My husband isn't well. Last week before he and Ethan left for a marathon two day trip in Sacramento with school, he made some passing comments about some discomfort in his neck. To be honest I didn't pay a whole lot of attention.
After flying home Thursday night it was after midnight Friday before they got home. I asked about the trip and helped shuffle the very sleepy Ethan off to bed and then Neal mentioned his neck again. This time he put my hand to his neck where I felt a lot of swelling and a "lump" I could move around inside. It scared me. I drew my hand back and anxiety began to fill me.
We went to bed, but I didn't sleep well. Neal, on the other hand, exhausted from his trip crashed. When morning broke, I woke and just lay waiting till I could call a doctor's office. When 9 am finally came, I made the call.
Currently we are "between" doctors. Our doctor of more than 20 years is converting into a "concierge" medical practice. If you don't know what that is, basically it means you pay $1800 a year just to have a "membership" with the doctor. It's supposed to bring about better care and attention. For us it meant finding a new doctor. Fortunately I had started to do some investigating when we found out about our doctor's change, but we are the kind of people who don't go to a doctor unless we need one, which hasn't been very often.
Friends had recommended a doctor they liked, so I called him and made Neal an appointment. He was able to fit him in just a couple hours later. We were met that morning with car trouble, Ethan was still asleep recuperating from his trip, and my Victoria, who was suffering from strep, was still sound asleep late into the morning as well. So I armed Neal with his medical card, our medical credit card and a check to pay the doctor and sent him in his way.
It was not long after noon before Neal got home and I asked him what the doctor said. All the doctor told him was he had no idea what was wrong with Neal. It could be an infection, but he didn't know. Swollen lymph nodes can be caused by infection, virus or disease. He had let the doctor know we had strep in the house, but the doctor said definitely "no." Could be infection, and the fact that there is pain and tenderness in the area is actually a good sign. But bottom line, the doctor didn't know. He told him to take a prescription of antibiotics and return a week from Monday.
Neal's been on the antibiotics since Friday, but so far, no improvement. I keep catching him reaching up and fondling at his neck. He actually says he thinks it might feel a little worse, and he's concerned that the tenderness seems to be spreading up the back of his scalp. I've been watching him be preoccupied with it, and started to realize it was "metastasize" from concern into fear. As I have watched his fear grow, I've felt mine increase too.
Yesterday we were in the kitchen together making sandwiches, and with his back to me he said, "Are you afraid." I admitted I was, and he said the words, "I'm afraid too." It buckled me a little, because my Neal isn't one who struggles with fear.
Last night we were busy with Jacob and his friends. It was a fun busy night, but all throughout I keep watching Neal's hand go to his neck. Every time it did, I felt my fear increase. At the end of the night after all Jake's friends had been picked up or delivered home, Neal wandered back to the office. After a while I went back to check on him.
I asked him if he was OK, and he said to me, "I just want to see my daughter get married." There was something in his voice and in his eyes that actually buckled me. It was like all the fear I had been pushing back suddenly flooded the room, and flooded both our hearts. Once again, as many times in the 48 hours since Neal had gotten back from his trip, I laid my hand on his neck and I prayed and asked the Father to just take this invader away.
Neal and I celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary this week just before he and Ethan left town. We've been talking a lot about how blessed we are for the 20 years of marriage we have shared. I adore my husband, and of all the things in the world that frighten me, losing my husband is at the very top of my list. More than losing a child or having something happen to myself, the fear that I struggle with is losing Neal. And now it's like something is tugging at the darkest hidden place in my heart.
When I woke up this morning, Neal was already gone to church. He was playing worship for the children's ministries. As I got up and spent my morning time with the Lord, I poured my heart out about this situation and our fears, just as I did as I sat with the Father last night. I prayed first for God to heal, but even more, I prayed for God to conquer the fear. Then I sent out a text message to friends I trust and people who I know love and care about my hubby, and asked them to pray for it too.
I keep thinking about how much the Word of God speaks against fear. "Fear not!" He told Joshua (repeatedly.) Timothy tells us that God hasn't given us a spirit of fear. Neal came and sat with me after playing worship this morning in big church. I shed a few tears before he got there during worship and repeating the words he said to me last night to a friend. I almost can't utter them out loud. When service was over I pushed Neal to the front of church to ask for prayer. A good friend and godly man prayed for us, and as we bowed to the Father others came up alongside. I watched as my husband shed a tear or two as well.
My pastor's wife prayed out over him the verse I have been meditating on, 2 Timothy 1:7 "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." I yes'd and amen'd because I know, that whatever Neal may be facing in his health (and we have certainly run ahead in the possibilities) the fear is a dangerous enemy in the fight. Fear grips and chokes. Fear is like a cancer that tries to weaken our faith and hope.
This morning as my Facebook status I wrote, "The "unknown" taunts, while "what if" and "could be" tries to chase you down a dark and scary path. It's why you can never let go of Daddy's hand, He sees all. He's then close enough to focus on. It doesn't make the dark any less scary, but it keeps it from having all the power it longs for."
I'm trying very hard to hold to this truth and and hold on to what we DO know, God is big. God tells us not to be fearful or anxious. God is for us. I keep repeating the word of God to my fears, silently praying them over my husband. But I'm not going to lie, it taunts me. In between the prayers and scriptures I find myself watching Neal, trying not to imagine what life would be like without him.
If you think of it, say a prayer for us. Pray for healing in my hubby, and for God to cure the cancer that is fear that is trying hard to grip our hearts. I hope to report back soon with how silly we have been when everyting turns out to be just fine - in Jesus' name.
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Monday, May 10, 2010
Truly, Madly, Deeply - Redux
Today is our 19th wedding anniversary. Nowadays being together that long is somewhat rare, being happily together that long is really rare. I am crazy, madly in love with my husband and best friend, and in honor of this special day I am re-running a post I wrote on an ooey-gooey feeling day a few months back.
Happy 19th anniversary babe, I love you!
-----------------------------------------
Truly, Madly, Deeply
I was making our bed this morning, and had one of those ooey gooey waves of love for my husband wash over me. I was able to move around at an easy pace this morning and was tucking sheets under the mattress and I was overwhelmed with what a lucky girl I am. I am crazy in love with my husband. I don't always act like it, but I am.
I'm proud of my marriage. Looking around and watching so many of them fall apart, I am very proud of the fact that ours is going strong. But I don't take it for granted, you have to work hard to keep a marriage strong.
That was one of the first lessons I learned, marriage is hard work. It's a fact, and one most young couples don't realize when they first sign on for what they imagine will be some great romantic adventure meant to last the rest of their lives.
I look at the picture above, two (kindly) pudgy, middle-aged folks, those madly in love 19-year-olds had nothing on this couple. And although there was a time when our inseams were longer than my waistlines, that's just about the only advantage those two cool kids had over these... grown-ups.
It's been a hard road to get "here," but I'm so glad we took it.
No, it's not our anniversary, and it isn't Neal's birthday - I just really found myself counting my blessings this morning, and he is without a doubt on the top of my list. I know a lot of women adore their children and tolerate their husbands, but I would not count myself a member of this very large club. I don't just tolerate my children, but they are second to my husband, and I honestly think that's the way it is supposed to be.
I don't wonder, "what will we do?" when the kids are gone. I look forward to those years with great anticipation, knowing an empty nest will someday mean more time for "us," with less family business to partner over and more time to just be together and connect. That will be the reward at the end of the challenging years of our journey. I hope Neal and I are both blessed with long lives so that we have a lot of those years together. (Maybe working on those waistlines would be a good effort to make.)
We aren't attached at the hip or anything. We both have our own interests and things we like to do, but we connect through them when we can. I like to write and read and blog. Neal isn't much of a fan of reading, he'll probably never see this, but he supports me, lets me share the occasional blog I wrote, or listens as I drone on about the latest book I'm reading. He has his softball. I have left Monday nights untouched for 17 years, even when it meant I had to pull double parent duty at times, because I know he loves to play. And when our schedules allow, I go and root him on from the stands... LOUDLY of course, it is me after all.
I grew up going to baseball games incessantly as a kid. My dad was an umpire and I went to high school and college games as well as lots of Angel games. By the time I met Neal I was BURNT OUT... and if I never saw another baseball game again I would have been great with it. But a couple years into our marriage when Neal came out of the "closet" as an Angel fan, I came back around too. When he turned into a hardcore fan, I jumped on his bandwagon. It wasn't long before I found myself watching the games even when he wasn't around, because it became something we could share. I love it now, because he loves it.
Our romance quotient is great. I will keep it at that to spare you all pink cheeks, but it is our friendship that truly sustains us. I LIKE my husband. I like hanging out with him, I like talking to him, I like the person he is.
It took a lot of years, but regularly praying together cemented our relationship even more. I believe the most intimate thing we share together is seeking the Father together. When we let it lapse because of life and its schedules, we can feel it, we suffer for it. We bicker more.
I say more because even when things are good, we bicker. The other night I asked Jake if it bothers him when we fight. He adamantly told me it REALLY bothers him when we fight. So I asked him about our recent camping trip. We had a couple "incidents" on our family outing. He laughed, he said, "you didn't fight on our trip, that's just bickering. That doesn't bother me."
I make no apologies for bickering. You take two different people from two different backgrounds with two different ways of communicating, and there will always be conflict. Bickering shows my kids that when things get a little rough, you work it out.
I wonder how many marriages are cut short because couples give up too quickly when the waters get rough. I know there were lots of times in the last 20 years when I thought it would have been easier to walk away than stick it out and work it out. But I'm sure glad I didn't.
