Truth, Whatever Way You Say It

The steps of the righteous are ordered by the LORD,
and He delights in his way.
Psalm 37:23

I love this verse. Sincerely, it is one of my favorite of all the wonderful verses in the Bible. It's one I find myself quoting with a decent amount of regularity. Over the course of my walk with the Lord, I have probably quoted it hundreds of times.

Many times I have stated it, "The steps of the righteous are ordered by the LORD, and He delights in his way."

The righteous, that's any of us who have made the exchange of our righteousness for His. As a believer, I am righteous, not in my own doing, but because the Lord died to give me His, to make me right with the Father. Deep sigh of relief, I am righteous in Christ. I am thankful that that means this promise is mine to claim because of that truth.

There have been many times I have quoted this scripture to myself or another like this, "The steps of the righteous are ordered by the LORD, and He delights in his way."

Ordered. I'm a girl who suppresses her potential Type-A personality for the sake of her children (translation: if I expect life to be orderly and clean with three kids, I will have to be a gestapo to keep it that way). The reality however, is that I really love order. If you can step outside of my messy home, you will find in my cell phone my contact list is extremely ordered,and in my computer my files follow a very obvious logic, even my Facebook friends list is broken down into categories: church friend, high school friends, internet friends, etc. Order in the midst of chaos is appealing. And often in life we find it far easier to find the chaos then the order. So there is peace to be had knowing the God is in charge of what we don't easily understand. In my little world I crave, "a place for everything, and everything in it's place," so it brings comfort to my heart knowing that when things seem out of place, they aren't because God has placed them there for His purpose.

"The steps of the righteous are ordered by the LORD,and He delights in his way." That's one of my favorite ways to quote it. So often in my life, I feel like I am failing and falling horribly short. My heart often aches at my overwhelming sense of insufficiency. I am too short with my children, my house isn't clean enough, I spend lots of days feeling like I haven't accomplished anything of any purpose, much less anything of any eternal purpose. So when I stop for a moment to remember and realize that my heavenly Father is always looking fondly upon my stumbling efforts, it gives me a sense of value that far exceeds any possible sense accomplishment I might have in getting caught up on all my laundry or having a clean bathroom. God's delight in me, warms my soul.

But lately, I've been quoting this scripture like this, "The steps of the righteous are ordered by the LORD,and He delights in his way." I've heard myself a lot lately quoting it this way, both to myself and to others. Life is very uncertain for many these days. I would almost dare to say "for most," but I'll err on this side of presumptuous. But I do know many are living in a world of uncertainty. I know much of my life feels very uncertain these days.

It gives me great comfort that the Lord leads His kids one step at a time. Too often I, and many others I suspect, want to run ahead. We want God to give us a bigger picture, and a giant peephole into the future. We don't say it quite so plainly, perhaps, but many of us I am sure would like to say, "Lord, show me what's going to happen, and I will absolutely trust you." But it doesn't work that way.

Mercifully, God doesn't show us the big picture. Truth be told, I suspect if He did, we would just argue with Him about how we have a better plan anyway. No, he doesn't give us a long term plan toward an ultimate goal. What He does do is direct us one step at a time. He asks for just enough obedience for the very next step. It doesn't mean that it isn't ever a very big step, maybe even a leap (of faith), but it does mean He only asks for one at a time. Hand in hand, Him in the lead, He desires to direct our very next step.

Not to say this is an easy way to live. Truthfully, it requires a lot of patience and faith, it requires a surrender and trust that is not easily given. Sometimes the steps may seem illogical, or may even be into a dark pathway, sometimes they will be so close to an edge, you cannot imagine how you will not stumble and fall.

The thing is, the terrain we walk is unknown territory to us. The pathway may twist and turn in ways we cannot anticipate. Truth be told, we can't even be certain exactly where the path is leading to, or where we may detour along the way. The Lord, on the other hand, is extremely familiar with the territory. He knows the peaks, and the valleys and He walks securely and with strength of them and every area in between. He knows every twist and turn, and He is not only Expert on it, he is the Designer of it. Holding His hand one step at a time is the wisest choice we can make.

