Someone challenged me more than year ago to write a novel during the NaNoWriMo - National Novel Writing Month - Challenge. At the time I was dismissive, but I kept the idea filed away in my mind. This summer I remembered the challenge and decided to jump in with both feet.
I knew from the beginning what story I wanted to tell. All fiction is rooted in some truth. The story I wanted to share was part of my own testimony, part of the testimony of someone I love, but mostly parts of many stories I have known and heard. (For more on my personal Testimony, click: HERE.)
When I came to Christ, I came broken, destroyed even. Abortion had left a huge scar on my heart and my soul. In reality, God was gracious to me. I suffered that pain for only a few years, compared to women who God later brought into my life who suffered much longer, decades even, I was extremely fortunate. But God did not grant me that grace without a purpose.
For many years I had an online ministry to other women who suffered from post-abortion syndrome. It is like a form of PTSD, post-traumatic stress disorder, and it is much more common than one might think, or want to acknowledge. I was fortunate to be placed in the lives of hundreds of women through the anonymity of the internet in the early 90s. I had a ministry called Saving Grace Ministries, and we ran a group called PAWSE - Post Abortion Women, Support & Encouragement. Through this group God helped me to help dozens of women reach out for help in their own churches and communities. I had a front line view of the devastation abortion causes among women, and had the privilege of helping them find healing and wholeness in Christ the way I did, through other supportive women, and most of all through Christ's love and His Word.
In the late 90s I had the privilege to serve in a national ministry called Healing Hearts and was trained to lead a Bible study very much like the one I went through that led me to a recommitted life to Christ, and the healing and wholeness that can only be found in Him. I had the privilege also of facilitating one session of that study, and helping 5 other women find healing in Christ.
I knew the truth, and I did what I could to make an impact for Christ and help women find hope and redemption the way I had. But in 2001 I both adopted and gave birth to a baby in the same year. Two babies born (not quite) ten months apart had a huge impact on my world. The fact that my son's adoption was a nightmare did not help matters at all. For the next three and a half years till we finalized his adoption, it was all I could to to be a wife and mom and juggle life at home. I'm not making excuses, life is seasonal, and God is gracious, but in the process of working on this novel, I have realized how much I have forgotten.
In the 90s when I came to Christ, taking a stand against abortion was fashionable. The fact is, the last 10 or more years in the church, that's no longer the case. Abortion is the issue Christians may vote against, or even make a moral statement against, but fewer and fewer are actually doing anything to take a stand against. The frightening thing about that is that statistically, nothing has changed, the abortion situation is getting no better. The fact is, statistically speaking, in the ten minutes it takes you to read this blog, 23 babies will have been aborted, that's if you imagine abortion happening every minute of every day of the year. Over 2 unborn babies a minute, and not only is their life destroyed, the life of their mother is impacted as well.
As research I watched a 9 week ultrasound on YouTube. That's how far along I was when I had my abortion. Go to YouTube for yourself and see, watch a video from any first trimester ultrasound. These babies are aborted in droves. For every 3 children born in the US, 1 is aborted. As a mother of 3 living children, the irony of that is not lost on me.
The Lord has convicted me greatly these past few months, and especially the past few weeks as I have been writing my novel, that as Christians, we cannot turn a blind eye to the devastation of abortion. The fact is that statistically the percentages are exactly the same both in and out of the church. We need to take a stand for the unborn, but we also need to reach out to the hurting women who are siting in the pews of our churches feeling shame and fearing judgment. And I will tell you, it is not that the church is bringing the shame on women. As a woman who has had an abortion, I can tell you in all honesty, God has created in us an awareness of how unnatural it is to destroy life. Shame comes from the act, not its observation. But it is not God's will that these women continue in pain and shame, it is His will to bring the freedom and wholeness that can only be found in Christ.
Please take a moment to watch this video:
I call heaven and earth as witnesses today against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing; therefore choose life, that both you and your descendants may live... Deuteronomy 30:19
I have never hesitated to share my pro-life viewpoints here on this blog. You can click here if you want to see more of that.
Below is a powerful and thought provoking movie. It's not short, but it is worth your time to watch. I don't share this in a judgmental fashion. I am pro-life, I am a woman who has had an abortion, and I am an adoptive mom. All of these factors are reasons for my pro-life stand.
That's the new hot button term being directed towards pro-lifers. Sigh. I have explained here why I am pro-life and further supported it here. And if that doesn't make it clear enough, you can read up on portions of my testimony here. (Remember blog format goes newest to oldest, so go to the bottom/end and work your way back.)
