Convicted to Remember

Someone challenged me more than year ago to write a novel during the NaNoWriMo - National Novel Writing Month - Challenge. At the time I was dismissive, but I kept the idea filed away in my mind. This summer I remembered the challenge and decided to jump in with both feet.

I knew from the beginning what story I wanted to tell. All fiction is rooted in some truth. The story I wanted to share was part of my own testimony, part of the testimony of someone I love, but mostly parts of many stories I have known and heard. (For more on my personal Testimony, click: HERE.)

When I came to Christ, I came broken, destroyed even. Abortion had left a huge scar on my heart and my soul. In reality, God was gracious to me. I suffered that pain for only a few years, compared to women who God later brought into my life who suffered much longer, decades even, I was extremely fortunate. But God did not grant me that grace without a purpose.

For many years I had an online ministry to other women who suffered from post-abortion syndrome. It is like a form of PTSD, post-traumatic stress disorder, and it is much more common than one might think, or want to acknowledge. I was fortunate to be placed in the lives of hundreds of women through the anonymity of the internet in the early 90s. I had a ministry called Saving Grace Ministries, and we ran a group called PAWSE - Post Abortion Women, Support & Encouragement. Through this group God helped me to help dozens of women reach out for help in their own churches and communities. I had a front line view of the devastation abortion causes among women, and had the privilege of helping them find healing and wholeness in Christ the way I did, through other supportive women, and most of all through Christ's love and His Word.

In the late 90s I had the privilege to serve in a national ministry called Healing Hearts and was trained to lead a Bible study very much like the one I went through that led me to a recommitted life to Christ, and the healing and wholeness that can only be found in Him. I had the privilege also of facilitating one session of that study, and helping 5 other women find healing in Christ.

I knew the truth, and I did what I could to make an impact for Christ and help women find hope and redemption the way I had. But in 2001 I both adopted and gave birth to a baby in the same year. Two babies born (not quite) ten months apart had a huge impact on my world. The fact that my son's adoption was a nightmare did not help matters at all. For the next three and a half years till we finalized his adoption, it was all I could to to be a wife and mom and juggle life at home. I'm not making excuses, life is seasonal, and God is gracious, but in the process of working on this novel, I have realized how much I have forgotten.

In the 90s when I came to Christ, taking a stand against abortion was fashionable. The fact is, the last 10 or more years in the church, that's no longer the case. Abortion is the issue Christians may vote against, or even make a moral statement against, but fewer and fewer are actually doing anything to take a stand against. The frightening thing about that is that statistically, nothing has changed, the abortion situation is getting no better. The fact is, statistically speaking, in the ten minutes it takes you to read this blog, 23 babies will have been aborted, that's if you imagine abortion happening every minute of every day of the year. Over 2 unborn babies a minute, and not only is their life destroyed, the life of their mother is impacted as well.

As research I watched a 9 week ultrasound on YouTube. That's how far along I was when I had my abortion. Go to YouTube for yourself and see, watch a video from any first trimester ultrasound. These babies are aborted in droves. For every 3 children born in the US, 1 is aborted. As a mother of 3 living children, the irony of that is not lost on me.

The Lord has convicted me greatly these past few months, and especially the past few weeks as I have been writing my novel, that as Christians, we cannot turn a blind eye to the devastation of abortion. The fact is that statistically the percentages are exactly the same both in and out of the church. We need to take a stand for the unborn, but we also need to reach out to the hurting women who are siting in the pews of our churches feeling shame and fearing judgment. And I will tell you, it is not that the church is bringing the shame on women. As a woman who has had an abortion, I can tell you in all honesty, God has created in us an awareness of how unnatural it is to destroy life. Shame comes from the act, not its observation. But it is not God's will that these women continue in pain and shame, it is His will to bring the freedom and wholeness that can only be found in Christ.

Please take a moment to watch this video:



I call heaven and earth as witnesses today against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing; therefore choose life, that both you and your descendants may live...
Deuteronomy 30:19

100 Verse Challenge - Week 10!

Amazing! We've made it to week 10! Double digits seem like a bit of a milestone to me, and I would like to congratulate anyone who is still here and still working at the challenge. If you're on track and have memorized all the verses up to now, you are on either your 19th & 20th verses, or your 20th & 21st if you included the "bonus verse" that completed the Roman Road. Either way that's quite an accomplishment! And even if you have only learned some of them, that's still something to be proud of. If by chance you have just stumbled upon us, I encourage you, we have a lot more road before us than we do road behind. We are still going to learn around another 80 verses between now and the end of the Challenge. If you would like to join in, you can click here to RSVP on Facebook for the rest of the first leg of the Challenge, or you can subscribe to the blog on the upper left hand corner of the page.