When we don't know what the future holds, we have to choose to remember who holds our futures. It behooves us also to remember He not only holds the future, but He is the God who is a "very present help in trouble," (Psalm 46:1) and in His love and care for us, He longs to guide is all along the way. When we let Him, in the end we not only end up where we ought to be, but we come out with a much deeper relationship with our Guide.

But this is what I commanded them, saying, ‘Obey My voice, and I will be your God, and you shall be My people. And walk in all the ways that I have commanded you, that it may be well with you.’
Jeremiah 7:23

Yet I will rejoice in the LORD,
I will joy in the God of my salvation.
The LORD God is my strength;
He will make my feet like deer’s feet,
And He will make me walk on my high hills.
Habakkuk 3:18-19

Be Still

I feel like I'm in the eye of a storm. You know the place, the quiet in the middle of the chaos. Everything surrounding me is in turmoil, uncertainty. I feel like I'm almost under a cone of silence. The sounds of the storm seem muffled, and I feel almost detached from everything I see swirling about. It's a little surreal.

Perhaps it's the "peace that surpasses understanding" that God promises in the bible. (Philippians 4:7) I have been praying a lot. Since the first of the year I've been consistent in my devotionals, constant in my prayer journaling. I have been continually drawing near. It makes me wonder if that's the source of my "cone."

The voice of the Lord seems somewhat muffled too though. Sort of.

It's sort of like being inside the house on a stormy night. Here in California, it makes me think of the nights when the Santa Ana winds blow. You can hear the eerie distant sounds outside. You can hear the power, but you don't feel it. Then suddenly, the wind will slam something against the house, and the suddenness of it shocks you. You are suddenly awakened from the mesmerizing sound of the storm.

That's what the voice of the Lord has been like. Sudden, shocking, and then it's muffled again by the muted sounds of the storm. But in the moment, it's profound.

Looking outside my cone reminds me of the scene from The Wizard of Oz. Remember when around the house things went swirling about? Antennae, trees, a chicken coop, even the mean old neighbor on her bicycle. Except unlike Dorothy, I feel completely stationary, still.

The Lord tells us to be still. "He says, “Be still, and know that I am God..." Psalm 46:10 Still.

Be.

Still.

Why?

Because He is God.

He is God of the storm.

He is Lord over the wind.

Be.

Still.

He is not moved.

He is the cone.

The LORD Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress. Psalm 46:11

The Lord is near. Philippians 4:5

The things I've heard Him say, will not be easy. When I think about it with my own practical wisdom, it says "NO!" to what I hear the Lord saying.

But practical wisdom aka wisdom of the world aka common sense, has no power over the storm.

Thus my heart was grieved,
And I was vexed in my mind.
I was so foolish and ignorant;
I was like a beast before You.
Nevertheless I am continually with You;
You hold me by my right hand.
You will guide me with Your counsel,
And afterward receive me to glory.

Whom have I in heaven but You?
And there is none upon earth that I desire besides You.
My flesh and my heart fail;
But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

For indeed, those who are far from You shall perish;
You have destroyed all those who desert You for harlotry.
But it is good for me to draw near to God;
I have put my trust in the Lord GOD,
That I may declare all Your works.
Psalm 73:21-28

I will be still, I will listen.

He is God.

What the hell are we doing?

You know, becoming a Christian is a huge leap. A lot of people look at those of who make it and think it's a leap into darkness at best, or absolute idiocy at worst. Those people probably would describe more like a fall than a leap, as off our rockers, but truly, that's their issue. The bible says flat out, that the wisdom of God is foolishness to man, and the fact is, it isn't going to be understood by them. It's not even their fault, there is just, quite simply, no revelation there. And you know what, God bless them, the best we can do for those who hold that view of us, is pray for the scales to fall from their eyes. It's a supernatural work that has to happen in them and on our own, we will never persuade another into the kingdom.

