me.

Two words keep ringing in my head, over and over again, "No compromise," the words scream out. I am keenly aware of "settling." I'm aware of settling in my own life, and I am seeing all the settling going on around me. It's one thing when I see it in "the world," but when I see it in the body of Christ, it is unacceptable.

Tonight I was sharing with the ladies at my IRL bible study about a vision/ word picture the Lord gave me years ago. It was of a Christmas tree with beautiful packages wrapped and placed beneath it. I'm talking the perfectly wrapped packages so beautiful they are in and of themselves decorations. The kind of packages you almost don't want to open because they are so beautiful.

The Christmas tree is the very cross itself, and the packages wrapped beneath are all for me. There is the gift of grace, the gift of mercy, the gift of joy, and abundant life. There are more, forgiveness, wisdom, hope, purpose. All beautifully wrapped at the foot of the cross and every one of them has MY name on it. If you are a follower of Jesus Christ, a believer who has accepted Him as your Lord and Savior, then this same tree stands in your life, with the same gifts beautifully wrapped beneath it.

The problem is we become so enamored of the beauty of the gift, we never allow ourselves to truly open it and find the depth of it's value and purpose. We stand at the tree, pointing at the gifts, claiming them as our own and yet never truly reap the benefits of having them in our lives. It's pretty lousy when you think about it.

I just keep thinking how sad it is, all that the Lord has given us and we live like we don't even know what we have. It's like a millionaire living like a pauper, he may walk around with his bank book and show you his millions, but if the money just sits in the bank, what value does it have? And unlike his millions that he could give away or pass on, God's gifts to us will never be of any value to anyone else unless used by us. They are perishable if you will. I cannot give my grace to someone else. I cannot bless them with the forgiveness I have been given. The mercy I have received, is of no value to another. On the other hand, I can share them. If I open them, take ownership of them, I can share the grace I have received, impart it to another. I can bestow forgiveness and mercy on others when I have experienced the fullness of them myself. So can you, so can we all.

But instead, all too often, we stand back from the tree and declare, "I have grace. I have forgiveness. I have joy." And albeit true, if the extent of our ownership of them comes from their position beneath the tree, do we really have them at all?

Sigh. See? Uncomfortable. Stuck on the things that keep us from climbing under the tree and ripping open the gifts God has placed our names on. My opinion on what the number one hindrance? COMPROMISE!!!

Compromise leads us to settle. Instead of making righteous choices, we settle for what we determine to be "not that bad." Instead of God's best we settle for "good enough." The end result is living a life ripped off, and with an ineffective witness. I don't want to do it anymore, and I don't want to watch my brothers and sisters in Christ do it anymore either. It's NOT worth it!

I sincerely believe God is doing a stirring. I sense a line being drawn, people are being put in positions to step up and make a choice... "Choose this day whom you will serve..." The way God called out in the time of Joshua, I sense Him calling us today. I see it happening all around me, even families are being divided as the choices are being made. Which side of the line will you step to? Will you serve the Lord at all costs, laying aside every hindrance? Or will you continue in the ways of the world allowing your faith and your witness to be diluted and corrupted by compromise? For me, I want to step up, I want to proclaim "As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord!" I want to choose righteousness and holiness and I want to pursue the Lord and His purpose and plan for me whatever the "cost" may be, knowing in the end, it will be worth it.

Righteousness, holiness - they aren't really "PC" words, but they are words of the Lord. "...but he who sows righteousness reaps a sure reward." Proverbs 11:18 "...but as He who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, because it is written, “Be holy, for I am holy.” 1 Peter 1:15-16. Politically correct? No. Truth? Absolutely. A command? Undoubtedly. We are being called to step up.

I don't share this in the form of a judgment. I'm not pointing fingers and declaring only sin I see outside of myself, I am cleaning out my own heart and life first. And I'm calling out to the rest of you, come with me, let's root out the compromise, in our lives, in our families, in our churches, the kingdom... Let us decide today we will serve the Lord at all costs. I believe the Lord desires to bring a great revival to His people. (Clearly, is there any question?) But like never before the times are desperate, calling out for the church to stand, to truly be a light in the darkness, and we must, absolutely must allow nothing to dim our light.

Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
Hebrews 12:1-2

Run with me!