With my whole heart, the better part

It's only been a couple of days - and they haven't been perfect, but they have been good.  And I feel like the Lord has been speaking to me through them.

A few weeks ago I was really in that "good place" with the Lord.  Abiding.  It is a glorious thing to truly sense the Lord's presence as you go about your day.  I was sensing His nearness (which, by the way, is constant.) But I was hearing Him too.  I had a profound experience, a perspective eye opener type of interaction at the Lord's direction with another person that would fall short off the page if I tried to explain it, but it left me moved.

Then something went awry in our home and with in a couple of days I was knocked out of that abiding place.  Then I spent the next days and weeks trying to figure out how to get back to where I had been.  So profound an experience and it was like the pathway to it was quickly being forgotten.

Now mind you, life is life and to expect to always "experience" God in all of our emotions and senses seems unlikely.  Not because He is not near but because we in our humanness and sinful flesh have the cards stacked against us.  But that does not give us the pass from making the effort to get to that place of abiding that God calls us to.

"Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me." John 15:4

I love this verse, the whole chapter is one of my favorites in the Bible, and I often hear the Lord whisper to my spirit, "Abide, abide, abide."  Always in three - perhaps for Father, Son and Spirit.  But it my hearts cry to find the way to truly abide.

But disappointed and distracted, despite a few amazing days, I was having the hardest time "getting back" to that place.  But unlike so often in the past, this time I wasn't willing to just give up.

Last week as I opened the scriptures I visited one of my favorite passages.  The lesser known neighbors of one of those verses that is very popular, recited constantly, tattooed regularly and claimed as a life verse for many, Jeremiah 29:11.  But it's the next two neighbors that speak most profoundly to my heart:

 Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29:12-13

It is verse 13 in particular that grips my heart: And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart.

So "simple" yet so profound. So this weekend I decided I was going to seek God, as best I could - with ALL of my heart.  And I prayed what that looked like.  

I turned off "data" on my phone - no Facebook, no email, then I left the phone in my car, or plugged in to the charger at the back of the house a lot rather than having it in my hand or in my pocket 24/7.  When I was in the car I kept it in my purse, behind my seat. There was no Twitter, no Instagram checking, and I (gulp) turned off the TV quite a bit too.  Instead of flipping through all 400 channels until I found something I was willing to "settle" on watching, I just turned it off.  It was quite a revelation for a leading member of a family that has multiple TVs on in every waking hour at our house. 

Saturday was the one day I managed to completely unplug for an entire day.  And I focused, FOCUSED on God and on my family.  I got up early before anyone else and read the Word and had breakfast with Jesus.  I took my daughter out and spent an ENTIRE day with her without looking at my phone once.  Not a single "just a minute, honey" to her while I reached out to say something to Facebook, instead I talked to her, and in my mind I talked to God too.  What a novel concept.  We went school shopping and out to lunch together, and I was mindful all day of focusing and investing in her, and ever so aware of God's presence right there with us.  

I did what may seem simple or even stupid to others, but I surrendered my eating to the Lord that day too.  I prayed and was thoughtful about how all my actions helped or hindered my witness and usefulness to Him.  Later in the day I went out with my hubby and I left my phone in the car while we did his errand at Home Depot.  

That night we had dinner the five of us together, working to put everything on the table, praying around the table, laughing and talking through the meal.  Then we went for a walk, ALL FIVE OF US!  It was AWESOME!  And we came home and had a family movie night.  And I actually focused on the movie, and on the people I was watching it with.  

I felt so close to both my God and to my people.  I just hadn't realized how much of not only a distraction, but a detraction from life my phone, social media and even the TV had become. I mean, I knew, but I really didn't know. I never watched a movie without playing solitaire on my phone. "What did I miss?" I would always ask because I was reading someone's post on Facebook.  

At one point in the midst of my time with Victoria while we were out and about during the day, I whispered a little silent "thank You" to the Lord for directing me to seek Him with my WHOLE heart.  I thanked Him for what a gift the time with my daughter felt like.  And I heard in my heart Him whisper back, "You have chosen the better part." 