First let me say publicly that brutal slaying of Dr. Tiller over the weekend is completely appalling and by no means a "pro-life" movement in any way, shape or form. Taking this man's life was wrong, and I am sincerely sorry for his family and loved ones, and for the people inside the church who witnessed something so heinous.
But going back to the title of this post, I feel compelled to express my concerns. The National Organization of Women (NOW) is taking this tragedy as opportunity to once again incite people against those of us who believe abortion is wrong. "Pro-lifers are domestic terrorists." People want the Department of Homeland Security to take issue with us and put us on "the list" of terrorist threats, all because we believe killing an unborn baby is wrong.
Now I will grant you that the new determining factor added in to the discussion is militancy. It is only the "militant pro-lifers" who are currently being considered a threat. Causes me to stop and wonder, how exactly do you define "militant."
Dictionary.com defines militant as follows: 1. vigorously active and aggressive, esp. in support of a cause: militant reformers. 2. engaged in warfare; fighting.
Hmmm.... sort of a vague definition there isn't it? It is certainly one that leaves a lot of room for interpretation.
Without a doubt, if this man killed Dr. Tiller because he is an abortion doctor, he would undoubtedly be qualified as militant. Of course to my knowledge, it has yet to be released what this man's personal motivations were. Maybe it wasn't about his practice as a whole at all. Maybe it was because of something personal, perhaps it had to do with a personal aftermath in this man's family based on a single abortion performed, perhaps even one this man actively supported in the process. It is possible, although highly unlikely that we'll ever know if that is in fact the case.
OK, either way though, murder would in all likelihood be considered militant. Of course to my knowledge murder is already considered a capital crime and open to the greatest consequences within a state, is there some reason it needs to be made an act of terrorism? A federal offense? Or could there be some deeper agenda there? I just have to ask.
Ok, militant... I'm making a safe bet that if someone wanted to petition outside of an abortion clinic that would probably be considered militant. The days of actually being able to get between a person and a clinic door are long gone. The Operation Rescue days of sit-ins have passed, the laws have changed, people already face jail time to participate in such activity, and I don't hear much about it going on these days, the penalties have gotten to be severe enough people seem to be willing to play by the rules. But if we need to make even the possibility of it an act of terrorism...
How about those folks who like to stand on street corners and hold up signs of aborted babies? Personally I have a huge issue with that tactic, it actually kind of ticks me off, because here I am someone who believes abortion is wrong, am willing to say so and speak it out. I'm on your side and supporting your cause and you in return are going to go and put those horrible images into the minds of my innocent children riding in my car with me down the street. I don't appreciate it at all. However for those of you who take no issue with abortion, or dare I even say support it, I would challenge you to take a hard healthy look at what you support.
Now I have never chosen to participate in either of the above activities, but I have known wonderful godly people who have. I don't judge them, their choices are between them and the Lord, and I can absolutely understand the passion that drives a person to take such a hard stand. I even know a few who have spent a night or two in jail because of it. I wonder if their names have now landed on some "domestic terrorist" list... I hope the other soccer moms don't find out.
How about the prayer vigils? I have been to a couple of those back in my earliest days. Once I stood outside the home of the doctor who performed my abortion and prayed for him holding a candle. We weren't loud, we didn't carry sings, and I had actually been there for a while before I realized my personal connection. I stood quietly and prayed. I'm not actually sure he ever even knew we were there. Was that an act of terrorism?
I sat on a corner on a Sunday afternoon once too for about 2 hours. I had a sign in front of me that said "abortion takes a life" in plain blue script on a white background. I never said a word, I just sat there and prayed. When women drove by and spit at me, I just sat and prayed. When another woman screamed at me at the top her lungs and swore and cursed at me, I just sat there and said nothing. Was I acting as a terrorist then? Perhaps my silent stance could be considered... dare I say it? Militant?
How about now? Here on my blog, sharing my thoughts, opinions and experiences with you, my stance on abortion, does this make me militant?
If I tell you that abortion stops a beating heart, am I a terrorist?
If I tell you that abortion kills unborn babies and emotionally wounds the women that have them, am I a terrorist?
Oh Diana, don't assume your personal experience to be the common one... did you know that I used to run an internet ministry for women who had abortions? And in a single week, with very limited effort I found over 100 women who were suffering emotionally, spiritually and psychologically from past abortions. Coincidence?
Let me say again I am wholeheartedly appalled at what transpired over this past weekend, absolutely sickened by it, but I also believe I should have every right, and even hold it an obligation to speak out against the murder of Dr. Tiller as well as the murder of innocent unborn children.
