God, In My Pocket

I can hardly believe that the month of October is almost over. 2011 has gone by so quickly. In some ways it feels as though it has gone in a blink of an eye, but as I sit and look over the challenges and changes we have faced, things that happened only months ago feel like years.

I started 2011 with two goals: I wanted to read through my entire Bible in a year; and I wanted to journal to the Lord every day. 2010 was such a difficult year for me spiritually, and in some ways a defining one, because never were my faith and character more challenged than during that year. It was just over a year ago now when I had my "come to Jesus" moment and realized I had to decide who I was and what I believed. And in the end, I knew I had to seek the Lord with a renewed passion and purpose. I didn't wait till the New Year to do that, but I knew I had to enter 2011 with a resolve.

The Bible reading has remained solidly consistent. I know it has to be Holy Spirit powered, because honestly, like a fast or an oath, certain things don't get accomplished through sheer willpower, not in the spiritual realm of things anyway. It hasn't always been easy though, and often I have had to try to break the tendency towards my reading becoming just a check on my "to do" list. I have to stop and remind myself often that the Word IS God. It's not just reading, it's relational. And when it becomes just reading, it isn't being done right. (But some books of the Bible, quite honestly, are just harder than others.)

The journaling commitment has not held up as well as the reading. When I write in my journal, it's not your typical diary style keeping, it's not even writing with an awareness that God is somehow peeking over my shoulder. I guess the best thing I could compare it to would be taking two tin cans and tying them by the string, making a makeshift telephone like we did as kids. I think it's a good metaphor because although as I write to God, and I try to listen to hear what He says in return, the message doesn't always come across clearly. And likewise I often find myself struggling to speak my own heart clearly. Someday when I am dead and gone and my children find my journals they will find the deepest and darkest places of their mother, pride to humility, hope to pain, anger to love, all poured out. And because it is deep, and intimate, there are times when I don't have the strength or desire to go there with the Lord. And so I don't. I break my promise, and I stay away, those are often the days I struggle most with my reading being a check mark.

I did a great study over the summer, "Becoming a Woman of Freedom." It many ways I think that title was prophetic, though I didn't realize it when I started it. I don't think the prophecy has come to full fruition, but leaps and bounds have been accomplished. I'm doing another study now, called "Duty or Delight," and without intention, it has turned out to be the perfect continuation of the summer study. God has continued to stretch and grow, stripping and healing, refining and redirecting. But the process of growth can be painful.

I remember when my middle son was little and he would cry at night with pain in his legs. The growing pains he suffered hindered his rest. I've been mindful of the fact that spiritually speaking, "growing pains" don't rob you of rest, but they do weary you at times. Only in God's hand can you find the underlying peace in a storm, and rest in weariness. And that is very much how I have been feeling this past year, and in particular the past couple months. There has been a lot of change and a lot of loss, and sometimes I feel extremely lonely in it, except for the fact that God, Himself, feels very near.

I came across a verse in the current "Duty or Delight" study that has really become an anchor for this season. Isaiah 30:15 says, This is what the Sovereign LORD, the Holy One of Israel, says: “In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it."

The Lord is speaking to the nation of Israel in the midst of (one of their) rebellion(s) against Him.

"...but you would have none of it."

That was me, not much more than a year ago. I was going to do things my own way without counting the cost. I was silencing the Lord's voice, and His Spirit's conviction. I thought I knew better, and then I came to my senses. And so I look at this verse and I see, I don't want to be that person. I want to be the one who believes what God has said here:

“In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength..."

Repentance has been ongoing, rest is a reality from the Lord, I am grateful to say, I do know He is trustworthy, and I do trust. BUT... Quiet isn't always easy for me. But I am working on it. I am finding something about the moment- the moment where instead of moving and speaking, even barreling ahead that I just stop, quiet: God is in that moment, and just like He promised, strength is found there too.