If love is an action, marriage is a commitment. You don't base the love of your marriage on what you "feel" but you choose to love your spouse, and you act it out... "fake it till you make it" even if you have to, but you need to spend a lot more time concerning yourself with how you can love better than how you can feel more loved - it will change your marriage. And as far as the commitment goes, well, there are no deal breakers. You decide in advance that it is "until death do us part" long before the trouble comes (and it will come) and when it's tough, divorce isn't even an option... (and even though I said "til death," murder isn't an option either... )
Yeah, I am a blessed woman - I am so in love with my husband - truly, madly, deeply; but credit where credit is due... it's had a lot to do with wise investments, of God and self into this incredible adventure called mariage.
Don't think me prideful, but I am truly proud....
Happy 19th anniversary babe, I love you!
-----------------------------------------
Truly, Madly, Deeply
I was making our bed this morning, and had one of those ooey gooey waves of love for my husband wash over me. I was able to move around at an easy pace this morning and was tucking sheets under the mattress and I was overwhelmed with what a lucky girl I am. I am crazy in love with my husband. I don't always act like it, but I am.
I'm proud of my marriage. Looking around and watching so many of them fall apart, I am very proud of the fact that ours is going strong. But I don't take it for granted, you have to work hard to keep a marriage strong.
That was one of the first lessons I learned, marriage is hard work. It's a fact, and one most young couples don't realize when they first sign on for what they imagine will be some great romantic adventure meant to last the rest of their lives.
I look at the picture above, two (kindly) pudgy, middle-aged folks, those madly in love 19-year-olds had nothing on this couple. And although there was a time when our inseams were longer than my waistlines, that's just about the only advantage those two cool kids had over these... grown-ups.
It's been a hard road to get "here," but I'm so glad we took it.
No, it's not our anniversary, and it isn't Neal's birthday - I just really found myself counting my blessings this morning, and he is without a doubt on the top of my list. I know a lot of women adore their children and tolerate their husbands, but I would not count myself a member of this very large club. I don't just tolerate my children, but they are second to my husband, and I honestly think that's the way it is supposed to be.
I don't wonder, "what will we do?" when the kids are gone. I look forward to those years with great anticipation, knowing an empty nest will someday mean more time for "us," with less family business to partner over and more time to just be together and connect. That will be the reward at the end of the challenging years of our journey. I hope Neal and I are both blessed with long lives so that we have a lot of those years together. (Maybe working on those waistlines would be a good effort to make.)
We aren't attached at the hip or anything. We both have our own interests and things we like to do, but we connect through them when we can. I like to write and read and blog. Neal isn't much of a fan of reading, he'll probably never see this, but he supports me, lets me share the occasional blog I wrote, or listens as I drone on about the latest book I'm reading. He has his softball. I have left Monday nights untouched for 17 years, even when it meant I had to pull double parent duty at times, because I know he loves to play. And when our schedules allow, I go and root him on from the stands... LOUDLY of course, it is me after all.
I grew up going to baseball games incessantly as a kid. My dad was an umpire and I went to high school and college games as well as lots of Angel games. By the time I met Neal I was BURNT OUT... and if I never saw another baseball game again I would have been great with it. But a couple years into our marriage when Neal came out of the "closet" as an Angel fan, I came back around too. When he turned into a hardcore fan, I jumped on his bandwagon. It wasn't long before I found myself watching the games even when he wasn't around, because it became something we could share. I love it now, because he loves it.
Our romance quotient is great. I will keep it at that to spare you all pink cheeks, but it is our friendship that truly sustains us. I LIKE my husband. I like hanging out with him, I like talking to him, I like the person he is.
It took a lot of years, but regularly praying together cemented our relationship even more. I believe the most intimate thing we share together is seeking the Father together. When we let it lapse because of life and its schedules, we can feel it, we suffer for it. We bicker more.
I say more because even when things are good, we bicker. The other night I asked Jake if it bothers him when we fight. He adamantly told me it REALLY bothers him when we fight. So I asked him about our recent camping trip. We had a couple "incidents" on our family outing. He laughed, he said, "you didn't fight on our trip, that's just bickering. That doesn't bother me."
I make no apologies for bickering. You take two different people from two different backgrounds with two different ways of communicating, and there will always be conflict. Bickering shows my kids that when things get a little rough, you work it out.
I wonder how many marriages are cut short because couples give up too quickly when the waters get rough. I know there were lots of times in the last 20 years when I thought it would have been easier to walk away than stick it out and work it out. But I'm sure glad I didn't.
If love is an action, marriage is a commitment. You don't base the love of your marriage on what you "feel" but you choose to love your spouse, and you act it out... "fake it till you make it" even if you have to, but you need to spend a lot more time concerning yourself with how you can love better than how you can feel more loved - it will change your marriage. And as far as the commitment goes, well, there are no deal breakers. You decide in advance that it is "until death do us part" long before the trouble comes (and it will come) and when it's tough, divorce isn't even an option... (and even though I said "til death," murder isn't an option either... )
Yeah, I am a blessed woman - I am so in love with my husband - truly, madly, deeply; but credit where credit is due... it's had a lot to do with wise investments, of God and self into this incredible adventure called mariage.
Don't think me prideful, but I am truly proud....
Friday, August 21, 2009
Truly, Madly, Deeply
I was making our bed this morning, and had one of those ooey gooey waves of love for my husband wash over me. I was able to move around at an easy pace this morning and was tucking sheets under the mattress and I was overwhelmed with what a lucky girl I am. I am crazy in love with my husband. I don't always act like it, but I am.
I'm proud of my marriage. Looking around and watching so many of them fall apart, I am very proud of the fact that ours is going strong. But I don't take it for granted, you have to work hard to keep a marriage strong.
That was one of the first lessons I learned, marriage is hard work. It's a fact, and one most young couples don't realize when they first sign on for what they imagine will be some great romantic adventure meant to last the rest of their lives.
I look at the picture above, two (kindly) pudgy, middle-aged folks, those madly in love 19-year-olds had nothing on this couple. And although there was a time when our inseams were longer than my waistlines, that's just about the only advantage those two cool kids had over these... grown-ups.
It's been a hard road to get "here," but I'm so glad we took it.
No, it's not our anniversary, and it isn't Neal's birthday - I just really found myself counting my blessings this morning, and he is without a doubt on the top of my list. I know a lot of women adore their children and tolerate their husbands, but I would not count myself a member of this very large club. I don't just tolerate my children, but they are second to my husband, and I honestly think that's the way it is supposed to be.
I don't wonder, "what will we do?" when the kids are gone. I look forward to those years with great anticipation, knowing an empty nest will someday mean more time for "us," with less family business to partner over and more time to just be together and connect. That will be the reward at the end of the challenging years of our journey. I hope Neal and I are both blessed with long lives so that we have a lot of those years together. (Maybe working on those waistlines would be a good effort to make.)
We aren't attached at the hip or anything. We both have our own interests and things we like to do, but we connect through them when we can. I like to write and read and blog. Neal isn't much of a fan of reading, he'll probably never see this, but he supports me, lets me share the occasional blog I wrote, or listens as I drone on about the latest book I'm reading. He has his softball. I have left Monday nights untouched for 17 years, even when it meant I had to pull double parent duty at times, because I know he loves to play. And when our schedules allow, I go and root him on from the stands... LOUDLY of course, it is me after all.
I grew up going to baseball games incessantly as a kid. My dad was an umpire and I went to high school and college games as well as lots of Angel games. By the time I met Neal I was BURNT OUT... and if I never saw another baseball game again I would have been great with it. But a couple years into our marriage when Neal came out of the "closet" as an Angel fan, I came back around too. When he turned into a hardcore fan, I jumped on his bandwagon. It wasn't long before I found myself watching the games even when he wasn't around, because it became something we could share. I love it now, because he loves it.
Our romance quotient is great. I will keep it at that to spare you all pink cheeks, but it is our friendship that truly sustains us. I LIKE my husband. I like hanging out with him, I like talking to him, I like the person he is.
It took a lot of years, but regularly praying together cemented our relationship even more. I believe the most intimate thing we share together is seeking the Father together. When we let it lapse because of life and its schedules, we can feel it, we suffer for it. We bicker more.
I say more because even when things are good, we bicker. The other night I asked Jake if it bothers him when we fight. He adamantly told me it REALLY bothers him when we fight. So I asked him about our recent camping trip. We had a couple "incidents" on our family outing. He laughed, he said, "you didn't fight on our trip, that's just bickering. That doesn't bother me."
I make no apologies for bickering. You take two different people from two different backgrounds with two different ways of communicating, and there will always be conflict. Bickering shows my kids that when things get a little rough, you work it out.
I wonder how many marriages are cut short because couples give up too quickly when the waters get rough. I know there were lots of times in the last 20 years when I thought it would have been easier to walk away than stick it out and work it out. But I'm sure glad I didn't.
If love is an action, marriage is a commitment. You don't base the love of your marriage on what you "feel" but you choose to love your spouse, and you act it out... "fake it till you make it" even if you have to, but you need to spend a lot more time concerning yourself with how you can love better than how you can feel more loved - it will change your marriage. And as far as the commitment goes, well, there are no deal breakers. You decide in advance that it is "until death do us part" long before the trouble comes (and it will come) and when it's tough, divorce isn't even an option... (and even though I said "til death," murder isn't an option either... )
Yeah, I am a blessed woman - I am so in love with my husband - truly, madly, deeply; but credit where credit is due... it's had a lot to do with wise investments, of God and self into this incredible adventure called mariage.
Don't think me prideful, but I am truly proud....
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Seeking Him - It Could Happen to You
I think back to a time about three and a half years ago. We were in the midst of a really hectic and crazy remodel on the house. I'll be honest with you, I am so opposed to change that even good change has to happen with me dragging my feet and gripping tightly to the status quo. I don't cope well with change.
