"Hope deferred makes the heart sick..." Proverbs 13:12a
It is my absolute least favorite verse in the bible, to live out at least.
Every one of us has probably experienced the reality of this verse. I know I have in tenfold. For all the years we were trying to get pregnant with Jacob. My heart was so wounded and heavy. I would just weep. I remember driving in my car often and just crying out to God, begging Him to open my womb.
There was this song I used to play over and over again during that time in my life. The lyrics sang, "I will trust You Lord, when I don't know why, I will trust You Lord till the day I die, I won't lose my faith in the one I love, I will trust You Lord." I listened to and sang them out over and over again, they were my prayer.
My family and I also experienced this "hope deferred" powerfully in the 3 1/2 years that we fought and waited to finalize Ethan's adoption. Time and time again, it was two steps forward, three steps back, at times barely holding hope, begging God to move on our behalf, living with the knowledge that someone could come and take him away from us at a moment's notice. During that season of life the song I sang continually sang "I will bless the Lord forever, I will trust Him at all times, He has delivered me from all fear, He has set my feet upon a rock, I will not be moved, and I'll say of the Lord, You are my shield, my strength, my portion, deliverer, my shelter, strong tower, my very present help in time of need, Whom have I in heaven but You, There's none I desire beside You, You have made me glad..."
These songs were a part of the act of my will. I didn't feel them, they didn't even necessarily always ring true, but they were an anchor to hold to hope.
That sick heart resonates to your bones. It's that pit so deep in your stomach. It's that physical sense of anxiety that you cannot shake, it torments you. Your sleep is disrupted, your joy is hindered. You feel like you are in a dark cave and you can't find the exit, disoriented and lost.
We've all experienced it, but we each react to it in our own way. For many it stalls you at first. You don't know where to move. The birth of the hope is usually a painful thing, it comes from some form of bad news. She's sick. They're separated. The bill comes due and the money isn't there. In that moment you just stop, it's like a blow.
I remember one particular occasion I took a hit like that. We were about 2 1/2 years into the adoption process with Ethan. Something came up in his records that forced us to go back and try to track down another possible birth father. We thought we were on the downward slope and finally getting close to being finalized and then this came up and our hope for that was deferred, put off. Then when we found the young man he stated his intentions to try to take Ethan back. He wanted to take out 2 1/2 year old son, who we had been with every day for those 2 1/2 years and remove him from our family. And there was a very real possibility that he would be able to do so. Hope deferred.
That day is forever etched in my mind. I was completely stalled. I fell apart, I called Neal on the phone at work and we just cried. I called my mom and cried, I called my praying friends and cried. I was overwhelmed with fear and hopelessness.
Then something rose up in me. FAITH. I stopped and purposely turned my eyes away from my circumstance and focused them directly on my God. The same God who had answered my prayer for motherhood in Jacob, fulfilled the personal promise He's made to me about a daughter in Victoria and the same God who had given me Ethan's name before we ever knew what a battle we would face in making him a part of our family.
When the Lord gave me the name of our adopted child it came very clearly to me. His middle name was a family name, appropriate, I felt, for an adopted child, although uncharacteristic of me to do so. I had never considered the name "Ethan" until it blared across my computer screen. It jumped off at me and I knew it was his name before I even knew he was a he. When I looked up the name it said it meant, "permanent." How perfect for an adopted son, and as it turned out, it became a promise to hold to on many difficult days.
Later that day I picked Jake up from school and took the kids to see Neal. It was obvious he had been crying all day long, hope deferred, fear taking grip. I brought his brood to him and let them hug him and love on him. Our shared words of fear earlier in the day were now only his, I spoke words of faith, but Neal was "heartsick."
After I brought the kids home I was in my room and when I walked out into the fall I found 10 year old Jake kneeling on the floor, weeping. I asked him what was wrong and he cried that he didn't want to lose his little brother. I remember standing him up and speaking words of faith, the gift of faith God had restored to me. I reminded him of God's promise over Ethan, I reminded him of God's fulfilled promise in Victoria, I reminded him we were not to look at our circumstance, but we were to look at our God. I watched the faith rise up in my son.
Later when Neal came home he was still heavy hearted, he decided he just wanted to get away from the house with his kids. He was in the front yard setting up the trailer for a bike ride when my mom stopped by. She was worried about us because last she had talked to me I was still in despair. As we all stood in the driveway Neal began to cry and expressed his fear of losing his little boy. Jacob was nearby and he heard him. My heart was full as I watched my young son come over and remind his father of God's faithfulness and provision with conviction.
I've really gone off on a tangent here, but this was such a profound experience in my life, it's one of those moments that I look back at and I know all the struggle was of value. The whole process of what we went through was of great value. I know to the depth of my soul that it was a time in my life that my faith grew deeper, as did Neal's, and so did Jacob's. I also know it was a time that my marriage grew stronger, we became more committed to one another and to our family, and more importantly we realized how deep God's commitment was to us. Not everyone realizes that "third cord" in their marriage. For me it made it even more real to me how important the commitment we made to each other was. It's in stressful seasons like that marriages can be made or broken.
Clearly God proved His faithfulness and commitment to our family through this experience. In April it will be five wonderful years since the day we signed the papers to finalize Ethan's adoption. What a glorious day that was. That's where the 2nd half of Proverbs 13:12 comes in...
"...But when the desire comes, it is a tree of life." Proverbs 13:12b
Have you ever waited and waited for something to come, for an answer to prayer? It's like a light comes on in your whole world. There is life and light and hope. There is a joy unspeakable. Oh that we could live our lives in that joy unspeakable, but alas the hope deferred is far more prevalent in these days, in this world.
