The Winds of Adversity

I've been dreaming a lot lately. Not the imagine your greatest wish kind of dreaming, the actual literal, pictures in your head while you sleep kind of dreaming. And it's been all night long, right up till when I awaken. It's been the kind of dreaming that I will see things, snapshots, pictures, hear words, and see stories kind of dreaming. Sometimes I've even woken up in the middle of the dream and been able to lay back down and go back to sleep and continue the dream kind of dreaming. Makes me wonder if I might be losing my mind kind of dreaming, and I've even been wondering if it's the God has something to say kind of dreaming. (Yes, He does that.)

This morning I had a very clear picture I saw and I heard words very clearly just before my alarm went off. The picture was this, a flower in the wind.

Fist I saw the flower being overpowered, bent and crumpled by the wind. Then I saw the same flower stretch out into the wind, and it was like the wind expanded it instead of bending it. Every petal was stretched out in all its color and glory, it looked powerful, beautiful and strong. Then just before I woke I very clearly heard the words. "It is beautiful when it stands against adversity."

I stumbled across my room and turned off my alarm, the words resonated. "It is beautiful when it stands against adversity."

I looked up adversity this morning. It's a pretty broad definition: distress; affliction; hardship. Who among us isn't dealing with adversity in their lives? Who among us isn't consistently under some level of distress or hardship? Affliction?

My current adversity is eclectic and widespread. Just this morning was a morning of adversity. It's the kind of day when you actually wonder to yourself what you were thinking when you decided to have children adversity (if you never entertained the thought for even a moment, your children are too young.) It was the kind of Murphy's law morning where everything that could go wrong did- the miss every light, leave five minutes too late, get stuck in traffic, nothing goes your way kind of adversity.

This morning, I bent under the wind. I grumbled and fussed, I was ruder than I should have been, angrier than I could justify, I was crumpled, ugly and overcome with adversity this morning.

Then my dream came back to me. I was driving away from what threatened to be a meltdown from adversity (it wasn't but it was close) and close enough I wasn't very proud of myself. Then the Lord reminded me of my dream. I was not letting the wind expand me, I let it break me. (What would I do in a real crisis I wonder?)

It was a moment of decision, and an opportunity to turn into the wind and I did. And things didn't get better. There were more red lights, more long lines, more challenges and difficulties, but I didn't bend. I laughed it off, let it go, remembered that I am "but dust," and needed to be moving in the same grace I am saved by. Giving grace, letting things go and standing.

On my way back to work, in the last long line of adversity before I got here, I was laughing, light, joking. A woman behind the counter thanked me for making her day better. I couldn't help but think of my frustrated stares and angry crossed arms that may have made another woman behind another counter and how I may have made her day worse. Sad when I can see and consider what a simple decision on my part made a difference.

Whatever we face, any adversity at all-- little things like in my day, or big challenges that cannot compare-- "It is beautiful when it stands against adversity."


We are beautiful when we stand against adversity, because it is then that Christ is able to be reflected in us and in the world around us, even if they don't know that's what it is. IT makes the world a happier place for us all.

Stand against the wind, and let your colors in Christ shine.

Broken People

It's been a while since I last posted. I've been busy-- writing my second book. My first book i self-published and has sold a few copies, mostly people I know. I won't be retiring from my day job at this point, but I am writing because I feel the stories I am telling are important.

My first book "Homecoming" deals with some pretty intense social issues. Someone I know casually is reading it, and we crossed paths and she mentioned it. I asked her if she was enjoying it and her response was, "it's intense." I didn't know how to interpret that response and so I asked, "Is that a good thing or bad thing?" Her reply was again open to interpretation when she said, "It's not your typical Christian fiction."

I've been chewing on that exchange ever since. This is what I have decided: too many of us in the church prefer life that plays like "typical Christian fiction." But the thing is, life's not like that. As I have been thinking about the "synopsis" for my second book that I hope to release in the next few weeks, the description that came to my mind was-- it's NOT typical Christian fiction, because it's not comfortable Christians, it's for Christians who still remember their own desperate need for a Savior.