It's a reference from the tale of Mary and Martha: 

Now it happened as they went that He entered a certain village; and a certain woman named Martha welcomed Him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, who also sat at Jesus’ feet and heard His word. But Martha was distracted with much serving, and she approached Him and said, “Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Therefore tell her to help me.”

And Jesus answered and said to her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and troubled about many things. But one thing is needed, and Mary has chosen that good part, which will not be taken away from her.” Luke 10:38-42

Now, I have never considered myself a Martha type - not so much because I am not thoroughly distract-able, but because I am not likely to be found busy in the kitchen when there is company in the living room. In a heartbeat I would rather be with the crowd.  But I am also likely to be the girl with her phone on the table, or in her hand, constantly disconnected from what's happening right on front of me.  

"Diana, Diana," Jesus might say, "You are worried and troubled about many things - Who liked your Instagram photo, who commented on your funny Facebook post, how many hours you can waste watching a marathon of all the Law & Order SVU episodes you've already seen many times.  But you CAN choose the better part." 

And so that's what I did almost all of this weekend. (I will confess when I made a short visit to Facebook to post something for a friend in need, it felt like it rose up a crack level addiction inside me, wondering and worrying what I was missing, but I managed to step away.) And it's what I long to do consistently and always - Choose the better part. Step away from the things that trouble and distract me, and focus on my God and my people. 

My husband, my children, and most of all my God - they are first.  (Not in that order but God, hubby, kids.) I've spent a lot... A LOT of years longing to fit in and find a place of belonging, and honestly Facebook magnifies how much I have not found that, specifically in ministry.  And lately the Lord has just been over and over reiterating to me that my family is my first ministry, and my most important.  And God has placed good and solid friendships in my life that actually extend beyond Facebook, and I am trying to invest myself there in a greater way - in a REAL life way, face to face, with coffee or dinner or with a handwritten card or (gulp) maybe even a phone call on occasion.  

Most of all the quiet that is created when changing this priority seems to make my heart more open, and my spiritual ears as well, to hear the prompting of the Holy Spirit in my life.  So I am going to really intently try to seek the Lord, WITH MY WHOLE HEART - and I'm going to choose THE BETTER PART, of quietness and sitting in relationship with God and others "IRL", rather than busyness and striving in the distractions of life today.  It won't be easy and I will likely fail, but I'm going to try.  

Spoken For - A Book Review

I want to come right out of the gate by saying, I REALLY liked this book!  A lot!

When I thumbed through all the options of books to choose to review for Blogging for Books, I had a hard time picking on out, but this book, Spoken For, kept drawing me back.  In my mind the concept, "Embracing who you are and Whose you are," seemed simple but the truth proves profound, and that's exactly what I felt was so wonderfully expressed by the authors Robin Jones Gunn (author of the Christian novels in the Christy Miller Series) and Alyssa Joy Bethke (new mama, author and wife of Jefferson Bethke, hip young author, evangelist and "YouTube preacher" - you may have seen his viral video sensation "Why I hate religion but leave Jesus.")

I drug the reading of this book out for several weeks, most of the chapters were read sitting on the on the edge of the ocean with my toes dug deep in the sand and with the beauty of the Pacific Ocean peeking over the top of the book.  It was the perfect place for me to soak in the simple but profound truths filling this book.  It wasn't that it was difficult to read but I just wanted to take my time and really soak it in.

One of my favorite things in the world is a good women's retreat, and that's what the 182 pages between the covers of this book felt like to me.  I love a retreat where you are given solid teaching and then wander back to a big room with lots of couches filled with women pondering what they have heard and how it has or could apply to their own lives.  As I opened the book, Spoken For, I felt like I was sitting on a comfy couch between Robin and Alyssa with my feet tucked up under me as they shared stories from their own lives about how God had proven Himself to be true to the promises and declarations in His word.  They took me into the truth of their own experiences and I was touched by their faith, and it made the scriptural truths they shared more tangible and real.