I don't know about you, but we found Week 9 to be a little difficult around here. The passage from last week was a bit of a tongue twister. We were still working on it even this morning. I'm happy to report that our verses for this week look a little less difficult, and so I'm hoping we'll get both passages down pat by the end of this week.

Interestingly enough, the two verses Robert J. Morgan chose for this week are just a couple verses in the bible before the ones we studied last week. Like last week, our two verses are consecutive and forming a single passage. The math therefore is 1+1=1, so before it gets confusing, it is technically TWO verses, but they are written, and best memorized, together as one passage.

In his book 100 Verses Everyone Should Know by Heart, Morgan lists this weeks verses as the first two under the section he has labeled, "ASSURANCE: Inner Peace and Security." He tells a story abot how when he was in college an older classmate told him to memorize these scriptures. His encouragement to Morgan was that as long as he knew these verses, he would never doubt his salvation. Morgan shares how through the years he has referred back to them many times.

So here we go, ready? Week 10's verses:

And this is the testimony: God has given us eternal life,
and this life is in His Son. The one who has the Son has life.
The one who doesn't have the Son of God does not have life.
1 John 5:11-12
Morgan points out that it is important to note what is NOT in this passage, he says, "there is no maybe, if, might or hope so..." It is a done deal, "irrevocably accomplished," and this is a promise to hold on to.

God has done it, and if you have accepted Christ, you have received with Him life, and life eternal. Because He lives, you live too! What a thrilling truth to hold to!




Links:

Leg one of our Challenge on Facebook (September 11-December 31)to RSVP Click Here

Leg two of our Challenge begins January 1, 2012, to RSVP Click Here

And finally, if you'd like more info on the book that we are basing our Challenge on and its author, you can Click Here. The book is also available on Amazon, Click Here.

Famine

"Go hungry, so children don't have to." That was the challenge brought before our church. Honestly I was excited to be a part of a body that was coming together in sacrifice and determination to meet an immediate need for starving children. I'd never received that kind of invitation before. Of course I have heard requests for fundraising, been solicited to donate or help out people in need, but this was different. This was the first time I felt like I was given an invitation to truly participate, and get a (very small)glimpse into their need.

Neal and I are World Vision sponsors. We sponsor two different children, a boy, Jose, who lives in the Dominican Republic, and a girl, Rahel Juju who lives in Tanzania. Each of them are the same ages as Ethan and Victoria respectively. We do help these children, our support makes their world different, and World Vision is an amazing organization. At our church our pastor is currently doing a series on the book "A Hole in Our Gospel," which is written by the president of World Vision, Richard Stearns. But the fact is, I don't even see my payment go to World Vision. It's an automatic payment that it withdrawn monthly from our bank account, it's just a part of our budget, and I don't even give it much more consideration than being aware of it when I balance our checking account. It by no means diminishes what the money does for those children, but I am realizing it has diminished what it does in my heart.

It was only for 24 hours. Eat an early dinner on Thursday night and a late dinner on Friday, and honestly it was only two meals we were asking to say "no" to. The goal was to take whatever money you would have spent on eating out or groceries and donate it to feed children in the Philippines instead.

I was excited because for the first time in 20 years Neal wanted to participate in a fast. I was so excited when I looked over in church a couple weeks ago and saw him check the box. The truth is, the things we've been hearing on Sunday mornings lately have been stirring both our hearts. We're coming to realize that maybe our faith hasn't been all it could be. Maybe in the "circle" of our lives, we were a little more center than either Christ or others, and that is, in essence, the HOLE in our gospel.

We decided to participate as a family. Giving up food isn't easy. Headaches, crankiness, but we were being asked to catch a glimpse, a tiny little glimpse of what millions experience daily. I couldn't have my 9 and 10 year old go to school without food. The reality is, I don't think the school would allow them to go the whole day without. I have on more than one occasion been charged for a $6 "emergency meal" because my kids forgot their lunches on the counter at home. So the children's breakfast and lunch were going to be rice and a little but of canned tuna. It was the closest I could come up with to be the equivalent of what the kids in feeding centers are finding to be a blessing and a bounty. I was hoping to create a little gratitude in the heart of my kids. As for their part in the challenge, the children's ministry was participating in a canned food drive for local families who are battling their own form of famine and need.

