This is my story, this is my song, Praising my Savior all the day long; This is my story, this is my song, Praising my Savior all the day long.
Oh how I long to live my life in such a way, praising my Savior all the day long. The bible talks about how our Spirit makes deep groanings that we cannot utter, and though I don't know if it is biblical or not, I hope my spirit knows to praise Him even when my flesh gets caught up in me, life and circumstance.
I do know that my life however is one of Blessed Assurance. It is one of those things I find hard to describe to someone else if they have not themselves experienced it. The total peace and confidence in my soul that I know who I am and I know Who I belong to, and the confidence of all that I have because of what he has done for me.
February is here, the month of love and romance, the stores are packed with candy, flowers and cards for sale to express to your special someone "Be Mine."
As happily married as I am, and I consider myself to be far blessed among all women for the marriage I have, the husband I am married to and the life that we share, it so fails by comparison to the sense of "Blessed Assurance" that holds my heart.
Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine! Oh, what a foretaste of glory divine! Heir of salvation, purchase of God, Born of His Spirit, washed in His blood.
Remember how wonderful you felt the first time you fell in love? The excitement that made your heart race? Sometimes it fluttered so much you thought it might come right out of your chest? It's such a thrilling feeling, makes you feel alive. Blessed Assurance... it's like that, only better.
"Be Mine," you see it everywhere from tiny chalk like candies to big boxes and cards. And it is a wonderful feeling to feel like you "belong." I cherish my title as Neal's wife. I love that I alone am His, there is such joy and security in that sense. Blessed Assurance is like that, only more.
Belonging to Jesus, and having the full confidence of it, being fully persuaded of what He did for me on the cross and what it means for my life is beyond words. It is everything and yet I cannot find the words to share it, but the song tries.
"Perfect submission, perfect delight, Visions of rapture now burst on my sight; Angels, descending, bring from above Echoes of mercy, whispers of love. Perfect submission, all is at rest, I in my Savior am happy and blest, Watching and waiting, looking above, Filled with His goodness, lost in His love."
The most incredible thing about being madly in love with Jesus is to know He is even more madly in love with me. It is incredible to have your heart feel so full and then to know that it cannot even begin to compare to the love He has for me, for you, for all.
Oh how it must break His heart when His love is lost on the unbelieving or even doubted by those who know. And yet even in the midst of our rejection He is relentless in His pursuit. The bible says it is His will that none should perish, He longs for a reciprocal love from us. He stands willing and waiting, the bible says, "Knocking on the door of the heart."
If you do not know Him, my prayer is that you would, that you would come to know His sacrificial love and His deep desire for you. If you do know Him, then my prayer is that you would know the "width and length and depth and height" of His love for you. That you would allow Him to fill you to overflowing to the joy and peace- the "delight" and the "rest" that is yours to be had, that is Blessed Assurance.
May Jesus call you His own this Valentine's Day, and every day.
The family and I started on a new adventure yesterday. We went on a sort of treasure hunt, geocaching, also known as letterboxing, and we had a really good time. But as usual, it's got me thinking....
The Bible says in Matthew 7:7, "Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you."
This isn't a magic formula. It's not even what I would call "Kingdom math." Maybe it's more like "Kingdom Algebra," it holds truth, but the route to getting there is a little more circular than the classic "if/then" addition.
I see in this passage a progression of prayer and seeking God. So many of us set out on the path and sit ourselves on a stone just past "ask" and wonder why God hasn't responded quickly enough or in the manner we expected or hoped for.
So back to our family treasure hunt. We found out about this whole secret world called "Letterboxing." It's a wonderful little adventure, where there are clues to follow and treasures to be found.
As I think about our day yesterday on our Letterboxing quest, I see a similar progression as the one described in Matthew 7:7.
ASK. I discovered the adventure was out there, I shared it with my family, asked them to join me on it and we got our tools together and headed out. It was a good start, but it wasn't enough.