Although I read this book on my own, I think this book would be an excellent resource for a women's study group - whether it was a few friends going through it together or an entire women's ministry study.  It's the kind of book that is simple enough for even a new or young believer but also holds nuggets and powerful reminders even for a woman like me who has walked with the Lord for decades.  Although I didn't take advantage of them going through the book alone, it has a great section at the end of each chapter titled "What Do You Think?" that is filled with thought provoking questions that would make it great to go deeper into the topic or foster excellent discussions in a small group setting.

Whether it's 5 out of 5 stars or two thumbs up, I would say this book is absolutely worth the investment.

If you aren't ready to take my word for it, read the first chapter for yourself by clicking here.

When you see I'm right, you can buy the book by clicking here.

You can also hear from author, Alyssa Joy Bethke, for yourself in the video below:




I received this book for free from Blogging for Books for this review.

"No longer a Christian"

This blog of mine.  I think this is the longest it's gone dark since I started it six plus years ago.  It's not that I haven't had anything to say, but it's just that I've had so much to say that I haven't found the capacity within myself to filter through it.  

I have NEVER found this "Walk of Faith" that my blog is titled after an easy journey to make.  I look around at other Christians I know and I wonder, "What is it that they have that I don't?"  There was a time when I was able to figure some of that out.  I've shared here a lot in the last couple of years about the turn from grace I realize happened in me over the first decades of my faith in Christ.  What I mean to say is I had forgotten what a horrible wretched sinner I was and got pretty full of myself - I thought I was doing Jesus some sort of favor with my oh so righteous life.  But revelation came, and I got over myself and remembered the "amazing grace that saved a wretch like me," but it didn't fix me, or make this difficult trek any easier.  Maybe for a short season, but not much of one at all. 

I know, or rather I THINK I know, that a lot of people probably think I make it hard for myself.  I especially think that's so with some of those folks who I find myself looking at who seem to make this Jesus walk look like a simple one.  I don't think I actually believe that it IS a simple one, but that's the perception given off.  "Everything is good and happy in Jesus."  I mean, I think there are mountain tops, experiences, maybe even seasons where it feels like that, but in my heart of hearts I believe there are some pretty damn deep valleys in between.  Valleys, deserts, darkness - I don't think any walk of faith is without them.  

Now I think there is a division between the glass half full camp and the glass half empty, but then there is my little camp that says, "Look at that damn glass, it's got a crack, and there are hard water stains, and I think that water - that by no means is half full - looks like somebody backwashed in it."  Yeah that's me - and some folks think I just CHOOSE to see the world that way, but they'd be mistaken.  I have no Pollyanna in my DNA - I don't even have any Polly (unless you want to talk about her pie because I have been known to let a little of that into my DNA.)  I see the wrong in the world around me, it's like it's in neon and 3-D most of the time screaming out at me, and not only is it hard to see the forest through the trees, but I can't even see the leaves through the termites.  And all I can focus on is how things ought to be different.  

And when you live like that (the way I am made up) in your world and your world is the Church, that makes for a lot of struggle and complication.  I always feel like I am hitting up against one more wall.  And I just have to be honest with you, I'm worn out.  A lot of days I want to chuck the "whole thing, "throw in the towel." I'm not saying the Church isn't a good thing, I'm just saying I am really worn out and tired of trying to find my place in it. 

"No longer a Christian."  That is the thought I have had about myself a lot over the past couple of weeks.  When I think of the word "Christian," I think of two meanings: (1) a follower of Christ; and (2) a "little" (imitator of) Christ.  And I don't feel like either one of those definitions applies to me.  I don't feel like I see anything "Christ-like" in me anymore.  And I don't feel like I am following Him anywhere.  My description of my faith right now would be to say it's as though I am looking at the Father, and I am thinking to myself, "I see You, I know You, I just have nothing to say to You."  I'm not mad, I'm not backslidden (despite the old argument "if you aren't moving forward you're moving backward" - that's another thing I'm pretty fed up with, sound bite/ cliche Christianity.)  It's not even that I don't WANT to talk to the Father, I just have no idea what I would even say.  The reality is that the following Him and the reflecting Him go hand in hand, and it's because I don't feel like I AM following (or that He's actually leading anyway) that I am seemingly unable to even reflect Him at all.  

