Sometimes it seems like no matter what you do, you cannot win. You try to make righteous choices, you try to honor God, and you try to live your life in a way that reflects His goodness and His grace, and sometimes it just seems like you can't do enough. Too much, too many are working against you- sometimes you even end up working against yourself. It's a lousy place to be, but sometimes it's just where you are. I've come to the realization, that it just doesn't matter what other people say about you. I am not defined by the words of others, and no matter how loudly they might ring in my ears, it doesn't make them true. There is a freedom that comes in realizing that I am helpless to change the actions, words and attitudes of others. So I'm just not going to let myself be consumed with what I cannot control. It only wears me out, and at the end of the day, nothing changes anyway.
Last night and this morning as I was in church they led the song, "Friend of God." I love to hear my husband play the drums on that song. I caught myself watching him worship as he played. It's one of the reasons I love when he plays worship, he truly worships. I see the confidence in Neal that he knows Who God is. I know who God is too. And in the words of the song, "He calls me friend." God chooses me, He wants to be my friend.
I'm going to choose to not only meditate and memorize this week's verses, but also to walk them out. I am no longer going to be diligent in things I cannot control, but rather I am going to be diligent in the things of God and in my pursuit of Him, and Him alone. Even if He were my only friend, is friendship is enough- because unlike any other friendship, His defines me.
I am going to choose to completely counter my nature, and I am going to rejoice in hope. Hope is something I choose typically to avoid. My expectation of disappointment pains my heart. As the Bible says, "hope deferred makes the heart sick," and that heartsickness is familiar- but in this week's verse, God seems to command I ought to choose to rejoice in hope, so I will. And the affliction I face at the actions of others, or even my own mistakes or sin- I will be patient, because that too is what God seems to command. And finally, I will continue to seek Him, be fervent in prayer.
And I will do what I can to be at peace with all, and sometimes that means cutting ties and walking away- and I will seek God's wisdom and direction about what that means specifically for the relationships in my life.
Romans 12:11-12
If possible, on your part, live at peace with everyone.
Romans 12:18
The 100 Verse Challenge is based on Robert J. Morgan's book "100 Verses Everyone Should Know by Heart."
1 comment:
Dear Diana,
I'm sorry you are going through so much but I think you're making wise, healthy, godly choices.
I'm trying to practice the advice I gave you a post or two ago (smile) and find that choosing to trust and choosing positive emotions plus forbidding the enemy to attach to negative ones and make them worse is helping. It has kept self-pity at bay and kept sadness and grief over loss from becoming depression, etc. Of course I still have emotions but it seems to make them manageable.
Love, Jessica
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