Tomorrow seems to loom and say,
"I have no intention of going your way."
"My purpose is not in what you plan,
You can't direct me, only a fool thinks she can."
My heart's discouraged because I cannot see,
What in the world is planned for me.
I seem to fail, no matter how I strive,
To keep my diligence and determination alive.
What must God think when He can see,
All the hurt and anger that reside in me?
Feelings are not friends, can't trust what they say,
For me I often find, they just get in the way.
I don't feel like praying, of calling out to God,
Today my faith feels like nothing more than a facade.
Questioning so many, who call themselves my "friends,"
Actions speak louder than what the word pretends.
Then I have to wonder, is that the voice of dark oppression?
I honestly cannot say, that is a true confession.
When the feelings come, I want not to lift my head,
I'd honestly rather wallow and be swallowed up instead.
This the walk of a Christian? Surely it ought not be.
But this is how it happens, when my focus is only me.
Lord, forgive me for this bent, that draws my eyes away.
How I long for a steadfast focus that would never remotely stray.
My heart is troubled, which You said not to let it be,
"Believe in God," You said, "Believe also in Me."
I believe, I believe, I believe the Truth and not the lie.
My faith must rise, and my heart and feelings it must defy.
I pray the prayer of the prophet, "Lord, help my unbelief,"
For when my eyes are fixed on You, then I'll find relief.
Thank You God that you remember, I am alone but dust;
But You, my faithful Father, are deserving of my trust.
Help me not to falter, but to find my strength in You.
Lifter of my head, lift my eyes toward what is true.
Forgiven, not forsaken, chosen and set apart,
Written on Your hand, kept lovingly in Your heart.
Thank you for Your patience, and a friendship that is real,
Not defined by my circumstance, or by what I feel.
I'm longing for the peace of Your presence, in it's where I want to be,
For there I can exchange this hurt for joy, and in You I'll be free.
By Diana DePriest
© December 7, 2011
"Your heart must not be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in Me. In My Father's house are many dwelling places; if not, I would have told you. I am going away to prepare a place for you. If I go away and prepare a place for you, I will come back and receive you to Myself, so that where I am you may be also.