There were two things that really stuck with me about the day yesterday. The first was late Thursday night when I was preparing the bowls of rice for my kids. As I tried to find a balance of not giving them "too much" to diminish the insight for them, I thought about what it must be like for the mother finds herself wondering how to find enough. Here I was trying to figure out how not to give my kids too much. I can't imagine what it must be like trying figure out how to make something from nothing.

The second thing that really struck me was how hard it was to avoid food. Jacob came to work with Neal and I that day, and the thing I was most aware of was how much food there was to say no too. There was popcorn and chips to choose from on top of the refrigerator, a salad and yogurt inside of it. There was a box of Gingerbread Men in my desk drawer that I joked about them mocking me all day. It was hard to avoid food. I can't even begin to comprehend what it is to live in so much lack like the children we were trying to help.

I'm a little embarrassed to admit the revelation I was having. I'm not a cold-hearted or insensitive person. I DO care, that's why we are World Vision Sponsors, but my compassion lacked awareness. I'm excited to be a part of a place where I'm not allowed to be blinded to the needs of others any longer. There is pain in opening eyes to a light that it has been shaded from for many years, but it is better to see. Because only when we see can we make a difference. I feel like yesterday, my and my family's eyes were opened a little further to the truth of the needs of the world around us. I just pray I keep them open.

We when we gathered to break fast with communion last night, all of us were challenged to pray a prayer, "Break my heart, with what breaks Yours, Lord." I am praying that prayer now, and I hope it makes me a better tool in the hands of God to touch the world for Jesus. A small group of people raised enough money in a single day with a modicum of sacrifice to feed 185 children for a month! Why wouldn't we want to do that more?? We have the power to change the world, in Jesus' name!

The righteous care about justice for the poor,
but the wicked have no such concern.
Proverbs 29:7


*** Want to help feed a starving child? Check out crosspointechurch.tv where you can click on "give" and designate to "Manna" or consider sponsoring a child at worldvision.org***

Fat

Have you ever eaten so much that you made yourself sick? Have you had the kind of meal that you ate so far beyond your capacity that it incapacitated you? Maybe a Thanksgiving dinner? Or a potluck? You've stuffed yourself full and you know you should stop but you don't? Have you ever made it your lifestyle? To the point that every time you step on the scale you've found the numbers going up a pound or two?

Physically, I think we've all done at least the meal. Some people like me can relate to fighting to overcome the bad habits of the lifestyle. Fat people live and eat differently than "naturally" thin people. For the thin, food is fuel, a stop in the road. For the fat, food is a destination, a place to get to. Whether you are fat or thin in body, you are one of these types of people in your head. You may have the will to overcome it, you may counter it as best you can with exercise and movement or by limiting what you take in, but if you are "fat-minded" food is still a destination and not a pit stop, and that means there is a problem, to be specific, a sin problem.

The food itself isn't the evil (truly thin people do not find themselves consumed with the count of every calorie, carb or fat gram.) The "evil" lies in the control that the food holds over us. It's the hidden spiritual issue that needs to be overcome, and probably why God listed "gluttony" as one of the seven deadly sins. I don't think He was expressing a concern about diabetes or high cholesterol, I think he was addressing "heart disease," and I don't just mean physically.

The tightening in my waistline has made me very aware of the physical ramifications of that kind of the fat-minded person's lifestyle, but only recently have I seen the depths of living that way spiritually. And I know I'm not the only one. Spiritually speaking it isn't "food" that makes us fat, but like the overeaten meal on Thanksgiving Day, it's the overabundance that incapacitates us. I think of Jesus' interaction with the rich young ruler in the gospel of Luke chapter 18:

18 Now a certain ruler asked Him, saying, “Good Teacher, what shall I do to inherit eternal life?”
19 So Jesus said to him, “Why do you call Me good? No one is good but One, that is, God. 20 You know the commandments: ‘Do not commit adultery,’ ‘Do not murder,’ ‘Do not steal,’ ‘Do not bear false witness,’ ‘Honor your father and your mother.’”[a]
21 And he said, “All these things I have kept from my youth.”
22 So when Jesus heard these things, He said to him, “You still lack one thing. Sell all that you have and distribute to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow Me.”
23 But when he heard this, he became very sorrowful, for he was very rich.