It was just before the holidays and I had about a hundred things on my "to do" list. On this particular morning I had to go to school to see the boys in a program at their school and get home on time for a furniture delivery where I had no less than three different workers in the house, rewiring, revamping and RE-ally driving me nuts. I had painted the entire inside of all our bedrooms a few weeks before because the dates we set aside to do it (Thanksgiving break) my hubby threw his back out. But we had a deadline before the carpet and flooring men came in, and now that that had been completed, furniture was on it's way.
I had this short shot of time between the program and the delivery and I really just wanted to pick up some new sheets for the new bed that was coming. Driving down the Avenue I saw the Linens & Things store and pulled quickly into the parking lot. I had in mind what I was looking for, thought it should only take a moment. I was trying to stick an errand between my rock and my hard place. I was in the store a good 20 minutes debating between two different shades of blue. I stood there when suddenly the strangest sensation came over me. Suddenly I just knew...something wasn't right...
Then it came to me, where was Victoria?? It was as though my mind started clicking "What day was it?" "Did she have preschool?" "Had my mom taken her?" like a jammed gearshift on a bicycle, I couldn't get it to move into place... Where... was... Victoria...??
As soon as it hit me I ran. The panic in my heart was overwhelming. I ran from the back of the store with all the sheets in hand and headed toward the exit. A slight moment of clarity made me realize if I ran out the door with the linens, I would have a whole new problem, so I ditched them on the floor by the door and continued outside into the parking lot.
As I crossed the parking lot I began to pray to, to beg, God that the door to my van would not be open, and that when I did open it, I would still find my daughter inside. I got about 20 feet from the van when I clicked the button for the auto side door. As it slid open and I saw my 4 year old sitting there crying her eyes out I had an overwhelming combination or guilt and relief. I could not believe what I had done, but I had done it.
Every summer here in California you hear a story about some parent who mistakenly leaves their child in a locked car on a hot day and with either the tragic or miraculous ending, I remember the days of reading those stories and wondering what kind of parent could ever possibly let something like that happen. But since that say about 3 1/2 years ago, I have never had to ask myself that question again. Mind you my incident happened on a cold day in December but the lowest moment of my parenting had all the other same ingredients as those well-documented tragedies.
I am a good mom, a careful and protective mom, but the right circumstances, opportunities, distractions and challenges, and I did something completely out of character. It could have had a terrible outcome. My daughter told me people saw her in the car crying and just walked away. It could have been different. Someone could have called the police and I could have been arrested for child neglect or endangerment. Someone could have taken my daughter, or done her harm. It scares me to think about those what if's, but what scares me more is how easily it really happened. Had you asked me prior to that day, I would have told you, there was no way I would ever forget one of my children somewhere. I would have never believed myself capable of it.
This chapter on moral purity strikes me the same way. Of all the chapters I imagine this one is the one most likely to be bypassed or dismissed and yet, why? The fact of the matter is, any one of us under the right "circumstances, opportunities, distractions and challenges" can find themselves primed to fall. And if you think you are immune, then I say you may be even more ripe than the norm. Let no one be fooled, if you think you are above a temptation, I say it is then you are at your greatest risk.
So here are Amber's questions for this week:
Why do you think it's valuable to include a lesson on moral purity in a study on personal revival?
It's interesting because we are currently doing the Truth Project at our church, and the definition of "moral" has been somewhat redefined, because according to the study "moral" isn't an absolute from the world's perspective, but rather changes by popular opinion. For example whereas 50 years ago living together before marriage was probably considered immoral, by today's standards, it isn't the case at all. But what is being spoken of in this study isn't that kind of changing morality, but rather is an absolute morality based on the word of God.
I think the purity being spoken of goes beyond just (gasp) sex. Even if (in the words of Laverne DeFazio) I don't vo-dee-o-doe-doe (sp?) with anyone but my licensed partner, that alone does not guarantee that I'm being morally pure. I'm going to keep this rated "G" for the kiddies but let's just say it goes deeper than the "who?" of sexuality. Having said that (or not said that) I believe it is because sexual sin goes so deep that it is critical to be pure for revival. Sexual impurity on many levels is a lot like hoppin in the sty with the pigs. You can't get clean to save your life. It gets everywhere and just climbing out won't fix it, and you're likely to be knocked back in if you try. It requires an escape from the pen, removal from the elements and thorough washing clean. A little immoral? A little dirty? A whole lot less likely to be revive-able....
Which of the 12 safeguards to moral purity do you find particularly helpful or challenging?
Well, this answer may seem like a cop out, but the safeguard to moral purity I think I believe to be the most helpful... and perhaps the most challenging too... is without a doubt #8, Renew your mind with the Word of God. I am beginning to think perhaps this is the cure-all to what ails you. Tonight at the Truth Project the "tour" we went on was about Knowing God. It talked about so much wonderful truth that I could write a whole other post on it, but suffice it to say, the word was given to us with the purpose of revealing Christ. The Pharisees knew the word, but they did not allow the revelation of Christ to come through it. It is the process of allowing Christ to come in and renew our minds that we come into deeper relationship with Him, deeper sensitivity to His Spirit, greater comprehension of all that is sin, greater conviction when we commit it, that leads us on a wonderful path of refinement and transformation.
As I describe it I really wonder to myself why I struggle so much with the best of consistency and commitment, it doesn't make sense, but it is a fact. It requires a discipline and purposefulness that I so often fall short of, but what great things might God accomplish on my life and through me should I better commit myself to knowing Him, through the revelation of His word. What a beautiful full circle of truth it is.
I do believe I am living a sexually pure life, but I am not so foolish as to believe that it's tied neatly in a box and put away forever. I have been watching a lot of marriages crumble in my life, and this issue has played a role in different ways to different degrees among them. Through it the Lord has given me this term, "guard the gatepost." What I think He is saying is although I may have my fence built (as I hope you do as well) there is always a weak point where entry can be made, so there is wisdom in keeping watch over it, not necessarily expecting a break in will be attempted, but never living foolishly enough to think it could never happen.
OK, it's late and I feel like I have rambled on way too long, but I hope this somehow makes my point. Blessings!
It was just before the holidays and I had about a hundred things on my "to do" list. On this particular morning I had to go to school to see the boys in a program at their school and get home on time for a furniture delivery where I had no less than three different workers in the house, rewiring, revamping and RE-ally driving me nuts. I had painted the entire inside of all our bedrooms a few weeks before because the dates we set aside to do it (Thanksgiving break) my hubby threw his back out. But we had a deadline before the carpet and flooring men came in, and now that that had been completed, furniture was on it's way.
I had this short shot of time between the program and the delivery and I really just wanted to pick up some new sheets for the new bed that was coming. Driving down the Avenue I saw the Linens & Things store and pulled quickly into the parking lot. I had in mind what I was looking for, thought it should only take a moment. I was trying to stick an errand between my rock and my hard place. I was in the store a good 20 minutes debating between two different shades of blue. I stood there when suddenly the strangest sensation came over me. Suddenly I just knew...something wasn't right...
Then it came to me, where was Victoria?? It was as though my mind started clicking "What day was it?" "Did she have preschool?" "Had my mom taken her?" like a jammed gearshift on a bicycle, I couldn't get it to move into place... Where... was... Victoria...??
As soon as it hit me I ran. The panic in my heart was overwhelming. I ran from the back of the store with all the sheets in hand and headed toward the exit. A slight moment of clarity made me realize if I ran out the door with the linens, I would have a whole new problem, so I ditched them on the floor by the door and continued outside into the parking lot.
As I crossed the parking lot I began to pray to, to beg, God that the door to my van would not be open, and that when I did open it, I would still find my daughter inside. I got about 20 feet from the van when I clicked the button for the auto side door. As it slid open and I saw my 4 year old sitting there crying her eyes out I had an overwhelming combination or guilt and relief. I could not believe what I had done, but I had done it.
Every summer here in California you hear a story about some parent who mistakenly leaves their child in a locked car on a hot day and with either the tragic or miraculous ending, I remember the days of reading those stories and wondering what kind of parent could ever possibly let something like that happen. But since that say about 3 1/2 years ago, I have never had to ask myself that question again. Mind you my incident happened on a cold day in December but the lowest moment of my parenting had all the other same ingredients as those well-documented tragedies.
I am a good mom, a careful and protective mom, but the right circumstances, opportunities, distractions and challenges, and I did something completely out of character. It could have had a terrible outcome. My daughter told me people saw her in the car crying and just walked away. It could have been different. Someone could have called the police and I could have been arrested for child neglect or endangerment. Someone could have taken my daughter, or done her harm. It scares me to think about those what if's, but what scares me more is how easily it really happened. Had you asked me prior to that day, I would have told you, there was no way I would ever forget one of my children somewhere. I would have never believed myself capable of it.
This chapter on moral purity strikes me the same way. Of all the chapters I imagine this one is the one most likely to be bypassed or dismissed and yet, why? The fact of the matter is, any one of us under the right "circumstances, opportunities, distractions and challenges" can find themselves primed to fall. And if you think you are immune, then I say you may be even more ripe than the norm. Let no one be fooled, if you think you are above a temptation, I say it is then you are at your greatest risk.
So here are Amber's questions for this week:
Why do you think it's valuable to include a lesson on moral purity in a study on personal revival?
It's interesting because we are currently doing the Truth Project at our church, and the definition of "moral" has been somewhat redefined, because according to the study "moral" isn't an absolute from the world's perspective, but rather changes by popular opinion. For example whereas 50 years ago living together before marriage was probably considered immoral, by today's standards, it isn't the case at all. But what is being spoken of in this study isn't that kind of changing morality, but rather is an absolute morality based on the word of God.
