Clean Slates

There's something about a fresh start. Whether as a writer with a blank piece of paper (blank screen?), a painter's new canvas, or opening a door on a snowy morning to a fresh blanket of snow (not part of my normal experience) or turning the "page" on a calendar to a new month, or even better a new year, almost everyone I know likes a new opportunity.

So we've turned the page, and 2014 is here, and the slate it clean (I hope you didn't muck it up too badly on January 1st anyway.) So what's next?

Some of you are resolution makers. I am not one of them. If I were, yesterday would have been very bad for this girl who spent most of the day on the couch overeating and failing to open her Bible or any redemptive reading of any sort at all, but I digress. Some of you ARE resolution makers, and you have your determinations set. I won't go down the discouraging statistics of broken resolutions, but rather I will cheer on those of you who are giving up sugar, signing up at the gym, breaking out a new Bible reading plan, or changing some other habit that you feel needs to be altered or abandoned. Good for you! Blessings on your endeavors! Go for it!

Some of you are goal setters. You are likely the visionaries. You don't just look at the details, you look at the direction you want to head. You're not just joining a gym, you see yourself, you see yourself running your first half marathon. You're not just giving up sugar, you see yourself two sizes smaller. You're not just starting a reading plan, you see yourself reading all the way through your Bible in a year! I am not a visionary, but I admire those of you who are. Go! Achieve your goals! Make yourselves (and the world?) a better place!

There's more of you blank slate responders. There are the hopers, the ones who hope things will change, happen or improve in the New Year. There are also the pray-ers. You're the ones who hope and put your faith into it by actually asking God to help you accomplish it. The prayer factor is a good one to add to any of the other clean slate responses. With your resolution set, pray for help and strength. For the goal setter, pray for favor and direction. It's all good. Prayer is good, and something about praying over a clean slate that just instills a little more hope and expectation. It's like a spark of a flame, and prayer is the best way to fan it. In all honesty, I am NOT the best pray-er either, but that I plan to work on in 2014...

Those are my first steps onto the snow of 2014, the first words on the page, fisrt brush stroke onto the canvas... I want to pray more.

It's not a resolution. Because really, it's about conversation and relationship with God. It's not a goal, because how do I measure it? What is "enough"? And if I get there, do I stop? That would be just silly.

So my non-resolution, non-goal intention? plan? steps?... for 2014 is to pray more because I want to get to know God more. I want to go deep (I won't even declare it "deeper") with Him.

I do it with one thought in mind though. God's economy is not an annual clean slate the way we like to make it. We decide ever 365 days (366 on leap year) to give ourselves this said fresh start. But God says His way is to give a fresh start every morning. Except He calls it something different.

Through the Lord’s mercies we are not consumed,
Because His compassions fail not.
23 They are new every morning;
Great is Your faithfulness.
Lamentations 3:22-23
So my second thought on the New Year is simply this, I'm going to take 2014 one day at a time, maybe even one step at a time. Back in early December my end of the year started to fall apart - my eating, my reading, my (total lack of) exercise. And I honestly looked ahead at the coming clean slate of 2014 and threw the rest of 2013 in the trash, and I did a lot of damage waiting for the biggest canvas. So I think I will find wisdom in waking up with a clean slate every morning. I know even the poor choices of yesterday (no bible, no exercise, and bad food) can be put behind me in this day. And that's what I want for 2014.

So I have this in my heart, to seek God continually, to go deep with Him, and to remember each new day comes with new mercy, new opportunity and new hope. Welcome 2014, I plan to take you in moment by moment and day by day.

Schizophrenic faith...

"When we all get to heaven... what a day of rejoicing that will be.... when we all see Jesus... we'll sing and shout the victory..."

That song was playing in my head this morning... RANDOM! But it got me thinking....

You know what I think is going to happen on that day of rejoicing? A big collective sigh of relief. You know what about? The fact that we got there even though we got a lot - a LOT - of things wrong...

