Adrift

I climbed in the boat with brokenness,
I hoped for a quiet respite.
Not knowing that was the place,
Where my heart and soul would be split.

In a storm my arms gripped tight,

Holding tightly to the boat.
Waves rage high, then drop low,
Dragging me off somewhere remote.

Off to solitude and silence I drifted,
Pushed by waters so adverse.
Floating out into aloneness,
I found it a blessing and a curse.

Storm weary and beat down,
I was spent down deep in my soul.
Broken apart by crashing waves,
Can't remember what it was to be whole.

Because it was all I'd ever known,
For so long there I did remain.
Not because it didn't hurt,
But it was an acceptable level of pain.

But acceptable is ever changing,
Till it reaches a level one can't bear.
Then always comes the day,
When one just can't remain there.

The last days on the boat were painful,
Holding on as the waves began to lift.
Then suddenly it came down hard,
And I was tossed completely adrift.

But quickly I was drawn in,
To a quiet pool that seemed safe.
A hand of welcome was freely offered,
For they didn't really see this sorry waif.

Homeless, and broken and sad,
There was voice that bid me "Come."
Desperate I fell on their shore,
They didn't see from where I'd swum.

It was an ugly painful place,
Of which they could not know,
And when I told my tale,
They did not believe it so.

There on the shore I vomited,
All the poisoned waters I'd taken in.
It wasn't the way to enter their world,
A bad way to make a friend.

A beautiful place I'd landed,
I yearned to see it all.
I'd never seen such a loveliness,
Seemed like Eden before the fall.

But I didn't fit there in paradise,
There was simply too much damage done.
There was no place for ugly here,
And I knew I was the ugly one.

I found the waters beckoning me,
But I had no desire for another boat.
I just wanted into the waters,
A place to lie back and float.

Alone in the water I longed to be,
My ears covered to mute the sound.
Drifting out in the stormy waters,
Is where I wanted to be found.

Relationship is just too hard,
When I have revealed too much of me.
I don't want to try anymore,
I just want to drift alone out to sea.

So I am walking out into the water
Grabbing a wave that'll take me away,
Because belonging is so much harder,
Than just living my life astray.

Deep waters no longer alarm me,
If I know I can ride them alone.
There my pain is my problem,
But by no one my suffering known.

Adrift is powerfully beckoning,
And it's where I long to be.
I can just be sorry I'm alone,
And no longer sorry I'm me.

by Diana DePriest
© June 3, 2013