This reminds me of our initial seeking of God. We invite Him into our lives, we get into a church, get our bibles and learn to pray, but we can't stop there.
SEEK. We had to take our clues, and see where they would lead us. Some of them were simple and direct, but some of them required a lot of thought and attention, we had to move forward where the clues would lead us, purpose to follow the path set for us. We had to make a few u-turns along the path, sometimes go back to the last place we knew we were where we belonged and begin again from there.
When we become believers, it isn't enough to have the Bible, we have to dive into it, learn more about the Lord, find out who He is, what His plan is for us, as a whole and an individual. Somethings are very clear, simple instructions to follow (Kingdom math) and some are more complicated, we must by trial and error (Isaiah 1:18, Philippians 2:12), viz. Kingdom Algebra. Sometimes u-turns are required in our spiritual walks, and sometimes we have to go back to the last place we knew the Lord was speaking and begin again.
KNOCK. Even when we got to the proper location where the clues led on our adventure, the payoff didn't come till we got down on our knees and dug out the treasure. We had to put ourselves out there. It wasn't enough to arrive at the end of the line, we wanted the treasure in hand so we had to completely commit to the adventure.
This holds true in our walk with the Lord. It isn't enough to be "where" you know you're supposed to be. You have to completely commit yourself to it, in surrendered heart, willing attitude, and by not being willing to give up until the treasure is found, till you know you are where the Lord wants you to be, and doing what He wants you to do.
I am excited about this new family adventure that we are sharing. And I look forward to sharing this lesson with my children. I'm happy to have discovered this fun way to share the Truth with my kiddos.
Another parallel I discovered was this. As great as it was to get to the treasure, the road to discovery was so amazing. It was the relationship, and experiences along the way that made the trip most memorable. I think that's true in our walk with the Lord as well. The joy is in the journey.
I'm excited because there are lots more treasures out there to be found, more experiences, more adventures, more challenges and victories... in Letterboxing, and in the Walk of Faith.
I was participating in some fun over on my Facebook page, it was called "25 Random Things about Me." I did it twice, because well, let's be honest, I love to talk about me, and I love to write. So this fun little exercise was highly entertaining to me... twice.
When I did my second list I was sharing about how when I was young I had a lot of accidents around special days and holidays and such. On Christmas when I was about 5 I fell and split my eye open on the corner or a coffee table and had to have stitches. When I was 8, just days before my 9th birthday I was at my neighbor's on a rainy day and we were playing baseball in the garage and I took a bat straight to my nose, I had to have plastic surgery to have it rebuilt because it was gone. The last day of school in 6th grade I took a bucket out to the garage that night and put it under a table, in the dark when I shoved it under the table a wedge fell off the table and landed on my little toe almost cutting it off. A few days before junior high graduation we were messing around at lunch time in our Spanish teacher's class and we were walking on the desks (I don't know, why were we playing baseball in a garage? Who left the wedge on the edge of the table? Stuff happens.) and I fell and split the back of my head open.
All my traumatic events were always closely associated with some special day, so about the time I was 15 there started to be this running joke in my family, mostly between my mom and I, about how I probably wouldn't live to see my wedding day, that some horrible event would befall me and keep me from ever reaching the altar. It was always said in jest, but it was said A LOT.
About a week before Neal and I got married I was home doing a little housework and prep for our nuptials. I was cleaning up the kitchen and clearing my counter. I grabbed some trash and put it in the can and to make more room I shoved down deep inside. Inside was a jagged top of a tuna can that had been thrown away. When I shoved the other trash down the can top cut across my wrist, right along the "suicide line." When I pulled my arm out and saw it, it was bleeding pretty good. My very first thought was, "I'm going to die, I'm never going to make it to my wedding day."
