Sunday, July 27, 2008

30 Days of Praise - Day 21

Today was a hard day for me. I was looking forward to going to church this morning and participating in corporate worship. It's interesting to me that as I have been going through this "30 Days of Praise" and as I have begun this book/ bible study on worship that several of my regular opportunities to participate in corporate worship have been circumvented by circumstance.

Today I was hopeful about being at church and worshipping with my brothers and sisters in Christ, even if not a single one knew I was hoping for something special to happen. Unfortunately it was not what I had hoped for.

I believe God has gifted some in their ability to worship Him. I don't know if it is a spiritual gift, or just part of the personality He has given certain people, or even just the way their mind works, but I think that entering into His presence is less challenging for others than I find it to to be for myself.

I'm sure everyone struggles at times, but I think there are some people who are generally better at it over all. I think I am married to one of these people. I see my husband, paritcularly when he is playing worship on a Sunday or Wedneasday with the team, and I watch him get lost in God's presence. He's able to lay aside his burdens and just go to the throne room. I on the other hand find myself to be very distractable. Try as I might, I find a grocery list, or a note that needs to be written interrupting my focus on the King of kings.

Sometimes the interruptions are not so benign, like today. Sometimes it is people and offenses that riddle my mind and distract me completely from what I am supposed to be doing, what I truly want to be doing. And unfortunaltey sometimes there really is just nothing good that can be done with hurts like these. There are people (in my opinion) that it is pointless to address or confront. So what am I supposed to do with that?

Today I didn't make good choices. New offenses, not just to me, but to people I love brought back up old and ongoing offenses. My mind just wandered further and further down the rabbit trail, tearing off scabs and band-aids of wounds I thought had healed, of wrongs I though I had let go of. Sigh. The heart is desperately wicked. What will it take to cleanse mine?

Today at church my pastor speaking on end times spoke of the longsuffering of God. He continues to tolerate the wickedness and sinfulness of the world, despite the injury to His heart in order to wait for the few more that will come to Him in repentance. Honestly, I don't know how He does it. If I were God I would have wiped us all out a long time ago, probably right there in the garden.

So today I praise God for that longsuffering heart of His. I praise Him for His patience and His grace. And I pray that if I just keep trying to bring my focus back to Him, yet again, that eventually I will be more like Him, and more able to maintain that focus, not giving any other person or circumstance the power to circumvent my ability to sit at His feet and drink in His presence.

In pointing out these things to the brethren, you will be a good servant of Christ Jesus, constantly nourished on the words of the faith and of the sound doctrine which you have been following. But have nothing to do with worldly fables fit only for old women. On the other hand, discipline yourself for the purpose of godliness; for bodily discipline is only of little profit, but godliness is profitable for all things, since it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come. It is a trustworthy statement deserving full acceptance. For it is for this we labor and strive, because we have fixed our hope on the living God, who is the Savior of all men, especially of believers. 1 Timothy 4:6-10

No comments: