Anticipation

I'm leaving for women's retreat tomorrow. Historically women's retreats are not the best experiences for me. There are a few that I have very for memories of, but on the scale, if I set them all on the positive or negative perception sides, the scale would tip to the negative without a doubt.

So it's very interesting for me that I am looking forward to tomorrow with joyful anticipation. I'm actually really excited. And I believe that the anticipation in my heart has been placed there by the Lord in order prepare me for a very special weekend that lies ahead.

Mind you, it's not all about me - and I don't even think the anticipation is necessarily just for myself. I know a lot of women are going up to this retreat out of obedience. Many women are allowing themselves to be stretched beyond their comfort zone, or giving up other plans they had for their weekend, and I believe God is going to bless them for that. I am anticipating getting to be a witness of a lot of blessing.

Of course, anticipation isn't always a good thing. A week ago my husband came home from a trip no feeling well. I sent him to the doctor first thing Friday morning, and he wasn't well. In the miscommunication of what he brought back from his doctor's appointment, we interpreted the information pretty negatively. By Saturday night I found him alone in our office. He confessed his fear to me, he said, "What if I never see my daughter get married?" He was anticipating the worst.

Not long after, I started down the same path. I was anticipating my impending widowhood. It was NOT a joyful anticipation in the least. It was quite an overwhelming and fearful anticipation, rooted in misinformation.

Wednesday I was driving to pick the kids up from school. (Not sure why that seems to be a favorite day and time for the Lord to speak to me.) As I was driving, I was beind another van stopped at an intersection. At this particular intersection, when you cross through, the "slow lane" quickly merges into a single for about 40 feet then widens back out to two. I was in a bit of a hurry and I tried to pull into the short passing lane because the car in front of me was going too slow.

I couldn't see what was in front of the van before me, and as I accelerated to pass him along his passenger side, I had to hit my brakes almost immediately. The reason he was moving so slow was not because he just wanted to move slowly, but instead there was a slow moving vehicle up ahead. Truthfully, I could have caused quite an accident had I pushed the issue.

As I slowed and pulled alongside the curb to wait for both vehicles to move ahead, the Lord spoke to my heart. "Don't try to move ahead of Me. I know what's up ahead, you don't." Bottom line what I knew He was saying was not to anticipate Him. There is no wisdom in it.

Now, expectation on the other hand carries a great deal of wisdom. Expecting the goodness of God, that's wise. In fact, expectation is a gift, and an overflow of our faith in Him.

My soul, wait silently for God alone,
For my expectation is from Him.
Psalm 62:5

We should come to Him in expectation, for His goodness, His faithfulness and His love for us. We should remember His promises, and we should expect to see their fulfillment in our lives. He has many good gifts He longs to give us, and the greatest of all is Himself. He longs to give us more of Him. And we should come expecting always for that deeper relationship.

I'm going to retreat tomorrow, and I am expecting good things!

But without faith it is impossible to please Him,
for he who comes to God must believe that He is,
and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.
Hebrews 11:6

PS Neal went to the dentist today and they found a great deal of infection in his teeth, we are beliving his other complications are directly related. They drained the infection and we are believing soon all the health issues will be resolved.