I called my mom, who panicked right along with me, and then I called Neal. He rushed home from work (yes, we lived together before we got married... we weren't Christians then.) I was holding a towel on my wrist, in my mind to save my own life. When Neal got a home about 5 minutes later he came running up the yard. Even he had heard the stories of my predicted demise. He took a look and then snapped me out of my panic. It was a pretty good cut, borderline on whether or not I should go and get a stitch or two, but my life was never in any real danger. I do still have the scar though (I decided against the stitches) and even 20 years later you can still see the faint reminder.
Reminder of what? Reminder of the power words can have. For years we had spoken a word curse over me without even thinking about it. "She'll be lucky if she lives to see her wedding day." Because it had been repeated so many times it became like a prophecy. Even though I would never have admitted it, there was a part of me that expected it to come true. I let a root of fear enter in to my heart by speaking words of doom.
I was fortunate in that my "word curse" was limited in power because apart from actual suicide, I don't have the power over my own death. (And even then, I could fail.) But there are lots of word curses we speak into our lives that are far more subversive, and potentially far more detrimental.
One "word curse" I am trying hard to watch carefully in my home right now is over my son Ethan and his math work. The curriculum is really hard, and we're both struggling with it, but I'm careful not to say in front of him, "it's too hard." Because if I say it, and he hears it, he might start to believe it, and then he might not even try. The other day, he spoke a word curse over himself. As we were struggling to get through the math he looked at me and said, "I'm just stupid." That was a tightrope to walk, I didn't want to speak my curse of the math being too hard, but I also had to make sure I didn't let him think he was the problem either.
Victoria has been doing it too. She's having a tough time with reading. Ethan is a really exceptional reader, above grade level, and because they are so close in age, everything is a competition. Ethan can read actual books, novels even, and Victoria is struggling through her beginning readers. I've heard her say on more than one occasion, "I'm not a good reader." I have to stop her because if she keeps saying it, she might start to believe it, and give up trying before she ever realizes the joy and adventure she will someday find in books when her ability to read comprehensively emerges.
These are just minor examples in the simple lives of my children, but grown-ups do this too, and often at a much greater cost. They say things like, "my marriage is never going to get any better," or "my husband/wife will never change." Or they say things like, "it's hopeless," or "I'm always going to struggle with this," or "I don't have the self-discipline to accomplish that."
The fact of the matter is, if you keep speaking these kinds of things into your own life, personal, professional, marital- they will become the way things are instead of just the way you think they are. You look at your spouse, in a marriage that is struggling, you are wounded or saddened by the hurts been done. You say to yourself over and over again, "He'll never change." It becomes your reality. It gets to the point any effort he makes to change is meaningless, because you have, with your own words, blinded yourself to the possibility he will. You have spoken the prophecy and then yourself fulfilled it.
Or perhaps you struggle with something yourself, say an issue with anger. Repeatedly you blow up and say things you shouldn't. You want to change, but you don't believe you can, you even say you don't believe you can or ever will. "It's just the way I am, I have anger issues." Suddenly the issues become greater than the will to change. You can't change, because you have again, spoken the prophecy till it became a belief, then a conviction and then an insurmountable perceived reality. It could be anger, overeating, drinking, any number of things. It could be believing that your marriage is hopeless, that there's no better job opportunity or even no better alternative in life. First you speak it, and then you believe it, then it becomes your facade of truth.
It's not just into your own life that you can speak these word curses. You can speak them to your spouse, your children, your friends in any life within your sphere of influence. Think of the word curse possibilities, "lazy," "good for nothing," "failure." I know one of the word curses spoken into my life was "spoiled brat." Just hearing those words can rise the hair on the back of my neck, my heart palpitates, I get irritable at the sound. Everything in me resists the words, but the fear is always deep rooted that perhaps it is true because it was spoken into my life so many times by someone I love.
Proverbs 18:21 says this, "Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit."