I inadvertently upset the atheist set on Twitter earlier this week. I posted an article that I thought was an interesting that surmised that it's not possible for one to be a "good atheist." I think some of the reaction was misinterpretation at the title, because it wasn't saying someone couldn't be a good person and be an atheist, it talked about the contradictions in the "faith" (my word) of atheism. I don't get Twitter updates on my phone so it was hours later before I stopped back by so there was a list of angry and irritated responses by the time I got there, making lots of surmises about me and what I believe. You'd have thought they were Christians they way that they made angry and defensive generalizations. (Wink, wink - get a sense of humor my Christian friend.)

One of the "points" that came up in the ensuing discussion was the inconsistency of our faith. Someone said something to the effect of "if you got a room full or pastors/ preachers in one room and asked them all the same questions you'd get a whole variety of differing answers." And it's true.

There are so so so many topics "we" (the church) disagree on. To name a few: the gifts (uh hello, tongues?); the place of women in ministry and the church; the rapture; the last days (pre-trib, post-trib, mid-trib); pre-destination vs. free will; Arminianism and Calvinism (look it up)... The list goes on and on. And our precious little "Body" is divided all over the place. If we were able to make a person-sized model, the reality is it would be a wretch of a schizophrenic chap.

And every sect of us is totally convinced we are right and our answers are absolute. And let's face facts, we can't all be right. Either the pre-tribbers or post-tribbers have a solid "I told you so" up ahead, I don't actually think we'll have any interest in speaking it when the time comes, but the opportunity will be there for someone (Me, I don't think you mid-tribbers have a shot, but maybe - you'll have the right to give me an "in your face!" if I'm mistaken.

I think it's sad that so many Christians are afraid to admit they don't have all the answers, and instead of denying that there is a certain level of "blind faith" in our faith. There's a leap we all take - for some of us it's a longer wider leap than for others, but at the end of the day, even the most studied and certain theologist or the most "sense it and believe it" prophetically gifted pentacostal has a gap between what they know and what is real.

I think the reality is the world is completely black and white, right and wrong, no subjective truth - and I don't believe that a single one of us is going to get 100% A+ on the quiz - thank GOD that we don't have to pass to get into heaven.  I'm glad that this "walk of faith" is really a "best ball" tournament in life and that only the shots Jesus is hitting are going to count for anything in the end.

That's the one thing that is the non-negotiable - Jesus.  "The Way, the Truth and the Life." He said it Himself - NO ONE comes to the Father except by Him.  Everything else has a multitude of interpretations and they just can't all be right.  And it makes me sad when I see Christian friends get all pent up and heated over their need to be absolutely right.  It hurts me because I've been there.

I've been in that place where my need to fight for what I was convinced was RIGHT and TRUE.  I've felt the rush that starts in the stomach and moves up through the shoulders into the brain.  Your blood pressure elevates and your hands begin to shake a little.  Your breath catches in your throat.  A mix of anger and intensity battles for release. You try to choose your words carefully "in Christian love" but the more you disagree the harder it gets to be peaceable and kind.  And that's just when you're disagreeing with another Christian!  Don't even get me started when you are disagreeing with a non-Christian who actually feels like a threat to your faith.

My encouragement to you is simple: when disagreeing with a fellow believer, take a deep breath.  Remember 2 things.  (1) It's OK if you're wrong. It's possible, and worst case scenario, when it's not the "Christ and Him crucified, raised from the dead on the third day" essential, there's a pretty good chance you could actually BE wrong. It's not the end of the world. (2) It's OK to disagree. It's ok to "agree to disagree"

When it comes to unbelievers (non-believers) - my encouragement to you is this, no one was ever argued into the faith. And you need to remember that just because someone doesn't believe what you believe, or even worse, if they are actually against what you believe, they are STILL NOT YOUR ENEMY. The Bible says it "we do not war against flesh and blood." And if you can stand nose to nose or even "tweet to tweet" against another, they are not the enemy. And Jesus didn't call you to come and defend Him or His word - He called you to love and serve the lost and dying world, and let the Holy Spirit be about the work of convincing.

I'm not arguing against your certainty or your beliefs, I am inviting you to at least accept some small measure of "what if." "What if I am mistaken? What if I missed the mark on some point of the plan of salvation? I have news for you, THAT is why Jesus came for you, because "sin" is just "missing the mark," and you need Jesus to fill in the shortcomings in every aspect of who you are - what you believe, what you do, how you act, what you think, how you love - it ALL falls short, and WE all fall short, and it's why Jesus came. NOT to school us, but He came to save us- from our sin and from ourselves.

