Who I Want to Be

Who I want to be is someone who can be counted on.

I want my friends to say, "she was there through thick and thin," and I want my children to never have to question my word. "If mom said it, she'll do it." I want that to be the confidence of their heart.

Who I want to be is someone who is honest.

I want to be a person of integrity. I want someone to feel like they never have to question my character. I want people to say "You can believe Diana, if she said it had to be true."

Who I want to be is a person who loves.

I want people to know that I love them and accept them unconditionally, even when I disagree with them wholeheartedly. I want my kids to know no matter how bad they screw up, I will love them still. And I want my friends to know that even though I may say things they don't want to hear, our ability to agree to disagree is assurance for them even if we don't see eye to eye, I don't reject them.

Who I want to be is a person who encourages.

I want to be someone who sees the best in others and encourages them in their gifts and talents and cheers them on even when they are being stretched beyond their limitations. I want to be someone who recognizes gifts and beauty in others and not only sees it but acknowledges it.

Who I want to be is a person of faith.

I want to be a woman who always takes God at His word, and believes Him for all His promises, even when times are hard and things are tough. I want to be a woman who trusts confidently in the character of her God, and a woman who stands firm on His word.

Who I want to be is a person of hope.

I want ot be a person who looks at the future and sees all the potential it holds. I want to be a woman who lives in expectation of God's blessings and goodness.

Who I want to be is a reflection.

I want to reflect the love and hope and potential of the God I serve. I want to reflect the acceptance and grace of the Savior Who died for me. When people look at me, I want them to continually see less of me, and more of my Jesus.

I am not the person who I want to be, but I hope I am more like her today than I was yesterday, and I hope tomorrow the reflection and the resemblance to her will be even stronger.

I am grateful that the Lord is the one who will bring those things about, and that He alone is faithful to finish the good work he has begun.

When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things. For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known.

1 Corinthians 13:11-12

100 Verse Challenge - Week 3

I hope everyone in this Challenge is enjoying this adventure as much as I am. I'm getting a real kick out of learning new scriptures, and reading Robert J. Morgan's insights about the verses. I highly recommend the book 100 Verses Everyone Should Know By Heart. HOWEVER, the book isn't necessary to participate. And if you want to learn a lot of scripture along with me and a couple hundred other hungry folk, you can RSVP on Facebook or follow along here and join in the fun.

The first two weeks we covered the "Four Corners" of our faith. And you can click back to Week 1 and/or Week 2 if you need to catch up. Or you can jump in now as we continue on and start down what Morgan refers to as "The Roman Road."

"The Roman Road" Morgan tells us "is one of the most effective presentations for people who have heard the message (of the gospel) but need to see it in black and white." It's an encapsulation of the whole Bible, a clear concise expression of God's plan of salvation. Once you have these verses down, you are in essence "fully equipped" to share the Good News.

I warned you in the beginning that there may be a few weeks where we had an extra verse to learn in a giving week. This is one of those weeks, we have three verses for week three. But I think you will find them short, and for some of you they may be familiar again. (Isn't it kind of exciting to realize you already know some of the verses that you "should"?

So here we go, week three's 3 verses:

For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. Romans 3:23

Only one person has ever been without sin and remained that way, and this verse is the statement of "why" behind our need for Him as Savior.

For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 6:23

Death is what we've earned, but eternal life is the gift God has freely offered in His Son. Morgan reminds us of the word picture many have seen with us in our sin on one side and God and the gift unreachable on the other. He reminds us that only Christ's cross can serve as the bridge between the two.

But God proves His own love for us in that while we were still sinners Christ died for us! Romans 5:8

Personally I love that this scripture ends in an exclamation point, and as I learn it with my kids this week my intention is to speak it with that force. This is exciting news! Christ died for me! I have said often, "He loved us at our worst first." And too often as believers we get bogged down in our "ought to's and should's" and buy into the lie that if we are falling short, God somehow loves us less. So not so. So not so!

On that note, I want to say a little something about the Challenge. There's been a lot of discussion about the "right" way to do the Challenge. Can I just say one more time? This Challenge is what you make of it. There is no wrong way to do it. Some people are adamant that they want to learn it in their own versions. More power to you! If that works for you, great! The point it getting it. I have people who if they know a verse already they are just bypassing it. OK, great - but I would encourage you, you might be missing out, but again, so be it. I have another (English speaking) friend who is memorizing all the verses in Spanish because of her heart for outreach and missions. More power to her.

