Seeking Him Together - Revival

What an incredible week it has been. I've been working on the Seeking Him Bible study since last Monday. It's a bible study about personal revival. Just to tell you how profound an impact it has had on me, I am here at Victoria's gymnastics and I worked on the Bible study before breaking out my laptop because... I wanted to. Just like I got up at 6:00am this morning to work on it despite not getting to bed well after midnight last night because... I wanted to.

Initially I really felt like the daily study was almost too light. It didn't require a lot of time, which made going through all the scriptures manageable, and I was enjoying it, but felt like maybe it was too easy. I kept on going though, and eventually on Friday got to day 5.

Day 5 was very different than the first four days, and immediately I (for lack of a better word) felt the difference. It was sort of similar to walking out into the ocean, as you go you feel secure as your feet are touching the ground and you are standing taller than the waves, but then you come to a place where the water is deeper than you are tall, and you find yourself wading in the water rather than standing in it. As the waves come, there are times when you are carried up over them, times when you are knocked down under them and times when they actually move you from the place you are. It is a place that you find both challenging and exhilarating. It's an exciting place to be.

The Day 5 portion is called "Making It Personal" and that's exactly what it did, took the abstract and turned it directly toward my own heart. As I turned to the page I saw the seven sections/questions, each with a scripture to look up. I chose to write each one out. Within each question were 2 or 3 "sub" questions really breaking down the topic and scripture for personal application. I was captured almost immediately, so much so, in fact, that I decided I did not want to try to sit down and answer all the questions at once, I wanted to meditate on each scripture and question, so I did so throughout the weekend, leaving the last couple questions for my time this morning. I was down to the last two, #6 and #7, I was so impressed with the quality that when I turned the page this morning and found questions 8-16, I was surprised to say the least. It made me work through the rest of the questions at a faster pace in order to complete my homework on time. (I'm a rule follower at heart) but I have already determined to plan better for next week. Since the study is weekly with only 5 lessons to be done over seven days, I will spread out the deeper question of Day 5 over the fifth, sixth and seventh day of each week. I found them really enriching, thought provoking, encouraging and convicting. If you are reading this and you are not a part of the group doing thew study based on a week's experience I would encourage you to jump in, or at least put the study on your short term "to do" list. It really has been that good.

So that's the editorial portion of my post. Now for the discussion portion which is being shared with the other bloggers going on this journey together. This week the discussion is being hosted here. From her page:

Here are the questions we'll be discussing for Week #1.

~Before beginning this study, what did you think "revival" was? Has your view changed? How? I believe I had an accurate perception of revival, but I really liked the quote from the book. "Revival awakens in our hearts an increased awareness of the presence of God, a new love for God, a new hatred for sin, and a hunger for His word." - Del Fehsenfeld Jr. I think it accurately described what I was beginning to feel just in this first week of the study. What has changed is my understanding of the intensity of the stirring of revival. I had no idea how compelling it could be. It's very exciting.

~What things do you tend to hold on to for security, even though they could easily be taken away? I think at times I forget my security is solely in the Lord and I get focused on things like our bank balance, our jobs, the family business, even my husband. It is not a constant struggle, but when I am struggling it's because I am so focused on the state of those things, and I forget that God is bigger and better than them all, and the only reason I have any of them is because of His grace and goodness.

~What does the idea that God initiates revival in His people tell you about Him? What does it tell you about yourself? The first thing I think of when I read this question is the verse in James 1 that says, "Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning." (v.17) It makes absolute sense that God initiates revival, it is true to His character, which is loving and gracious, the God of the universe drawing us to Himself, or in revival drawing us unto Himself in a deeper or greater way. It reminds me, yet again, that His love for me is not based on me or whether or not I deserve it, but on His loving nature. It reminds me that He cherishes me, and it makes me want Him more and want more of Him. It makes me grateful to know Him and grateful that there is always more of Him to know.

So anyway, the "rule follower" in me hopes I haven't broken any rules by discussing more than the three questions (with my commentary above) and that it's not a problem that I am posting a day earlier than scheduled, if I wait until tomorrow it will be really late in the day. I am so looking forward to starting the next chapter of study!

