I've been thinking alot lately about the old adage, "the road to hell is paved with good intentions." And it occurs to me that lately, in my own life, the road to heaven seems paved with them as well.
I am full of good intentions. I intend to get back on track with my diet and exercise. And yet, I'm five pounds up, exercising sporadically at best, rarely at worst. I'm eating more sweets than I have been in a long while and just generally dropping the ball... not acting on my intentions at all.
Spiritually, I am really aware of the need to be in the word consistently. I think we are in a time and season that hiding the word in our hearts as believers has never been more important. But most days my bible stays in my car ready to go to church, and my newest bible only has wear from abuse, very little from use.
My prayer life, oh how I long to be a faithful intercessor. I have so many people in my life who tell me they are praying for me, and I have such guilt. I am to the point if someone asks me to keep something "in prayer," I make sure I pray right away so I won't forget altogether, but lots of times, more than I care to confess, it doesn't get lifted up again.
I keep intending to come up with a better way to be faithful in those areas, but it isn't happening.
I keep meaning to give the kids more structure, for their activities while I am at work, making sure they are doing devotionals consistently (along with their dad and I) but still, I'm not accomplishing what I desire.
So word girl that I am, further investigation let to this definition:
pavement - a hard smooth surface, especially of a public area or thoroughfare, that will bear travel
I think what happens is I've gotten into a rut. Travel has gotten smooth, because I have become comfortable with the status quo. Routine wins out over priority.
So, what occurs to me, is pavement, is hard to replace. I think of all the times I have seen workers on the street breaking up the pavement. I remember once when they repaved my street. We got notification weeks in advance. We were told we wouldn't be able to have access for a couple days. We'd have to park down the street where no work was being done. The morning they started the work I remember awaking to the loudest sound. They had these huge vehicles with something along the lines of a jack hammer attached to it. Slam! Slam! SLAM! It was a rude awakening and a long process, but eventually it broke things up. The smooth street became rocky and couldn't even been driven on anymore if you wanted to.
I think that's where I'm at. I need another rude awakening. I need the jack hammer to come down hard on the status quo and break me free from intentions, and repave the road before me with purposeful actions. But it's frightening, to ask for the rude awakening.
It's interesting to feel stuck on a seemingly smooth paved road, but this road I'm on, isn't headed anywhere worth going, and I want to be going to important places, places where God is calling me, to do things that matter to Him.
This song by FFH comes to my mind. The lyrics talk about being stuck, and needing a move of God. That's where I find myself, needing God to move, or move me. I guess you could say it is my prayer. I just hope I am faithful enough to pray it until I get an answer.