Sadly, this perception of Christians has become completely politically correct. It's not only acceptable to attack traditional Christian values, it's truly encouraged. Bill Maher and Kathy Griffin make full time jobs out of attacking the beliefs, the values and the people who hold them. The time of "live and let live" is long gone, and it isn't coming back.

There's part of the big leap one has to make choosing Christ. You will not only have to deal with the questioning of your beliefs, values and even your mental capacity/ capabilities, but in many areas you will even have to deal with the possible rejection of relationship. People will stop being your friend for following Christ. People in your family will reject you, and judge you, possibly even your own spouse. But this isn't something that should surprise us. Jesus warned us we would be hated because they hated Him first.

Now, there are those who will make the mental ascent to Jesus and maybe even pray the prayer to ask him into their hearts, and then choose to just stay on the "down low" with their Christianity. I strongly suspect they will find that a miserable and uncomfortable place to be, but many will do it, out of fear or doubt or just because they don't want to "rock the boat," but this is a game I personally wouldn't ever want to risk playing. The scripture says if we deny Jesus before men, He will deny us before the Father, and since we don't get into heaven for eternity without Jesus standing up for us, I just won't go there. And I don't recommend anyone else does either.

In my opinion if you try to be an incognito Christian, one of two things is going to happen. Either you will eventually burn out. It's too much to carry on, and you will eventually walk away from the beliefs you are not willing to stand for. If that isn't what happens to you, then I believe it is because the Lord will eventually hound you out of the darkness. He won't let you stay in the place of confusion and falsehood. He will push you till you are ready to make the stand. I know I've heard the whole "God is a Gentleman" spiel, but let me just say, a gentleman doesn't equal a pansy. He won't let you stay there, He won't. One way or another the stealth Christian is a temporary gig.

So you know what? I think those who actually choose to follow Christ and stand for Him publicly are pretty ballsy people these days. (Yeah, I said ballsy, get over it.) It takes a lot of courage to stand for Christ. It's a risk and a purposeful act of bravery. Props to those who make it. Props to the high school student who takes the stand in his school, or the employee in his work place, the mom in her neighborhood, I say bravo. I say way to go when you stand up and go against the grain and when everyone else thinks you should take the easy way out, or just keep quiet about your faith, and you don't, more power to you!

So here is the issue that is really on my heart tonight, I want to talk to you, the brave, the ones who are out there, proclaiming Christ in their lives, in the bent of their own personalities, in their own unique way. You, you are who you are, IN CHRIST. I want to ask you a question.

Why are we having such a hard time believing the word of God? I mean, sincerely, you have made the hardest choice, you have chosen to trust Him with your eternity, you have believed Him for your salvation. Does it get any bigger than that? I don't believe it does. So I am asking, if you can believe in Him for something that big, how come we have such a hard time believing Him for the every day? Why do we believe His word for that, but when life starts to happen we choke?

That big Book we Christians carry isn't just for show. Jesus IS the Word. And when you open that Bible, you are delving into the very heart of Him Who you have entrusted your eternity to. But all of a sudden way too many of us are questioning whether or not that Truth applies to our daily lives.

If the Bible isn't true for our every day, then what the hell are we doing?? When God said He would care for our every day, it was Truth. When He said He would NEVER leave us or forsake us, it was TRUTH. It IS Truth. It's the "fact of the matter" for our lives. And you know what? I think it's time we start living our lives like we know that.

We brave Christians, we need to exercise that same strength of faith that helped us choose Him, and proclaim Him in living out our Walk of Faith with Him.

“God is not a man, that He should lie,
Nor a son of man, that He should repent.
Has He said, and will He not do?
Or has He spoken, and will He not make it good?
Numbers 23:19

What then shall we say to these things?
If God is for us, who can be against us?
Romans 8:31

We need to take God at His Word, and live what we say we believe, every day, in Jesus' name.