I think this young man was spiritually "fat." He had stuffed himself so full, that he couldn't even move. He wanted to follow Jesus, but his overabundance of "satisfaction" kept him from being able to get off the couch.

I think when we get spiritually "fat" we lay aside our commission to become "fishers of men" and turn ourselves into keepers of an aquarium. Forgive the multitude of metaphors here, but we become so satisfied with what's on our own table, and in our own bellies, that we become completely oblivious to the starving just outside our door. And when I say starving, I refer both to those starving physically and those starving spiritually.

I don't think it's intentional, but I think it is the risk we run here in the American church with our abundance; and the "heart disease" that comes from spiritual gluttony is a huge issue we need to overcome. We sit and thank God for our bounty, but our memory of what it was to be hungry (physically and spiritually speaking) is so completely faded, that we don't really appreciate what we have. And instead of being satisfied with "enough," we overindulge, and even suffer a consequence for it with a stagnation that is easily ignored if you find yourself surrounded by other "fat-minded" people.

It's then that we become "aquarium keepers" rather than the "fishers of men" we were called to be. We get focused on wrong things. First off, we forget that what we "have" isn't really ours, and was never intended to lull us into a place of complacenncy. We get to thinking of ourselves as owners rather than stewards. Like in the Parable of the Talents (Matthew 25:14-30), what God has given to us was intended to be multiplied. Not for the purpose of us having more, but for the purpose of furthering of His kingdom.

There is a need to become "spiritually thin." In Hebrews 12:1 the Bible tells us "let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us I think God is calling us to thin out, and cease to overindulge. We need to remember what it is to be spiritually hungry.

I know I have a habit of not allowing myself to find physical hunger, but only recently have I begun to realize how much I have been too "satisfied" spiritually for too long. One of the most obvious ways to realize you are "fat" is to be surrounded by thin people. Never am I more aware of my thick waistline than when I am standing next to a thin friend for a photograph. Likewise, what I am finding, is that when you enter into a place of "spiritually thin" people, it magnifies your awareness of being spiritually fat as well.

God has brought me into a place where I am suddenly surrounded by the spiritually thin (and interestingly enough, many of them seem pretty fit and thin physically as well) and all I can think is how much I want to get to that place. I want to get to the place where I am focused on fishing men, looking outside the confines of my aquarium.

I want to find my way back to physically thin, but never have I realized the need to get there spiritually as well. I want to touch the world for Christ, and point people to the cross. There's a world starvig out there, and it's time to get off the couch and do something about it.

100 Verse Challenge - Week 9

Super excited to still be here in week 9 learning the Word of God with those of you who are joining in with me. I look forward to Sunday each week finding out what the new verses of focus will be. I have a spiral notebook of index cards that I write my verses out in each week. I try to keep it with me regularly. When I'm driving it's in my center console so I can practice it with my kids. It's always part of our morning routine on the way to school. I also take it in and place it on my desk when I am work every day. It's an excellent way for me to practice the verses continually. This week as I was flipping through pages, it was exciting to realize that I've hidden these verses in my heart. I may not be able to memorize every single one verbatim, chapter and verse, but it's close. It was also fun when I was doing some reading along with my Bible reading that several verses in the commentary were familiar to me because of this Challenge. I hope everyone else participating is enjoying the experience as much as I am.


This week in 100 Verses Everyone Should Know by Heart we are going to be memorizing and meditating on the last 2 verses in the section titled "Listening: The Word of God and Prayer." As has been the case on occasion in previous weeks, this week's two verses are consecutive, and so they will be written out as a single passage. If it's easier for you, feel free to break them up as the two individual verses, but be aware that they do go hand in hand. So here's our passage (2 verses) for this week:

Now this is the confidence we have before Him:
whenever we ask anything according to His will, He hears us.
And if we know that He hears whatever we ask,
we know that we have what we have asked Him for.
1 John 5:14-15

I think it's important to point out a particular phrase in this week's passage, ...according to His will. So often these days I hear a preaching of what has been come to known as the "Prosperity Gospel;" it is the name it and claim mentality of a lot of Christians. "Speak it as it is so," which I personally find to be a set up for disappointment in believers and a stumbling block for blaming God when people don't get the answers they to their prayers that they hope for. But it's clear from this passage that a huge prerequisite to God hearing and answering our prayers is that they are lined up with God's will.