With the words we speak, we have great power. We have the ability to either inspire hope and encourage or to tear down and devastate. We can build a bridge toward change, or we can wall ourselves or someone else into a bondage with no apparent hope of escape. Whichever seed we plant, in our lives and the lives of those around us, we will bear that fruit. If we speak life and hope, we will reap the good that comes from it, but if we speak death and discouragement, we will reap the destruction and despair it brings.
I leave you with two of my life verses. Mind you, they are my "life verses" not because I already live by them, but because I aspire to.
Proverbs 10:19 says, "In the multitude of words sin is not lacking, but he who restrains his lips is wise."
and Ephesians 4:29 "Let no evil talk come out of your mouths, but only what is useful for building up, as there is need, so that your words may give grace to those who hear."
Let me encourage you also today, choose your words carefully, speak life and hope, and may you reap the benefits of the choice.
Remember when you were little? You'd make a promise, and if the recipient of your word looked doubtful, they'd ask you, "Pinky swear?" And in absolute assurance, you would promise, "Pinky swear!" At the risk of losing an appendage I suppose, you gave your word.
I'm still finding myself doing that once in a while even as an adult. I'll ask Neal to promise me he'll take care of something, and if he seems to be hedging at all, I'll ask him "Swear?" And he always does. But it's never about the big stuff. I actually don't ask him to risk his pinky anymore, but the concept is the same. But I shouldn't ask him to do that, because the bible says this:
Nor shall you swear by your head, because you cannot make one hair white or black. But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one. Matthew 5:36-37
I think that God is instructing us that we should be a people of our word, always, no matter what. If you say something to someone, they should be able to count on the fact that because you said it, it will happen. I think there are two benefits that I note immediately,(1) it makes you an honest and trustworthy person. That's something we should all aspire to be. I think that (2)the second benefit is this, perhaps we will give our words more consideration before we make promises we can't or are unwilling to keep.
God is the author of the promise. He wrote an entire Book filled with them. God always keeps His promises.
That's actually an anchor point for me. Maybe THE anchor point in my life. I even have it written on my license plate frame, "God Always Keeps His Promises." I've seen it proven in my life time and time again. He's kept The Word (Bible) to me, as well as promises He made just to me. Not always in the way I thought, or in the timing I planned, but always, promises kept.
I've been privileged to experience His position (or something comparable to it) in a promise. Did that make sense? What I'm saying is, I've gotten to see the role the Lord takes in His promise to me... well, sort of.
I think of His promise, His covenant, of salvation to me. The promise He swore by Jesus' sacrifice. Unlike legal "covenants" today, where two parties enter in together, and responsibility is negotiated and divided, in the covenant of my salvation all the effort and sacrifice was done on God's part, all I had to do was accept it to receive the benefit. That's what adopting a child is like. You make all the sacrifice and effort to make this child a part of your family, and they just have to enter in and accept it. And it isn't breakable. I suppose in some manner it is, but not without a lot of leaping through hoops and back to do it.
What I mean is when I adopted Ethan, I guaranteed him an inheritance. Unlike Jacob and Victoria, whatever I have left behind when I die someday, I have to make provision for him. And unlike Jacob and Victoria who I could disown, I cannot do that to Ethan. He's stuck with me. My obligation to all my children may be moral, but only to Ethan is it legal and binding. Which is why I think the Lord describes his relationship with His children as that of adoption. He's bound to us, in an unbreakable covenant.
As a Christian there is another relationship that I am in that is considered a covenant promise. That is my marriage to Neal. In the world marriage isn't looked at that way. It's considered to be a contract with an unending list of outs, and it seems to me more and more people are taking them every day, and what really makes me sad is how many people I see doing it or even considering it in the church.
I wasn't actually a Christian when I got married, or at least I wasn't walking with the Lord. But when I became a Christian I certainly believe I retroactively became bound to a covenant marriage, or at least when we both became Christians I did. (And I did actually get married in a church, and it was a Christian ceremony, even if only out of tradition - so one could make an argument it was binding anyway.)