I think the purity being spoken of goes beyond just (gasp) sex. Even if (in the words of Laverne DeFazio) I don't vo-dee-o-doe-doe (sp?) with anyone but my licensed partner, that alone does not guarantee that I'm being morally pure. I'm going to keep this rated "G" for the kiddies but let's just say it goes deeper than the "who?" of sexuality. Having said that (or not said that) I believe it is because sexual sin goes so deep that it is critical to be pure for revival. Sexual impurity on many levels is a lot like hoppin in the sty with the pigs. You can't get clean to save your life. It gets everywhere and just climbing out won't fix it, and you're likely to be knocked back in if you try. It requires an escape from the pen, removal from the elements and thorough washing clean. A little immoral? A little dirty? A whole lot less likely to be revive-able....
Which of the 12 safeguards to moral purity do you find particularly helpful or challenging?
Well, this answer may seem like a cop out, but the safeguard to moral purity I think I believe to be the most helpful... and perhaps the most challenging too... is without a doubt #8, Renew your mind with the Word of God. I am beginning to think perhaps this is the cure-all to what ails you. Tonight at the Truth Project the "tour" we went on was about Knowing God. It talked about so much wonderful truth that I could write a whole other post on it, but suffice it to say, the word was given to us with the purpose of revealing Christ. The Pharisees knew the word, but they did not allow the revelation of Christ to come through it. It is the process of allowing Christ to come in and renew our minds that we come into deeper relationship with Him, deeper sensitivity to His Spirit, greater comprehension of all that is sin, greater conviction when we commit it, that leads us on a wonderful path of refinement and transformation.
As I describe it I really wonder to myself why I struggle so much with the best of consistency and commitment, it doesn't make sense, but it is a fact. It requires a discipline and purposefulness that I so often fall short of, but what great things might God accomplish on my life and through me should I better commit myself to knowing Him, through the revelation of His word. What a beautiful full circle of truth it is.
I do believe I am living a sexually pure life, but I am not so foolish as to believe that it's tied neatly in a box and put away forever. I have been watching a lot of marriages crumble in my life, and this issue has played a role in different ways to different degrees among them. Through it the Lord has given me this term, "guard the gatepost." What I think He is saying is although I may have my fence built (as I hope you do as well) there is always a weak point where entry can be made, so there is wisdom in keeping watch over it, not necessarily expecting a break in will be attempted, but never living foolishly enough to think it could never happen.
OK, it's late and I feel like I have rambled on way too long, but I hope this somehow makes my point. Blessings!
Saturday, March 28, 2009
It's NOT a Dirty Word.
I found myself in this unusual place again today. That's been happening more and more lately, I'm not sure what to think about it. I know I have choices about wherever I go, but I also know there is always this bigger picture about how doors of opportunity come to me. But that's not really what this blog is about, perhaps another day.
I did, however, see something today because of where I was and it gave me stop to ponder.
I was watching this man and woman dance. There was loud music playing and it was this very festive atmosphere and the woman walked up to where the man was and suddenly he grabbed her by the hand and started to dance with her. They weren't a couple, just friends, but it was clear he was a good dancer.
He grabbed her by the hand and started to lead her across the floor. He took her and spun her under his arm and pushed her out from him, then pulled her back in. There were moments where it was absolutely beautiful, but there were lots of moments where it was really clumsy and awkward.
The difference in the moments were glaringly obvious. It was all about her willingness to allow him to lead. When she would relax and just follow his bidding, it was graceful, joyous even. It was enticing to watch, it made you want to be a part of it. You couldn't take your eyes off of it. Even if he seemed to make a misstep, if she let him lead, they never lost their rhythm.
Then there were moments where it seemed like she was questioning what he was trying to do and her resistance would rise, instead of relaxing and following she would tense up her arms, stop moving her feet and try to take back control. It would almost look like a hand to hand battle. It changed the entire dance, everything became strained and awkward. It rang of the worst of the displays on Dancing with the Stars. Watching you would half turn away and watch only from a side glance and cringe in anticipation of the stumble, you could see it coming.
It took me immediately to a deeper thought. At the time it made me think of just being married. As a Christian woman there is this word that I have heard over and over again, submission. I've also seen lots and lots of other women, both Christian and non take incredible offense to the word. I think it stirs some fear from deep within that "submitting" is the equivalent of devaluing oneself. Since the days of Gloria Steinem "submission" has become a dirty word.
So herein lies the rub... submission is undoubtedly a command of the Lord.
"Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything." Ephesians 5:22-24
and...
"Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord." Colossians 3:18
So here's the thing I noticed as I was watching the dance, when they were dancing together, and she allowed him to lead, it was her that my eyes were drawn to. She was the one who looked so beautiful and joyous.
Later when I saw them dancing separately on the dance floor, I wasn't struck by any exceptional dancing talent. It was only when they danced together, he the clearly stronger dancer, that they both looked their best. When she danced and let him lead, there was a freedom that I saw in the dance, and in her eyes. It was beautiful.
It made me think. I never feel better about my marriage and my family than I do when Neal is clearly leading. When he leads our home and family, I feel safe, I feel confident, I feel joy. When I let him lead in our dance of life, I feel freedom and peace. Even if he takes steps different than I think he should, if I trust him and let him lead, it comes together, but when I fight and resist him, that's when we stumble and falter.
The thought occurred to me, what if I was watching another pair dance, not a couple of people who had never really danced together before, but a pair who were partners for a long time. It makes me think of like ice skating partners, or famous dancing duos like "Fred and Ginger," the longer they dance together, the better he becomes at leading, and the better she at following, so much so to the point you can hardly tell the two roles apart, they can seemingly anticipate one another and move to the same rhythms so well, that you almost never see a stumble apart from outside disruption, like a crack in the floor or a broken heel.
I thought to myself, isn't that God's plan for marriage? Isn't that the beauty of submission? I think it is.
I can hear the muttering and groaning already... "yes, but when my husband doesn't this, or my husband doesn't that... then do I still have to submit?"
You know, I think we as women spend far too much time wondering and worrying about what he should do instead of just focusing on our own steps. Like I said, even when he wasn't dancing perfectly, if she just let him lead, they never lost their rhythm.
In the "dance" of life, we will all find our perfect rhythm, if only we will allow the Lord to lead us. He after all is the Designer of the dance. He knows every step, and has created the rhythm. When we learn to submit to His leading and direction, we find freedom, and in that freedom, we find strength and peace. For the husbands, submitting to the Lord is how he learns to lead, by the example set for him. As a wife, I learn the joy of submission, the freedom in giving up the control by trusting first in the Lord, and then learning to put that same trust in my husband. And when each of us, our lessons better learned, comes together, our dance is beautiful, you can hardly take your eyes off of it.
Although I cannot for the life of me get my husband out on a literal dance floor to lead me, I am grateful the he is the partner the Lord has chosen to lead me through the dance of a lifetime. Anyone who knows me knows I am a strong minded and a strong willed woman, and yet I find comfort and peace in knowing the roles both Neal and I have been given by God in our marriage. It is for Neal to lead, and for me to follow, not silently or foolishly, but with mutual respect and love. We have not perfected the dance, but our Instructor continues to grow us both and when we stumble, we stumble together, but when we move to one rhythm, it is beautiful and brings glory to our God.
Even the simplest of dances can be beautiful when each partner knows his and her part. The Musician plays the music, a partner to lead, a partner to follow, the song made more beautiful by the display, the partnership strengthened by the experience, a beauty to behold, a privilege to participate.
I did, however, see something today because of where I was and it gave me stop to ponder.
I was watching this man and woman dance. There was loud music playing and it was this very festive atmosphere and the woman walked up to where the man was and suddenly he grabbed her by the hand and started to dance with her. They weren't a couple, just friends, but it was clear he was a good dancer.
He grabbed her by the hand and started to lead her across the floor. He took her and spun her under his arm and pushed her out from him, then pulled her back in. There were moments where it was absolutely beautiful, but there were lots of moments where it was really clumsy and awkward.
The difference in the moments were glaringly obvious. It was all about her willingness to allow him to lead. When she would relax and just follow his bidding, it was graceful, joyous even. It was enticing to watch, it made you want to be a part of it. You couldn't take your eyes off of it. Even if he seemed to make a misstep, if she let him lead, they never lost their rhythm.
Then there were moments where it seemed like she was questioning what he was trying to do and her resistance would rise, instead of relaxing and following she would tense up her arms, stop moving her feet and try to take back control. It would almost look like a hand to hand battle. It changed the entire dance, everything became strained and awkward. It rang of the worst of the displays on Dancing with the Stars. Watching you would half turn away and watch only from a side glance and cringe in anticipation of the stumble, you could see it coming.
It took me immediately to a deeper thought. At the time it made me think of just being married. As a Christian woman there is this word that I have heard over and over again, submission. I've also seen lots and lots of other women, both Christian and non take incredible offense to the word. I think it stirs some fear from deep within that "submitting" is the equivalent of devaluing oneself. Since the days of Gloria Steinem "submission" has become a dirty word.
So herein lies the rub... submission is undoubtedly a command of the Lord.
"Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything." Ephesians 5:22-24
and...
"Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord." Colossians 3:18
So here's the thing I noticed as I was watching the dance, when they were dancing together, and she allowed him to lead, it was her that my eyes were drawn to. She was the one who looked so beautiful and joyous.
Later when I saw them dancing separately on the dance floor, I wasn't struck by any exceptional dancing talent. It was only when they danced together, he the clearly stronger dancer, that they both looked their best. When she danced and let him lead, there was a freedom that I saw in the dance, and in her eyes. It was beautiful.
It made me think. I never feel better about my marriage and my family than I do when Neal is clearly leading. When he leads our home and family, I feel safe, I feel confident, I feel joy. When I let him lead in our dance of life, I feel freedom and peace. Even if he takes steps different than I think he should, if I trust him and let him lead, it comes together, but when I fight and resist him, that's when we stumble and falter.