But I guess the reality is that my definition of "Christian" is actually inaccurate. And that I am a "Christian" just because however I feel about the walk, the talk, the struggle and even this "life," at the end of the day I know, believe, accept and rely on the fact that Jesus is in fact who He said He is, that HE died for me, and I confess Him with my mouth and I believe it in my heart...  I AM saved.  At the end of the day "MY Christianity" is about HIM, and Who He is and what He did and not at all about what my life, or my words or my attitudes, make-up or DNA even look like. It's not about me, it's about Him.  

Maybe this is some small part of what Paul meant when he told the Philippian church to "WORK out their salvation with fear and trembling."  WORK being the operative word here. Lord knows I find my salvation to be WORK.  Sometimes there is fear, sometimes even trembling, but for me, consistently, if not always it is - WORK.

I am grateful that the Lord is patient with me - He may well be the only One, but no matter what any other human reaction may be (to my blogs, to my words, my attitudes, my life), God has not grown weary with me.  And God, unlike any other human knows the truth of my love and relationship for and with Him.  It may NEVER look like peaches and cream to those in the world or Church (or church - little "c") around me, but perhaps there will be some hope found or offered in a relentless effort in me that though I may walk away from a lot of things, people, relationships, a church, a ministry, whatever, I hope and pray my heart that is so prone to wander will manage somehow to be steadfast and continually struggle for the faith that may not look pretty but will be thoroughly refined, worked hard and in the end perhaps have the strength that will survive the struggle and never walk away from Him. 

I hope so....  this is my prayer. 

My heart is steadfast, O God;

I will sing, I will sing praises, even with my [a]soul.

2 

Awake, harp and lyre;

I will awaken the dawn!

3 

I will give thanks to You, O Lord, among the peoples,

And I will sing praises to You among the nations.

4 

For Your lovingkindness is great above the heavens,

And Your truth reaches to the skies.

5 

Be exalted, O God, above the heavens,

And Your glory above all the earth.

6 

That Your beloved may be delivered,

Save with Your right hand, and answer me!

Psalm 108:1-6

Lessons in death and its aftermath.

It's been over a month since my last post, the monumental 500th. And it's ironic to me that it ended with "Easter is coming, and not just on the calendar," when it seems like life has demonstrated a lot of the opposite since I last held my fingers to the keyboard. It's been exactly a month, and the kind of month filled with questions like I talked about in my last post:

Where are You, Jesus?

How could You let this happen?

Don't You care about me?

Now I say all that knowing EXACTLY where Jesus has been, knowing He not only cares about me but loves me beyond my finite understanding. I know He's been with me, and with my family and loved ones, and I know that everything happening has been with purpose, because He promises it so. But it does not change the factor of feelings, not one little bit.

Easter Sunday went over pretty well. I served at my post and accomplished my responsibility at the Helicopter Egg Drop for the church's Easter outreach. I sometimes miss participating in Easter a little, but at the end of the day I feel like I have served - God, my church and people in our community, and that outweighs anything else.

Who would have thought that supervising the corralling of hundreds of kids and dozens of volunteers would seem tame compared to the weeks that followed.

The day after Easter while my family was celebrating the ten year anniversary of our "Gotcha Day" my beloved maternal grandmother was admitted to the hospital "for a few tests." I got the phone call later that evening to let me know what was going on and like pulling a rip cord on a top, things just spun a completely different direction and fast right after that. 8 days of hospital vigil led to two days of hospice which led to a week of planning a funeral and then just a few hours to formally say goodbye. It was stunning.

I learned several lessons through that spin of the top, ones I hope I won't soon forget:

Friendliness isn't friendship. People you think might actually be your friends reveal something deeper in times like this. It's hard, but also important to know.