Although my contract of marriage (and all its loopholes) was a contract between two people, Neal and I, the covenant of our marriage is between three, Neal, myself and God. When I promised to love Neal in sickness and in health, for better or for worse, when I promised to cherish and honor him, I didn't just make the promise to Neal, I made it to God.
I'm glad for that truth, because I think it is the super glue that stands when the Elmer's runs thin. Marriage is hard. Don't misunderstand this post, at the moment my marriage is wonderful. I'd love to say with assurance that we've grown to a place that we don't struggle but I know the reality is, that it might not always be the way it is now. And so when those times come, I'm glad that I can stop and remember I didn't just make the promise to make our marriage work to Neal, I promised God I was in it for the long haul - "till death do us part." And I have no acceptable excuse to break my promise to God, because He's never broken a single one to me.
Now don't get all fired up and misunderstand me, I'm not judging anyone else, not on an individual basis anyway, but I am saying, If you are a Christian that before you are willing to walk away from a marriage, or even willing to consider it, you ought to really take inventory. Did you mean the words you said? The promises that you made? If perhaps your spouse doesn't seem deserving of your devotion, how about your God?
The reason you had to promise "for better or for worse" is because the worse will come, and it isn't a loophole or escape to end your marriage. As God's people, we should be keepers of our promises. Do I know there probably have to be exceptions? Perhaps, but there aren't as many as some think there are.
I'm rambling now, and maybe you're fighting to stay awake by this point in the post, but my heart is heavy - marriage is in trouble, there is an attack against this great institution created by God. And it isn't the big battles over definitions that we need to take heed, it's in our own churches, our neighborhoods, among our friends. Take heed. Fight for your marriage, it's a gift to you from the Lord, even if it isn't going the way you thought or hoped, you can only surrender your own will and participation, you can't change your spouse, but you can change your heart and allow God to work in you. I hope you will, it's worth it.
Honestly I was just sitting here playing Mahjong tiles when suddenly I had this compulsion to write this post. I think the reason it's even come to my mind is because of an email that was sent to me the other day that led me to this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V2CaBR3z85c&feature=player_embedded.
Honestly, I think it's one of the best ads I ever seen on the topic. I wonder if it will actually give some pause to thought. I actually kind of doubt it. I think I heard someone say this ad will never get to be aired. I don't know if that's true or not, but it wouldn't surprise me.
As I write this post, I do it with an understanding that I will probably offend many. In fact, some so much that it could cost me friendships, or at least cordial relations. So I will give the disclaimer now that I do not do this to pick an argument or to try to convince anyone who disagrees with me, whether it be in strength or mild consideration, I'm just sharing my perspective.
I give you my opinion first as a woman who has actually been in a crisis pregnancy. I also give you my opinion as a woman who at the age of 19 chose to have an abortion. I will say until I found myself in a crisis pregnancy I considered myself to be neutral on the matter. I honestly felt it was a "to each his or rather her own" opinion. I had never really considered the possibility of actually having one myself. I would even go so far as to say I don't think I thought I would ever have one. It actually was not my first choice even when I was in the circumstance, but without rehashing old wounds and wrongs that have since been both healed and forgiven, I will say that I personally bent from pressures and went through with the abortion. Having said that, no woman can ever consider herself innocent of her choice to have an abortion, ultimately (without a gun to her head) she participates in the choice.
Saying that, I do know what a painful and difficult decision it is to make. And when it's made, it is made in trade for something else. When all the options and considerations are made, it is determined that something else is of greater value than the life inside. Whether it is relationship, or plans, whether it be imagined freedoms or education, something else takes precedence and a woman proceeds. I honestly believe that most women find it a painful decision to make.