In our study this week we were advised to write on a stone one of the characteristics of God that really spoke to us. Because of what I was learning about the truth of this scripture, the best attribute I could come up with was "Present," so I wrote that on one side and the scripture reference on the other. As I have at times carried this stone with me, it has more than once been a reminder to me to stop and be quiet before the Lord. Moving and feeling the weight of the stone in my pocket, God has established again his truth in my heart, and revealed Himself there and with me, in the moment, very present, very real, very much my God. When the stone has not been there, even it's absence has been the reminder to stop in the struggles and find my strength in quietness before Him, wherever I am.

God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.
Psalm 46:1

"And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”
Matthew 28:20b

100 Verse Challenge - Week 7

In the commentary regarding this week's verses, Robert J. Morgan shares some seriously disturbing statistics about the future of evangelical Christianity. His numbers include an expectation that by the year 2050 Southern Baptists expect there denomination to have been reduced by 1/2 if current trends continue. And by the same year, Anglicans in England expect a reduction of 90%! NINETY percent!

Morgan goes on to tell us, in 100 Verses Everyone Should Know by Heart that the most alarming statistics are regarding teenagers and young adults. It seems that young people are leaving the church and their faith in masses after graduating high school. As the mom of a senior in high school, I find these statistics terrifying.

Morgan goes on to share the importance of modeling real and vibrant faith to our children. They need to see us living what we preach, and we need to model a love for God's Word that will hopefully inspire the same in our children, and counter the risk to them of becoming another fallen away statistic. Watching my own son struggle with life these last few months, I have never been more aware how real the risk is.

The Bible promises us in the Book of Isaiah that God's Word never returns void to Him, but always accomplishes God's purpose. It is surely God's purpose to anchor our children in their faith and in the Truth. It is the utmost importance, therefore, just as we care for and feed our children's physical bodies, we must also feed their spirits to strengthen them with the Bread of Life. And that is the exhortation of this weeks verses:

These words that I am giving you today are to be in your heart. Repeat them to your children. Talk about them when you sit in your house, and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.
Deuteronomy 6:6-7

I want to encourage those of you participating in the Challenge, we are on the right path for doing this! Continue to learn and meditate on God's Word, speak it, and also speak of it. Press on in this Challenge, and involve your children, physical and spiritual in nature. Let's continue the efforts to equip ourselves and those around us to do something to counter the downward trend of Christianity.

Feelings

I'm not a fan of feelings. I have them, I know they are God-given (and I am certain with good purpose) but I don't like the expression of them. If I let them out it is more natural for me to let out the harsher feelings than the tender ones. I can't stand to let anyone to see me cry, and I don't like to cry for that matter. Fact is when tears make their way out it is usually out of frustration or anger, rarely out of sadness.

Compassion for me is something I think more in my mind than I feel in my heart. The older I get, the more I find that to be the case, even the days of getting choked up at heart string pulling movies is past. I am more comfortable in my head than I am in my heart. I would rather rationalize than feel. I would rather plot out than tear up.

I don't like feelings, but I do have them. And I cannot stand to feel at the mercy of them.

Today I do not feel good.

I don't mean in the physical sense, if only that were the case. A nap and a bowl of warm soup often rectifies that kind of feeling. But the struggle I have today isn't in my body, it's in my heart, and my mind keeps trying to rise up and bring clarity to my feelings, but it keeps getting shoved back, and when my feelings get in control like that, it's never a good thing.

Today my feelings want very much to take control, and the truth is there is a part of me that wants me to let them, come what may... but feelings can be dangerous.

Today I feel walking away

from people

from relationships

from commitments.

Today I feel like people I count as friends really aren't,

like friendships are one-sided,

like I am disregarded,

distrusted,

just plain dis'd.

Today I feel like I am insignificant,

like nothing I do has ever had any lasting impact,

like I am completely replaceable,

like my life doesn't count.

I'm not writing this because I want anyone to feel sorry for me, or so good-intentioned people will try to boost my ego, or so that those who maybe actually have contributed to my feelings can try to rectify, justify or solidify the feelings. The truth is, right now I don't feel like giving a rat about it anyway.