Hospitals are places for quiet voices and gentle spirits. If you can't be a calming influence, don't come - not only for the sick, but for those who surround them full of emotions like anxiety, fear and sadness.

Never say things like "At least she had a long life." FYI when someone is still freshly grieving the loss of somebody they love don't try to find the silver lining, it doesn't exist in that moment - and when they come to the revelation of that, they will do it on their own. And please, please, please, please don't compare their loss to your or someone else's loss in the past. When someone is grieving, do everything in your power not to make that moment about you.

Scripture isn't a cure. Good intentions aside, the classic "All things together for good" or "we grieve with hope" promises do not make everything better for a person overwhelmed in the moment. It cheapens God's Word in all honesty. Reality is it isn't something we are supposed to apply to someone else's hurt or problem. Ever look in a mirror? Ever shine a mirror in the face of someone else? Not the same effect. There will be a time when someone grieving or hurting will reflect on Truth and find comfort and healing in it - they may even receive it from you, but it has to be in relation not simple application. So don't do it - and if you don't heed this warning, don't be all offended when it isn't received well.

People will surprise you. In both bad ways and good. Some of you just really suck at grief and death, for all the reasons above and more. And honestly I can't give you a do and don't list in this respect because it's really based on the needs of the hurting and grieving. Some people need you to come and sit at the hospital with them, for others that's the last thing they want. In this process you need to be a responder, responding with time and patience, not easily offended, filling the needs as they come - driving kids to school, picking up food, texting a simple "I'm praying for you," and then actually doing it.

People will surprise you - in a good way too. Some people are really really good at the whole hospital, illness, death and grief thing. If I had my guess it would most often be people who have been through it, but I have also seen that it can be learned (major props to my 20 year old son who went past his comfort zone to step up and learn to be good at something he'd never really been through.) Cards and test messages, voice mails (don't expect long phone conversations) are like drinks of cool water. Getting cards from people I didn't ever think I would made such an impact. People coming and sitting in a funeral of someone they didn't know out of love and friendship to one who is grieving, ministry beyond words.

Death and the grief process are a filter. It's like when you go and get your physical eyes checked and they have you testing for glasses. You sit looking through this little machine, they flip the lens, "Which is clearer, A or B?" Death is clearer than life. It is like a magnifying glass to delineate: friendliness from friendship - fair weather friends from true friends, ministers from administers, and love. There are three kinds of it that become easily deciphered in times like this: The throw away "word"; the emotion of it (which isn't always reliable) and the action of it. For the record, I will take the action without emotion every day and twice and Sunday, though the emotion at least has a value - but as for the throw away word, I'm really pretty much done with it. "We love you guys," is a load of crap when it's said as you walk away. It's right up there in the silence of those who use the throw away phrase in the every day and disappear in the challenge.

Mmmm... everything in me is more convinced that people suck. But I am also reminded that not all people suck. Most of all I hope I have learned some life lessons that will help me not to be that kind of person.

If people find this post offensive, I will only sort of apologize. I'm still a little raw, so it may be a tad harsh, but if it ruffles your feathers, I challenge you to stop and think if maybe you need to reevaluate how you handle situations like these.

Now I will make one disclaimer, I do know we're not all called to minister to everyone in their pain and struggles (though some of us have to do it at some level in vocational and familial situations.) But I will say this, a kind word, like "I'm sorry for your loss," or a simple (kept) promise like "I'll pray for you," goes a long way. A hug is golden and a listening ear is a treasure. You ought to be able to find that in yourself. It's called LOVE, and if you are a Christian, guess what, you're called to it.

Days of Silence - 500th post, 6 years later

I have sat down twice now to type up this, somewhat monumental 500th post. The first time I sat down and did it from my phone and Swyped the whole thing out... then between the news of braces required and ten teeth (two kids, 8 teeth and 2 teeth) needing to be filled - the hour's worth of text I had entered disappeared. The second time I sat down on the actual 6 year anniversary and I just stumbled and fumbled with what I wanted to say. I tried to make the 500th post an event and it just wasn't meant to be.