Life is inherently valuable and precious. It is created with purpose and is full of potential. In a crisis pregnancy, it is the crisis that should be put to an end and not the pregnancy.
I can only wonder if somewhere now my name is being jotted down on a list.
I have shared here before why I personally hold a pro-life/anti-abortion viewpoint. No, viewpoint is not strong enough a word, belief system. If you'd like to read my personal reasons you can click here.
However, whatever you might think about my stance on the matter, no one can better make the argument against abortion than this young woman who survived an abortion. Yes, I said survived an abortion, and I don't mean as one who had an abortion, but rather as someone who was aborted. Interestingly enough I discovered when I read the book about her life more than a decade ago that the doctor she speaks of who aborted her is the very same doctor who performed my abortion 20 years ago this July.
I encourage you to take a few minutes and watch both portions of her testimony as she shared it in Australia in September of last year. Be encouraged. God is greater.
Honestly I was just sitting here playing Mahjong tiles when suddenly I had this compulsion to write this post. I think the reason it's even come to my mind is because of an email that was sent to me the other day that led me to this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V2CaBR3z85c&feature=player_embedded.
Honestly, I think it's one of the best ads I ever seen on the topic. I wonder if it will actually give some pause to thought. I actually kind of doubt it. I think I heard someone say this ad will never get to be aired. I don't know if that's true or not, but it wouldn't surprise me.
As I write this post, I do it with an understanding that I will probably offend many. In fact, some so much that it could cost me friendships, or at least cordial relations. So I will give the disclaimer now that I do not do this to pick an argument or to try to convince anyone who disagrees with me, whether it be in strength or mild consideration, I'm just sharing my perspective.
I give you my opinion first as a woman who has actually been in a crisis pregnancy. I also give you my opinion as a woman who at the age of 19 chose to have an abortion. I will say until I found myself in a crisis pregnancy I considered myself to be neutral on the matter. I honestly felt it was a "to each his or rather her own" opinion. I had never really considered the possibility of actually having one myself. I would even go so far as to say I don't think I thought I would ever have one. It actually was not my first choice even when I was in the circumstance, but without rehashing old wounds and wrongs that have since been both healed and forgiven, I will say that I personally bent from pressures and went through with the abortion. Having said that, no woman can ever consider herself innocent of her choice to have an abortion, ultimately (without a gun to her head) she participates in the choice.
Saying that, I do know what a painful and difficult decision it is to make. And when it's made, it is made in trade for something else. When all the options and considerations are made, it is determined that something else is of greater value than the life inside. Whether it is relationship, or plans, whether it be imagined freedoms or education, something else takes precedence and a woman proceeds. I honestly believe that most women find it a painful decision to make.
In my case, I chose relationship over the unborn baby. And for me, I never questioned whether or not it was a "baby." No one ever tried to convince me it was tissue or something other than a life, and when I went into the clinic for my abortion at about 9 weeks, I mistakenly saw my ultrasound. I wasn't supposed to but I did. I now know what I saw, the beating heart of a little child. I've since had the joy of seeing the same kind of ultrasounds with two of my other children as well, I know even better now what I saw that day. There is no doubt when I had my abortion that a baby died. It's the one fact that is true about all abortions.
Those who are for the "right to abortion" call themselves pro-choice. I find it interesting because it has been my personal experience that abortion is the one choice that ends all other choices. Once the abortion has been done, there is no going back or undoing any regret. It is a decision that can never be changed or modified. On the other hand, a woman who chooses not to have an abortion keeps the door of choice wide open for herself to make many other decisions in the future. There is the choice to have and keep the child, with that comes choices about marriage, education, working. She can choose to postpone other plans and revisit them, she can choose to make new plans or set new goals, or she can make the choice to stay on the path she's already been on and do it in a different way. Or she can choose to continue on her same path apart from being a mother by giving her child up to a loving family for adoption. Even the choice of adoption leads to more choices. She can choose to have an open adoption with ongoing contact with the adoptive family. She can choose to walk away, and with that she can choose to never look back or she can choose to pursue the relationship again in the future. To me, choosing not to have an abortion is, without a doubt, the road to a plethora of future choices.
Another reason I am pro-life is because of my extensive experience of working with women who have had abortions. Without quoting volatile statistics, I can tell you I have personally dealt with hundreds of women who have suffered from the choice of abortion. I have seen women who have suffered physical complications such as infertility and miscarriage. I myself have had two miscarriages after my abortion and my aborted pregnancy was the only pregnancy I ever accomplished without some form of intervention. I have also seen a lot of women with deep psychological scars. I'm not saying all women are affected this way, but my experience indicates that some women undoubtedly are, ranging from chronic nightmares all the way to attempts of suicide, I have seen these responses and a great range in between. I have also seen emotional damage from shame to depression, and there are of course spiritual consequences as well.