In my case, I chose relationship over the unborn baby. And for me, I never questioned whether or not it was a "baby." No one ever tried to convince me it was tissue or something other than a life, and when I went into the clinic for my abortion at about 9 weeks, I mistakenly saw my ultrasound. I wasn't supposed to but I did. I now know what I saw, the beating heart of a little child. I've since had the joy of seeing the same kind of ultrasounds with two of my other children as well, I know even better now what I saw that day. There is no doubt when I had my abortion that a baby died. It's the one fact that is true about all abortions.
Those who are for the "right to abortion" call themselves pro-choice. I find it interesting because it has been my personal experience that abortion is the one choice that ends all other choices. Once the abortion has been done, there is no going back or undoing any regret. It is a decision that can never be changed or modified. On the other hand, a woman who chooses not to have an abortion keeps the door of choice wide open for herself to make many other decisions in the future. There is the choice to have and keep the child, with that comes choices about marriage, education, working. She can choose to postpone other plans and revisit them, she can choose to make new plans or set new goals, or she can make the choice to stay on the path she's already been on and do it in a different way. Or she can choose to continue on her same path apart from being a mother by giving her child up to a loving family for adoption. Even the choice of adoption leads to more choices. She can choose to have an open adoption with ongoing contact with the adoptive family. She can choose to walk away, and with that she can choose to never look back or she can choose to pursue the relationship again in the future. To me, choosing not to have an abortion is, without a doubt, the road to a plethora of future choices.
Another reason I am pro-life is because of my extensive experience of working with women who have had abortions. Without quoting volatile statistics, I can tell you I have personally dealt with hundreds of women who have suffered from the choice of abortion. I have seen women who have suffered physical complications such as infertility and miscarriage. I myself have had two miscarriages after my abortion and my aborted pregnancy was the only pregnancy I ever accomplished without some form of intervention. I have also seen a lot of women with deep psychological scars. I'm not saying all women are affected this way, but my experience indicates that some women undoubtedly are, ranging from chronic nightmares all the way to attempts of suicide, I have seen these responses and a great range in between. I have also seen emotional damage from shame to depression, and there are of course spiritual consequences as well.
Interestingly enough even though my abortion experience was very traumatic, my initial response was to become extremely pro-choice in the aftermath of it. No, honestly I personally became pro-abortion. I can specifically remember having one conversation that I tried to convince a woman I knew to have an abortion. Looking back now I realize I did so because I didn't want to feel alone, it wasn't enough to be a statistic, I wanted to personally know someone else who'd actually been through it. I am thankful to this day that she didn't listen to me, especially when I see what a treasure her son has grown up to be. I also have great guilt to know that she did abort a later pregnancy that I never knew about till years later. I do feel some sense of responsibility in that, because I lied to her and told her it was "no big deal." Abortion is indeed a big deal.
That leads to another reason why I am against abortion. I have an adopted child. So every day living in my very own home is a reminder at what cost abortion comes. A beautiful loving child, who was given life in the most dire of circumstances, and he's never brought anything but joy into my life. More and more I hear about children who've been adopted, and I think, each one of them has been a choice. Truly every child born since 1973 has absolutely been a choice. They have been given the gift of life, chosen first by God and then my their mother. And those adopted have been chosen yet again. And it is sincerely an incredible thing to experience the joy of adoption.
Now having said all that, you will probably never find me picketing a clinic or lobbying on Capitol stairs. I will always vote pro-life (sorry Mr. President) and I will sign any solid pro-life petition that comes my way, but I know that isn't where the answers lie. Would I love to live in an a world where abortion didn't exist? I would. Do I expect to? I do not. I also don't believe the solution is in sexual education or making birth control more available. You can keep telling me teenagers are "going to have sex" and I will continue to tell any of them who will listen, not to unless they are married. If only a few listen, I will have at least done my part to make an impact. And even if I only change one opinion, I will have at least changed that one opinion. I'm not speaking from a soap box, I'm speaking from my experience, and that no one can deny.