Freedom

It's Mother's Day. I'm sitting here alone watching The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian. I am a huge fan of both this movie and the first Chronicles of Narnia. The experience of watching the first one was quite profound. We took the family to see it at the drive-in because I thought it would make the intensity less frightening for the little ones. When we went and saw it I found myself sitting in my lawn chair, cuddled in my blanket and weeping as they were sacrificing Aslan. Even as I write it now, it stirs something in my spirit.

This movie, Prince Caspian is even more intense than the first. So much so in fact that I have decided not to let my little ones watch it all for now. The scene where the White Witch is in the ice trying to entice the Prince, to give her just "one drop" of Adam's blood. It caught my breath, and I love when Prince Edward comes from behind and stabs his sword through the ice to force her imagery, and her enticement to be broken. Prince Edward has learned his lesson, he won't even "play" with the enemy, he knows it must be destroyed. It's a powerful imagery.

But the scene that moves me the most is with little Lucy, who throughout the film has stopped and looked when she heard Aslan's voice calling out to her. She kept thinking she heard him, saw him, but the other's would grab hold of her and tell her she was mistaken, so she would "shake off" the thought and move along. Then now, the scene I've just watched, she is rushing through the forest seeking to find him at all costs, and when she finds herself in grave danger, suddenly Aslan appears. With a mighty roar he stops her, leaps over her and destroys her pursuer.

The next bit of dialogue moves me almost beyond words.

In joy and relief Lucy runs to Aslan and embraces him. She tells him, "I knew it was you, the whole time I knew it, but the other's didn't believe me."

Aslan responds to her and asks her, "And why would that stop you from coming to me?"

I remember hearing that line the first time I saw the movie, and how it stopped me, took hold of my heart. It made me think, how many times had I allowed other people and things stop me from coming to Jesus. Lucy's answer was simple, she was afraid to come alone. She wanted to know why Aslan hadn't done things the way he had before, come roaring in and saving them as he had before. Aslan assured her that things never happen the same way twice.

Lucy asks Aslan how things might have been different had she responded to his call rather than to her fear, and I think out of grace Aslan simply tells her that they can never know "what could have been," but can only move forward from that point to what will be.

It gives me so many things to think about in just that one simple scene.

Have you ever found yourself in that place? The place where fear and emotion stopped you from walking in obedience? You hear the call of the Lord, but you do not heed it because you cannot understand the reasoning, it doesn't fit your interpretation or thought process of the way you think things ought to be?

What was your response? Were you able to walk in the victory of obedience? Or did you have to look back at a wake of consequence and ask, like Lucy, what could have been. It's a terrible question to have to ask.

My pastor has been teaching a series about "Living in an Upside Down World." It's been all about how the world we live in, and the world we belong to, the Kingdom of God, have very opposing ways. Last week he spoke about our position in Christ, and what it is to be... the position of a slave.

We studied about the freedom that comes from being as a slave, obedience without question, to a Master who loves and cares for those belong to Him. If any of you reading this are doing so without a Christian world view, I apologize with the certainty that I have offended you, but what you must understand is that there is a security and strength that comes from knowing to Whom you belong. Having the heart of the slave, and the obedience that goes along with it means never having to look back and wonder, "what might have been."

The fact of the matter is, we are all slaves to something. Even if it be to our own will and desires, something drives us all. However there is hope in choosing Whom you will serve, and knowing His heart towards you and His plan for your life is good.

I am a servant of Christ. I long to move and to grow ino the place of truly being a slave to Christ. I long for the time where I will allow nothing and no one to keep me from following Him when He bids me come. I long for the day when my obedience is absolute, and my desire to serve and obey Him is overwhelmed by every other thought, emotion and fear. I am free, for the Son has set me free, but I long for the day that I walk in the fullness of that freedom.

Faith Transformation

Several years ago, someone, a young woman I know, spoke a prophetic word over me. As we were praying in a small group at our Women's Bible study on a Tuesday morning she said the Lord gave her a picture. She said she could see a treasure chest, and it was a treasure chest of faith. She said it seemed unending to her, a faith that never ran out and it believed in God for great things, and for supernatural things. She said it was a supernatural faith.

When I think back to this vision that she shared with me, it makes me think of twelfth chapter of 1 Corinthians where it says,

"There are diversities of gifts, but the same Spirit. There are differences of ministries, but the same Lord. And there are diversities of activities, but it is the same God who works all in all. But the manifestation of the Spirit is given to each one for the profit of all: for to one is given the word of wisdom through the Spirit, to another the word of knowledge through the same Spirit, to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healings by the same Spirit, to another the working of miracles, to another prophecy, to another discerning of spirits, to another different kinds of tongues, to another the interpretation of tongues. But one and the same Spirit works all these things, distributing to each one individually as He wills."