Interestingly enough even though my abortion experience was very traumatic, my initial response was to become extremely pro-choice in the aftermath of it. No, honestly I personally became pro-abortion. I can specifically remember having one conversation that I tried to convince a woman I knew to have an abortion. Looking back now I realize I did so because I didn't want to feel alone, it wasn't enough to be a statistic, I wanted to personally know someone else who'd actually been through it. I am thankful to this day that she didn't listen to me, especially when I see what a treasure her son has grown up to be. I also have great guilt to know that she did abort a later pregnancy that I never knew about till years later. I do feel some sense of responsibility in that, because I lied to her and told her it was "no big deal." Abortion is indeed a big deal.
That leads to another reason why I am against abortion. I have an adopted child. So every day living in my very own home is a reminder at what cost abortion comes. A beautiful loving child, who was given life in the most dire of circumstances, and he's never brought anything but joy into my life. More and more I hear about children who've been adopted, and I think, each one of them has been a choice. Truly every child born since 1973 has absolutely been a choice. They have been given the gift of life, chosen first by God and then my their mother. And those adopted have been chosen yet again. And it is sincerely an incredible thing to experience the joy of adoption.
Now having said all that, you will probably never find me picketing a clinic or lobbying on Capitol stairs. I will always vote pro-life (sorry Mr. President) and I will sign any solid pro-life petition that comes my way, but I know that isn't where the answers lie. Would I love to live in an a world where abortion didn't exist? I would. Do I expect to? I do not. I also don't believe the solution is in sexual education or making birth control more available. You can keep telling me teenagers are "going to have sex" and I will continue to tell any of them who will listen, not to unless they are married. If only a few listen, I will have at least done my part to make an impact. And even if I only change one opinion, I will have at least changed that one opinion. I'm not speaking from a soap box, I'm speaking from my experience, and that no one can deny.
The battle of abortion is not a mass war, but hand to hand combat, and it isn't to be fought against the woman who is making the choice to have one, but rather against the mindset she's been given to believe as absolute. It's a battle against the thought that it is the "best" way or the "only" way. It's a fight against hopelessness and fear. The day I walked into a clinic to have my abortion, I was looking for a way out, I was open to another road of thought. One of my saddest memories about that day is driving into the clinic parking lot. As I looked out the passenger window there were well intentioned people there picketing the clinic. I honestly believe their hearts were for the well-being of the babies. As we drove up to the lot though, they pointed fingers and began to yell. It was with harsh and angry tones that they cried out "Murderer!" at me. And it was in that moment that the clinic that I questioned entering suddenly became the safest place for me to go. I'm by no means judging the people who were there that day, but I do offer it as a warning to any who may feel called to do such a thing should do it in peace and love, whatever their motivation.
To a woman considering abortion I would say, weight your options yet again, there is only one direction that continues down the road of choice. To a woman who has already made the decision and is hurting from it, I would say, you are not alone, there is hope. I never cease to be amazed at how in a world where abortion is so acceptable, so few women who've had them are willing to talk about it. And they are everywhere, in your workplaces, even your churches, your families and many of them are in pain. I pray that both these groups of women discover there is help out there and there is hope.
It is hope that makes me pro-life, I choose to keep it alive. Of course, having said all of that, there is one reason greater than all I have written for my pro-life convictions. The strongest belief I hold about why I am pro-life comes from the scripture.
Genesis 1:26 says, Then God said, “Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness."
Human life was created with inherent value. It's value cannot be separated from the very life itself. Created lives are not accidents or mistakes, human life is made to reflect the image of the Creator Himself. Whether treasured or neglected, it loses no value, it is no less precious, only less appreciated. You are valuable because God created you. He chose to knit you together in a very specific way for a very specific purpose. From the color of your eyes and hair to the personality, strengths and talents He's given you, you are His precious creation. You just may not realize that. And unfortunately people don't realize that is the case with all human life, and so much valuable life is squandered through abortion. Babies being unplanned or unwanted don't make them less valuable, but unfortunately there is no coming back from abortion, the "choice" that ends all choices.
For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother’s womb. I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; marvelous are Your works, and that my soul knows very well. My frame was not hidden from You, when I was made in secret, and skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they all were written, the days fashioned for me, when as yet there were none of them. How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How great is the sum of them! Psalm 139:13-17
For more of my personal experience with abortion, click here.