I do recommend you give time and effort to this Challenge, the more you put in, the more you get out. BUT I also say, if you only memorizing 1/10th of the list, you're still way ahead of where you would be if you hadn't even tried. So let go of your ought to's and should's and make the best of the adventure!

Get busy now, start working on week 3:

Adopted!

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. For He chose us in Him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in His sight. In love He predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with His pleasure and will— to the praise of His glorious grace, which He has freely given us in the One He loves.
Ephesians 3:1-6

This passage of scripture was in my daily reading plan this morning, and it really touched my heart. It's not an unfamiliar passage to me, I have heard it probably hundreds of times, maybe even heard dozens of messages on it, but this morning, I don't know it really just struck a cord in my heart.

I have always said that for me at least, being a parent has been an awesome insight into what the heart of God is like. By no means am I successful in loving my children as perfectly and unconditionally as God loves His kids, but it is a glimpse. I do love my kids with all of my heart.

But as much as just being a "mom" shows me a little something about God's love, I have to say, having the privilege of being an adopted mom really is a revelation about God's heart for us all the more.

I think back to the 4 am phone call I received from Oklahoma that morning in February 2001. I wasn't there, my child was being born, but I was 1,300 miles away. There was just one thing to do, get to Oklahoma, and get to my son.

It took me 22 hours between the time of that first phone call and the moment I finally met Ethan. It was a harried day, getting plane tickets for Neal and I, making arrangements for a car when we got to Oklahoma, making arrangements for our older son Jacob, packing, just the actual process of getting there.

When we finally made it to Oklahoma, we were exhausted. Ethan was asleep in his birth mother's room. We said our hellos to his birth mom and her family. I held Ethan in my arms for the first time, and took in this new baby.

I'm not going to lie, Ethan was a little train wreck. He had a couple birth defects that would require surgical correction and he was covered in ugly red pustules all over his body. He was a newborn, but he wasn't cute or cuddly. In all honesty, he was kind of ugly, and definitely broken. As I held him his birth mom asked me, "I know he has a lot of problems, but are you still going to take him?" I am relieved to say that I never had a moment's thought of bailing on this little boy, but if we hadn't already made the commitment, he might have been a hard sell.

The hospital staff was very supportive and soon after we arrived they set up a room for the three of us. Neal and I took our new sleeping son and setting his bassinet between us we each climbed into separate hospital beds and tried to catch a little sleep. It must have been about an hour or so later when I heard the most pitiful bleating cry that awoke me. I got up in the darkened room and went to Ethan.

As I picked him up into my arms, something happened in that moment. I honestly can't even find the words to describe it, but it was as though something physically happened. I am the birth mother of my other two children and I loved them before I ever held them. They were a part of me from conception, but this moment, Ethan and I alone in the dark (because Neal slept through the crying), I actually felt the moment I fell in love with my son. Even now I can remember like a click in my heart, as our two lives became eternally connected.

There was nothing about this little boy that made him desirable. He was a broken mess, He had nothing to offer but had every need for me. He had come in to the world under unfortunate circumstances and he had no fault or control in his situation. He could do nothing for himself, and if someone did not rescue him from himself and his circumstance, the truth is, his future looked very bleak, hopeless even. And yet, in that moment, there was nothing I wanted more in life than to make Ethan my own.

Ethan's adoption story was long and complicated. It was the very next morning that we actually had to begin a 3 1/2 year long and difficult battle to arrive on the day when he would truly become our son legally, but that moment in the dark is when he became the son of my heart.

This is why I get this passage of scripture, and it moved my heart so deeply. You see, Jesus traveled a great distance to come after me, and he came to me in the darkness. I was a broken mess and had nothing to offer Him but ugliness and need. And in the moment that he held me, our hearts were linked together, eternally too. There's no rhyme or reason to the why of God wanting me, but He did. And all on His own, out of the love in His heart, He came to me in my need and made me a part of His family.

The other day, my kids were kind of driving me crazy. And in my typical sarcastic/ comic way, I, in exasperation, blurted out, "I'm going to disown you all!" When I said it, my daughter, who was born to me just under 10 months after that night in the hospital in Oklahoma, said from the back seat, "That's not fair! You can't disown Ethan!"

