Food. It's hard for me. It feels like a battle I am constantly losing. I got my recent blood test results this morning, and I am definitely behind on the scoreboard. In the last year (when my numbers were better) both my cholesterol numbers and my sugar numbers have gone the wrong direction. I am officially pre-diabetic (again, if I'm honest).
I want to feel sorry for myself-- oh, getting older, that menopausal threat on the horizon, stress, CORTISOL! It's all their fault... I'm just a victim! But I'm not. I'm a glutton.
Let me say it louder, I AM A GLUTTON!!
It's not a stress issue, or a hormone issue, it's a SIN issue, and I've got to do something about it.
If you don't think gluttony is a serious issue, let me introduce you to how seriously God takes in Proverbs 23:2 "... put a knife to your throat if you are given to gluttony."
Honestly, I don't even enjoy food anymore. I can't tell you how many times I catch myself for a moment in the midst of stuffing myself and I think "I'm not even tasting this," or worse, "This isn't even good." But I don't stop, and I often even eat past just discomfort and into pain. If it doesn't hurt physically, it certainly hurts mentally and emotionally.
Is this how drug addicts and alcoholics feel after a binge or a stumble? Full of pain and regret, I feel like a failure. I SHOULD be able to "just say no," but I'm not. I wake up in the morning DETERMINED the new day will be different, but it never is. Alone at the end of most nights as I wipe crumbs from my face, I just feel like a failure. And I feel hopeless.
But am I hopeless? I should NOT be hopeless. I'm a Christian. A God-loving, Christ-following, child of the King. THE KING of all kings. I'm chosen, set-apart, beloved and filled with the Holy Spirit... who can be taken down by a bag of Famous Amos cookies. That doesn't seem right.
What makes it worse, is food seems to be at the center of everything. I mean aside from the social side of it, it is a necessity for life... but not the way I'm eating it. It's becoming a THREAT to my life. It's already greatly impacting my quality of life.
SOMETHING. HAS. TO. CHANGE.
And it's not just my diet or exercise, because those are temporary fixes to my long-term sin issue.
Hopefully this confession is a good start...
More later.