I told you, feelings are dangerous, and the way I feel right now, I feel like being rash and making big sweeping cuts and moves in my life even if it means leaving a wake of "bodies" behind me. That is how I honestly feel.

It makes me wonder if this is what James referred to in the Bible as being double-minded. Because when my brain takes a back seat to my heart, I certainly feel "unstable in all my ways." And yet, even in acknowledging that struggle within, part of me feels like not caring and just being rash, making moves, living with consequences.

It's how I feel.

Maybe that's why God tells the double minded to resist the devil, because these fighting feelings want to usurp the authority in my life that should belong to the Holy Spirit of God. It is the opposite of the self-control that the Bible says is a fruit of the Spirit. These feelings, corruptible as they are. resist the wisdom that God offers, even advises the double minded to ask for.

"Be sober minded" the Bible says, but right now my mind is on a contact high of whatever my feelings are focused on. And the battle to wake up and walk right wages within me.

By the grace of God, the mind eventually rises up, remembers the Word of Truth that it has hidden in the heart of itself. But right now that eventual grace seems distant, because right now I would rather silence the wisdom and succumb to how I feel.

It makes me feel like I ought to step back, reign myself in and let the storm of emotions pass, however long that might require. So maybe not all feelings are bad after all.

Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Lament and mourn and weep! Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom.
James 4:7-9

100 Verse Challenge - Week 6

I'm super excited about this week's verses. I know the Challenge started off pretty easy, and for us at least with a lot of fervor. By week 4 the Challenge actually felt, well, challenging, and when week 5 was a light week and an opportunity to catch up, it also kind of felt like a week to slack off. I got the verse from week 5 down, but really not until yesterday. And then today I sat and read our verses for the new week, and the timing of them feels perfect. The perfect scriptures to remind me, and hopefully all of you exactly why we are doing this!

I'm excited about this week's TWO scriptures. Consider them confident "atta boy's" or "atta girl's" - there is GREAT purpose in why we are pursuing God's Word and hiding it in our hearts. So here we go, are you ready for the good news about learning and memorizing the Good News?

First scripture:

This book of instruction must not depart from your mouth; you are to recite it day and night, so that you may carefully observe everything written in it. For then you will prosper and succeed in whatever you do. Joshua 1:8

I love this passage- clear instruction, 3 parts; with a promise, doubled It's simple, and yet so very profound.

Robert J. Morgan clarifies this verse for us in his book "100 Verses Everyone Should Know by Heart":

The Instruction:

(1) Don't let the word depart from your mouth: Speak it, read it, repeat it, hear it.

(2) Meditate on it day and night. Morgan tells us the original Hebrew word used here came from the word for "to mutter," imagine yourself continually speaking the Word of God to yourself and establishing it into your own heart.

(3) And after you have done these things, observe it. More simply said, OBEY. (OK, I realize it's not always that simple, but you get my drift.)

The Promise:

I'm excited because the promise in this verse is two fold: Prosperity and success. Now, I am by no means a "name it and claim it" Christian. But I do believe that in God's view point, if we put into practice His word, have it in our hearts and are obeying it, then surely we will be prosperous and successful in His kingdom.


Our next scripture for week 6 is one of my favorites. I love all of Psalm 119, God's Word about God's Word. Verse 11 is one I like to remind myself and my children of often. It's a simple truth that when put into practice, has a profound effect.

Second verse:

I have treasured Your word in my heart so that I may not sin against You. Psalm 119:11

This verse is an example of what I like to refer to as "kingdom math," the if/then passages of scripture. It's like simple mathematics, the basics of faith. 1 + 1 = 2 scripture. And the math here is simple, if you increase the Word you decrease the sin. The more of the Word you have, the less room there is for the corruptible.