The thought occurred to me, what if I was watching another pair dance, not a couple of people who had never really danced together before, but a pair who were partners for a long time. It makes me think of like ice skating partners, or famous dancing duos like "Fred and Ginger," the longer they dance together, the better he becomes at leading, and the better she at following, so much so to the point you can hardly tell the two roles apart, they can seemingly anticipate one another and move to the same rhythms so well, that you almost never see a stumble apart from outside disruption, like a crack in the floor or a broken heel.
I thought to myself, isn't that God's plan for marriage? Isn't that the beauty of submission? I think it is.
I can hear the muttering and groaning already... "yes, but when my husband doesn't this, or my husband doesn't that... then do I still have to submit?"
You know, I think we as women spend far too much time wondering and worrying about what he should do instead of just focusing on our own steps. Like I said, even when he wasn't dancing perfectly, if she just let him lead, they never lost their rhythm.
In the "dance" of life, we will all find our perfect rhythm, if only we will allow the Lord to lead us. He after all is the Designer of the dance. He knows every step, and has created the rhythm. When we learn to submit to His leading and direction, we find freedom, and in that freedom, we find strength and peace. For the husbands, submitting to the Lord is how he learns to lead, by the example set for him. As a wife, I learn the joy of submission, the freedom in giving up the control by trusting first in the Lord, and then learning to put that same trust in my husband. And when each of us, our lessons better learned, comes together, our dance is beautiful, you can hardly take your eyes off of it.
Although I cannot for the life of me get my husband out on a literal dance floor to lead me, I am grateful the he is the partner the Lord has chosen to lead me through the dance of a lifetime. Anyone who knows me knows I am a strong minded and a strong willed woman, and yet I find comfort and peace in knowing the roles both Neal and I have been given by God in our marriage. It is for Neal to lead, and for me to follow, not silently or foolishly, but with mutual respect and love. We have not perfected the dance, but our Instructor continues to grow us both and when we stumble, we stumble together, but when we move to one rhythm, it is beautiful and brings glory to our God.
Even the simplest of dances can be beautiful when each partner knows his and her part. The Musician plays the music, a partner to lead, a partner to follow, the song made more beautiful by the display, the partnership strengthened by the experience, a beauty to behold, a privilege to participate.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
'Til Death
Remember when you were little? You'd make a promise, and if the recipient of your word looked doubtful, they'd ask you, "Pinky swear?" And in absolute assurance, you would promise, "Pinky swear!" At the risk of losing an appendage I suppose, you gave your word.
I'm still finding myself doing that once in a while even as an adult. I'll ask Neal to promise me he'll take care of something, and if he seems to be hedging at all, I'll ask him "Swear?" And he always does. But it's never about the big stuff. I actually don't ask him to risk his pinky anymore, but the concept is the same. But I shouldn't ask him to do that, because the bible says this:
Nor shall you swear by your head, because you cannot make one hair white or black. But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one. Matthew 5:36-37
I think that God is instructing us that we should be a people of our word, always, no matter what. If you say something to someone, they should be able to count on the fact that because you said it, it will happen. I think there are two benefits that I note immediately,(1) it makes you an honest and trustworthy person. That's something we should all aspire to be. I think that (2)the second benefit is this, perhaps we will give our words more consideration before we make promises we can't or are unwilling to keep.
God is the author of the promise. He wrote an entire Book filled with them. God always keeps His promises.
That's actually an anchor point for me. Maybe THE anchor point in my life. I even have it written on my license plate frame, "God Always Keeps His Promises." I've seen it proven in my life time and time again. He's kept The Word (Bible) to me, as well as promises He made just to me. Not always in the way I thought, or in the timing I planned, but always, promises kept.
I've been privileged to experience His position (or something comparable to it) in a promise. Did that make sense? What I'm saying is, I've gotten to see the role the Lord takes in His promise to me... well, sort of.
I think of His promise, His covenant, of salvation to me. The promise He swore by Jesus' sacrifice. Unlike legal "covenants" today, where two parties enter in together, and responsibility is negotiated and divided, in the covenant of my salvation all the effort and sacrifice was done on God's part, all I had to do was accept it to receive the benefit. That's what adopting a child is like. You make all the sacrifice and effort to make this child a part of your family, and they just have to enter in and accept it. And it isn't breakable. I suppose in some manner it is, but not without a lot of leaping through hoops and back to do it.
What I mean is when I adopted Ethan, I guaranteed him an inheritance. Unlike Jacob and Victoria, whatever I have left behind when I die someday, I have to make provision for him. And unlike Jacob and Victoria who I could disown, I cannot do that to Ethan. He's stuck with me. My obligation to all my children may be moral, but only to Ethan is it legal and binding. Which is why I think the Lord describes his relationship with His children as that of adoption. He's bound to us, in an unbreakable covenant.
As a Christian there is another relationship that I am in that is considered a covenant promise. That is my marriage to Neal. In the world marriage isn't looked at that way. It's considered to be a contract with an unending list of outs, and it seems to me more and more people are taking them every day, and what really makes me sad is how many people I see doing it or even considering it in the church.
I wasn't actually a Christian when I got married, or at least I wasn't walking with the Lord. But when I became a Christian I certainly believe I retroactively became bound to a covenant marriage, or at least when we both became Christians I did. (And I did actually get married in a church, and it was a Christian ceremony, even if only out of tradition - so one could make an argument it was binding anyway.)
Although my contract of marriage (and all its loopholes) was a contract between two people, Neal and I, the covenant of our marriage is between three, Neal, myself and God. When I promised to love Neal in sickness and in health, for better or for worse, when I promised to cherish and honor him, I didn't just make the promise to Neal, I made it to God.
I'm glad for that truth, because I think it is the super glue that stands when the Elmer's runs thin. Marriage is hard. Don't misunderstand this post, at the moment my marriage is wonderful. I'd love to say with assurance that we've grown to a place that we don't struggle but I know the reality is, that it might not always be the way it is now. And so when those times come, I'm glad that I can stop and remember I didn't just make the promise to make our marriage work to Neal, I promised God I was in it for the long haul - "till death do us part." And I have no acceptable excuse to break my promise to God, because He's never broken a single one to me.
Now don't get all fired up and misunderstand me, I'm not judging anyone else, not on an individual basis anyway, but I am saying, If you are a Christian that before you are willing to walk away from a marriage, or even willing to consider it, you ought to really take inventory. Did you mean the words you said? The promises that you made? If perhaps your spouse doesn't seem deserving of your devotion, how about your God?
The reason you had to promise "for better or for worse" is because the worse will come, and it isn't a loophole or escape to end your marriage. As God's people, we should be keepers of our promises. Do I know there probably have to be exceptions? Perhaps, but there aren't as many as some think there are.
I'm rambling now, and maybe you're fighting to stay awake by this point in the post, but my heart is heavy - marriage is in trouble, there is an attack against this great institution created by God. And it isn't the big battles over definitions that we need to take heed, it's in our own churches, our neighborhoods, among our friends. Take heed. Fight for your marriage, it's a gift to you from the Lord, even if it isn't going the way you thought or hoped, you can only surrender your own will and participation, you can't change your spouse, but you can change your heart and allow God to work in you. I hope you will, it's worth it.
I'm still finding myself doing that once in a while even as an adult. I'll ask Neal to promise me he'll take care of something, and if he seems to be hedging at all, I'll ask him "Swear?" And he always does. But it's never about the big stuff. I actually don't ask him to risk his pinky anymore, but the concept is the same. But I shouldn't ask him to do that, because the bible says this:
Nor shall you swear by your head, because you cannot make one hair white or black. But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one. Matthew 5:36-37
I think that God is instructing us that we should be a people of our word, always, no matter what. If you say something to someone, they should be able to count on the fact that because you said it, it will happen. I think there are two benefits that I note immediately,(1) it makes you an honest and trustworthy person. That's something we should all aspire to be. I think that (2)the second benefit is this, perhaps we will give our words more consideration before we make promises we can't or are unwilling to keep.
God is the author of the promise. He wrote an entire Book filled with them. God always keeps His promises.
That's actually an anchor point for me. Maybe THE anchor point in my life. I even have it written on my license plate frame, "God Always Keeps His Promises." I've seen it proven in my life time and time again. He's kept The Word (Bible) to me, as well as promises He made just to me. Not always in the way I thought, or in the timing I planned, but always, promises kept.
I've been privileged to experience His position (or something comparable to it) in a promise. Did that make sense? What I'm saying is, I've gotten to see the role the Lord takes in His promise to me... well, sort of.
I think of His promise, His covenant, of salvation to me. The promise He swore by Jesus' sacrifice. Unlike legal "covenants" today, where two parties enter in together, and responsibility is negotiated and divided, in the covenant of my salvation all the effort and sacrifice was done on God's part, all I had to do was accept it to receive the benefit. That's what adopting a child is like. You make all the sacrifice and effort to make this child a part of your family, and they just have to enter in and accept it. And it isn't breakable. I suppose in some manner it is, but not without a lot of leaping through hoops and back to do it.
What I mean is when I adopted Ethan, I guaranteed him an inheritance. Unlike Jacob and Victoria, whatever I have left behind when I die someday, I have to make provision for him. And unlike Jacob and Victoria who I could disown, I cannot do that to Ethan. He's stuck with me. My obligation to all my children may be moral, but only to Ethan is it legal and binding. Which is why I think the Lord describes his relationship with His children as that of adoption. He's bound to us, in an unbreakable covenant.
As a Christian there is another relationship that I am in that is considered a covenant promise. That is my marriage to Neal. In the world marriage isn't looked at that way. It's considered to be a contract with an unending list of outs, and it seems to me more and more people are taking them every day, and what really makes me sad is how many people I see doing it or even considering it in the church.
I wasn't actually a Christian when I got married, or at least I wasn't walking with the Lord. But when I became a Christian I certainly believe I retroactively became bound to a covenant marriage, or at least when we both became Christians I did. (And I did actually get married in a church, and it was a Christian ceremony, even if only out of tradition - so one could make an argument it was binding anyway.)