You see, one of the benefits for Ethan as my adopted child is that I have to guarantee him two things, (1) He will always belong to us, there is no undoing an adoption, unlike my other kids who can be disowned, it can never happen to my Ethan. And (2) I must guarantee Ethan an inheritance. Whatever I leave behind someday, Ethan is guaranteed his portion of it. I cannot leave him "out of the will."

Likewise, when we come to Christ, our position is secure and our inheritance is guaranteed. Though God would never blurt out the threat of disowning us if our actions were frustrating and contrary to His will, I think sometimes in our hearts, the sense of the threat tries to rise up. But be encouraged, it's not so! Our place in Christ, and all the blessings there are ours!

Although we have NOTHING to offer, and we could never find ourselves worthy, God wanted us. He made a way for us, and HE willingly adopted us into His family through Christ!

I have heard Ethan on more than one occasion tell his siblings, "She CHOSE me, she just got stuck with you." And although the truth is that I love all my children equally, there is also truth in Ethan's security that he was wanted, he was chosen, and his bond to our family runs far deeper than blood.

If you are a follower of Christ, you were bought with His blood, and you were wanted and chosen, and your bond is secure. You belong, you are ADOPTED! Never forget what that means!

100 Verse Challenge - Week 2

Robert J. Morgan tells us in his book 100 Verses Everyone Should Know By Heart, that by adding these two new verse to your scripture tank, you have complete the four corners of the gospel. These first four verses tell the story of the gospel.

I hope you have your first two "tent stakes" down having already memorized Genesis 1:1 and John 1:1, our "In the beginning verses."

This week's verses share the common theme of the "One and Only Son. And our first verse actually makes reference to pitching our tent, as you study the Greek, "taking up residence" in the verse refers to "pitching a tent."

"The Word became flesh and took up residence among us. We observed His glory, the glory as the One and Only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth." John 1:14 CSB (Holman Christian Standard Version)

Morgan tells us this verse does a better job than any other in the Bible making known the incarnation of Christ. It's when Jesus came and pitched his tent to live among us, to make Himself and the Father known to us.

Our second verse is one familiar to all Christians. It's the crux of the gospel. I like the version that Morgan has chosen and I highly recommend not dismissing the verse as already in your "tank," but rather take the time and opportunity to memorize it in this version and dwell on the truth that it imparts.

Morgan shares a DL Moody hearing a sermon from a young man named Henry Moorhouse, a gambler, gang leader and thief who was converted during a revival. It was Moorhouse who Moody first heard the passage preached to relay the message, "God loves sinners. "

Morgan goes on to point out that in this verse the word GOSPEL is even spelled out. See for yourself:

"For God loved the world in this way: He gave His One and Only Son, so that everyone who believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16 CSB

Let God's Word dwell richly in your heart this week and change you.

It's not too late to join the Challenge! Click on the box at the top of the collumn on the right to RSVP today!

Pain

I've been thinking about pain a lot lately. Probably because I have been in it for so long now.

Several months ago I did something to pinch a nerve in my back. The pain is inside my left shoulder blade. Originally, it hurt the most when I was either driving my car, or sitting at my desk working (at work or at home). Can I just say? As a working mom, those were two EXTREMELY difficult times to deal with pain. Working at my desk and driving in my car are UNAVOIDABLE, and also completely necessary. Whatever the nerve is that is pinched, it also has caused a facial tick. If I raise my eyebrows, there is what feels like a fish hook in my bottom lip that causes it to quiver. How the two are related is completely beyond me, but they are.

For several months, I tried my best to work through the pain. I would shift on to one hip, sit up on one leg. In the car I would lean back like a low rider just to remove the hot stabbing pain in my back. Ideally if I could just have avoided the positions I had to be in to drive and work maybe it would have gotten better, but it wasn't an option. So for several months I suffered through.

Pain- a huge hot knife like feeling in my back and painful tingling down through my arm. I would take 15 Advil a day to suffer through. When I started getting bloody noses, I decided I better bite the bullet and go see the chiropractor so he could possibly help.

Come to find out the nerve in my back was pinched between a displaced rib and a displaced vertebrae. My doctor was a little shocked about how out of whack things were. So he aligned things back and I have since been to see him nearly a dozen times getting "adjusted."