I'm not negating the importance of knowing and being in God's word, it's study, meditation and instruction are all critical, but keep in mind we all make mistakes. I am not the perfect Christian, you are not the perfect Christian. We are not all-knowing, not all-understanding, and I say it again THAT'S OK.

Let us not focus on the fight and disagreement - let's focus on the love and the unity in the body - those were Christ's priorities for us. "Love God and love one another," those were His greatest commands. "SPEAK GRACE," the bible says "SEASONED with salt." The key there is the message of His love and grace trumps the nitpicky need to talk about the details of what we perceive as absolute truth (remember I am NOT talking about the plan of salvation.)

What if we were actually approachable? What if we could actually have calm conversations about the differences and confusion in what all the different denominations believe about topics that unbelievers get passionate about? What if we could reason together and not get to the contentious point that our passion overwhelms our compassion. What if our sadness over an unbeliever being lost made us love them enough that we didn't have to beat them over the head with our Bibles? What would happen?

Maybe I am completely wrong about all of this. I'm so thankful I'm getting to heaven on Jesus and not on being right - and not on convincing everyone else I'm right either.

Phil, I think you kinda blew it...

Pulling up my big girl panties before I even start this post because I'm relatively certain I am going to piss off people on both sides of the media highlighted line that has been drawn down the middle of this controversy.

Now it's new, so I have a lot of wonder and questions that are yet to be answered that only time will tell, so (as is the prerogative and point of a blog) I'm just sharing my thoughts, perspective and still forming opinions over the matter.

First off, I don't disagree with Phil's evaluation of homosexuality - deep breath, about to anger the liberals - here it goes, homosexuality is a sin.

I do disagree with Phil's ignorance or preference (I can't be sure which it was) to get descriptive about body parts. I can't imagine that he would speak that way in front of his wife or his grandchildren on the topic so I honestly have to wonder why he would use the terminologies that he did in a national publication. There probably should have been some hesitation there that apparently wasn't. And be honest, if somebody was standing in your living room and discussing homosexuality and talked about it using the same words (whether reiterating Phil's sentiment or one that was the opposing point of view) the words would have likely been offensive.

I will grant you there are probably no small children reading GQ, but one of the things we get in trouble for as Christians is when we compartmentalize our words, actions and attitudes. The unbelieving world likes to point us out and declare "HYPOCRISY!" when we do that, and so we shouldn't do it.

OK, so I can imagine the stirring that statement just caused in all the Christians who are making this a "freedom of speech" issue. First off, I call "Bullshit" on a big chunk of you Christians who are trying to make it about that. We are no better than the liberals who want to silence us - we'd be just as happy to silence them.

But OK, let's make this about "freedom." I've got news for my fellow Christians - your freedom isn't from the American government. The bible tells us that "It's for freedom that Christ has set us free...." CHRIST has set us free. Your freedoms are not from your government they are from the Lord, and even if they are "infringed upon" by the good Ol' USA, it is not apart from the filter of God's mighty (mightiER) hand.

And while we are on the topic, your freedoms aren't even supposed to be about you. The Bible tells us we have them, but we have to keep in mind how our exercise of them affects those around us. Exercising our freedoms has to be about how we impact others.

So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. Do not cause anyone to stumble, whether Jews, Greeks or the church of God— even as I try to please everyone in every way. For I am not seeking my own good but the good of many, so that they may be saved.
1 Corinthians 10:31-33
This is where I think Phil really blew it. Did he have the right to say it? Yes. But did it need to be said? No, not really. This is a man who has been gifted with this great opportunity to influence millions of people. And unfortunately with one foolish interview he may have lost the opportunity. Yes, lots of angry Christians will rally behind him and boycott A&E, but we were not the audience he had the power to influence anyway. We were not his mission field. He's now run the risk of losing that opportunity.