Pesky Emotions

I've started my year out well, on the way to meeting my primary goal for 2011. Granted, I'm not even 3 weeks in, but so far so good. I am reading my bible every day and I am completely caught up (without ever being behind) on my daily reading plan. I am also keeping to my 2nd goal for the year, which is journaling to the Lord on a daily basis. In fact, many days, it's been multiple times a day.

Like I said though, I haven't even hit the 21 day remark. 21 days is one of the many theories about how long it takes to create a habit. I've also heard 40 days. I'm not sure how long it actually takes to create a habit, but I know exactly how long it takes to break one, a single day. So, there is no pride in my affirmation that things are going well, because I know however long I make it, stopping is so much easier than continuing on.

I have to admit though, there has been plenty of inspiration to dig in to the word and be consistent in seeking the Lord. Things are tough, lots isn't looking good for us currently, and the fact is, when you know things are out of your hands, it's a lot easier to be faithful in seeking the hands they're in. Of course even as I type those words I have to chuckle at the irony, because the fact is, things are always in His hands. Not even the very next breath is guaranteed without His approval, so whatever I "place in His hands," the reality is, I'm just acknowledging they're already there.

Fourth paragraph and I've already gone off on two different tangents.

So, I have been sensing some of the benefits that come from abiding in the Lord's presence. And in case you weren't sure, that's a big chuck of what abiding is, praying and reading the Word. Abiding is a beautiful thing. And there is a promise that comes with it, "If you abide in Me, you will bear much fruit..." (John 15:5) Fruit? Yes, fruit, you remember the list, right? ...love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control... (Galatians 5:22-23) What wonderful, luscious fruits they are. Even in small doses they are delectable to the soul. And I have sensed them. It's been really nice.

Then there are days like today. I haven't done anything any differently. I am seeking, reading, praying, meditating, even proclaiming. I am doing all I am supposed to do to the best of my ability. Not out of "have to" pressures, but out of devotion, because I really want more of the Lord. I am drawing near. And yet, out of nowhere, I feel as though something just seems to have disappeared, left me. I feel... low. My heart is... heavy.

Pesky emotions, sometimes they just have a will of their own.

It started last night. There are some things that are bothering me. I have concerns, I have hurts, I'm disheartened by some things, offended by others. But who doesn't? Life is life. We all have stuff in our lives that we would change if we could. But like a wave, the negative emotions have come in, and pulled me out.

I found myself in the shower this morning, close to tears. Crying isn't a bad thing (I suppose) but it's definitely not something I care for. Truth be told, I can't stand to let someone else see me cry, and not a big fan of crying alone, but wanting to cry without knowing the source? Drives me right to the edge. I want no part. "Sometimes you just need a good cry." That's a statement that isn't really a part of my reality.

By the time I got to church this morning, I felt like I was in a storm. The problem was, the storm was brewing completely inside of me. Hurts and frustrations rising to the surface made even being at church difficult. But, I was holding my own.

As I waited for Neal to return from picking the kids up from Sunday school, I was just biding my time and resisting the desire to bolt. Bolting wouldn't have panned out so well though, seeing how the kids had to leave with me. So I stood waiting.

Have you ever had an intuitive friend? You know, one of those friends who can sense the storm inside you from across the room? I have one of those, and she moved in for the kill. OK, not the kill, more like the question. And honestly, I couldn't answer her. I hate that I couldn't answer her, because I honestly don't fully know. I just stood there sort of shrugging and holding back the tears.

By the time I walked out of church my heart was beyond heavy. I was fully convinced that I am not accomplishing anything with eternal value, and questioning whether or not I ever had. I wanted to quit my church, give up my blog, walk away from my ministries, even unplug my Facebook account. And truthfully, as I sit here now, all those ideas still sound extremely tempting. I am certain I could make a good argument, even a valid justification for any and all of those ideas, and my heart would happily lead me there.

In fact the more I dwell on those pesky emotions, and meditate on my feelings, the more I long to go. If nothing I do matters anyway, than why do anything in the first place? That's how I feel.