Robert J. Morgan talks in the 100 Verses book about the importance of realizing that every prayer should in addendum speak a silent "if it be Your will." It is good to understand that our own perspective is limited, and therefore we should be willing and active in our efforts to defer to the leadership of the Father who knows exactly what the right answer is for our prayers, as Morgan puts it because "His perfect,providential oversight makes no mistakes and always results in the best for His children." Isn't that an exciting revelation??

HIStory

November is National Novel Writing Month, and after the bidding of a girlfriend who encouraged me to participate in the event last year, I finally decided that this was the year to give it a shot. The goal is simple, you're supposed to write 50,000 words in 30 days. All totaled I think it will come out to about 125 pages if you hit the 50,000 mark. The goal is really no more complicated than that. No one is judging your work or editing your spelling and grammar, it's just about getting writers to write. You don't even have to finish the book in the 30 days, as long as 50,000 words are written, you have succeeded at the challenge.

It's not much past noon on day 3 for me, and I am going strong. I have hit the 10,000 word mark (10,455 to be specific) and am six chapters in to a novel of Christian fiction. There are moments where I wonder if the sense of accomplishment will be enough for me, or if I'll have regret of having written a work of fiction that other than a few close friends no one may ever read. If course there are lofty dreams of becoming the next Karen Kingsbury (accomplished Christian novelist) that waft through the corners of my imagination as well.

It's an interesting process writing a story. I think it has been said that all fiction has some roots of truth in it, and I can certainly trace lines between the story and characters I am creating with people and experiences in and around my own life, but the more I write, the more I find the story and the people in it taking on a life of their own. It's exciting. Just as in reading a good book, when I have a hard time putting it down and can't wait to get back to it, I find the same true in writing a story, one I can only hope will be found "good" upon it's completion.

One thing I did find interesting though was the importance of creating a mental history for my characters. As I write about who these people are in the moment of the story, I find myself having to reflect in my imagination on who they were before and where they'd come from. I actually had to finally sit down and write out a timeline and mark the milestones of the lives of my characters: places they had been, things that happened to them, ages they were in times of crisis or victory. I had to give consideration to how the people's paths has crossed in their history, and how their relationships in their pasts effected their interaction in the present day.

It made me think about how true that was in the real world for us as well. Who we are and where we are in life today has a lot to do with where we've been and what we come from.

I can't help but wonder if that isn't why in the Bible God is often reminding us to "remember" and to "tell."

Oh, give thanks to the LORD!
Call upon His name;
Make known His deeds among the peoples!
Sing to Him, sing psalms to Him;
Talk of all His wondrous works!
Glory in His holy name;
Let the hearts of those rejoice who seek the LORD!
Seek the LORD and His strength;
Seek His face evermore!
Remember His marvelous works which He has done,
His wonders, and the judgments of His mouth,
O seed of Abraham His servant,
You children of Jacob, His chosen ones!
Psalm 105:1-6

Have you ever shared your testimony with someone? A lot of people are intimidated at the thought of telling their stories, the stories about the things God has done in their lives, or even the promises He has spoken into their hearts. Even when they have seen prayers answered or dreams fulfilled, often many hold back from sharing it with others. Why? Fear perhaps? Intimidation? But I encourage you, step outside of your comfort zone.

Our testimony is the history of our lives, but if we will remember and tell, our "history" can become HIS-Story. And when our story is used as His story, telling of from where we have come, and our experiences along that path, we can bring both benefit to others and glory to God. Your life is a Truth that cannot be denied as God has written the gospel both on our hearts and demonstrated to those around us through our lives.

An added bonus I have experienced personally in the telling of my own testimony is the increase in my own faith. When I think upon the things God has gone has done in my life up to this day, and as I speak of His goodness to me, it is a powerful reminder of how and why I can trust Him with the story that still remains unwritten. For as a follower of Christ, I know God has good plans for me (Jeremiah 29:11), and a future planned also for my good and His glory.

As I continue writing me novel in the coming months, I can only hope to have the inspiration to write a story that will both entertain and encourage. But as I look forward into my own real life, I can look with confidence, knowing that the Author of my life will write the story of a lifetime, His Story, so long as I remain surrendered to Him.

I look forward to how my novel will unfold, but I can hardly begin to express the anticipation that rises up inside of me as I think of the promise and potential of my life tale that lies ahead following Jesus, a truly never ending story.