The fact is, in many ways, things have only gotten worse. This nerve that was pinched has now been released, but the compression of it actually limited it's ability to feel the discomfort. Now this damaged nerve has to heal. And instead of the relief of circulation being cut off much of the time, blood is flowing fully to it, and it hurts all the time.

Sitting and driving still hurt. The knife is a little smaller, and the numbness has subsided considerably, but the pain is still just as intense. But now I can no longer find relief by standing up and moving around. The respite that laying down used to bring doesn't exist anymore, now I wake up and I ache constantly. The hurt is constant.

It's sort of interesting to me how when you remove the source of the pain, it didn't actually bring relief to it. I thought once the doctor adjusted me, things would get instantly better, but it just hasn't turned out to be the case.

I'm finding it not to be just the case in the situation of my back either. Heart pain can be very much the same way. Even when you remove, or move away from the source of it, the pain can linger. Sometimes it can even intensify.

I don't believe that time has the ability to heal wounds, but I do believe that sometimes time must pass for healing to take place. So I guess in both my body and my heart, though adjustments have been made, and sources of pain removed, it's a matter of time before the hurt no longer besets me.

For my body I'll take an Advil and put my salon pas pad in place. For my heart, I will say a prayer and rest in the knowledge that God is with me and for me, and will see me through.

100 Verse Challenge - Week 1

Today is the day! We have finally arrived at the kickoff! We are going to spend the next year memorizing 100 verses in the Bible! Based on Robert J. Morgan's book "100 Verses Everybody Should Know by Heart." If you haven't joined the challenge, it's not too late. How can you go wrong? There is no failure in this endeavor, if you only learn 10% of the verses on the list, a "fail" on any test in the world, you will have a "win" because you will have learned 10 of God's scriptures and hidden them in your heart! Every verse you write on your heart is a treasure for your life! So it's worth the effort.

You can still head over to the event on Facebook and RSVP (click) to join, or you can just follow along here on the blog. Every Sunday evening (Lord, willing) at about 6 pm Pacific Time, I will post the scriptures we are working on for the coming week (between 1 and 3 verses, keeping corresponding verses together). I highly recommend the book, but you don't have to have it to participate. So what do you have to lose? Jump in!

The two verses for week one are the first two of what Mr. Morgan refers to as "The Fantastic Four." They are about "Beginnings," and truth be told, I suspect many of our participants will be relieved to find them very familiar, and possibly already written on your heart. If so, use them as a source of scripture meditation this week. Think upon the word of God.

Some of Mr. Morgans suggestions are to create a sing-song way of saying them, and to include the chapter and verse in your recitation. And say them out loud, A LOT! And write them down, for you visual learners, post it notes, EVERYWHERE!

My suggestion remains, involve others, learn them with your spouse, or your children, or both. Make it a competition, keep yourself accountable with a friend. Make it a goal, reward yourself when you learn every ten or so, make it fun, but as the saying goes, "JUST DO IT!" It will be AWESOME! So you've been waiting, are you ready? Here are your first two verses for week one:

In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. - Genesis 1:1

Mr. Morgan refers to this verse as the "bedrock of the Bible" and says it "encompasses the totality of Truth." This verse gives us "roots" - rooted in "the glory of God whose image we bear." And it gives us "routes" Morgan says, "If we are created in God's image, we have eternal potential."

Our second verse for week 1 is:

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. - John 1:1

This verse Morgan tells us "touches" on the "mysteries at the heart of Christianity, the Trinity and the person of Jesus Christ." He goes on to say, "John 1:1 speaks of our Christ's preexistence, In the beginning was the Word; it speaks of His coexistence: And the Word was with God; and it speaks of His divine existence: And the Word was God. We cannot fully grasp these mysteries, but this verse surely gives us a glimpse into them.

I highly recommend the book, "100 Verses Everybody Should Know by Heart," and you can purchase them for yourself from Robert J. Morgan's website (click to go) and you can also find several free downloads to help you on this journey at the bottom of the page. It is also available at Amazon.com. But whether you buy the book or not, you can participate for sure! So come on, join us on this journey and grow in your own Walk of Faith....

On your mark, get set, GO! Memorize!!!!