Here's the thing though, I decided a long time ago, I wouldn't live my life based on how I feel. I realized a long time ago, my "heart couldn't be trusted, and the Word of the Lord confirms it.

“ The heart is deceitful above all things,
And desperately wicked;
Who can know it?"
Jeremiah 17:9

Who can know it? Not me, I'm sure. My emotions if allowed to lead, would ruin me every time.

Ever felt like you wanted to give up on your marriage?

Ever felt like life wasn't worth living?

Ever felt so angry you thought you could kill someone?

Ever felt like you wanted to run away from everything?

No? Lucky you, because I sure have, and I don't want to begin to think what life could have been like if I had lived by my emotions. What a mess that would make.

So I can't trust me in the big picture of things. Even when I am doing everything right, there is always a loose cannon factor. I have news for you, I'm not the only one.

So what's a person to do? The Bible has an answer.

“ All flesh is as grass,
And all the glory of man as the flower of the grass.
The grass withers,
And its flower falls away,
But the word of the LORD endures forever.”
1 Peter 1:24-25

The word of the Lord. There it is. There's the certainty I am hoping for. It's the anchor in the waves, it's the light in the darkness, it's where clarity can be found amidst confusion. It's where I know wisdom is to be found, and I can count on the fact that in the end, wisdom is proved to be right by what she does." (Matthew 11:19)

I wish my emotions were always manageable, but they aren't. But as long as they aren't what I lead by, their danger level is sharply reduced. I don't know why the battle exists, but it does. Some days it's a minor threat and others it's a raging war. Today fell somewhere in between, closer to than the war than I'd care for, but at least it didn't win. The waves didn't overwhelm, and I kept swimming.

Tomorrow is a new day, and it holds new hope. Most importantly, I know the Lord will be with me in, and His word will still be truth, and He will still be on my side.

Anxiety in My Ear and Jesus in the Corner

I was cleaning my room today, and I started to feel really guilty because Jesus is in the corner. Wait what? Yeah that's what I said... Jesus is in the corner, and I'm the one who left him there.

For Christmas several years ago, my dad bought me a beautiful Thomas Kincaide painting of Jesus. And a few years ago when we did some remodeling around the house, we had to take him down off the wall. When the renovations were going on, I sent him to my friend's house. I wrapped him up in bubble tape and she took him home and put him up in her closet. She kept him there for me for a couple of weeks.

The pressure of having Jesus in your closet is great though, and it got to be too much for her and she brought him back, and that's when I stuck him in the corner. He's just been sitting there pitifully ever since.

Now, obviously I am being a little bit tongue in cheek about my Kincaide, but I sincerely do have guilt. I have guilt because I know my husband has bugged me a thousand times about not only hanging Jesus back up, but all our family pictures and the like as well. And I have guilt because my dad gave me this really special gift, and I haven't given in the honor and care that it's due.

As I sat on my bed this afternoon looking at a bubble wrapped portrait of Jesus, the irony wasn't lost on me. I've been watching a lot of folks lately cover up the real Jesus and stick Him in the proverbial corner of their lives.

We've been confronted with a pretty dire situation here on the home front. It's in the economic realm and it's outside my actual jurisdiction in the decision making arena, and truth be told my faith based opinion input isn't always super welcome. Some folks think I am a little TOO "faith-based" (if that's possible) so the discussions can get a little sticky, even though the results will have a HUGE impact on me and mine.

But see, here's the bottom line in all of life for me, "Jesus is big enough." I would never really stick him in a closet or a corner in my life, because I believe to the depth of my being, that He can handle our situation, and no matter what happens, He'll take care of us.

I told my husband today, "Worst case scenario, we lose everyTHING we have, our jobs, our home, our belongings, everyTHING but the 5 of us still have each other and still have the Lord, then it'll be ok." Now honestly, my hubby agrees with me in theory, but the practical scares him more, "the house" is what rattles his nerves. Now mind you, these threats are still just vain imaginations at this point, but we are sincerely standing close enough to the edge of that cliff, we can get a picture of that valley down below. But for me. I look down and think, "But the Lord." I see Him as the giant safety net between us and that fall. Or worst case scenario, how bad can that valley be if Jesus' is down there with me in it?