Morgan shares a great D.L. Moody quote at the end of his expounding on Psalm 119:11 that is a great way to end this week's blog post: "Sin will keep us from the Bible, or the Bible will keep us from sin." Maybe this could be consider kingdom economics, but whatever way you might like to label it, in the end, the message is clear, if you're participating with us on this Challenge and learning these verses, your on your way to fulfilling the premises to some wonderful promises! And if you're new here, it's not too late to join! Click on The Challenge to RSVP now.

100 Verse Challenge - Week 5

We are at week 5! And by the end of it, we will have completed the first ten percent of our ultimate goal. I think that is very exciting! I'm proud of my hubby and kids for their efforts, and I am excited about building my own arsenal of scripture. I know arsenal might be a funny choice of word, but let's face it, the scripture is our offensive weapon for taking ground from the enemy. What an awesome truth! It really is a perfect weapon, and why wouldn't it be? Look who the "Designer" is!

This week we are learning the first of the verses in the section of Robert J. Morgan's book 100 Verses Everyone Should Know By Heart that is titled "Listening: The Word of God and Prayer."

The "address" of the single scripture we are learning this week is familiar, but the street is different. But Morgan points out many similarities between John 3:16 that we learned during week two, and 2 Timothy 3:16 that we will be working on this week:

All Scripture is inspired by God and is profitable for teaching, for rebuking, for correcting, for training in righteousness."

I'd just like to note a couple of the similarities between the two verses that Morgan draws, John 3:16 referring to our Savior and 2 Timothy 3:16 referring to the Scripture.

- The two, Savior And Scripture comprise the two greatest gifts ever bestowed upon mankind.

- Both Savior and Scripture are referred to as "The Word."

- Both are "utterly unique," Jesus was like no other man, and the Bible is like no other book.

- And as the Savior was without sin, so the Scriptures are without error (Holy Spirit inspired.)

There are more, and there are deeper insights as well as a list of "3:16's" in the Bible that are significant, which is why I highly recommend the book that goes along with our Challenge. But I would remind you it is not required to participate. If you haven't signed up it really isn't too late. Even if you can't catch up, we still have 90% of our challenge ahead. (91 if you count this week!)

There is only one verse this week and I highly recommend if you are behind at all from the previous weeks verses, it would be a great time to devote a little effort to getting caught up. I personally get more and more excited each day as I continue to hide more of the Word in my heat. It's kind of exciting to thin I have already learned the "Fantastic Four" and the "Roman Road" so far in just about a month's time.

I am listing our previous verses below for those who do need to either catch up or who want to see where we have been so far on our Challenge.

Beginnings: The Bible's Fantastic Four:

In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. - Genesis 1:1

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. - John 1:1

"The Word became flesh and took up residence among us. We observed His glory, the glory as the One and Only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth." John 1:14 CSB (Holman Christian Standard Version)

"For God loved the world in this way: He gave His One and Only Son, so that everyone who believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16 CSB

The Roman Road: The Plan of Salvation

For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. Romans 3:23

For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 6:23

But God proves His own love for us in that while we were still sinners Christ died for us! Romans 5:8

If you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. With the heart one believes, resulting in righteousness, and with the mouth one confesses, resulting in salvation. Romans 10:9-10

And our "bonus verse" that completes the Roman Road but isn't "technically" one of the 100:

For everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved. Romans 10:13

If you are like me and can look at most of what we have done so far and know if you can't necessarily quote every word verbatim, but at least know the principles and truth have been hidden in your heart, be excited! Or even better if you can quote them, aren't you thrilled at the strength your "arsenal" has gained? I am proud of every one of you who is here with me even giving it a tribe! Let's keep up the good work and get busy working on our new verse for this week!

"180" - I DARE YOU TO WATCH

I have never hesitated to share my pro-life viewpoints here on this blog. You can click here if you want to see more of that.

Below is a powerful and thought provoking movie. It's not short, but it is worth your time to watch. I don't share this in a judgmental fashion. I am pro-life, I am a woman who has had an abortion, and I am an adoptive mom. All of these factors are reasons for my pro-life stand.

Please, watch this movie. In fact, I dare you to.