That is perhaps the greatest of the hopes deferred, the hope of our salvation.
1 Peter 1:3-8 says...
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to His abundant mercy has begotten us again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance incorruptible and undefiled and that does not fade away, reserved in heaven for you, who are kept by the power of God through faith for salvation ready to be revealed in the last time.
In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while, if need be, you have been grieved by various trials, that the genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor, and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ, whom having not seen you love. Though now you do not see Him, yet believing, you rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory, receiving the end of your faith—the salvation of your souls.
As Christians, we have hope, and it is sure, our salvation is to come, but in the meantime we remain here, in a fallen world, waiting, suffering in our own trials, in watching the hurt of others, hope is deferred time and again. So we must have anchors of faith, Him to hold on to, so that as we ride out the sickness of our hearts, we remind ourselves of God's faithfulness and goodness and that the time will come not "yet again" but gloriously, eventually, once and for all time.
Jesus, come quickly now, in the grief of the various trials, in the diagnoses, the brokenness, in the hurt, and yet also, come once and for all and take us to the glorious hope that is in Your eternal presence.
Are you hurting today? Are you "heart sick" in your suffering or loss, or in your waiting? Jesus desires to have you know Him even more intimately, that His faith may rise up in you and help you to press through the difficult times. But more importantly to remember that this is but a season, that we are not home, these circumstances are not our truth, they are not final, nor even our reality, but rather it is a time to grow, to stretch and to know Him better the One who has called you and purposed You for His eternal plan. Remember, He is with you and for you, and working through you and on your behalf.
Find the anchor to hold to that reminds you of His goodness, remember the things He has done for you, hold to them, hold to Him, as your hope is deferred for when it comes it is indeed the tree of life.
Be blessed in Jesus name.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Current Events
I read this meme on another blog, and because it's been a few days since I posted anything (have to keep up with my BlogHer commitment) and I'm not feeling particularly inspired, or my inspiration may be too revealing, I decided to go with this.
Putting off...
Going through all of Victoria's drawers, she's living out of a laundry basket though, so it needs to be done.
Looking forward to...
Teaching at our church's women's conference in May.
Eating...
Carefully, my new temporary crown feels tender, and my dentist friend gave me a pretty direct warning about its fragility.
Recently read...
A couple of Nicholas Sparks novels. They were OK, out of character for my reading choices, but an easy read, though a little racy in places.
Want to read...
My Bible more consistently, but need direction.
Studying...
Nothing specific as of late.
Dreading...
The tax increases that the California legislature approved today.
Wishing...
We were financially solvent.
Watching...
Amazing Race, it's back; Survivor, it's like a date night; the last season of ER.
Hoping...
We are able to come up with a positive solution to our financial woes.
Deciding...
Whether or not I need to try to let go of certain relationships.
Cooking...
BBQ Beef in the crockpot today, needed something soft to chew and easy. I need more crockpot recipes.
Listening to...
The TV playing in the other room, Family Feud just came on.
Whining about...
Finances, haven't you been listening? ;)
Getting ready to...
Head to the store, we are out of toilet paper and cat food.
How about you?
Putting off...
Going through all of Victoria's drawers, she's living out of a laundry basket though, so it needs to be done.
Looking forward to...
Teaching at our church's women's conference in May.
Eating...
Carefully, my new temporary crown feels tender, and my dentist friend gave me a pretty direct warning about its fragility.
Recently read...
A couple of Nicholas Sparks novels. They were OK, out of character for my reading choices, but an easy read, though a little racy in places.
Want to read...
My Bible more consistently, but need direction.
Studying...
Nothing specific as of late.
Dreading...
The tax increases that the California legislature approved today.
Wishing...
We were financially solvent.
Watching...
Amazing Race, it's back; Survivor, it's like a date night; the last season of ER.
Hoping...
We are able to come up with a positive solution to our financial woes.
Deciding...
Whether or not I need to try to let go of certain relationships.
Cooking...
BBQ Beef in the crockpot today, needed something soft to chew and easy. I need more crockpot recipes.
Listening to...
The TV playing in the other room, Family Feud just came on.
Whining about...
Finances, haven't you been listening? ;)
Getting ready to...
Head to the store, we are out of toilet paper and cat food.
How about you?
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Blessed Assurance
The chorus sings like this...
This is my story, this is my song,
Praising my Savior all the day long;
This is my story, this is my song,
Praising my Savior all the day long.
Oh how I long to live my life in such a way, praising my Savior all the day long. The bible talks about how our Spirit makes deep groanings that we cannot utter, and though I don't know if it is biblical or not, I hope my spirit knows to praise Him even when my flesh gets caught up in me, life and circumstance.
I do know that my life however is one of Blessed Assurance. It is one of those things I find hard to describe to someone else if they have not themselves experienced it. The total peace and confidence in my soul that I know who I am and I know Who I belong to, and the confidence of all that I have because of what he has done for me.
February is here, the month of love and romance, the stores are packed with candy, flowers and cards for sale to express to your special someone "Be Mine."
As happily married as I am, and I consider myself to be far blessed among all women for the marriage I have, the husband I am married to and the life that we share, it so fails by comparison to the sense of "Blessed Assurance" that holds my heart.
Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine!
Oh, what a foretaste of glory divine!
Heir of salvation, purchase of God,
Born of His Spirit, washed in His blood.