Anxiety keeps knocking at my door. Yesterday morning it snuck in before I was fully awake, and it was right there sitting on my chest when I woke to face the day. I got up and whacked that little sucker with my Bible, and then the Lord and I beat him into submission and together we stuck him in the corner where he actually does belong. But he kept mocking me, so the Lord spent more time smacking him in the head with the Word of God and eventually he got out of the house.

Problem is, I got away from home and other people kept sneaking him into the room. He'd come over and try to whisper his words of fear in my ear, and I'd grab my Bible and whack him again. It was an ongoing battle throughout the day. But I kept focusing the truth and smacking him right between the eyes. I reminded him of the truth in the book and when my aim was a little off, I'd take a little of my own personal experience and slap him around with that too. I'd remind him about how faithful the Lord had always been before. I reminded him the much bigger battles God had won in my life, much bigger than dollar signs.

This morning I was relieved that when I woke up, that little Anxiety wasn't there and waiting. I've been reading my bible every day and I've been meditating on its truth. I've been reminding myself of Who God is and what He's done in my life, and that scares the heck out of Anxiety. As my eyes opened, I begin to pray and I began to praise. It kept Anxiety at bay. He's never really far away, but The Word of Truth and the Truth of my testimony, make two very nice earplugs that drown old Anxiety's voice right out. I remembered my earplugs last night and I remembered them this morning.

As I read my bible this morning and journaled my prayers to the Lord, I proclaimed the Word of truth about who the Lord says He is, and about what He can and wants to do (use me, equip me, grow me, bless me.) At the core of who I am, I am very black and white. A "say what you mean, mean what you say" kind of gal. And you know, I believe to the depth of my being, that's an attribute I inherited from my Daddy, my heavenly Daddy that is. The Bible says it this way:

“God is not a man, that He should lie,
Nor a son of man, that He should repent.
Has He said, and will He not do?
Or has He spoken, and will He not make it good?
Numbers 23:19

And see here's the thing, the Lord says He takes care of His kids. Over and over again, He promises it. It may not mean we live in a lap of luxury or to the lifestyle we would choose, but He promises He'll never leave us forsake us, He even promises you'll never find our kids begging bread. (Psalm 37) He promises to meet our needs, He promises wisdom to those who ask, and to be found by those who seek Him. He promises, and He says He doesn't break His promises, and in 18 years of following Him, I have yet see otherwise in my life.

As I was driving to work this morning, I was thinking. I had this moment of deep revelation, "Faith ALWAYS PRECEDES the miracles." Peter had to get out of the boat before he walked on the water, Noah had to get in the boat before he'd ever seen it rain. The man with the mangled hand had to reach out in faith to see his healing. The Centurion came before His servant was healed, the woman touched His hem in faith before the bleeding stopped. Always, always, always, FAITH FIRST, then the miracle.

It occurred to me, if we get the answer first and then we believe, that isn't faith, that's just plain old observation. That's not credited to anyone. It's our expectation, our confidence in Him that moves Jesus to move on our behalf.

But without faith it is impossible to please Him,
for he who comes to God must believe that He is,
and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.
Hebrews 11:6

I got to work this afternoon and the voices of Anxiety circled. I thought to myself, there goes Jesus again, sent to the corner. What must He think over there? As He listens to the words of fear being thrown about? Fears spoken without hope, doubts grow, Anxiety puffs himself up as he works the room. The bubble wrap goes round and round, and poor Jesus must be thinking? Have I ever failed you? Haven't I proven myself faithful?