Although my contract of marriage (and all its loopholes) was a contract between two people, Neal and I, the covenant of our marriage is between three, Neal, myself and God. When I promised to love Neal in sickness and in health, for better or for worse, when I promised to cherish and honor him, I didn't just make the promise to Neal, I made it to God.
I'm glad for that truth, because I think it is the super glue that stands when the Elmer's runs thin. Marriage is hard. Don't misunderstand this post, at the moment my marriage is wonderful. I'd love to say with assurance that we've grown to a place that we don't struggle but I know the reality is, that it might not always be the way it is now. And so when those times come, I'm glad that I can stop and remember I didn't just make the promise to make our marriage work to Neal, I promised God I was in it for the long haul - "till death do us part." And I have no acceptable excuse to break my promise to God, because He's never broken a single one to me.
Now don't get all fired up and misunderstand me, I'm not judging anyone else, not on an individual basis anyway, but I am saying, If you are a Christian that before you are willing to walk away from a marriage, or even willing to consider it, you ought to really take inventory. Did you mean the words you said? The promises that you made? If perhaps your spouse doesn't seem deserving of your devotion, how about your God?
The reason you had to promise "for better or for worse" is because the worse will come, and it isn't a loophole or escape to end your marriage. As God's people, we should be keepers of our promises. Do I know there probably have to be exceptions? Perhaps, but there aren't as many as some think there are.
I'm rambling now, and maybe you're fighting to stay awake by this point in the post, but my heart is heavy - marriage is in trouble, there is an attack against this great institution created by God. And it isn't the big battles over definitions that we need to take heed, it's in our own churches, our neighborhoods, among our friends. Take heed. Fight for your marriage, it's a gift to you from the Lord, even if it isn't going the way you thought or hoped, you can only surrender your own will and participation, you can't change your spouse, but you can change your heart and allow God to work in you. I hope you will, it's worth it.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Puzzles and Glue
It's interesting to me how creative God is. So many people in the world, and no two are exactly alike. Even identical twins whose appearances are in fact so identical that even their own loved ones may be challenged to discern are each given their own distinctive personalities.
Truly it's the personality differences in people that I am reflecting upon today. There are so very many variables and such a wide range. You have the driven to the lazy, you have the "Type A's" to the total "go with the flow"-ers, those who must have every moment planned and those who live life in constant spontaneity. I am also reflecting on the fact that, in my own experience at least, so many polar opposites choose to commit their lives to one another in marriage.
I'm wondering what causes that to happen. Is it because they are drawn to something they don't find in themselves? Is it because it truly creates some sort of balance in the relationship? Are they just crazy? I mean, truly when you marry someone nothing like you, it has the potential to create a lot of drama and havoc, doesn't it?
Well, I don't want to sound all doomsday-ish. I married a man who is nothing like me, and almost 18 years later, I still want to be here, still love him dearly and am looking forward tot he days when it's just the two of us again. I love my kids, I'm not rushing, just like thinking about those days that I hope the Lord will bless us with many of.
I am a planner, to the core. If it isn't written down, it isn't going to happen. If I haven't had a couple days to mentally and emotionally prepare for it, it's probably not going to work for me. Neal on the other hand lives for the spontaneous. He would like nothing better than to just get in a car and drive, see where he ends up. We've done it a few times, not long trips but evening drives, and all I can think about is whether or not we might get lost, and if we find ourselves on a winding road, well, forget about it! That's tortuous!
I am a very critical thinker. I analyze everything and everyone, I am suspicious in nature and always wondering what someone else's motivation might be. Neal, on the other hand, always sees the best in people, and always gives them the benefit of the doubt. (I just give them the doubt.) He's one of those "never me a man he didn't like" types. (Who was that, was it Roy Rogers?)
There is an upside to the critical analytical mindset (I'm not all bad) in that I am a little like a boy scout, always prepared for any surprise that might come my way. Of the two of us, Neal is more likely to find himself "up the creek without a paddle." I'm more likely to have brought the spare.
I'll be honest, in the early years of our marriage the differences tended to cause some strife. When you have kids they become more challenging. But over the years we've learned to work together despite the differences. At times we've even learned to benefit from one another in our differences. (Like a wife who packs an extra paddle on a trip up the creek - that's handy!)
I think in my case I picked someone who I admire for (most of) the ways he's different from me. I like that Neal sees the good in people, I like his outgoing ways, and the way he's comfortable just being himself, not worrying about what other people think of him.
All the joys and challenges that come from the differences though are trumped by the things that are the same. Commitment. Neal and I are in it for the long haul. Good times or bad, hard times or sad, we are committed to our marriage and our family. Friendship. Neal and I are friends first. "Being in love" or at least feeling like it can be hard at times. When things are hard romance can be elusive, but friendship is what brings you alongside one another and helps you fight with each other in the trials instead of against each other. Faith in Christ. It's the Cornerstone of a good marriage, at least it is the cornerstone of our marriage. Knowing what you believe, in Whom you believe and believing it together, it's what makes the commitment and friendship possible. It's what keeps you together when it seems nothing else can.
A good marriage is being able to weather the storms, being determined to do it together at all costs. It is appreciating your differences, even celebrating them, and being able to build on common ground. You take two pieces that by appearance would probably never work, then you bring them closer and realize they are puzzle pieces and a perfect fit, then you glue them in place and they make a masterpiece to be admired.
Well, this isn't what I intended to blog on, but sometimes it goes where it goes... My original title when I started was "Black and White," guess that thought process will have to work itself out another day.
Truly it's the personality differences in people that I am reflecting upon today. There are so very many variables and such a wide range. You have the driven to the lazy, you have the "Type A's" to the total "go with the flow"-ers, those who must have every moment planned and those who live life in constant spontaneity. I am also reflecting on the fact that, in my own experience at least, so many polar opposites choose to commit their lives to one another in marriage.
I'm wondering what causes that to happen. Is it because they are drawn to something they don't find in themselves? Is it because it truly creates some sort of balance in the relationship? Are they just crazy? I mean, truly when you marry someone nothing like you, it has the potential to create a lot of drama and havoc, doesn't it?
Well, I don't want to sound all doomsday-ish. I married a man who is nothing like me, and almost 18 years later, I still want to be here, still love him dearly and am looking forward tot he days when it's just the two of us again. I love my kids, I'm not rushing, just like thinking about those days that I hope the Lord will bless us with many of.
I am a planner, to the core. If it isn't written down, it isn't going to happen. If I haven't had a couple days to mentally and emotionally prepare for it, it's probably not going to work for me. Neal on the other hand lives for the spontaneous. He would like nothing better than to just get in a car and drive, see where he ends up. We've done it a few times, not long trips but evening drives, and all I can think about is whether or not we might get lost, and if we find ourselves on a winding road, well, forget about it! That's tortuous!
I am a very critical thinker. I analyze everything and everyone, I am suspicious in nature and always wondering what someone else's motivation might be. Neal, on the other hand, always sees the best in people, and always gives them the benefit of the doubt. (I just give them the doubt.) He's one of those "never me a man he didn't like" types. (Who was that, was it Roy Rogers?)
There is an upside to the critical analytical mindset (I'm not all bad) in that I am a little like a boy scout, always prepared for any surprise that might come my way. Of the two of us, Neal is more likely to find himself "up the creek without a paddle." I'm more likely to have brought the spare.
I'll be honest, in the early years of our marriage the differences tended to cause some strife. When you have kids they become more challenging. But over the years we've learned to work together despite the differences. At times we've even learned to benefit from one another in our differences. (Like a wife who packs an extra paddle on a trip up the creek - that's handy!)
I think in my case I picked someone who I admire for (most of) the ways he's different from me. I like that Neal sees the good in people, I like his outgoing ways, and the way he's comfortable just being himself, not worrying about what other people think of him.
All the joys and challenges that come from the differences though are trumped by the things that are the same. Commitment. Neal and I are in it for the long haul. Good times or bad, hard times or sad, we are committed to our marriage and our family. Friendship. Neal and I are friends first. "Being in love" or at least feeling like it can be hard at times. When things are hard romance can be elusive, but friendship is what brings you alongside one another and helps you fight with each other in the trials instead of against each other. Faith in Christ. It's the Cornerstone of a good marriage, at least it is the cornerstone of our marriage. Knowing what you believe, in Whom you believe and believing it together, it's what makes the commitment and friendship possible. It's what keeps you together when it seems nothing else can.
A good marriage is being able to weather the storms, being determined to do it together at all costs. It is appreciating your differences, even celebrating them, and being able to build on common ground. You take two pieces that by appearance would probably never work, then you bring them closer and realize they are puzzle pieces and a perfect fit, then you glue them in place and they make a masterpiece to be admired.
Well, this isn't what I intended to blog on, but sometimes it goes where it goes... My original title when I started was "Black and White," guess that thought process will have to work itself out another day.
Monday, December 22, 2008
25 Days of CHRISTmas - December 22, 2008
Today I had some nice quiet time to myself. I sat in a chair with a good book (not to be confused with THE Good Book) and I read while listening to and watching the rain outside. It was peaceful, the kids weren't around, I was bundled up in comfy sweat pants and a warm sweatshirt. It was nice.
The only downside was it wasn't in my own home, but rather in the waiting room of our local hospital while my husband was having surgery on his knee. I had a long list of things that wasn't getting done but it didn't matter. I was where I was most needed, and somehow I found peace in the midst of it, even when I had to referee battles between my sons via cell phone. I am fortunate that my oldest son, though not always one to make the best decisions, is trustworthy and pretty responsible. I think back to the days when he was too young to be much help and I don't know how I managed, and I am thankful that these days I can rely on his more and more. He's becoming a man right before my eyes.