Remember how wonderful you felt the first time you fell in love? The excitement that made your heart race? Sometimes it fluttered so much you thought it might come right out of your chest? It's such a thrilling feeling, makes you feel alive. Blessed Assurance... it's like that, only better.
"Be Mine," you see it everywhere from tiny chalk like candies to big boxes and cards. And it is a wonderful feeling to feel like you "belong." I cherish my title as Neal's wife. I love that I alone am His, there is such joy and security in that sense. Blessed Assurance is like that, only more.
Belonging to Jesus, and having the full confidence of it, being fully persuaded of what He did for me on the cross and what it means for my life is beyond words. It is everything and yet I cannot find the words to share it, but the song tries.
"Perfect submission, perfect delight,
Visions of rapture now burst on my sight;
Angels, descending, bring from above
Echoes of mercy, whispers of love.
Perfect submission, all is at rest,
I in my Savior am happy and blest,
Watching and waiting, looking above,
Filled with His goodness, lost in His love."
The most incredible thing about being madly in love with Jesus is to know He is even more madly in love with me. It is incredible to have your heart feel so full and then to know that it cannot even begin to compare to the love He has for me, for you, for all.
Oh how it must break His heart when His love is lost on the unbelieving or even doubted by those who know. And yet even in the midst of our rejection He is relentless in His pursuit. The bible says it is His will that none should perish, He longs for a reciprocal love from us. He stands willing and waiting, the bible says, "Knocking on the door of the heart."
If you do not know Him, my prayer is that you would, that you would come to know His sacrificial love and His deep desire for you. If you do know Him, then my prayer is that you would know the "width and length and depth and height" of His love for you. That you would allow Him to fill you to overflowing to the joy and peace- the "delight" and the "rest" that is yours to be had, that is Blessed Assurance.
May Jesus call you His own this Valentine's Day, and every day.
This is my story, this is my song,
Praising my Savior all the day long;
This is my story, this is my song,
Praising my Savior all the day long.
Oh how I long to live my life in such a way, praising my Savior all the day long. The bible talks about how our Spirit makes deep groanings that we cannot utter, and though I don't know if it is biblical or not, I hope my spirit knows to praise Him even when my flesh gets caught up in me, life and circumstance.
I do know that my life however is one of Blessed Assurance. It is one of those things I find hard to describe to someone else if they have not themselves experienced it. The total peace and confidence in my soul that I know who I am and I know Who I belong to, and the confidence of all that I have because of what he has done for me.
February is here, the month of love and romance, the stores are packed with candy, flowers and cards for sale to express to your special someone "Be Mine."
As happily married as I am, and I consider myself to be far blessed among all women for the marriage I have, the husband I am married to and the life that we share, it so fails by comparison to the sense of "Blessed Assurance" that holds my heart.
Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine!
Oh, what a foretaste of glory divine!
Heir of salvation, purchase of God,
Born of His Spirit, washed in His blood.
Remember how wonderful you felt the first time you fell in love? The excitement that made your heart race? Sometimes it fluttered so much you thought it might come right out of your chest? It's such a thrilling feeling, makes you feel alive. Blessed Assurance... it's like that, only better.
"Be Mine," you see it everywhere from tiny chalk like candies to big boxes and cards. And it is a wonderful feeling to feel like you "belong." I cherish my title as Neal's wife. I love that I alone am His, there is such joy and security in that sense. Blessed Assurance is like that, only more.
Belonging to Jesus, and having the full confidence of it, being fully persuaded of what He did for me on the cross and what it means for my life is beyond words. It is everything and yet I cannot find the words to share it, but the song tries.
"Perfect submission, perfect delight,
Visions of rapture now burst on my sight;
Angels, descending, bring from above
Echoes of mercy, whispers of love.
Perfect submission, all is at rest,
I in my Savior am happy and blest,
Watching and waiting, looking above,
Filled with His goodness, lost in His love."
The most incredible thing about being madly in love with Jesus is to know He is even more madly in love with me. It is incredible to have your heart feel so full and then to know that it cannot even begin to compare to the love He has for me, for you, for all.
Oh how it must break His heart when His love is lost on the unbelieving or even doubted by those who know. And yet even in the midst of our rejection He is relentless in His pursuit. The bible says it is His will that none should perish, He longs for a reciprocal love from us. He stands willing and waiting, the bible says, "Knocking on the door of the heart."
If you do not know Him, my prayer is that you would, that you would come to know His sacrificial love and His deep desire for you. If you do know Him, then my prayer is that you would know the "width and length and depth and height" of His love for you. That you would allow Him to fill you to overflowing to the joy and peace- the "delight" and the "rest" that is yours to be had, that is Blessed Assurance.
May Jesus call you His own this Valentine's Day, and every day.
Sunday, February 8, 2009
The Joy is in the Journey
The family and I started on a new adventure yesterday. We went on a sort of treasure hunt, geocaching, also known as letterboxing, and we had a really good time. But as usual, it's got me thinking....
The Bible says in Matthew 7:7, "Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you."
This isn't a magic formula. It's not even what I would call "Kingdom math." Maybe it's more like "Kingdom Algebra," it holds truth, but the route to getting there is a little more circular than the classic "if/then" addition.
I see in this passage a progression of prayer and seeking God. So many of us set out on the path and sit ourselves on a stone just past "ask" and wonder why God hasn't responded quickly enough or in the manner we expected or hoped for.
So back to our family treasure hunt. We found out about this whole secret world called "Letterboxing." It's a wonderful little adventure, where there are clues to follow and treasures to be found.