No one was surprised by his beliefs. Honestly, I can't help but wonder if GQ didn't have an agenda moving the conversation in the direction that they did. (I have not read the interview but I have a hard time believing that Phil said, "Hey I want you to know what I think about homosexuals.") I think they asked the question knowing his answers and then relished the poor way he expressed them. Phil could have just as easily kept to the less quoted part of his statement "I love all humanity... made in God's image..." (bad paraphrase) He could have even said, "I believe what the Bible says about homosexuality and it wouldn't have erupted in the firestorm that is now blazing all over social media.

At the end of the day that's the part that makes me the saddest. "The I stand with Phil" eruption all over Facebook and Twitter does absolutely nothing to reach out to the lost people whom Jesus loves. Yes, that's right folks, the fags and the homos and the lezbos that so many of us Christians have dismissed as lost causes and threats to our way of life? Jesus loves them, dearly. And He wants nothing more than for them to know that love and when we get all fired up and politicized about a TV show, we, His representatives just push those people away, and the "love of Christ" that is supposed to be pouring out of our lives is drown out by our words.

We say "love the sinner and hate the sin," but when all you're talking about is your right to hate their sin, and the right to do it publicly, well, they no longer care, much less believe, you give a damn about them as people. That Jesus of ours wouldn't have thought twice about hanging out at the gay bar getting to know these folks in hopes of telling them about the Creator who loves them. He certainly wouldn't have been giving interviews to talk about the biblically correct choice of vaginas over anuses, and because Phil did, he dropped the ball on representing Jesus.

Yes, I know, we ALL do that. We all do that EVERY day (I'm willing to guess a few/many of you are pretty convinced I'm doing a lousy job of representin' right about now too)- and honestly, I am not condemning him for his mistake, but to whom much is given, much is required. He has a huge platform and with that platform comes a greater responsibility with his words and where and how he speaks them. And I think he blew it. And that's a real shame.

I still have a lot of curiosity about how things will play out from here. Two hours ago I was a little irked by the so far silence of his family. I wondered if they would be willing to put their money where their faith is and back their father, but the more I chew on it, maybe they need to preserve their opportunity to maintain the platform for the rest of the family. It will be a difficult task, but I hope they figure out a way to do that without compromise. It won't be easy.

I wasn't watching the show a whole lot in the first place (though my family does) but I have to say I will not be boycotting A&E - not that I think it will be some hugely successful endeavor anyway, but even if it was, why would you punish an entire network of people for the decisions of a few bigwigs at the top, that was what I never understood about the "as Christians let's come against" mentality. Not all their shows are pro-faith and pro-family before this incident, in fact I think there have been some pretty questionable and risque programs, where was the moral outrage then brothers and sisters?

At the end of the day the Bible says we are known by our love - and our time in this world is supposed to be a lifetime of a missions trip. That needs to be our first and foremost direction and purpose. Your opinions and your right to have them and express them isn't the point. Jesus is the point, and He did not come to condemn the world but to save it. So let's get about the Father's business.

The path

The older I get, and the longer I walk this walk of faith, the more I realize that the "journeys" of this life really don't come to an end, they just transition from one leg to another, with perhaps a little rest in between or along the way.

The Lord gave me a dream more than a year ago now. (And yes, I believe the Lord still speaks in dreams.) In the dream Neal and I were traveling together on a journey. We walked by and through and circled about an old "location" in our lives, and we arrived in a new place together. We were in a warehouse of sorts and it was under construction. We came in from outside but we were looking down onto the ground floor beneath us which was a long way down.

Without thinking my husband jumped off the ledge and landed safely below. He beckoned me to follow him assuring me he was fine from the jump and that I would be as well. But I would not jump, Instead, I stepped back away from the ledge and turned to my left where I found a long staircase that led down to where my husband was waiting. The stairwell was wide, white and sort of inviting. It was the kind of staircase where the individual steps were very shallow but they were also long - and the stairs curved around in such a way that I couldn't see very far up ahead, but the stairwell was well lit. At the end of the staircase was Neal, right where he landed from his jump, and he was waiting for me.

Now apart from the deeper personal meaning that the dream spoke to me, and forsaking other specific details, I do have a point. Where we ended up, Neal and I, was in the exact same place - how we got there was two very different journeys.

In and of itself, I think it's a good metaphor for the Walk of Faith. From cross to eternity, we are all making the same trip. However the path and journey that gets us there is individual to each and every one of us.

