Sometimes, more often than I care to admit, I just get very sad. It comes on quickly and suddenly. It's like a wave.
It's a strange sort of sadness though, because it drives me to my knees. In a very literal sense, I just want to drop before the Lord. In the moment, I'm completely aware of my sinfulness and my desperate need for my Savior.
In the moment that it comes God feels very near, and ever so far away. Perhaps it is an eternal moment, realizing how far away I am from where I truly belong-- emotionally, spiritually and physically.
The walk of faith is too often proclaimed to be simple, uncomplicated. And too often we Christians want to give off some perception that we've got out all together, and we wear our righteousness with pride.
What fools we are when we do. Because the truth is that we are a fragile and desperate people who fumble and fail at life on our own.
Today when I came home from work I saw my neighbor in the yard with his young granddaughter. He was taking his trash can in and he decided to plop her on top and give her a ride.
I watched as her laughter turned to fear when she realized how precarious her position was. She grabbed at the trashcan below her but found no security in it and her fear got worse.
Then she reached back and grabbed hold of her grandfather. Then I watched as she relaxed and leaned into him. Then she smiled and actually enjoyed the ride.
The metaphor wasn't lost on me. Too often the walk of faith is precarious, the ride scary. We can grab at the "garbage" in this life, but we will find ourselves no more confident or secure. It's only when we grab hold of the Father and lean into Him that we'll find enough security to actually enjoy the ride.
I'm grateful for the sadness that comes if it remind me of just how precarious my walk of faith is. When my little neighbor girl grabbed hold of grandpa, the first thing I saw was her grandpa grab her back. That metaphor wasn't lost on me either.