"On the twenty-second day of CHRISTmas my true Love gave to me... a calm in the eye of the storm."
There is a lot of storminess going on in our lives, even some I don't necessarily share here on my blogs (shocking, I know), and it can rattle you. I think back to the story of Jesus in the storm. He has the power to speak to the winds and calm them, but I know He doesn't always choose to do that. Sometimes it has to be enough to know He in the storm with you, He's in your boat.
There is something about finding the quiet in the midst of a storm that replenishes your soul. It's like a cold drink when you are thirsty. You will be thirsty again (at least here in this life) but for the moment there is a little satisfaction. Once we left the hospital I felt the anxiousness rise back up a little, I'll just be honest, thinking about all I have left to do and how little time I have left to do it can be overwhelming, but I also know I will not be overcome by it.
I am also grateful to report that Neal has had a pain free day. We had to pay an unexpected $250 this morning for the "cold therapy unit" Neal's doctor prescribed because our insurance denied it as "not medically necessary." It may not be necessary, but it is certainly showing itself to be invaluable. I hope as my husband finds himself tethered to an outlet by this machine, unable to do much other than recuperate and rest, he finds the same replenishing in the calm of the storm as well.
May you all have a moment in the midst of your storm that God will provide you with a drink of cool water for your thirsty souls. In Jesus' name.
Merry CHRISTmas!
The only downside was it wasn't in my own home, but rather in the waiting room of our local hospital while my husband was having surgery on his knee. I had a long list of things that wasn't getting done but it didn't matter. I was where I was most needed, and somehow I found peace in the midst of it, even when I had to referee battles between my sons via cell phone. I am fortunate that my oldest son, though not always one to make the best decisions, is trustworthy and pretty responsible. I think back to the days when he was too young to be much help and I don't know how I managed, and I am thankful that these days I can rely on his more and more. He's becoming a man right before my eyes.
"On the twenty-second day of CHRISTmas my true Love gave to me... a calm in the eye of the storm."
There is a lot of storminess going on in our lives, even some I don't necessarily share here on my blogs (shocking, I know), and it can rattle you. I think back to the story of Jesus in the storm. He has the power to speak to the winds and calm them, but I know He doesn't always choose to do that. Sometimes it has to be enough to know He in the storm with you, He's in your boat.
There is something about finding the quiet in the midst of a storm that replenishes your soul. It's like a cold drink when you are thirsty. You will be thirsty again (at least here in this life) but for the moment there is a little satisfaction. Once we left the hospital I felt the anxiousness rise back up a little, I'll just be honest, thinking about all I have left to do and how little time I have left to do it can be overwhelming, but I also know I will not be overcome by it.
I am also grateful to report that Neal has had a pain free day. We had to pay an unexpected $250 this morning for the "cold therapy unit" Neal's doctor prescribed because our insurance denied it as "not medically necessary." It may not be necessary, but it is certainly showing itself to be invaluable. I hope as my husband finds himself tethered to an outlet by this machine, unable to do much other than recuperate and rest, he finds the same replenishing in the calm of the storm as well.
May you all have a moment in the midst of your storm that God will provide you with a drink of cool water for your thirsty souls. In Jesus' name.
Merry CHRISTmas!
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
25 Days of CHRISTmas - December 10, 2008
This is a busy week for me. It's CHRISTmas Tea week at my church, and I joyfully participate and serve in the Raffle Ticket ministry. Relax, it isn't really gambling since all the money goes to outreach ministries. It's a fun week, but a long and busy one, coming home, trying to get homework out of the way for Neal. It also happens to be the week before my daughter's birthday, so there is planning for that. There's still dinners to be made, lunches to be packed. Next week are school CHRISTmas parties, which I apparently volunteered for the one in 1st grade back on Back to School Night and I completely forgot... I know I thought, well it's near Tori's birthday so that will be easy... Uh, hello? But it's fun, and it is what it is, CHRISTmas, birthday, Tea, Raffles, it's December!(Don't I still have a lot of shopping to do? And wrapping? And we don't even have a CHRISTmas tree yet!)
"On the tenth day of CHRISTmas my true Love gave to me... the men in my life."
I am so blessed to have a husband who last night I left with a messy house and came home to one far more picked up. Tonight I came home to him washing the dishes for tomorrow night's tea where I will hostess a table and attend rather than sell raffle tickets.
And I am blessed to have a dad who is willing to make cupcakes tomorrow night while he babysits my children while Neal plays waiter at the tea so Victoria can have a birthday snack with her friends at school on Friday afternoon.
I love these two men, who love and bless me and totally help me out of a bind!
Merry CHRISTmas!
"On the tenth day of CHRISTmas my true Love gave to me... the men in my life."
I am so blessed to have a husband who last night I left with a messy house and came home to one far more picked up. Tonight I came home to him washing the dishes for tomorrow night's tea where I will hostess a table and attend rather than sell raffle tickets.
And I am blessed to have a dad who is willing to make cupcakes tomorrow night while he babysits my children while Neal plays waiter at the tea so Victoria can have a birthday snack with her friends at school on Friday afternoon.
I love these two men, who love and bless me and totally help me out of a bind!
Merry CHRISTmas!
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Saturday, October 4, 2008
Date Night
I have to say I consider myself truly blessed. You see, I am absolutely crazy about my husband. We were figuring it out earlier tonight and I have been with this wonderful man for more than half of my life. It will be over half of his life in a few more months because he's slightly older than I am. (He'll be 39 a week from Monday and I have another 5 1/2 months before I hit that final stop before the great milestone of the big 4-0, but I digress.) Bottom line, we've been together for a long time. If we were in Hollywood it would be like our diamond anniversary almost!
Tonight was our scheduled "date night." We get one guaranteed date night per month. My parents take each one of our kids on a Thursday night rotation to spend time with them individually and the 4th week of that cycle they take the whole bunch and we get an evening off. A lot of times it's just a couple hours on a Thursday evening, but often my parents will take them on a Friday or Saturday so we can have more time. Last night after we all went to the (devestating) Angel game my dad called when we got home and surprised us with an offer to come and get them right away. So our "date night" was wonderfully extended.
We got to sleep in this morning, which is a rare treat. We lounged and relaxed till it was time to meet my dad and the kids at Ethan's extremely brief soccer game. (It got called after the first quarter because of rain, it wasn't actually raining, but it got called anyway.) So my dad took back off with the kids and Neal and I headed off for more time alone.
We went and had a really nice dinner at PF Changs. There's a new one at the Anaheim Gardenwalk. It was nice to be able to go to one of our faves and not have it be a long trek down the freeway. We had the best service I think I might have ever had. If you check out this new restaurant, ask for Erin, she took such good care of us. It was nice to lounge and have grown-up conversation. It made me realize how lucky I am to truly like the man I'm married to. I know that sounds strange, but it's true. I see so many married couples who though they may love each other, they tolerate spending time together. I think that's sad. I really like Neal, he truly is my best friend.
Afterwards we walked around the new shopping center. There were a lot of "opening soon" shops. There's a theater, we thought about going to a movie but couldn't really agree on what to see. We just walked around and hung out. Neal pulled me a round a quiet corner and gave me a big kiss, and you know what? He still makes my heart go pitter-patter.
It was just such a pleasant quiet day. We ended up coming back to the house and hanging out. He's playing worship tomorrow and needed to practice. I needed to do laundry for him and the kids. It was nice though, so peaceful and quiet. We stretched out the evening as long as we could. I know it's highly boring, but I love that we are that happy to just be alone together.
When we finally went and got the kids we heard the discipline reports and each child had something to tell us or whine about (or both). By the time we got in the car to head home they were bickering and had started the "he did this, she did that" lines. Whining increased, I think we had a few drama tears. (You know, the completely fake kind.) Neal reached over and grabbed my hand, we looked at each other and laughed. I started to sing my version of that old Helen Reddy song... "You and me against the kids..."
At one point during the evening while Neal was outside practicing and I was alone in the house, the thought did occur to me how boring life would be without the kids, peaceful, but boring. But I can't imagine sharing the excitement and challenge of parenting our three crazy, rambunctious, often obnoxious kids without my best friend by my side. I love my husband, and I am so thankful we have time and opportunity to foster our friendship. It makes it a lot easier to get the work of parenting done together.
Tonight was our scheduled "date night." We get one guaranteed date night per month. My parents take each one of our kids on a Thursday night rotation to spend time with them individually and the 4th week of that cycle they take the whole bunch and we get an evening off. A lot of times it's just a couple hours on a Thursday evening, but often my parents will take them on a Friday or Saturday so we can have more time. Last night after we all went to the (devestating) Angel game my dad called when we got home and surprised us with an offer to come and get them right away. So our "date night" was wonderfully extended.
We got to sleep in this morning, which is a rare treat. We lounged and relaxed till it was time to meet my dad and the kids at Ethan's extremely brief soccer game. (It got called after the first quarter because of rain, it wasn't actually raining, but it got called anyway.) So my dad took back off with the kids and Neal and I headed off for more time alone.
We went and had a really nice dinner at PF Changs. There's a new one at the Anaheim Gardenwalk. It was nice to be able to go to one of our faves and not have it be a long trek down the freeway. We had the best service I think I might have ever had. If you check out this new restaurant, ask for Erin, she took such good care of us. It was nice to lounge and have grown-up conversation. It made me realize how lucky I am to truly like the man I'm married to. I know that sounds strange, but it's true. I see so many married couples who though they may love each other, they tolerate spending time together. I think that's sad. I really like Neal, he truly is my best friend.
Afterwards we walked around the new shopping center. There were a lot of "opening soon" shops. There's a theater, we thought about going to a movie but couldn't really agree on what to see. We just walked around and hung out. Neal pulled me a round a quiet corner and gave me a big kiss, and you know what? He still makes my heart go pitter-patter.