Now let me be clear, I am NOT preaching an "all roads lead to heaven" belief system here. Please note that I have said very specifically that the pathway to heaven begins at the cross of Christ. But the steps we take in between are individual to each one of us in a thousand different ways - to name a few: strengths and weaknesses, victories and struggles, experiences, even convictions, understanding and confusions - all of these things play a part in the stepping stones and obstacles along the walk of faith.

Too often we get a very narrow perception that the way God speaks to us is the way He speaks to everyone. And we think that His convictions for us are a blanket black and white, right and wrong issue.

For example: Neal and I recommitted our lives to Christ within in a few months of one another. For me God did some immediate hard core convicting and took two things away - Stephen King novels and secular music. Reading wasn't an issue for my hubby, but he is the music man. I found myself really bothered by the fact that he still listened to a lot of music that I didn't think was music he should be listening to. At times I felt pretty passionate - even hostile about it.

The Holy Spirit, thankfully, was quick to backing me off preaching it AT my husband, another story to tell, but not the point of this blog. Eventually God did bring some conviction to Neal, and he changed part of the things that he listened to, but he was not called to the entire abandonment of all secular music that I felt compelled to. It was years later when we were in his car and a song came on that I realized at least in part why there was a difference in conviction.

The song on the radio had a very sexual and inappropriate lyric. I was mortified. Neal didn't even hear it. He'd heard the song a thousand times and never heard the lyric. I heard the song and didn't hear anything but the lyric. I'm a word person, I hear words. Neal is a musician and he hears drum beats and guitar licks and melodies or harmonies (insert a laundry list of other musical terms I don't even know enough to come up with) so our convictions were different because we were different. Both of us all the while wanting to honor God in our words, actions, attitudes and lives.

There are a lot of areas the we as Christians have strong convictions and compulsions that the Body of Christ is well-divided over: drink, don't drink, dance, don't dance, movies, foods, music, politics, causes, parenting methods, the list goes on and on.

And too often as Christians we get so busy with our opinions and policing how other people live their lives that we stop putting our focus on what the Holy Spirit is speaking into our own hearts and minds.

But here's the thing - we are not walking the walk of faith in anyone else's shoes. And at the end of the day the Holy Spirit doesn't need us doing His job in one another's lives. We're not qualified to play that role. We're filtering other people's circumstances through our own experiences and that's dangerous ground.

That's not to say that there isn't a place for wise and godly counsel - specifically biblical counsel, there is, but we're not all called to dole it out without invitation. And when I say "the older I get" I am learning this, I am learning from my mistakes more than my successes. I spent too many years considering myself an expert on the lives of everyone else and pushing people away with "insights and opinions" that were never sought out in the first place.

We need to learn to give each other more grace - grace to learn and to grow and tune our ear to the Holy Spirit on our own. The paths are not perfect, but so long as it is Christ that we pursue, the right direction is ahead.

Victoria Gayle

It was the first time I ever heard the voice of God, maybe the only time I ever heard it so clearly that it seemed like it was actually with my ears.

"You will have a daughter," the voice said as I sat in the passenger seat next to Neal riding down the 57 freeway.

"What did you say?" I asked Neal.

"Nothing," he told me, shaking his head.

It was a moment as I sat there and the realization came to me about Who and what I'd heard.

I was childless at the time, and convinced I always would be. It was a self=imposed pity part that the voice broke me free from. And I say dumbfounded, a new baby Christian who didn't know enough about God or the Bible to be certain - I couldn't be certain that God would speak to me, but neither could I be certain that He wouldn't. I just didn't know.

The place of blind faith can be a blessed place to be, taking God at His word.

It was nearly ten years and definitely two sons later before the little girl God promised me was placed in my arms. In the intensity of delivering into the world my doctor whose hands eased her through the process called out to me and said "look at your baby!" as he lifted her up on to my belly and I met her for the first time.

She was this little round, pear shaped bundle with short little stubby legs. My very first thought about her was that she looked like my mother-in-law. I instantly fell in love with her. She showed up just before midnight, and we called her grandparents and her brothers to let them know she was here.