As I think about our day yesterday on our Letterboxing quest, I see a similar progression as the one described in Matthew 7:7.
ASK. I discovered the adventure was out there, I shared it with my family, asked them to join me on it and we got our tools together and headed out. It was a good start, but it wasn't enough.
This reminds me of our initial seeking of God. We invite Him into our lives, we get into a church, get our bibles and learn to pray, but we can't stop there.
SEEK. We had to take our clues, and see where they would lead us. Some of them were simple and direct, but some of them required a lot of thought and attention, we had to move forward where the clues would lead us, purpose to follow the path set for us. We had to make a few u-turns along the path, sometimes go back to the last place we knew we were where we belonged and begin again from there.
When we become believers, it isn't enough to have the Bible, we have to dive into it, learn more about the Lord, find out who He is, what His plan is for us, as a whole and an individual. Somethings are very clear, simple instructions to follow (Kingdom math) and some are more complicated, we must by trial and error (Isaiah 1:18, Philippians 2:12), viz. Kingdom Algebra. Sometimes u-turns are required in our spiritual walks, and sometimes we have to go back to the last place we knew the Lord was speaking and begin again.
KNOCK. Even when we got to the proper location where the clues led on our adventure, the payoff didn't come till we got down on our knees and dug out the treasure. We had to put ourselves out there. It wasn't enough to arrive at the end of the line, we wanted the treasure in hand so we had to completely commit to the adventure.
This holds true in our walk with the Lord. It isn't enough to be "where" you know you're supposed to be. You have to completely commit yourself to it, in surrendered heart, willing attitude, and by not being willing to give up until the treasure is found, till you know you are where the Lord wants you to be, and doing what He wants you to do.
I am excited about this new family adventure that we are sharing. And I look forward to sharing this lesson with my children. I'm happy to have discovered this fun way to share the Truth with my kiddos.
Another parallel I discovered was this. As great as it was to get to the treasure, the road to discovery was so amazing. It was the relationship, and experiences along the way that made the trip most memorable. I think that's true in our walk with the Lord as well. The joy is in the journey.
I'm excited because there are lots more treasures out there to be found, more experiences, more adventures, more challenges and victories... in Letterboxing, and in the Walk of Faith.
The Bible says in Matthew 7:7, "Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you."
This isn't a magic formula. It's not even what I would call "Kingdom math." Maybe it's more like "Kingdom Algebra," it holds truth, but the route to getting there is a little more circular than the classic "if/then" addition.
I see in this passage a progression of prayer and seeking God. So many of us set out on the path and sit ourselves on a stone just past "ask" and wonder why God hasn't responded quickly enough or in the manner we expected or hoped for.
So back to our family treasure hunt. We found out about this whole secret world called "Letterboxing." It's a wonderful little adventure, where there are clues to follow and treasures to be found.
As I think about our day yesterday on our Letterboxing quest, I see a similar progression as the one described in Matthew 7:7.
ASK. I discovered the adventure was out there, I shared it with my family, asked them to join me on it and we got our tools together and headed out. It was a good start, but it wasn't enough.
This reminds me of our initial seeking of God. We invite Him into our lives, we get into a church, get our bibles and learn to pray, but we can't stop there.
SEEK. We had to take our clues, and see where they would lead us. Some of them were simple and direct, but some of them required a lot of thought and attention, we had to move forward where the clues would lead us, purpose to follow the path set for us. We had to make a few u-turns along the path, sometimes go back to the last place we knew we were where we belonged and begin again from there.
When we become believers, it isn't enough to have the Bible, we have to dive into it, learn more about the Lord, find out who He is, what His plan is for us, as a whole and an individual. Somethings are very clear, simple instructions to follow (Kingdom math) and some are more complicated, we must by trial and error (Isaiah 1:18, Philippians 2:12), viz. Kingdom Algebra. Sometimes u-turns are required in our spiritual walks, and sometimes we have to go back to the last place we knew the Lord was speaking and begin again.
KNOCK. Even when we got to the proper location where the clues led on our adventure, the payoff didn't come till we got down on our knees and dug out the treasure. We had to put ourselves out there. It wasn't enough to arrive at the end of the line, we wanted the treasure in hand so we had to completely commit to the adventure.
This holds true in our walk with the Lord. It isn't enough to be "where" you know you're supposed to be. You have to completely commit yourself to it, in surrendered heart, willing attitude, and by not being willing to give up until the treasure is found, till you know you are where the Lord wants you to be, and doing what He wants you to do.
I am excited about this new family adventure that we are sharing. And I look forward to sharing this lesson with my children. I'm happy to have discovered this fun way to share the Truth with my kiddos.
Another parallel I discovered was this. As great as it was to get to the treasure, the road to discovery was so amazing. It was the relationship, and experiences along the way that made the trip most memorable. I think that's true in our walk with the Lord as well. The joy is in the journey.
I'm excited because there are lots more treasures out there to be found, more experiences, more adventures, more challenges and victories... in Letterboxing, and in the Walk of Faith.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Word Curses
I was participating in some fun over on my Facebook page, it was called "25 Random Things about Me." I did it twice, because well, let's be honest, I love to talk about me, and I love to write. So this fun little exercise was highly entertaining to me... twice.
