Friday, September 13, 2013

Hurt has a voice

And sometimes it needs to be shushed...

Lately it has been given free reign. And I had to make an apology for that. The apology was clearly and strongly accepted.

But the problem is that all the talking hurt has done was not just to the person who accepted my apology. That's the thing about voices... they carry.

I have said it before, and I say it again: Words are both my greatest asset and my greatest stumbling block.

I am being vague - but those who need to know what I am saying should know I am saying it and know I am speaking to them. Part of the problem is, I cannot be sure specifically where an apology needs to be made. So I am making it here. I apologize. I can only hope it is accepted. Whether you were offended for yourself or on behalf of another, whether you felt hurt, or even felt betrayed, I am sincerely sorry.

I could try to explain myself, but it seems to me that would only undermine the apology, so I will not.

Instead I hope for fresh starts and second chances and forgiveness.

I cannot promise hurt will always be silenced - my transparency is who I am, and honestly, it ministers to some, but perhaps the few (but the few matter).

I will do my best not to project the past on the present, I will not let fear and feelings from "before" superimpose themselves on the things I see and experience now.

I will take things at face value, give the benefit of the doubt. It is NOT my nature to do so, but I will try - actively.

I will do my best when hurt does speak not to allow it to be accusatory or judgmental.

I will do my best to cause hurt to stop, wait and think before it speaks. And to choose where it speaks wisely.

I am thankful for those who choose to be loving enough to confront and address (even tattle.) I hope second chances and restoration will follow right along.

Only time will tell, and I can only do my new part from here. Words (even vague words) cannot be unsaid. I will think on that and remember that before I speak them again in the future... at least I promise to try.

Hurt has a voice, now hope speaks too.

Today is a new day, mercy is new every morning. I choose to believe that's true.

I hope my apology is accepted.

I'm asking for grace undeserved and a fresh start to go with it.

Sincerely, I apologize.

1 comment:

JESSICA REYNOLDS RENSHAW said...

When my mother died (23 years ago) I slipped into a depression so deep I had to be hospitalized for six weeks (three in hospital, three commuting daily).

They taught me in the hospital to give value to my feelings and to express my needs. They gave me a formula to use to express hurt: "When you _______, I feel ________ because_________." The focus was on my feelings, not on accusations or attack.

Maybe it will help. Maybe not. You could try it.