I can hardly believe that tomorrow will mark a dozen years since that spectacular day. God's first promise to me was fulfilled, and as I look back now, I do not believe He could have done it in a more perfect way.

As I look at my darling girl who looks so much older than 12, I can honestly say she is everything I never knew I wanted in a daughter. She's a perfect mix of the sensitive "girlie-girl" that I never was. She is tenderhearted and thoughtful in ways that far exceed her years. But she also makes this pendulum swing to the other end of her personality that can play hard and loves to be on the move. She has an athletic power and a lithe grace all at the same time. She is everything I ever wanted to be at her age.

Victoria's laugh is one of my favorite sounds on the whole planet. Her baby laugh was priceless, but even now as a big girl her laugh is infectious and contagious, and her whole countenance lights up when she lets it go. My whole warms up when I watch her smile and laugh.

I am amazed by my daughter as she is moving into adolescence. A lot of struggle and difficulty over the last few years dealing with difficult peers has developed in her a kindness and compassion for others that makes it completely worth the struggle, because from the cocoon of trial and difficulty, I see emerging a beautiful butterfly.

Her name, Victoria Gayle, is one the Lord gave me for her over the years while I awaited for him to fulfill his promise - Victoria, the victorious one. Her middle name Gayle meaning festive party. God really named her perfectly.

I cannot believe it's been nearly 22 years since God first whispered into my ear the promise of a little baby girl. I find it even harder to believe a dozen years will have passed by before midnight tomorrow night. I am so grateful for my precious princess.

Prince of Peace

Holy flip flops Batman - is Christmas really less than two weeks away? (I don't know why, it's just what came to me...)

The weather outside is frightful - we Californians have been suffering fear of frostbite with arctic temperatures in the 50s the past couple weeks. I know, I know, I can hear people know with tales of 17 degrees and ice falling off buildings and smashing cars, but let me just say, there's a reason I live in So Cal and there is a reason I will probably die in So Cal - and there will be no slowing of the aging process courtest of icy temps. My family can't even get me to drudge up to Big Bear Mountain for a weekend - I DON'T DO COLD.

Of course I wasn't thrilled to hear it'll be in the 80s by this time next week. I'm extremely temperature specific in my desires. 60s for "winter, 70s in fall and spring and a good upper 80s summer speaks right to my satisfaction meter (if I had one.)

I can't believe Christmas is less than two weeks away. I can say so far only two members in my family are getting any gifts from me, and only one has actually arrived, and it's not even wrapped. It's actually in plain sight in a particular place that I cannot divulge but let's just say my eye wanders to it repeatedly during the week between the hours of 9 am and 3 pm.

We don't have a tree yet... We went last Sunday, piled the family in the car the way I talked about in the last blog, but we hit the one Christmas tree lot where we have had such success the last two years and I think we arrived just after the entire crowd that had picked the lot clean. I saw a guy holding up my perfect tree but thought better of tackling him for it because I thought my success of making a run for it through the large payment line was slim, and his legs looked long. SO yeah, we bailed.

That was when I diverted the family. I wooed them away from the idea of checking out another lot (becaus eI am convinced last weekend was THE weekend to get your tree. Instead I got them to travel over the river and through the woods... ok, not really, more like down a couple freeways - but we wnt and saw a living nativity in Claremont. It was pretty cool - we walked a long pathway that stopped at different "scenes" of the Chritmas story. We saw Joseph freak out in front of a rather comedic innkeeper (I struggled with that one a little) and we saw the shepherds shocked by angels, Herod manipulating Magi - there was about 10 scenes in all.

The final scene was the little stable where MAry and Joseph sat, a perfect little baby laying asleep in a manger before them. It was a beautiful little doll, so lifelike and perfect, but it couldn't be real because it was perfectly still in the midst of a lot of chaos. Horses and Roman soldiers riding about, fussy kids in the crowd, a sheep here, a donkey braying there. There was this sweet little representation of peace in the middle of it all.

I was shocked to find out the doll playing Jesus really was a real live baby. He was so quiet and still. Peace personified...

The Prince of Peace.

That's what I'm looking for. It's why shopping and shopping and spending and wrapping just don't appeal to me.

I don't want Christmas to be an event.

I want it to be a Person.