When I did my second list I was sharing about how when I was young I had a lot of accidents around special days and holidays and such. On Christmas when I was about 5 I fell and split my eye open on the corner or a coffee table and had to have stitches. When I was 8, just days before my 9th birthday I was at my neighbor's on a rainy day and we were playing baseball in the garage and I took a bat straight to my nose, I had to have plastic surgery to have it rebuilt because it was gone. The last day of school in 6th grade I took a bucket out to the garage that night and put it under a table, in the dark when I shoved it under the table a wedge fell off the table and landed on my little toe almost cutting it off. A few days before junior high graduation we were messing around at lunch time in our Spanish teacher's class and we were walking on the desks (I don't know, why were we playing baseball in a garage? Who left the wedge on the edge of the table? Stuff happens.) and I fell and split the back of my head open.
All my traumatic events were always closely associated with some special day, so about the time I was 15 there started to be this running joke in my family, mostly between my mom and I, about how I probably wouldn't live to see my wedding day, that some horrible event would befall me and keep me from ever reaching the altar. It was always said in jest, but it was said A LOT.
About a week before Neal and I got married I was home doing a little housework and prep for our nuptials. I was cleaning up the kitchen and clearing my counter. I grabbed some trash and put it in the can and to make more room I shoved down deep inside. Inside was a jagged top of a tuna can that had been thrown away. When I shoved the other trash down the can top cut across my wrist, right along the "suicide line." When I pulled my arm out and saw it, it was bleeding pretty good. My very first thought was, "I'm going to die, I'm never going to make it to my wedding day."
I called my mom, who panicked right along with me, and then I called Neal. He rushed home from work (yes, we lived together before we got married... we weren't Christians then.) I was holding a towel on my wrist, in my mind to save my own life. When Neal got a home about 5 minutes later he came running up the yard. Even he had heard the stories of my predicted demise. He took a look and then snapped me out of my panic. It was a pretty good cut, borderline on whether or not I should go and get a stitch or two, but my life was never in any real danger. I do still have the scar though (I decided against the stitches) and even 20 years later you can still see the faint reminder.
Reminder of what? Reminder of the power words can have. For years we had spoken a word curse over me without even thinking about it. "She'll be lucky if she lives to see her wedding day." Because it had been repeated so many times it became like a prophecy. Even though I would never have admitted it, there was a part of me that expected it to come true. I let a root of fear enter in to my heart by speaking words of doom.
I was fortunate in that my "word curse" was limited in power because apart from actual suicide, I don't have the power over my own death. (And even then, I could fail.) But there are lots of word curses we speak into our lives that are far more subversive, and potentially far more detrimental.
One "word curse" I am trying hard to watch carefully in my home right now is over my son Ethan and his math work. The curriculum is really hard, and we're both struggling with it, but I'm careful not to say in front of him, "it's too hard." Because if I say it, and he hears it, he might start to believe it, and then he might not even try. The other day, he spoke a word curse over himself. As we were struggling to get through the math he looked at me and said, "I'm just stupid." That was a tightrope to walk, I didn't want to speak my curse of the math being too hard, but I also had to make sure I didn't let him think he was the problem either.
Victoria has been doing it too. She's having a tough time with reading. Ethan is a really exceptional reader, above grade level, and because they are so close in age, everything is a competition. Ethan can read actual books, novels even, and Victoria is struggling through her beginning readers. I've heard her say on more than one occasion, "I'm not a good reader." I have to stop her because if she keeps saying it, she might start to believe it, and give up trying before she ever realizes the joy and adventure she will someday find in books when her ability to read comprehensively emerges.
These are just minor examples in the simple lives of my children, but grown-ups do this too, and often at a much greater cost. They say things like, "my marriage is never going to get any better," or "my husband/wife will never change." Or they say things like, "it's hopeless," or "I'm always going to struggle with this," or "I don't have the self-discipline to accomplish that."
The fact of the matter is, if you keep speaking these kinds of things into your own life, personal, professional, marital- they will become the way things are instead of just the way you think they are. You look at your spouse, in a marriage that is struggling, you are wounded or saddened by the hurts been done. You say to yourself over and over again, "He'll never change." It becomes your reality. It gets to the point any effort he makes to change is meaningless, because you have, with your own words, blinded yourself to the possibility he will. You have spoken the prophecy and then yourself fulfilled it.
Or perhaps you struggle with something yourself, say an issue with anger. Repeatedly you blow up and say things you shouldn't. You want to change, but you don't believe you can, you even say you don't believe you can or ever will. "It's just the way I am, I have anger issues." Suddenly the issues become greater than the will to change. You can't change, because you have again, spoken the prophecy till it became a belief, then a conviction and then an insurmountable perceived reality. It could be anger, overeating, drinking, any number of things. It could be believing that your marriage is hopeless, that there's no better job opportunity or even no better alternative in life. First you speak it, and then you believe it, then it becomes your facade of truth.
It's not just into your own life that you can speak these word curses. You can speak them to your spouse, your children, your friends in any life within your sphere of influence. Think of the word curse possibilities, "lazy," "good for nothing," "failure." I know one of the word curses spoken into my life was "spoiled brat." Just hearing those words can rise the hair on the back of my neck, my heart palpitates, I get irritable at the sound. Everything in me resists the words, but the fear is always deep rooted that perhaps it is true because it was spoken into my life so many times by someone I love.
Proverbs 18:21 says this, "Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit."
With the words we speak, we have great power. We have the ability to either inspire hope and encourage or to tear down and devastate. We can build a bridge toward change, or we can wall ourselves or someone else into a bondage with no apparent hope of escape. Whichever seed we plant, in our lives and the lives of those around us, we will bear that fruit. If we speak life and hope, we will reap the good that comes from it, but if we speak death and discouragement, we will reap the destruction and despair it brings.