It was just such a pleasant quiet day. We ended up coming back to the house and hanging out. He's playing worship tomorrow and needed to practice. I needed to do laundry for him and the kids. It was nice though, so peaceful and quiet. We stretched out the evening as long as we could. I know it's highly boring, but I love that we are that happy to just be alone together.
When we finally went and got the kids we heard the discipline reports and each child had something to tell us or whine about (or both). By the time we got in the car to head home they were bickering and had started the "he did this, she did that" lines. Whining increased, I think we had a few drama tears. (You know, the completely fake kind.) Neal reached over and grabbed my hand, we looked at each other and laughed. I started to sing my version of that old Helen Reddy song... "You and me against the kids..."
At one point during the evening while Neal was outside practicing and I was alone in the house, the thought did occur to me how boring life would be without the kids, peaceful, but boring. But I can't imagine sharing the excitement and challenge of parenting our three crazy, rambunctious, often obnoxious kids without my best friend by my side. I love my husband, and I am so thankful we have time and opportunity to foster our friendship. It makes it a lot easier to get the work of parenting done together.
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Movie Review - Fireproof (w/ Addendum)
Yesterday a fun bunch of girlfriends and I all met at Stadium Century 25 theaters to check out the new new movie Fireproof that opened this weekend.
There were 13 of us altogether (if you read this before - oops), and if I understood the consensus it received a solid 26 thumbs up.
This movie was made by the same church, yes I said church, that made Facing the Giants back in 2006. Both movies were made entirely with a volunteer cast and crew and by church support and donations. This time it did have known actor, Kirk Cameron, starring in the lead role of Caleb, the fireman. I aways liked Kirk, even way back to his 80's sitcom days starring in Growing Pains, but in this movie he really displays his ability well to perform dramatic acting.
The rest of the cast also did very well. You may have to settle in for a few minutes and overlook that these are not classically trained actors, but if you give yourself a few minutes and overlook some slight overacting, you will find yourself caught up in the story of Caleb and Katherine, a young married couple who find themselves in a "marriage burning down." I think some folks might even sense a few moments that hit a little too close to home.
The girls and I sat in 2 rows to see the movie and I could hear the majority of them who were in the back row sniffling a lot, it's definitely a 2 hankie movie, but it also had some cute moments of comic relief. I endorse this movie wholeheartedly and encourage anyone, no EVERYone, to go see it. On top of a terrific human story, it wonderfully shares the truth of the gospel message in the midst of it, and it will touch your heart. If you'd like to see a clip you can go to my family website here. Oh, but by the way, NO, it's not just a chick flick! But it would be a great date movie. Guys, I guarantee lots of extra credit and gold relationship stars if you take your wives to see it!
Addendum: I ran into a man at our church at the theater when we saw this, and at services the next day I asked him what he thought. He said he thought it was GREAT and really liked the ACTION scenes. It was a double date for him and his wife with another couple and he said that husband really liked it too, so 4 out of 4 "man" thumbs up!
There were 13 of us altogether (if you read this before - oops), and if I understood the consensus it received a solid 26 thumbs up.
This movie was made by the same church, yes I said church, that made Facing the Giants back in 2006. Both movies were made entirely with a volunteer cast and crew and by church support and donations. This time it did have known actor, Kirk Cameron, starring in the lead role of Caleb, the fireman. I aways liked Kirk, even way back to his 80's sitcom days starring in Growing Pains, but in this movie he really displays his ability well to perform dramatic acting.
The rest of the cast also did very well. You may have to settle in for a few minutes and overlook that these are not classically trained actors, but if you give yourself a few minutes and overlook some slight overacting, you will find yourself caught up in the story of Caleb and Katherine, a young married couple who find themselves in a "marriage burning down." I think some folks might even sense a few moments that hit a little too close to home.
The girls and I sat in 2 rows to see the movie and I could hear the majority of them who were in the back row sniffling a lot, it's definitely a 2 hankie movie, but it also had some cute moments of comic relief. I endorse this movie wholeheartedly and encourage anyone, no EVERYone, to go see it. On top of a terrific human story, it wonderfully shares the truth of the gospel message in the midst of it, and it will touch your heart. If you'd like to see a clip you can go to my family website here. Oh, but by the way, NO, it's not just a chick flick! But it would be a great date movie. Guys, I guarantee lots of extra credit and gold relationship stars if you take your wives to see it!
Addendum: I ran into a man at our church at the theater when we saw this, and at services the next day I asked him what he thought. He said he thought it was GREAT and really liked the ACTION scenes. It was a double date for him and his wife with another couple and he said that husband really liked it too, so 4 out of 4 "man" thumbs up!
Friday, August 1, 2008
30 Days of Praise - Day 26
Today I want to praise God for my marriage. Marriage is hard work, it's not a cake walk. All the TV and movie moments of "happily ever after" are fairy tales. And I think they are detrimental to marriages, because nobody really lives like that.
The divorce rate is so high, and I think at least in part, it is because of unrealistic expectations about what marriage is. It isn't the end prize, it is a process you enter into. It's a contract that you make with another person, choosing to partner with them in life, in raising (or not raising) a family together, building a home and a life together. In the case of Christian marriages (whether they start as such, or as in our case end up as such) they are more than contracts they are covenants, made with not only your chosen one, but also with God. I wish more people understood fully what it is to make such a covenant, and then perhaps instead of walking away when marriage gets hard or does not meet one's expectations, they would dig in and put forth the work and effort required to help the marriage succeed.
When two people are married they should be determined that nothing and no one will come between them, and they should be willing to do whatever it takes to strengthen their marriage. They should also be on the look out for those things that are a threat to it and building hedges of protection against those things.
I do not have a perfect marriage, there are things Neal does that drive me nuts or frustrate me, and I say confidently he would say the same thing about me. BUT I love him and am determined to be with him for the rest of our lives. It's WORTH the effort. The Lord once spoke to my heart that I have a "good marriage with great potential." Good marriages are hard to come by nowadays, so I am grateful for that, but even more I praise God that with His help our marriage has the potential to just get stronger and better. I know it is only because of the Lord I can say that, because He is the glue that holds us together. We made a promise not just to each other but to Him, if not on our wedding day (because we were not Christians then) on the days we chose to follow Christ. We promised to live our lives and our marriage His way.
Having said all that I am blessed that I am absolutely CRAZY about my wonderful husband. On top of being a good husband and a great dad, he is my very best friend. I don't just love him with that sweet sappy romantic love (I do, but not just that) I also LIKE him. He is a fun guy to be around with, I treasure those times we have to just be a couple. It is good to be married to someone I like and respect as a person. Not everyone has that luxury.
This weekend we are headed down to Long Beach for my 20 year high school reunion. Neal and I have been together for 19 of those 20 years since I graduated. (Married for 17 of them.) I'm going to the reunion, but the most exciting part for me is to steal away a couple of days to be with the man I love. He is a gift to me from God Himself, and I praise Him for giving me the most wonderful partner I could have asked for. Even if I may have to, at some point, come back and read this blog to remind myself how I really feel about him on one of those frustrating days. =)
I don't know if anyone ever really stops by to even read this blog, or comes for more than an occasional passing through, but if you have been Day 27 will be delayed because I won't be near a computer at all tomorrow, I'll be enjoying my life with the man I love.
(Jesus said) "Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” Matthew 19:2-4
The divorce rate is so high, and I think at least in part, it is because of unrealistic expectations about what marriage is. It isn't the end prize, it is a process you enter into. It's a contract that you make with another person, choosing to partner with them in life, in raising (or not raising) a family together, building a home and a life together. In the case of Christian marriages (whether they start as such, or as in our case end up as such) they are more than contracts they are covenants, made with not only your chosen one, but also with God. I wish more people understood fully what it is to make such a covenant, and then perhaps instead of walking away when marriage gets hard or does not meet one's expectations, they would dig in and put forth the work and effort required to help the marriage succeed.
When two people are married they should be determined that nothing and no one will come between them, and they should be willing to do whatever it takes to strengthen their marriage. They should also be on the look out for those things that are a threat to it and building hedges of protection against those things.
I do not have a perfect marriage, there are things Neal does that drive me nuts or frustrate me, and I say confidently he would say the same thing about me. BUT I love him and am determined to be with him for the rest of our lives. It's WORTH the effort. The Lord once spoke to my heart that I have a "good marriage with great potential." Good marriages are hard to come by nowadays, so I am grateful for that, but even more I praise God that with His help our marriage has the potential to just get stronger and better. I know it is only because of the Lord I can say that, because He is the glue that holds us together. We made a promise not just to each other but to Him, if not on our wedding day (because we were not Christians then) on the days we chose to follow Christ. We promised to live our lives and our marriage His way.
Having said all that I am blessed that I am absolutely CRAZY about my wonderful husband. On top of being a good husband and a great dad, he is my very best friend. I don't just love him with that sweet sappy romantic love (I do, but not just that) I also LIKE him. He is a fun guy to be around with, I treasure those times we have to just be a couple. It is good to be married to someone I like and respect as a person. Not everyone has that luxury.
This weekend we are headed down to Long Beach for my 20 year high school reunion. Neal and I have been together for 19 of those 20 years since I graduated. (Married for 17 of them.) I'm going to the reunion, but the most exciting part for me is to steal away a couple of days to be with the man I love. He is a gift to me from God Himself, and I praise Him for giving me the most wonderful partner I could have asked for. Even if I may have to, at some point, come back and read this blog to remind myself how I really feel about him on one of those frustrating days. =)
I don't know if anyone ever really stops by to even read this blog, or comes for more than an occasional passing through, but if you have been Day 27 will be delayed because I won't be near a computer at all tomorrow, I'll be enjoying my life with the man I love.
(Jesus said) "Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” Matthew 19:2-4
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