The battle of abortion is not a mass war, but hand to hand combat, and it isn't to be fought against the woman who is making the choice to have one, but rather against the mindset she's been given to believe as absolute. It's a battle against the thought that it is the "best" way or the "only" way. It's a fight against hopelessness and fear. The day I walked into a clinic to have my abortion, I was looking for a way out, I was open to another road of thought. One of my saddest memories about that day is driving into the clinic parking lot. As I looked out the passenger window there were well intentioned people there picketing the clinic. I honestly believe their hearts were for the well-being of the babies. As we drove up to the lot though, they pointed fingers and began to yell. It was with harsh and angry tones that they cried out "Murderer!" at me. And it was in that moment that the clinic that I questioned entering suddenly became the safest place for me to go. I'm by no means judging the people who were there that day, but I do offer it as a warning to any who may feel called to do such a thing should do it in peace and love, whatever their motivation.
To a woman considering abortion I would say, weight your options yet again, there is only one direction that continues down the road of choice. To a woman who has already made the decision and is hurting from it, I would say, you are not alone, there is hope. I never cease to be amazed at how in a world where abortion is so acceptable, so few women who've had them are willing to talk about it. And they are everywhere, in your workplaces, even your churches, your families and many of them are in pain. I pray that both these groups of women discover there is help out there and there is hope.
It is hope that makes me pro-life, I choose to keep it alive. Of course, having said all of that, there is one reason greater than all I have written for my pro-life convictions. The strongest belief I hold about why I am pro-life comes from the scripture.
Genesis 1:26 says, Then God said, “Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness."
Human life was created with inherent value. It's value cannot be separated from the very life itself. Created lives are not accidents or mistakes, human life is made to reflect the image of the Creator Himself. Whether treasured or neglected, it loses no value, it is no less precious, only less appreciated. You are valuable because God created you. He chose to knit you together in a very specific way for a very specific purpose. From the color of your eyes and hair to the personality, strengths and talents He's given you, you are His precious creation. You just may not realize that. And unfortunately people don't realize that is the case with all human life, and so much valuable life is squandered through abortion. Babies being unplanned or unwanted don't make them less valuable, but unfortunately there is no coming back from abortion, the "choice" that ends all choices.
For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother’s womb. I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; marvelous are Your works, and that my soul knows very well. My frame was not hidden from You, when I was made in secret, and skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they all were written, the days fashioned for me, when as yet there were none of them. How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How great is the sum of them! Psalm 139:13-17
For more of my personal experience with abortion, click here.
I have been thinking about this phrase a lot lately.
"Let your gentleness be known to all men. The Lord is at hand. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-8
It's a command of God, and a tall order to fill, very hard in times such as these. Everywhere you turn it seems the world is buckling under pressures beyond its control. The economy is bad, people's jobs are at risk, companies are closing, families filing bankruptcies. Yesterday here in Southern California the breaking news story in the morning was of a man who committed suicide after killing his wife and their five children. He sent a fax to the local news station indicating that his wife had planned everything and that both he and she had lost their jobs recently. Their anxiety must have been great.
Sources of anxiety are never lacking. This morning as I was laying in the chiropractor's office for what is supposed to be 7 minutes of relaxation, my mind started to reel. I could worry about my kids, our finances, our family's business, medical bills, our health. There's plenty to be anxious about.
Sometimes I think back to the years 2001-2004 when were battling out our child's adoption. We were on a veritable 24/7 anxiety cycle. In fact even after everything had been settled and it was finalized and irrevocable I had panic attacks for the months that followed. I would lay in bed at night and my heart would just rush. I found out later that it's not uncommon after a prolonged period of stress that your adrenal gland can actually misfire, and the panic attack comes because after having been on a sort of "high alert" for so long your body gets accustomed to being there. I would lay there in a cold sweat, so anxious. I suppose that was a different kind of "anxious for nothing."