The truth is that my books are full of broken people-- even CHRISTIAN broken people. The reality is, that's what churches are full of. Even those of us who try to put on a good show at come across as the "perfect Christian," we're just exhausting ourselves and pushing away other broken people. We are all very aware of our own brokenness. Even if we think we have other people buying into our facades, we are all works in process far from the completed masterpieces God is creating, that we will never see on this side of eternity.

Easter has just passed. It's a time of outreach and "sharing Christ," but what are we like a week or two later when the broken people who come looking for the Jesus we have proclaimed. Are we suddenly back to being focused on the status quo? Do we get back to a place of not wanting to make disciples of Christ, but rather disciples of ourselves? Do those who come needing Jesus find Him-- the one who loves them unconditionally, and accepts them as they are, broken? Or do we greet them at the door with a list of "to do's" that says, "Change your life," "Be this way."

Jesus came for the broken. He called those who knew their need for Him, and wanted to receive what He had for them. What He has for each one of us is different for each one of us. He sees our brokenness and He is the answer. As a church, we are but a tool to direct the broken toward Him. We need to embrace our own brokenness to truly be able to embrace the broken. (And I will encourage you, if you don't think you are broken, look harder-- you have not arrived.)

So I am glad the my book is considered "intense" and atypical, because that is the reality of life. I hope my book will be read by just one unbeliever who will realize that Jesus came for them. I pray my book is read by just one believer who has avoided accepting the unconditional love of the God who sees beyond their facade.

WE ARE BROKEN-- CHRISTIANS ARE BROKEN!! We struggle with sin, we don't like ourselves all the time, we struggle with depression, anxiety, we have pasts-- we are people who desperately needed a Savior, the only difference between us and the rest of the world is that we found Him.

If you're interested in my book, you can find more information about Homecoming - The Redemption Series (Volume 1) at www.dianadepriest.com. (Available on Kindle and in paperback at Amazon.com) Coming soon: Fallout - The Redemption Series (Volume 2)

Prayer of the broken

There's no coming back from a first impression. This is the thought that is filling my mind today. I think it's valid, truth even. The only problem with it is that it's only a productive thought when it's thought in advance.
Thought in advance it's wisdom to be applied, after the fact, it feels more like a nail in a coffin. It's unfortunate when you find yourself inside said coffin.

The sound of the nail pounded unleashes the barrage of "if only," thoughts. And a desire for a mulligan at life, or time travel that does not exist.

The coffin is an exhausting place, there's no rest or peace there. Perhaps that's why in true death we don't actually remain there. Just another crazy thought.

The past is lost, but it haunts, and there is really no simple solution. There are no magic steps. The present is polluted by what was-- so much so, I have become the pollutant.

I want to disappear, which is kind of ironic since being too transparent seems to be my greatest... shortcoming? hindrance? failure?

It's hard to feel bloody, broken and bruised, and to feel like you haven't been careful enough about where you've bled. No one appreciates the stain on their own. Sigh.

If I could go back, what would I change? The answer changes, but as time goes on, the list grows longer. Mostly I'd change the way God made me, which seems like a sinful thought, but a true one just the same.

Being broken bites. There is no other way to say it. But I don't even want to hope for whole, it's anonymity I long for. I can't undo, unmeet or un-impress first impressions (or 2nd, or 10th or 1000th) so I find myself longing to be forgotten. But even fading into the darkness is a scary trip.

Jesus come, the only prayer I can even pray with confidence. Perhaps that is the true prayer of the broken.

Do it anyway?

Following is hard. Signing on to be the follower might even be considered a little nuts. That's what I think sometimes when I look at the military. I'm so glad for the people who sign up, but I think to myself, "I could never do that." The blind obedience that is required-- you pretty much give up all your rights. Where you go, what you do, even what you eat, all those things are decided for you. It's little like going to prison, though honorable, and the uniforms are definitely cooler. But you cannot discount the similarities and I have thought more than once, "I could never do it."

And then I think, is following Christ so very different? Because it shouldn't be. Much like those who enlist in the military who make a pledge to follow and agree to unconditional obedience, that's what following Jesus ought to resemble.

