Thursday, February 23, 2012

Pride Slides In

A few days ago, I was worshipping in the shower. My prayer and praise closed is efficient, I get "washed clean anew" both spiritually and physically all at once. As I was singing to the Lord, the sound of my voice reverberated off of the tile walls, and I heard myself. I have a pretty decent singing voice, and I liked the way I sounded.

I kept singing, I even belted out a few big notes. I really started to listen to how I sounded, and tried to put on a good show for the loofah and the body wash. And then it was as though the Holy Spirit tapped me on the shoulder. "Remember me?" He seemed to be saying. And I stopped and I realized how quickly, effortlessly really, I transitioned to worshipping God, to being completely me-centered. Pride slid right in.

It was actually a profound moment for me. It was a huge "a-ha moment" broken down into the simplest of examples. I apologized to the Lord and asked Him to help me always see that prideful slide in my life as clearly as I did, quite literally, naked before Him.

I'm on a Facebook fast for Lent. Yesterday was the first day, and truth be told, I didn't miss it much at all. For me that ease was confirmation that the Lord has called me to this break. The only time I have ever effectively fasted (food, media, whatever) it has always been when the fast as God's idea more than mine, and it's never with an ulterior motive (like, "I'll fast sugar... and maybe I'll lose some weight.")

The first thing I noticed being off of Facebook was how I felt less pressed, less hurried. I didn't realize how strong my compulsion was to be "out there." I know I like to communicate, but I didn't realize how much I felt the need to. And with Facebook as a non-option, I just simply felt less pressed.

Until today.

Today I got a very exciting package in the mail. I have self-published my first (completed) novel, and when the books came, I was giddy beyond distraction. I had all sorts of intentions to accomplish certain things at work today and instead all I could do was think about the books I was holding in my hand. I left to go pick up lunch for Neal and I and my mind was flying. And I desperately wanted to shout from the rooftops about my accomplishment. I wanted to be on Facebook.

As I was driving back from Chik-Fil-A, I "felt" the Holy Spirit quicken my spirit again. It was like I was singing in the shower all over again.

You see, I've written this book, and it's good. That's not my opinion, that's the opinion of others. I wrote the story because I felt it was important to tell. There is a valuable message to be told. And even as I was writing it, I felt God's hand in it. The book has a purpose. And here I am at risk of getting in the way of it, because if I lose focus of that, I might just let pride slide in, and the book won't be about glorifying God, or ministering to others, but it will be about me. God forbid.

Promoting the book is going to be a careful walk, because promoting me is sometimes a part of it. But there has to be a way to do that, and not let the pride slide happen. It's not going to be easy.

And in as humble a manner as I can muster, let me tell you, for more information about buying my book, you can go to
(And contrary to alleged rumors, I did not go on Facebook at all today, in any way, shape or form. This fast is very serious to me, and obedience isn't optional.)

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