The anxiety and worry it births really bring no good. Matthew 6:27 asks the question, "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?" The truth of the matter is that worry doesn't add anything to your life, but it can rob you of so much, your time, your peace, your hope. I wonder what the statistics are of how much we worry about actually coming to fruition. Worry reminds me of the old dog who is chasing his tail, he never really gets anywhere, but he certainly can wear himself out. Proverbs 12:25 says it like this, "An anxious heart weighs a man down..." The only thing I am pretty sure I've ever gotten out of worrying is a few gray hairs.
I've been worrying lately. We have a lot of bills and debt. Our business is struggling. I can always worry about my kids. Jake rides his bike in traffic. Ethan still isn't totally settled in at his new school. It's been almost a year since the last time Victoria lost consciousness, are we due? Every time she gets sick, I worry. I think I've rebooted that old adrenal gland again too. I often wake up in the early morning hours with the overwhelming sense of anxiousness, and then I have to stop and decide, "what am I afraid of?" I have to come up with the source of the fear.
What about you? What is making you anxious today? Is it your finances? Your job? Are you worrying while you wait for those test results to come back? Is it the state of the economy? The state of your marriage? Bad news? Bad weather? Anxiety can be contagious. You can be feeling fine and someone starts to talk about something that worries them, identity theft, their children's safety, their investments, and human nature responds with the thought, "could that happen to me?"
And yet I am drawn back to the first scripture I shared. It's a command. The Lord says, "Be anxious for nothing..." I know how the rest of the passage goes, and when I feel the anxiety rising up, I do, I try to pray and focus, not in some Pollyanna foolishness, but because I know it's my only hope. If not in the Lord, then where lies my hope? It helps, it does, at least until anxiety tries again to rear its ugly head.
"Anxious for nothing..." Today I pulled up this passage to read it again and I looked at it in it's entirety. And something caught my eye I'd never noted before in its context. Not what comes after the command, but what comes before.
"The Lord is at hand."
Suddenly I realized it is not the prayer that resolves the trouble of anxiety, it is the knowledge that I, as a Christian, am not in this alone. Whatever it is that concerns me or overwhelms me is not mine to face alone. The Lord is here, right here, with me. I often hear a passage of scripture misquoted and it's a bit of a pet peeve with me. I have heard so many people say, with confidence. "I know the Lord doesn't give us more than we can bear." But it isn't true. What the bible says is that God will not give us more temptation than we can bear without making a way of escape (1 Corinthians 10:13), but He never said in life there would not be more than we could stand up under.
What he did say is this...
"Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:29-30 (NKJV)
and...
"Be humble under God's powerful hand so He will lift you up when the right time comes. Give all your worries to Him, because He cares about you." 1 Peter 5:6-7 (NCV)
One of the things I love about my husband is that he is a gentleman. If he were walking and saw another weaker than him struggling with a load they were carrying, he would not even hesitate to take it from them and carry it for them, to lighten their load. Knowing his strength was greater, he would help them, and they would be foolish not to allow him to do it. Imagine if you will a little old lady trying to carry a television set or some such thing for herself. A man far stronger comes and offers to help and she refuses, you would think to yourself, what a fool.
And yet, isn't that what we do each day when we struggle carrying our anxiety and worries, overwhelmed and awkward beneath them, when there stands the Lord beside us, a true Gentleman offering to carry our load. Whatever the load, the Lord is big enough to carry it, and He is here, He is at hand.
Worry is sin. We miss the mark when we do it, and when we dwell in it, we hurt ourselve and hinder our walk with the Lord. He commands us not to be anxious, He tells us we don't have to because He is here, and that He cares for us. And yet the temptation to do so remains. Ahh, but what was that about temptation? God said he would make that way of escape. That is where the prayer comes in, the supplication with thanksgiving, it is our escape from the temptation to dwell in the worry and be ruled by anxiety and fear.
Anxiety and worry serve no good purpose but to draw us from the One who promises He will care for you, meet your needs, provide the way where there seems to be no way, and even in the darkest times, He promises to remain by your side and mine and see us through it all.