So a couple days have passed, and it's a busy week here - in addition to the ten year anniversary of our family Gotcha Day and of course this other little event called Easter, I have had a lot going on - family sickness, trouble, struggle and more. I really wanted to make this post "something" but it just wasn't working out.

Then it occurred to me - I never intended this blog to be about ME, so much as (as it says in the title) about my Walk of Faith - which for the record is WAY more about God than me. He's the point. I am not.

So it's Holy Week, and today, Saturday, is sort of the least spoken about day of that week, but it has always been the day that has been most intriguing to me, and I think about it a lot. There was no triumphant entry on this day of Holy Week, it was not the day Jesus was anointed with a woman's tear for burial. There was no important ceremonial dinner, no crowds crying out, Jesus wasn't in the garden praying.

Jesus was in the tomb. The disciples were scattered, the apostles were hiding, Peter was overwhelmed with guilt of his betrayal, the women were weeping. The Pharisees were rejoicing, the devil was feeling victorious for the Light of the world had seemingly been snuffed out.

For those who loved and followed Jesus, the darkness and death of hope had to have been overwhelming. The questions had to have been tearing at their faith. The lack of understanding had to have broken their hearts.

Was it real? Did they truly see the miracles? Was Jesus truly who he said He was?

Where was the victory? The freedom? The peace they had been promised? They had believed for one thing - that God would rescue them, and instead it seemed they had been abandoned.

Evil had won. Surely as they looked about at what they could see, this must have been the thought that plagued their minds. Surely this was the darkest of days. They could no longer hear His voice. They could not understand His actions. They had to have even had at least a note of doubt about whether or not Jesus was the Son of God at all.

In my 22 years of faith, I have had dark and quiet days, days where these kinds of questions plagued my mind.

Where are You, Jesus?

How could You let this happen?

Don't You care about me?

But I cannot begin to imagine how much darker they days that Jesus lay in the tomb must have been. To have been a witness to something to vile and violent, so incomprehensible, and to have wondered when He said "It is finished," just what that meant.

I am grateful that I have lived life on this side of the cross. Because I know what the disciples did not. Sunday was on it's way. That life and resurrection was coming, and that the stone would roll away to reveal an empty tomb that would change EVERYTHING.

When I have dark days where God is silent, and even where I cannot make sense of things, even having to wonder where God is in any circumstance I face - I know this, Jesus is the God of resurrection life - and that Hope is real in Him.

He NEVER abandons.
Never leaves.
Never forsakes.
Never forgets.

And ALWAYS is God...

Of life.
Of light.
Of hope.

True to His word, faithful to His promises. He will not "return" the way He did after the resurrection, because no matter how things seem, He never leaves us, is always with, and even if the shadows of this life overwhelm, it's just a matter of time before He steps out from behind them to show and to prove that He has never ceased to be working in us, through us and on our behalf.

I don't have to fear the Days of Silence, because although in can be hard and scary when God works quietly, I can know to the very depth of my being He is always working, just like He was those dark devastating days He was in the tomb.

He changed everything. Oh death where is your sting? Jesus came and died and took your power, snatching up the keys of hell, death and the grave, usurping back the power of the enemy, making him nothing more than impotent fool awaiting his eventual but definite demise.

Whatever we face - we are MORE than conquerors in Christ Jesus. Victory is His, and in Him it is ours as well.

God is for us.

God is with us.

Silence and darkness mean nothing.

We just have to hang on.

I am my Beloved's and He is mine.

In Him I have

Life

Peace

Light

and Everything I need....

Easter is coming, and not just on the calendar.

April of altars

I like the month of April. Aside from the fact that it is typically the month we celebrate the most important date in all of history with the resurrection of Jesus Christ (sometimes Easter lands in March), it is a month of atypical milestones for me and my little family.

The first comes this Thursday. It's my and Neal's Date-iversary, and this year we hit the quarter century mark. Wow. And I am still crazy mad in love with him. Heck, I still like him, and from what I see a lot of not only is getting this far exceptional, but actually still enjoying being together is even more rare.

