Monday, July 27, 2009

Farewell #14

I signed in to my blogger dashboard today and found I had lost a "follower." I only had 14, so you would think I would be more alert to who dropped off the radar, but I'm sad to say I'm not. It's an interesting balance to maintain for me, I mean I assume choosing to "follow" means that someone has found that they consistently benefit from reading my blog, whether it's for pleasure, insight, interest - whatever the case may be; and of course you want that for your blog, for it to be somehow beneficial, but ultimately, it cannot be the reason I write it.

What?? Yeah, that's what I said. The reason I started this blog some 15 months and 171 posts ago was because it was an act of obedience. I was struggling with an outlet for my giftings at the time. I found myself at a very difficult women's retreat and I was crying out to the Lord. Over the course of that weekend the Lord spoke significant things to me, and among them was His directive to me to "write." I knew it was a personal ministry for me, a flow of ministry perhaps.... hopefully, with the freedom to express my exhorter's heart. Within a few days from coming home from that retreat I had a friend who had been praying for me tell me she felt led of the Lord to encourage me to blog. I took it as the direction I was seeking from God on His instruction to write.

Now here we are over 4,000 hits later, and I feel sort of stalled. I wonder to myself if this is what the Lord wanted me to do, what was His purpose. There certainly has been no great move of God that I can perceive coming from this little page of mine. I don't receive many comments, not a great deal of feedback, when I do it's mostly positive, but it's really pretty rare. My inclination is to become discouraged, disheartened even. Then something stops me, Someone.

When the doors of opportunity were open, I used to get to teach a lot. Well, again, they call it "teaching Bible study," but for me it was more of an exhortation to the body, an equipping of God's people, that is really where my heart is at. And although I used to get a great deal of positive verbal feedback, I was always anxious and nervous before I'd start. I would have no confidence in my ability to impart truth. Then the Lord would quicken my spirit and remind me, if one person was blessed by my sharing the word of encouragement, then I had served well.

So now I sit here wondering about the mystery that is the disappearing #14, and I realize, all I can do is be me, be transparent and share my heart. That's why I named the blog "My Walk of Faith," because it is the reality that is my life... one day at a time I am doing my best to follow after the Lord, seek His will and plan for my life, and do my best to stumble as little as possible, all the while trusting in His grace to make it. I've always found it hard to find people who are just willing to live their lives openly, warts and all, and I want to be that person in the lives of those around me. I want to be a person who will say to you honestly, this "following Christ" deal is tough. It's not some magic transformation into an easier life. In reality, I think it may be the hardest thing on earth to do, to follow the Lord. It's an upward climb always, it's a difficult adventure, but in the end, I know it's going to have been so completely worth it.

I want this page to be about muddling through together, because we are all just really muddling through. Take joy, it's a victorious muddling, but a muddling through just the same. My apologies to #14, I hope I didn't offend you or something. I hope that the Lord has just provided something better for you wherever you are today. Thank you for the time you took to follow along. I hope at least a little or on occasion I was able to bless you in some small way. And I pray the Lord bless you in your future.

So I continue to write this blog, knowing it probably won't ever leave any kind of indelible mark on the world, but if perhaps I have the great blessing of ministering to or encouraging just one person, then I will have accomplished some small part of God's purpose and plan for me. I would encourage you also today, that although sometimes what we do may seem insignificant, if we can bless just one person that the Lord loves, then perhaps we will make His presence shine just a little bit brighter in this place.


Sheryl said...

i know you didn't write this post so that everyone would tell you how great you are but...

for me, i am grateful that you have a blog or i would have never found you. (well, duh!) but God has used you to be such an encouragement to me. i can't tell you how thankful i am whenever you leave a comment or email filled with wisdom, love and cheering me on.

keep writing! keep being obedient, because i know you are a blessing.

Diana said...

Thank you Sheryl. You're right, I'm not encouragement hunting, but I also appreciate it IMMENSELY! I too am grateful we made our blogging connection because you truly inspire me.

Brandy said...

Lord bless you, Diana. I don't always get to read every post, and sometimes I am a lurky lurkerson, but I think of you often, and lift up a prayer for you when I do. We haven't even met IRL - yet, but you are my sister in the Lord and you are a blessing out here in the little world of web 2.0

His Girl said...

I'm with Sheryl and Brandy. much love to you sistah!

and Brandy- I think a MIRL is just what the dr. ordered... maybe we can work on making that happen!