I leave you with two of my life verses. Mind you, they are my "life verses" not because I already live by them, but because I aspire to.
Proverbs 10:19 says, "In the multitude of words sin is not lacking, but he who restrains his lips is wise."
and Ephesians 4:29 "Let no evil talk come out of your mouths, but only what is useful for building up, as there is need, so that your words may give grace to those who hear."
Let me encourage you also today, choose your words carefully, speak life and hope, and may you reap the benefits of the choice.
When I did my second list I was sharing about how when I was young I had a lot of accidents around special days and holidays and such. On Christmas when I was about 5 I fell and split my eye open on the corner or a coffee table and had to have stitches. When I was 8, just days before my 9th birthday I was at my neighbor's on a rainy day and we were playing baseball in the garage and I took a bat straight to my nose, I had to have plastic surgery to have it rebuilt because it was gone. The last day of school in 6th grade I took a bucket out to the garage that night and put it under a table, in the dark when I shoved it under the table a wedge fell off the table and landed on my little toe almost cutting it off. A few days before junior high graduation we were messing around at lunch time in our Spanish teacher's class and we were walking on the desks (I don't know, why were we playing baseball in a garage? Who left the wedge on the edge of the table? Stuff happens.) and I fell and split the back of my head open.
All my traumatic events were always closely associated with some special day, so about the time I was 15 there started to be this running joke in my family, mostly between my mom and I, about how I probably wouldn't live to see my wedding day, that some horrible event would befall me and keep me from ever reaching the altar. It was always said in jest, but it was said A LOT.
About a week before Neal and I got married I was home doing a little housework and prep for our nuptials. I was cleaning up the kitchen and clearing my counter. I grabbed some trash and put it in the can and to make more room I shoved down deep inside. Inside was a jagged top of a tuna can that had been thrown away. When I shoved the other trash down the can top cut across my wrist, right along the "suicide line." When I pulled my arm out and saw it, it was bleeding pretty good. My very first thought was, "I'm going to die, I'm never going to make it to my wedding day."
I called my mom, who panicked right along with me, and then I called Neal. He rushed home from work (yes, we lived together before we got married... we weren't Christians then.) I was holding a towel on my wrist, in my mind to save my own life. When Neal got a home about 5 minutes later he came running up the yard. Even he had heard the stories of my predicted demise. He took a look and then snapped me out of my panic. It was a pretty good cut, borderline on whether or not I should go and get a stitch or two, but my life was never in any real danger. I do still have the scar though (I decided against the stitches) and even 20 years later you can still see the faint reminder.
Reminder of what? Reminder of the power words can have. For years we had spoken a word curse over me without even thinking about it. "She'll be lucky if she lives to see her wedding day." Because it had been repeated so many times it became like a prophecy. Even though I would never have admitted it, there was a part of me that expected it to come true. I let a root of fear enter in to my heart by speaking words of doom.
I was fortunate in that my "word curse" was limited in power because apart from actual suicide, I don't have the power over my own death. (And even then, I could fail.) But there are lots of word curses we speak into our lives that are far more subversive, and potentially far more detrimental.
One "word curse" I am trying hard to watch carefully in my home right now is over my son Ethan and his math work. The curriculum is really hard, and we're both struggling with it, but I'm careful not to say in front of him, "it's too hard." Because if I say it, and he hears it, he might start to believe it, and then he might not even try. The other day, he spoke a word curse over himself. As we were struggling to get through the math he looked at me and said, "I'm just stupid." That was a tightrope to walk, I didn't want to speak my curse of the math being too hard, but I also had to make sure I didn't let him think he was the problem either.
Victoria has been doing it too. She's having a tough time with reading. Ethan is a really exceptional reader, above grade level, and because they are so close in age, everything is a competition. Ethan can read actual books, novels even, and Victoria is struggling through her beginning readers. I've heard her say on more than one occasion, "I'm not a good reader." I have to stop her because if she keeps saying it, she might start to believe it, and give up trying before she ever realizes the joy and adventure she will someday find in books when her ability to read comprehensively emerges.
These are just minor examples in the simple lives of my children, but grown-ups do this too, and often at a much greater cost. They say things like, "my marriage is never going to get any better," or "my husband/wife will never change." Or they say things like, "it's hopeless," or "I'm always going to struggle with this," or "I don't have the self-discipline to accomplish that."
The fact of the matter is, if you keep speaking these kinds of things into your own life, personal, professional, marital- they will become the way things are instead of just the way you think they are. You look at your spouse, in a marriage that is struggling, you are wounded or saddened by the hurts been done. You say to yourself over and over again, "He'll never change." It becomes your reality. It gets to the point any effort he makes to change is meaningless, because you have, with your own words, blinded yourself to the possibility he will. You have spoken the prophecy and then yourself fulfilled it.
Or perhaps you struggle with something yourself, say an issue with anger. Repeatedly you blow up and say things you shouldn't. You want to change, but you don't believe you can, you even say you don't believe you can or ever will. "It's just the way I am, I have anger issues." Suddenly the issues become greater than the will to change. You can't change, because you have again, spoken the prophecy till it became a belief, then a conviction and then an insurmountable perceived reality. It could be anger, overeating, drinking, any number of things. It could be believing that your marriage is hopeless, that there's no better job opportunity or even no better alternative in life. First you speak it, and then you believe it, then it becomes your facade of truth.