The bible says it like this, "bought at a price." When we say "yes" to Jesus we pretty much sign over the rights to our lives to Him. There's a popular Christian song right now that says something to the effect of "Where You go, I'll go; where You stay, I'll stay; when You move, I'll move, I will follow You." That's what saying "yes" to Jesus is supposed to be like.

And when I think about that, I think to myself, the military might be easier. Because in the military if you fail to "follow" the consequence is swift. You'll know it quickly, and you'll suffer accordingly. Getting back on track is something I'd be swiftly convinced to agree to. Not following would bring greater suffering than following, and I would acquiesce.

And in the military, I suspect the objective is clearer. Goals are defined, the desired result is more clear. I cannot always say the same when following Jesus, at least not in the way I would like to have goals, results and objectives clearly defined. In the military the picture is narrow, in Christ,the vision is broad, more broad than I can even comprehend.

Sometimes God asks us me to do things, and I don't understand. I look and I don't see the results I think I should, and I wonder why I'm doing them.

When you don't see an impact, do you do it anyway?
When you don't see a benefit, do you do it anyway?
When you can't grasp the purpose, do you do it anyway?

These are the questions I find myself struggling with.

I wrote a book. It's a good book, a story that I know has purpose and needs to be told. But I sell a couple dozen and then it seems like nothing else comes of it. And I wonder, what I felt while I was writing, the leading, the directing, the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, was it Him? Or was it just me?

Passion, purpose, talents and gifts-- all coming together, is it God's hand? His plan? Where are the results?
Are lives being touched?
Is it providing for my family?
Is it making an impact?

If I don't have the answers, or if the answer seems to be "no," do I do it anyway?

If it magnifies what seems NOT be happening and NOT going right in my life, but He still seems to be leading, directing, inspiring-- do I do it anyway?

I'm writing my second book-- more to the story of the first book that's "out there,"-- maybe or maybe not making a difference. It has social value, and the potential to touch a life, but I may never see it. So do I do it anyway?

The real question is, "how do I not?"

God leads, I have to follow, even if I don't understand. He never promised that I would. Even if I don't benefit, because it's not really about me. Because it might minister-- even to just one, and that is by definition what ministry is, at least the way Jesus did it.

So do I do it anyway? Yes, I must. Because it's all about Him. And if it brings Him any glory, then it was worth it.

And when I'm wondering why I'm doing it, that's what I need to remember, because following in obedience-- that honors Him.

100 Verses -Weeks 28 & 29

The next three weeks of the Challenge are a portion of our book titled "Fullness: The Holy Spirit's Role in Our Lives." And the next two weeks verses are four consecutive verses from the Book of Ephesians. And because everyone learns and memorizes differently, instead of breaking them down over the two weeks, I'm going to give you a single passage, and we'll take two weeks to learn it.

And don’t get drunk with wine,
which leads to reckless actions, but be filled with the Spirit,
Speaking to one another in psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs,
singing and making music to the Lord in your heart,
Giving thanks always for everything to God the Father
in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ,
Submitting to one another in the fear of Christ.
Ephesians 5:18-21

It's kind of daunting, I know, when you look at the whole thing together, but if you break it down into pieces it loses some of its meaning. So I want to give you the "whole steak," but you cut it up for yourself however it makes it easy to "digest."

So chop it up, and chew on it the next two weeks. I will re-post this post (maybe I'll have more insight then?) next week, but this is our passage from now until Easter Sunday.

Blessings!

100 Verses - Week 27

We are officially beyond the halfway point, which is kind of exciting, and something to be proud of. For those of you who are still here and still participating, lean in, close your eyes, imagine now I am giving you a firm pat on the back. Can you feel it? Try harder to imagine it, you deserve it! It is such a wise choice to choose to fill your heart with the Word of God. Good for you!

Speaking of wisdom, this week's verses both come from what is known as "The Book of Wisdom," AKA the book of Proverbs. So let's get right to the point and here are this week's verses:

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge;
fools despise wisdom and instruction.
Proverbs 1:7

A gentle answer turns away anger,
but a harsh word stirs up wrath."
Proverbs 15:1

The 100 Verse Challenge is based on Robert J. Morgan's book "100 Verses Everyone Should Know by Heart."