As awesome as it would be to be considered a "woman of great faith," I am not so foolish as to give myself and credit for having it.

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— Ephesians 2:8.

Sometimes I feel like I have a lot of faith. I can say at least, that I know what it is to be full of faith. I have had the experience where even though everything seemed stacked against hope, I had the full assurance of faith that God would come through. I have reached those moments of despair where you just want to give up hope, when suddenly something rises up within you, and you know that you know it is not of yourself. I know it, even though I can't really explain it. But I imagine if you have experienced, you know exactly what I'm talking about.

When you have had the experience of faith that I'm talking about, it makes it so much harder when you find yourself lacking faith, especially when it seems as though your lack of faith in Him is in far littler things than you have believed upon Him for before.

I currently find myself struggling between these two places. It's an uncomfortable place to be stuck.

So what's been shaking my faith lately, you ask? I'm suddenly a little ashamed to admit it. Primarily it's been the checkbook. Money is really tight. When I start to think about all the debt, paying for school, our State Income Tax refund that got lost in the mail... it starts to overwhelm me.

Then I think to myself about the times I have had great faith for great things. I remember during the adoption process when we found ourselves pitted against the birth father who decided he wanted our child back. I think about Victoria's health crises, when she knocked herself unconscious so badly that Neal thought she was brain damaged, and I just knew she was OK. I think of the years of infertility we suffered through when I kept telling people I would have a daughter because I knew the Lord had made me a promise. Hopeless times, yet a heart full of faith.

"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." Hebrews 11:1

"...certain of what we do not see..."

As I have been sitting here and writing this, I have noticed something. When I type about the things that concern me, I get overwhelmed, that sick feeling starts to grow in the pit of my stomach. Yet when I reminisce about the things God has done, I feel my faith rise, my hope is restored. Suddenly I become certain of what I do not see.

It suddenly brings to mind the chorus of the Old Hymn

Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
In the light of His glory and grace.

What a wonderful truth. When we place our focus on the Author and Finisher of our faith, He responds faithfully by increasing it.

Forgive me for rambling tonight, I think this post has been more for me than for anyone who might read it. It is a reminder to me that the Lord is my Prince of Peace.

"You will keep him in perfect peace,
Whose mind is stayed on You,
Because he trusts in You." - Isaiah 26:3

Lord, it's so simple, yet so challenging. Help us to keep our eyes fixed on You. Help me keep my eyes focused on You, today and every day, in everything.

Seeking Him

Started on a new Bible study yesterday with some other bloggers. I've been missing the consistency of attending the women's bible study at my church and lacking the direction in my bible time (which can be a real killer to it) so when I found out about this study being started by a blogger I follow, and a blogger she follows, I thought, "why not?" Getting in to the word is never a bad thing, and having some sisterhood and accountability brings even more hope and promise to it.

I liked what I did yesterday but still need to get to today's, but as it turns out I may have jumped the gun anyway... we'll see! Feel free to join in!

Sounds of Silence

It's been a quiet week here on the blog. I wish I could say it was some great exercise in self-control, but it wasn't. There was quite simply more pressing matters that drew me away from blogging.

We had a wonderful women's event at our church Saturday afternoon. It was a half day conference/ luncheon. I had the privilege of participating in a couple different ways. I wrote a couple of short skits and got to perform them. We had a rehearsal earlier in the week, I got to work with a sweet girl in our church who I don't know super well, but she's one of those people you don't have to know well to know how precious they are. (I call her a girl but she's probably 28 or so and a married mom of a precious little girl.) We had fun sort of winging it through parts of the process and such. For my first skits they weren't bad, we had fun.

I also got to teach my first ever workshop. As it turns out, I didn't do it any differently than I've done all the Bible studies I've taught. We ended up being a little pressed for time, so I might have made it a little more interactive if we'd had more time, but one thing I really love is the way God filters apparent bumps. Our time constraints changed considerably from originally prepared for, but the Lord always manages to work out the details. For me personally I felt more confident in how the first session went, but I got good feedback from both, which was really nice. It's been a while since I taught, and it was great to experience the faithfulness of the Lord, yet again, in the way He just shows up. I always have total confidence in Him showing up - because I know it's not just me He's faithful to, but to every woman there who is hoping to hear from Him.