It's not just into your own life that you can speak these word curses. You can speak them to your spouse, your children, your friends in any life within your sphere of influence. Think of the word curse possibilities, "lazy," "good for nothing," "failure." I know one of the word curses spoken into my life was "spoiled brat." Just hearing those words can rise the hair on the back of my neck, my heart palpitates, I get irritable at the sound. Everything in me resists the words, but the fear is always deep rooted that perhaps it is true because it was spoken into my life so many times by someone I love.
Proverbs 18:21 says this, "Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit."
With the words we speak, we have great power. We have the ability to either inspire hope and encourage or to tear down and devastate. We can build a bridge toward change, or we can wall ourselves or someone else into a bondage with no apparent hope of escape. Whichever seed we plant, in our lives and the lives of those around us, we will bear that fruit. If we speak life and hope, we will reap the good that comes from it, but if we speak death and discouragement, we will reap the destruction and despair it brings.
I leave you with two of my life verses. Mind you, they are my "life verses" not because I already live by them, but because I aspire to.
Proverbs 10:19 says, "In the multitude of words sin is not lacking, but he who restrains his lips is wise."
and Ephesians 4:29 "Let no evil talk come out of your mouths, but only what is useful for building up, as there is need, so that your words may give grace to those who hear."
Let me encourage you also today, choose your words carefully, speak life and hope, and may you reap the benefits of the choice.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
'Til Death
Remember when you were little? You'd make a promise, and if the recipient of your word looked doubtful, they'd ask you, "Pinky swear?" And in absolute assurance, you would promise, "Pinky swear!" At the risk of losing an appendage I suppose, you gave your word.
I'm still finding myself doing that once in a while even as an adult. I'll ask Neal to promise me he'll take care of something, and if he seems to be hedging at all, I'll ask him "Swear?" And he always does. But it's never about the big stuff. I actually don't ask him to risk his pinky anymore, but the concept is the same. But I shouldn't ask him to do that, because the bible says this:
Nor shall you swear by your head, because you cannot make one hair white or black. But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one. Matthew 5:36-37
I think that God is instructing us that we should be a people of our word, always, no matter what. If you say something to someone, they should be able to count on the fact that because you said it, it will happen. I think there are two benefits that I note immediately,(1) it makes you an honest and trustworthy person. That's something we should all aspire to be. I think that (2)the second benefit is this, perhaps we will give our words more consideration before we make promises we can't or are unwilling to keep.
God is the author of the promise. He wrote an entire Book filled with them. God always keeps His promises.
That's actually an anchor point for me. Maybe THE anchor point in my life. I even have it written on my license plate frame, "God Always Keeps His Promises." I've seen it proven in my life time and time again. He's kept The Word (Bible) to me, as well as promises He made just to me. Not always in the way I thought, or in the timing I planned, but always, promises kept.
I've been privileged to experience His position (or something comparable to it) in a promise. Did that make sense? What I'm saying is, I've gotten to see the role the Lord takes in His promise to me... well, sort of.
I think of His promise, His covenant, of salvation to me. The promise He swore by Jesus' sacrifice. Unlike legal "covenants" today, where two parties enter in together, and responsibility is negotiated and divided, in the covenant of my salvation all the effort and sacrifice was done on God's part, all I had to do was accept it to receive the benefit. That's what adopting a child is like. You make all the sacrifice and effort to make this child a part of your family, and they just have to enter in and accept it. And it isn't breakable. I suppose in some manner it is, but not without a lot of leaping through hoops and back to do it.
What I mean is when I adopted Ethan, I guaranteed him an inheritance. Unlike Jacob and Victoria, whatever I have left behind when I die someday, I have to make provision for him. And unlike Jacob and Victoria who I could disown, I cannot do that to Ethan. He's stuck with me. My obligation to all my children may be moral, but only to Ethan is it legal and binding. Which is why I think the Lord describes his relationship with His children as that of adoption. He's bound to us, in an unbreakable covenant.
As a Christian there is another relationship that I am in that is considered a covenant promise. That is my marriage to Neal. In the world marriage isn't looked at that way. It's considered to be a contract with an unending list of outs, and it seems to me more and more people are taking them every day, and what really makes me sad is how many people I see doing it or even considering it in the church.
I wasn't actually a Christian when I got married, or at least I wasn't walking with the Lord. But when I became a Christian I certainly believe I retroactively became bound to a covenant marriage, or at least when we both became Christians I did. (And I did actually get married in a church, and it was a Christian ceremony, even if only out of tradition - so one could make an argument it was binding anyway.)
Although my contract of marriage (and all its loopholes) was a contract between two people, Neal and I, the covenant of our marriage is between three, Neal, myself and God. When I promised to love Neal in sickness and in health, for better or for worse, when I promised to cherish and honor him, I didn't just make the promise to Neal, I made it to God.
I'm glad for that truth, because I think it is the super glue that stands when the Elmer's runs thin. Marriage is hard. Don't misunderstand this post, at the moment my marriage is wonderful. I'd love to say with assurance that we've grown to a place that we don't struggle but I know the reality is, that it might not always be the way it is now. And so when those times come, I'm glad that I can stop and remember I didn't just make the promise to make our marriage work to Neal, I promised God I was in it for the long haul - "till death do us part." And I have no acceptable excuse to break my promise to God, because He's never broken a single one to me.
Now don't get all fired up and misunderstand me, I'm not judging anyone else, not on an individual basis anyway, but I am saying, If you are a Christian that before you are willing to walk away from a marriage, or even willing to consider it, you ought to really take inventory. Did you mean the words you said? The promises that you made? If perhaps your spouse doesn't seem deserving of your devotion, how about your God?