Well, I tell you what, I'm pulling that bubble wrap off and putting the Lord back on the throne in my life. I BELIEVE Him! He said He'd take care of me, He promised to be with me. Life IS hard, but God IS GOOD! He is true to His word, the Keeper of His promises, and I'm not going to listen anymore to the Anxiety monster and all his little minions while they try to tear down the truth. I'm not exchanging the Truth for their lies. I'm not doing it. No matter what the source of your anxiety or fear, God can and wants to work on your behalf!

No matter how hard things get, God is on my side.

The LORD is on my side;
I will not fear.
What can man do to me?
Psalm 118:6

Whatever I face, however bad it gets, God is bigger.

The thing is, if Jesus is going to be in a corner, it's not going to be a manner of putting Him there in some powerless position, in a time-out on my faith. But rather the only corner Jesus is in, is the corner that says He's for me, and He's equipping me, ministering to me and on my team. That's the ONLY corner where Jesus belongs, and that's the corner He's in because He wants to be, not because anyone ever had any power to stick him there, and he's sure as shootin' not wrapped in bubble wrap.

Many are the afflictions of the righteous,
But the LORD delivers him out of them all.
Psalm 34:19

Open Doors

I have asked the Lord to open doors in my life for the bigger ministry that I feel called to in my spirit. When I last blogged, I asked the question about a new opportunity, "Is It a Door?" And I prayed if it was, that He would open it for me.

When I applied for the position of a writer on Examiner.com, I asked the Lord to open the door if it was His will. When I sent the application in, I was told it would take a couple weeks to hear back, but it actually only took a few days. The reply was an enthusiastic welcome into the new opportunity, it felt like the door was swung wide, and whoever was minding the door swept with a big smile and a "come on in."

Now this is just a little gig, and you almost can't even call it a paid gig, because although I can earn a little cash if folks take the time to stop by my page, it isn't going to be enough to take the family out to dinner in an actual restaurant, much less help with the mortgage, or pay for Jake's college. And yet, I believe it is a door the Lord led me to, and a door that He actually swung open.

Interestingly in the article I wrote to apply for the opportunity, I talked about how ministry is divided by one. It is my firm belief that the Lord goes to great extents to reach out and minister to the individual. He cares about the one, so if this opportunity gives me an avenue to speak the word of God into a life that I might not ever cross paths with in any other way, then that's His purpose for the door, and it is a noble purpose indeed.

I also know the Lord is beyond efficient, and as much as He will hopefully use me in this opportunity, because I believe anywhere God places one of His children, He places them there to establish His kingdom; it is also just as likely (almost guaranteed) that He has placed me there for my benefit in some manner as well. Whether it's to teach me something, or train me in some manner, I trust He has a purpose. But what I am most excited about is the possibility of partnering with Him in some small way in this tiny little page on a very big website. Because I know if He wants to use, not only can He, but He will.

As much as I have aspirations and desires, the truth be told, the last thing I know I heard the Lord say to me was "Write. In a exceptionally painful time, in a long and painful season, one with isolation, confusion and discouragement, I cried out to the Lord seeking direction and wisdom and His very clear response to me was that I should write. It's how this blog was birthed.

I am still asking the Lord for more doors. Whether the next door is beyond this one that I am in the process of entering or whether I will come back out of the "room" this door leads to and find another, will remain to be seen. I've been reading this terrific book called "Anonymous: Jesus' Hidden Years... and Yours," that a dear friend recommended to me and it's spoken to me in many ways. The bottom line of it for me (so far) has become that I want to spend less time worrying about the doors of destination and concentrate on the journey in the hall, and more importantly, on the Company I'm keeping there. I want to be in the moment of now fully, not constantly looking down the "hall" for another door. I am realizing that the fellowship in the hall, and the lessons to be learned there have great value.

I'm excited about new opportunities, and I am hopeful for more, but I have a new found peace about the process. I know the Lord is working on my behalf, and I know His plans for me are good. Most of all, I know He loves me, and He is with me and will never leave me. And as long as that is true, there is no place He might lead me that I'm not willing to go.

My hope is renewed, not because of the door, but because of the One who led me there.