I also haven't gotten much work done on my book this week. More silence. I'm in the middle of the 7th chapter. I think I only had 4 last time I mentioned it, and finished the 6th shortly after that. There wasn't much work being done on it this week. I need to get back to it. I've been enjoying it a lot, even nothing ever comes of it. I am going to have to actually go back and reread it to catch up. The creative process is an interesting one, and it's sort of sad when it's silenced. I think I mentioned how the first time I tried to write a book more than a dozen years ago that it was silenced by harsh criticism. It's been a regret for a long time that I never followed through and just gave up instead. Silence of defeat is not a good thing.

We started new Growth Groups this week. It's a change in our midweek service format. We are breaking up into small groups to discuss the previous Sunday's sermon. This week's went really well. We ended up in a different group than we planned but we really liked it. I found myself trying to be more silent than my nature though. I ALWAYS have a lot to say. It's my nature to lead, and I am purposely trying to work on my listening skills in this process. A couple people had asked me if I would be leading a group and the opportunity wasn't actually there. I can't help but wonder if my pastor wasn't considering my shortcomings too. Either way though, silence CAN be a good thing. I'm working on the good silence of giving others room to speak.

There's a situation that has been in the perimeters of my life for quite some time now. It's been hard for me, it's hard to watch people I care about hurting. I have tried hard to remove myself from the situation to the best of my ability. Even though I have been wrongly accused otherwise, I have chosen not to talk about the situation. Yesterday it came visiting me. I found out from an outside party that I have been slandered. I already knew that was the case, but I have left it to the Lord. This person who heard the things spoken against me chose to defend me without asking me first because she felt she knew me well enough to do so in confidence. It felt good to know that the Lord would use someone to defend me. I heard things I didn't care too, hard things, but I choose to continue to keep quiet on the matter. It's the faith of silence.

Yesterday I found myself drawn into a debate where I felt like I could not remain silent. There are a lot of topics these days that due to the political climate we live in, it's dangerous to hold certain opinions. The thing about it is, sometimes silence can be a dangerous thing. I think the bullying towards silence in the body of Christ is bringing about compromise. People are afraid to speak the word of God because it isn't well received. I don't know if the compromise is even realized at times by those who are making it, which in a lot of ways makes it even more dangerous. People think they are doing something good by being inclusive, and I believe the body should be inclusive of people, but not of sin. And changing what you call sin, to "choice" or "lifestyle" doesn't change what it really is. I realize I'm being vague. I'm not sure how much I want to share for the sake of consideration to the one I am currently in discussion with, the debate isn't quite over. I guess you could call that the reflection of silence.

Another place I have chosen not to be silent in the last week is in the fight to save the jobs of a group of young people I know who work for the City. Budget cuts are coming after kids' programs in my town again, and it's not only going to hurt the children, but a lot of great young people are out of work because of it. I've been doing my best to speak out a lot on the topic, building a blog, making flyers, talking to parents. It's been a definitive rejection of silence, along the lines of "evil prospers when good men do (say) nothing." Granted it doesn't really qualify as "evil," but the concept still holds true. Hmmm... that could apply very specifically about the issues with the church though.

Well, I'm hoping for some greater inspiration so that the silence of the blog will have come to an end. I also hope the book silence will be ending too. I hope the other silences are led by the Lord, respected when they should be, exercised in wisdom, broken when necessary.

Why I Am Pro-Life Part 2

I have shared here before why I personally hold a pro-life/anti-abortion viewpoint. No, viewpoint is not strong enough a word, belief system. If you'd like to read my personal reasons you can click here.

However, whatever you might think about my stance on the matter, no one can better make the argument against abortion than this young woman who survived an abortion. Yes, I said survived an abortion, and I don't mean as one who had an abortion, but rather as someone who was aborted. Interestingly enough I discovered when I read the book about her life more than a decade ago that the doctor she speaks of who aborted her is the very same doctor who performed my abortion 20 years ago this July.

I encourage you to take a few minutes and watch both portions of her testimony as she shared it in Australia in September of last year. Be encouraged. God is greater.