As I look over our 25 years together and take stock, I am very aware that our lives don't look like the classic "success." In fact as the world defines it, we miss the mark in a lot of areas - careers, finances, accomplishments, etc. But I have to force myself not to look at our success through that perspective. Instead I look at our relationship as a couple and a family and without taking anything for granted I say "Thank You, Lord, that today things are good." Today our marriage is strong, and I hope it stays strong enough to face hard things that may be ahead. Today we have the right mindset that in our challenges we are on the same side and we are for each other, never against each others and that any battles we face, we face together. And I pray we make the great effort to stay that way.

Today our kids are good. All three of them make us proud of them for the kind of people that they are today. They love God, love others, sometimes they even love each other. They all have great strengths in their character and today they are moving the right direction in those areas of who they are. I don't take it for granted because I know we are all just a mistake a way from really screwing up our lives, but today they are doing well, and for that I am thankful. I pray their dad and I continue to help them pursue God's personal path for their lives, and that they all stay on the right path in following Him.

As I am mindful of our 25 years together, I see the lack of THINGS that we have, but I also see an abundance of riches that could not be bought for any price. Today that date-iversary makes me grateful.

On the 17th of this month I will "celebrate" six years of writing this blog. It has been a faithful companion to me. The Lord has bestowed upon me a gift to express myself in written word and through the advice of a once upon a time good friend, I began this blog. It has been a place to tell my stories, process my struggles, occasionally vent a complaint. It has been an expression of myself to the world around me. It has been with me through some of my very darkest days. It has been a place where I have been able to recount the greatness of my God and His faithfulness in my life. I have written my Psalms here, and I have tried to encourage and challenge the world around me. It has been "My Walk of Faith." This very post will be my 499th when I post it, and so I imagine that this April at some point will even be the month of my 500th blog.

April 20th is a very important day to our little family. This April 20th is Easter Sunday but also it marks the 10th anniversary of our Ethan's "Gotcha Day." That's the day that our family was made whole and complete. That day is a testimony of God's amazing grace and faithfulness to our family. After over 3 years of one of greatest and most difficult challenges, each individually and as a whole, God fulfilled a promise to us that we thought might never be so. It is a day of great rejoicing and victory and it's why this year, Easter Sunday will be even more special to us. It's a double reminder of the greatness and faithfulness of our God.

I think there is a clear reason why God so many times told His people to build altars in their journeys of faith. It was so they could look back as they passed by those places again and be reminded of the things God had done for them. As I look at the calendar of April amidst soccer practices, church meetings, school breaks and play performances I see altars to God's faithfulness.

He took this lost broken couple and brought them into His fold. I believe it was in April of 1992 that I actually first returned to church, and it wasn't long after before Neal joined me there. And He created this family of His followers in His own unique way. It was messy and complicated and oftentimes just really hard, but His love was relentless throughout. He taught us things about Himself that we could never have ever imagined to know. God the Father, Jesus the Savior, Christ the Redeemer, Holy Spirit our Counselor, Author, Finisher, Alpha Omega - the Faithful One, Lover of our souls.

I am glad to pass by these altars in these difficult days. It does nothing to make the days better, but it does everything to make us better - reminding us of Who He is, and of what He has done, and it reminds me of the promise yet again, that come what may, God will work it all out for our good because He loves us. And that even if I can't see or imagine what it is, God has a good plan for us. His promises are RICH, and I am thankful for these altars in our lives that also remind us that His promises are true.

Our daughter's name was given to me as I was reading God's word. Victoria, the victorious one. Later at perhaps one of the darkest moments in our family the Lord brought the verse to my mind and I heard Him whisper that it wasn't just her verse, but it was the verse that He had promised and spoken over our family. Today I cling to it.

For whatever is born of God overcomes the world.
And this is the victory that has overcome the world—our faith.
1 John 5:4
Thank you Father for our April of altars. I cling to Your promises, I cling to You.