The reason you had to promise "for better or for worse" is because the worse will come, and it isn't a loophole or escape to end your marriage. As God's people, we should be keepers of our promises. Do I know there probably have to be exceptions? Perhaps, but there aren't as many as some think there are.
I'm rambling now, and maybe you're fighting to stay awake by this point in the post, but my heart is heavy - marriage is in trouble, there is an attack against this great institution created by God. And it isn't the big battles over definitions that we need to take heed, it's in our own churches, our neighborhoods, among our friends. Take heed. Fight for your marriage, it's a gift to you from the Lord, even if it isn't going the way you thought or hoped, you can only surrender your own will and participation, you can't change your spouse, but you can change your heart and allow God to work in you. I hope you will, it's worth it.
I'm still finding myself doing that once in a while even as an adult. I'll ask Neal to promise me he'll take care of something, and if he seems to be hedging at all, I'll ask him "Swear?" And he always does. But it's never about the big stuff. I actually don't ask him to risk his pinky anymore, but the concept is the same. But I shouldn't ask him to do that, because the bible says this:
Nor shall you swear by your head, because you cannot make one hair white or black. But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one. Matthew 5:36-37
I think that God is instructing us that we should be a people of our word, always, no matter what. If you say something to someone, they should be able to count on the fact that because you said it, it will happen. I think there are two benefits that I note immediately,(1) it makes you an honest and trustworthy person. That's something we should all aspire to be. I think that (2)the second benefit is this, perhaps we will give our words more consideration before we make promises we can't or are unwilling to keep.
God is the author of the promise. He wrote an entire Book filled with them. God always keeps His promises.
That's actually an anchor point for me. Maybe THE anchor point in my life. I even have it written on my license plate frame, "God Always Keeps His Promises." I've seen it proven in my life time and time again. He's kept The Word (Bible) to me, as well as promises He made just to me. Not always in the way I thought, or in the timing I planned, but always, promises kept.
I've been privileged to experience His position (or something comparable to it) in a promise. Did that make sense? What I'm saying is, I've gotten to see the role the Lord takes in His promise to me... well, sort of.
I think of His promise, His covenant, of salvation to me. The promise He swore by Jesus' sacrifice. Unlike legal "covenants" today, where two parties enter in together, and responsibility is negotiated and divided, in the covenant of my salvation all the effort and sacrifice was done on God's part, all I had to do was accept it to receive the benefit. That's what adopting a child is like. You make all the sacrifice and effort to make this child a part of your family, and they just have to enter in and accept it. And it isn't breakable. I suppose in some manner it is, but not without a lot of leaping through hoops and back to do it.
What I mean is when I adopted Ethan, I guaranteed him an inheritance. Unlike Jacob and Victoria, whatever I have left behind when I die someday, I have to make provision for him. And unlike Jacob and Victoria who I could disown, I cannot do that to Ethan. He's stuck with me. My obligation to all my children may be moral, but only to Ethan is it legal and binding. Which is why I think the Lord describes his relationship with His children as that of adoption. He's bound to us, in an unbreakable covenant.
As a Christian there is another relationship that I am in that is considered a covenant promise. That is my marriage to Neal. In the world marriage isn't looked at that way. It's considered to be a contract with an unending list of outs, and it seems to me more and more people are taking them every day, and what really makes me sad is how many people I see doing it or even considering it in the church.
I wasn't actually a Christian when I got married, or at least I wasn't walking with the Lord. But when I became a Christian I certainly believe I retroactively became bound to a covenant marriage, or at least when we both became Christians I did. (And I did actually get married in a church, and it was a Christian ceremony, even if only out of tradition - so one could make an argument it was binding anyway.)
Although my contract of marriage (and all its loopholes) was a contract between two people, Neal and I, the covenant of our marriage is between three, Neal, myself and God. When I promised to love Neal in sickness and in health, for better or for worse, when I promised to cherish and honor him, I didn't just make the promise to Neal, I made it to God.
I'm glad for that truth, because I think it is the super glue that stands when the Elmer's runs thin. Marriage is hard. Don't misunderstand this post, at the moment my marriage is wonderful. I'd love to say with assurance that we've grown to a place that we don't struggle but I know the reality is, that it might not always be the way it is now. And so when those times come, I'm glad that I can stop and remember I didn't just make the promise to make our marriage work to Neal, I promised God I was in it for the long haul - "till death do us part." And I have no acceptable excuse to break my promise to God, because He's never broken a single one to me.
Now don't get all fired up and misunderstand me, I'm not judging anyone else, not on an individual basis anyway, but I am saying, If you are a Christian that before you are willing to walk away from a marriage, or even willing to consider it, you ought to really take inventory. Did you mean the words you said? The promises that you made? If perhaps your spouse doesn't seem deserving of your devotion, how about your God?
The reason you had to promise "for better or for worse" is because the worse will come, and it isn't a loophole or escape to end your marriage. As God's people, we should be keepers of our promises. Do I know there probably have to be exceptions? Perhaps, but there aren't as many as some think there are.
I'm rambling now, and maybe you're fighting to stay awake by this point in the post, but my heart is heavy - marriage is in trouble, there is an attack against this great institution created by God. And it isn't the big battles over definitions that we need to take heed, it's in our own churches, our neighborhoods, among our friends. Take heed. Fight for your marriage, it's a gift to you from the Lord, even if it isn't going the way you thought or hoped, you can only surrender your own will and participation, you can't change your spouse, but you can change your heart and allow God to work in you. I hope you will, it's worth it.
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